To Stay Strong
by My Writing Is This
Summary: The war had begun. Choices had been made and now we faced the consequences. Forced from our home, we sought sanctuary. Then we had to find a way to save our people. Our city. I was in this fight. But first I needed to find what mattered most to me. Eric. I had no idea what was happening to him. I needed him. I was going to find him and together we'd fight for the life we wanted.
1. Amity

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from Insurgent is not mine. Pen and all original characters you do not recognize do belong to me. This Disclaimer is true for this chapter and all that follow.**

 **A/N: WELCOME TO THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF MY OWN DIVERGENT TRILOGY! That's right! Even this one is not the last! But I am SUPER EXCITED to get this one posted and see how everyone likes it! It should be highly exciting! Especially as it goes along. I CANNOT CONTAIN THE EXCITMENT!**

 **However, I will contain it for a brief moment while I reiterate the mostly the same message from To Be Brave. Ahem, it goes as follows:  
** **\- This is a mash-up of both the books and the movie, following the books a little more closely, with some of the movie changes thrown in. Hopefully it'll flow so you hardly notice it.  
\- Picture Eric as Jai since you can't have a good Divergent FF without him!  
\- The timeframe of this is a little skewed. I went with more the movie timeline. Ages were changed for the film and I went with Eric and Four being 24 to work my OC in better. So don't be alarmed!  
\- This story is rated M for a reason! If language, nudity, sex, abuse, or anything similar offends you than do not read past this point. There is plenty of all of it so if you can't handle it than don't read it. I will not be offended.**

 **And some of that is more true for this second story than it was for the first. BE PREPARED AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! That's your warning so keep it in mind as this story progresses.**

 **And just to start out, I want to give a HUGE THANK YOU to all who read To Be Brave and to all those who will continue their journey with me in To Stay Strong!**

 **Let me know what you think and I will be updating weekly so you'll never have to wait very long!**

 **Okay, I think that's it. READ, REVIEW, but most of all ENJOY!**

 **Now then, with much love, let's get this story going!**

 **HAPPY READING!**

* * *

 **Chapter One: Amity**

When I had decided to join Dauntless, I had expectations. Even at sixteen I had expectations of the faction I was choosing. An idea of the way I wanted to live my life. I had watched them jump on and off trains. I'd seen them fight in the school yard. I had heard tales of their bravery and fierceness.

They didn't disappoint.

And because of them I had become just as brave and fierce as those born into Dauntless.

I had made myself the person I wanted to see when I looked in the mirror. Someone worthwhile that didn't need anyone to protect me, or speak for me; I didn't want to be someone who _needed_ anyone. I could forge my own way and be who I wanted to be. I had friends and those I called family and I loved them. But at the end of the day I wanted to be happy with me. Not wanting to be tethered to anyone.

But I was wrong.

I could still be all those things and still need people. I've learned that despite how everything had started, how I had expected everything to turn out; I needed the family I had created. The moments of happiness or sadness. Knowing that they would always be there for me. I needed them and the stability that my faction had given me. A sense of home and purpose. I didn't know I could feel as whole. I needed all of it.

I thought I was perfectly content with my life. Then the unexpected happened. A hate that turned into something more. Something so far from what I thought I wanted, that turned into something I could never live without. Despite the love I had for the friends that had become my family. I had found someone who I found myself loving more. And after everything was said and done, there was only one person that I truly needed. More than anything.

Eric.

Standing next to Four as he opened the gate that lead to Amity, I looked back toward Abnegation. He was there. He was there and he was hurt. He needed me and I had fled like a coward. It was necessary and yet I yearned to be with him. I was tethered to him, and the further away I was the more painful it became. But I knew that I couldn't stay with him. If I did than I'd be dead right now. Jeanine would win and she'd take everything from him. I needed to take care of myself, in turn taking care of him.

Feeling emotion start to catch in my throat, my sinuses burned with the effort to keep it in, as my hand moved to my side. Pain. My bullet wound was still painful despite the excellent healing that Andrew had provided me. Then I touched the other bullet wounds that I had taken while running with Andrew. Dried blood still covering my clothes and skin. The hole against my ribcage still leaving red against my fingers. Feeling a wave of sadness, I wanted to look at Tris but couldn't bring myself to do it. Andrew. Natalie. Will. So many had already been lost to this war and it had only just begun. I wished with all of me that I knew what would happen next.

"Opie." Four said gently, breaking me from my thoughts. "Time to move."

Nodding, everyone else moved through the gates as I took up the rear. After I was through, I pushed it closed, momentarily gripping it, staring, wanting so badly to once again lay eyes upon what I was leaving behind.

"I'll come for you." I whispered. "No matter what it takes. I will come for you."

Turning, I took a few steps before breaking into a run, easily catching up with the others, moving to the front. Clumped together, we raced through the trees, hearing everyone behind me. In this moment I feel both excitement and guilt. I was going home. That in itself seemed strange since it wasn't my home. Not anymore. My home had become Dauntless and then it became wherever Eric was and now I had left my home behind. I never wanted this war. I never wanted to have to fight because of what I was. _Who_ I was. I just wanted to be happy. Was that so much to ask? Apparently it was. Though I couldn't deny that there was a sense of relief when Amity came into view.

The glowing light from the windows are the first thing we see. Evolving into a cluster of wooden and glass buildings as we get closer. We pass through the familiar fields and trees. The familiar scents and sounds. All bringing me back to when I was a kid, climbing those trees and working those fields. The smells of apples in the air and of the green grass in spring.

Before the buildings we have to walk through the orchard, more emotion filling me than I had expected. I thought I'd let go of my love for Amity, for I truly loved Dauntless, but seeing these trees again, smelling the earth, everything came flooding back. Unable to suppress a soft laugh, I touched the trees, feeling renewed and rejuvenated. Taking off my shoes and socks, my feet sank into the ground and I relished the feeling. Looking up, the branches grow into one another, forming a tunnel. Memories of my sisters and me climbing and swinging from tree to tree, playing keep away and hiding from our parents. I never thought I'd see this place again. Let alone my family. But with every step I took, I was moving closer and closer to them.

When we reached the streets at the outskirts, Marcus left Peter's side - where he had been helping to keep him steady - and walked in front of me. "I know where to go." He stated.

"Excuse me." I shot at him, putting my shoes and socks back on. "But I'm pretty sure I know this place better than you."

He gave me a hard look and I can see Four in his expression. Not backing down, he finally nodded and motioned for me to lead the way. And I do. He was delusional if he thought he knew my former faction better than I did. I grew up in these streets. If anyone was going to keep us out of trouble than it would be me.

Leading us past the first building to the second one on the left, all the buildings except the greenhouses are made of the same dark wood, unpainted and rough. Laughter floats out of an open window and I suddenly can't wait to see my family, making me break into a slow jog. Reaching where we needed to be, I opened one of the doors, motioning everyone inside before following behind them. There's no security, since we're the kindest faction it's simply not needed here. I used to not think a thing of it, but now that I was Dauntless and had seen what people were capable of, I realized that it didn't matter if this was Amity. People needed to be protected. Even though we were here to seek sanctuary, these people needed to be protected from even us.

Continuing to lead us, the only sounds came from our shoes, and the elevated breathes some of us were taking. I couldn't help but thank god that Caleb had stopped crying. He'd carried on since the train. I understood why, he'd lost his parents, his sister was shot and on top of that Divergent. He had every reason to break down. We simply didn't have time for it. And I couldn't take much more of his blubbering. The sound was giving my headache a headache.

Stopping before an open room, Johanna Reyes is sitting and staring out the window. She's the representative of Amity and had been a big part of my life while I was here. Seeing her now brought tears to my eyes. The familiar scar that stretches in a thick line from just above her right brow to her lip. She was blind in one eye and the injury had given her a lisp when she talked. All I want in this moment is to hear it. All I wanted was to have her embrace me the way she did the day I left.

"Johanna." I said softly.

She turned around, emotion swiftly crossing her face. "Oh, thank God." She said opening her arms to me. I swiftly ran to her, crying into her shoulder as she hugged me tightly. "Penelope, Penelope, Penelope. How good it is to see you safe."

"Johanna." I repeated as I smiled at her.

She looked at Marcus, putting her hands on his shoulders as they smile at each other. "The other members of your party got here a few hours ago, but they weren't sure if you had made it." She told him. I think of the Abnegation who were hiding with Tris's father and Marcus in the safe house. I hadn't even thought to worry about them. I was too wrapped up in my own affairs. By the look of everyone else, they hadn't thought to worry either. Then she looks at those who we're with. Noticing the blood soaking Peter's shirt. "Oh my." She frowned. "I'll send for a doctor. I can grant you all permission to stay the night, but tomorrow, our community must decide together. And"—she eyes the rest of us—"they will likely not be enthusiastic about a Dauntless presence in our compound. I of course ask you to turn over any weapons you might have."

I swiftly hand over my gun and knife. "I know this is weird but..."

"I've known you since you were born." She smiled. "You'll find sanctuary here for as long as you need."

"Thank you." I smiled, feeling the sting of tears again. "My family?"

"You can go to them once we're done here." She replied. Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I nodded at her.

Tobias handed over his gun, but I watched him stop Tris from giving up hers. It took all of me not to say something but he wanted to be prepared. I knew there was nothing to worry about but they didn't know these people as well as I did. They wouldn't do anything to harm us while we were here. I'm sure they would have rules and conditions but we would agree and accept all the hospitality they were willing to offer. And I was here. I can help them through anything. We didn't need a gun. But if he felt better about it than I would keep quiet. After all, maybe he was right in this. I was bias toward the Amity. He was just being smart. Lacing his fingers with hers, it took a long moment for me to look away. Gripping my fingers one by one, I remembered the feeling of Eric's hand in mine, playing with my fingers as we stared at each other. What I wouldn't give to have him here now.

Breaking from my thoughts, I smiled at Johanna. She took my hands, pulling me against her side. I was grateful for the closeness. It helped the emptiness that started to settle on me when I thought too much about what I had left behind. Everything would fall away and I'd be alone. Only I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by people whom I cared about and vice versa. I simply didn't need them as much as I needed Eric. Looking through the wall in his direction, it was Johanna's voice that once again brought me back to the present.

"My name is Johanna Reyes." She told the others, extending her hand to them in turn. It was a Dauntless greeting. She was well versed and she knew exactly what she was doing.

"This is T—" Marcus started, but Four interrupted him.

"My name is Four." He tells her. "This is Tris, Caleb, and Peter."

"Welcome to the Amity compound." Johanna's eyes fix on Tris for a moment, smiling. "Let us take care of you." She tightened her arm around me, making me wince from the bullet wound to my side. "How injured are you?"

"It's a through and through and a bunch of grazes. One shot to my ribs. I just need to clean and bandage them and I'll be right as rain." I smiled at her.

"I'll take you to your parents." She nods, and then turned to the others. "Come with us and then I'll take you to get something to eat."

Walking the familiar streets to my parents' home, hearing the sounds of talking and laughing, music floating through the windows, I felt a slight wave of contentment wash over me. I felt safe. Looking at the others, they are all on edge. Four's eyes are darting around him. Marcus's was as well. Tris and Peter looked exhausted, much like how I felt. Caleb just looked like he was going to fall over at any second. Erudite definitely didn't teach anything about strength. Making me once again love the faction I chose.

When we finally reached my family's door, I held my breath, staring at it. Then Johanna put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you ready for this?"

"I don't know." I whispered, meeting her eyes. "I'm not their little girl anymore. I'm not the girl they remember."

She smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder, "No matter what faction you chose, you'll always be their little girl."

"You don't have to do this." Four stated, gripping my hand.

Turning to him, I put my hand against his face. "Yeah, I do."

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the door, touching the wood door frame as Johanna knocked on it. There was a long moment when we just stood there. I could hear movement inside before it opened, my mother's face greeting me.

"Hi, Mama." I told her softly, tears filling my eyes. She was immediately in tears, pulling me against her as she sobbed into my shoulder.

"Thank god!" She bellowed into the night. "Thank you." She said to Johanna, reaching for her hand.

"Take care of your baby, Lilian." Johanna smiled at her.

"Thank you." She repeated before pulling me into the house.

"Four." I said turning to him. "It's gonna be okay."

"I know, Opie." He replied. "Are you going to find us later?"

"At first light." I told him. "I'm gonna stay with my family tonight. If that's okay."

"Of course." He said, looking like he wanted to reach for me but my mother had a vice grip on my arm.

Pulling from her, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I saw what you did." I whispered in his ear. "Don't do anything reckless until I find you." He squeezed me tightly before letting me go.

"Penelope." My mother said reaching out for me again.

Smiling, I nodded at Four, stepping into the house and watching him walk away with the others. As soon as they were out of sight I felt a slight wave of panic. I wanted to see my family, to be with them again, but at the same time Four was my family too. They were in a new place and didn't know anyone or what to do and what not to do. This was a big change and to not be with them was going to be hard.

"Penelope." I turned my head to see my father beaming down at me. He was tall and lean, wrapping me in his strong arms. His five o'clock shadow scratched against my forehead as he pressed a kiss against it; his blue eyes boring into my hazel ones as he pulled me away from him. "My Penelope."

"It's just Pen now." I told him. I wasn't really sure what to say to him.

"Or Opie." Maggie smirked from next to me. "And he was cute."

"Maggie." I grinned and hugged her tightly. "God I've missed you. And he is the only one who is allowed to call me Opie."

"Do I - uh- need to have a talk with this boy?" My father asked, falling right back into protective mode.

"No, no, of course not." I told him. "He's with the blond you saw. Tris. The Erudite is her brother Caleb and the other is one of us - Dauntless - who is a real piece of work."

"They will cause trouble." My mother frowned. "We will take you back. You do not need to stay with them."

My mind immediately moved to Eric. "I want to be with them, Mom." I told her gently. "I am still happy with what I chose."

"You're hair." Hazel frowned touching it.

"Hug me first." I frowned at her. My eldest sister wrapped me in her arms, hugging me tightly. "I missed you."

"You too, baby sister." She replied. "Now then, the hair."

"I like my hair." I told her quickly. "It's fun and different and bright and I like it."

"It is different."

"It's very Amity of you." Maggie smiled, picking up the different colored strands.

"Thank you." I nodded at Maggie before looking at Hazel again. "You can still see my brown, and it's very well blended." I felt the need to defend my hair despite the normalness of it within my own faction. "It's not a total and complete change. Just mostly."

"This is fun." Maggie said picking up my arm and looking at the quill pen on my finger and trailing the feather until it turned into birds. "Creative." She said and laughed, already understanding its meaning. She was always the smartest of us.

"My word, Penelope." My mother frowned.

"It's Pen now, Mom." Maggie told her. "And come on, I want to see what other tattoos you have."

"And piercings." Hazel said with a somewhat disapproving look, touching the few that I had in each ear. I stuck my tongue out at her, making her gasp at the piercing through it.

"No." Our mother stated. "She needs to have a good meal and get cleaned up. She's covered in blood for Pete's sake."

Looking at my sisters, I shrugged lightly, "I am hungry."

"Then come on!" Maggie said pulling me toward the kitchen.

Enjoying a delicious roast beef sandwich with potatoes and peas to go with it, as well as a tall glass of milk, I'd forgotten how much I missed our food. Dauntless food was good, amazing actually, but their potatoes couldn't match the ones I was eating now. It was so good, which was probably noticeable since I devoured it without taking a breath.

"Better?" My father asked me, a smile on his face.

I returned his smiled, "Much."

Looking from one face to the next, they all had expectant expressions. I was sure they'd heard what happened in Abnegation. I was sure that they wanted to know what had happened to me. I was sure that they each had ample questions to ask me. It was written on all their faces. I wanted to answer their questions. I wanted to tell them what was going on. But in doing so I'd reveal secrets about not only myself but those that I was with. Secrets that were better left unrevealed until we knew what our next move was going to be.

"I know you must have a million questions." I told them softly, rubbing my hands together. "But it's late and I could really use a shower and a good night's sleep. Many decisions need to be made and it starts with your faction tomorrow."

" _Our_ faction." My mother corrected, covering my hands with hers.

Knowing it would hurt her, my brows furrowed and I leaned back against the chair, dragging my hands away from me. "No, not our faction. It's your faction. My faction is Dauntless and I do not regret that decision."

"You've changed." Hazel stated putting her arm around our mother.

I nodded. "Yes, I have. I'm not the same girl that left you five years ago. I've become so much more than I would have if I had stayed here. I no longer belong here. I belong with Four and Tris and the other Dauntless." All but Maggie looked at me with sadness and disbelief. Maggie was smiling at me, nodding at my words. "If you can't accept that – accept me – then I will leave your house now." I added and stood, moving toward the door.

"Don't be silly." My father's voice said from behind me. I turned and met his eyes. "We're just taken back by the woman you've become. A strong, independent, and loyal woman." He smiled, getting one in return. "But you're still a member of this family. We love you. We honestly didn't think we'd ever see you again."

"Yeah." I smiled, nodding. "I didn't either. Turns out I need your help."

He stood and stepped up to me, taking me head in his hands. "And help you shall receive."

"Thank you, Daddy." I told him breathlessly, wrapping my arms around him.

"Love you, kiddo." He smiled sweetly.

"Love you too." I replied, tears sliding down my cheeks.

There was a long moment where no one said anything. It was so quiet that the only thing I could hear was my father's heartbeat and the breathing of everyone else as they watched us. Then there was movement and I felt Maggie's hand on my shoulders.

"She said she could use a shower." She told them. Looking at myself, I suddenly felt very self-conscious of all the blood that covered my skin. "Yeah." Maggie said softly as she noticed. "Let's take care of that. Then we'll go from there, okay?" I nodded, stepping backward until she was pressed against me.

"Penelope." My mother said watching me closely.

"Please." I told her with furrowed brows. "I'll explain everything as best I can, I promise. But a few things need to be decided first." She sighed and nodded at me, tears filling her eyes.

"Come on." Maggie said softly, leading me up the stairs and to the bathroom.

She sat on the toilet while I started to undress. It was slow going, every movement I made making pain or aching course through me. I was all about keeping up pretenses, but with Maggie, I knew that I could just be myself and she wouldn't judge me or ask me questions. She was simply here for me, being whatever I needed her to be. I was incredibly grateful to her. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her until I saw her again.

"You doing okay?" She asked me as I leaned against the counter, my shirt, bra, and underwear still on.

"Not really, no." I replied.

"Do you need help?"

"No, Mags, I can handle undressing myself." I grinned at her, getting one in return. Pushing myself away from the counter, I turned to her, giving her an anxious expression. "Okay, don't freak out and don't yell for Mom. In fact, if you could be the only one who's here with me, I'm okay with that." I told her.

"What's going on?" She frowned. Sighing, I slowly pulled off my shirt; both my sides are still red with dried blood. Andrew had done a good job in cleaning one, but all the activity going back into Dauntless, and with the other wounds that had been inflicted upon me, red once again covered my skin. After fleeing Dauntless there wasn't the time or resources to tend to our wounds properly. As soon as her eyes fell upon my side she was there instantly, gently probing it with her fingers. "Pen."

"It's not that bad." I told her. "I feel fine."

"Mom is going to have a fit." She said shaking her head looking at the grazes to my arm and shoulder, sighing at the hole on my rib, then she gently touched the graze on my thigh before straightening. "I'll be right back."

"Maggie." I said meeting her eyes.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to get her. But you know how she is. I just need to make an excuse why she doesn't have to help take care of you. And I have to get what I need to help you heal."

"Okay." I nodded.

As soon as she was gone, I leaned against the counter again, looking at my reflection. It was crazy how much I'd changed since I'd left. My body was completely different, all muscle with wounds, cuts, bruises, and red still smeared across my skin. My hair unkempt. Claude would have something to say about that. Smirking at the thought of her, I took a deep breath, staring into the eyes of my reflection. Dark circles were under my eyes, seeing the faded mark against my cheek where Eric had hit me. Feeling the sting of tears, I gripped the edge of the sink until my knuckles turned white, bowing my head and silently sobbed, my tears falling into it.

Seeing the wound on my side, remembering the moment it happened, only fueled my tears. Covering my mouth, I felt such relief in my tears as well as sorrow for what was happening. Spinning, sitting on the toilet seat, I put my face in my hands, crying until I heard the door, looking up to see Hazel. Her eyes immediately started to glisten. Forcing a smile, I took a deep steadying breath, nodding at her.

"Penelope." She said softly, kneeling in front of me, putting her hands on my knees.

"I'm okay." I told her, gripping her forearm.

"You're not okay. Penelope, you are not okay."

"Please, Hazel." I said frowning at her. "Just Pen. I don't go by Penelope anymore."

"Are you so changed that I can't call you the name I have your entire life?" She asked with a sad expression.

Meeting her eyes, seeing the pain in them, I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I guess it's normal for you guys to still call me by my given name. It's just been a long time since I've used it without it being a scolding."

"A scolding?"

"My friend Claude, she only calls me Penelope when she's mad at me." I smiled. "At least I never wonder if she is or not. The full name comes out and I know I'm in trouble." She smiled, tucking my hair behind my ear. "She's the only one who uses my full name. Four on occasion when he wants me to be sure I'm listening. But Claude mostly."

"You miss her?" She asked.

I didn't want to make her feel bad, but I wasn't going to lie to her. "Very much."

She sighed and nodded. "Do you have many friends?" She asked as she started to clean up my side, her fingers touching the tattoo along my ribcage, "Be Brave".

"I do. They've become my family." I told her gently, covering the words with my hand.

Her jaw clenched and she stood. "That's because you chose to leave yours." She said throwing the towel into the sink.

"I don't belong here and you know it." I shot at her. "I've never been good enough for Amity. My temper is too short and I was always getting into trouble. I'm pretty sure our parents were relieved when I left."

"Shut your mouth." She shot back. "Mother was devastated and Father didn't come out of their room for a week. You are the youngest, Penelope - Pen - whatever, and you abandoned us."

"I did not abandon you." I told her. "I simply chose another path. Something I did for me and not for you."

She nodded, sighing, "I know. It doesn't mean it hurts less."

"I know." I nodded.

"Stand up and get in the shower."

Nodding, I did as I was told, taking off the remainder of my clothes and throwing them on the floor. Shying away from the cold water, Hazel wasn't as gentle as Maggie as she once again took the towel to my skin. Though it wasn't long before Maggie finally reappeared, holding a bowl of heated water and a cloth. "This will feel better than the cold water."

Nodding again, I let them clean my skin, Maggie paying special attention to my bullet wounds. Both of them touched the Dauntless and Amity tattoos on top of each other between my shoulder blades. Then Maggie touched the one on my side, smiling at me. Smiling back, they moved across the tree on my left shoulder.

"They're beautiful." Maggie told me kindly.

"I can't see why anyone would want to permanently damage their skin." Hazel added even though she was studying the shattered glass on my hip, while Maggie touched the leaves around my ankle.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head at her, "It's not about damage, Hazel. It's about expression. It's about showing people who you are without saying anything. People see the faction symbols and know where I'm from. They have an idea of who I am from the quill and birds on my hand and arm. The tree is for me for home. The words are for the faction I chose." I said as I ran my fingers across my ribs. "And here." I said touching the 'Take flight' on my forearm. "A reminder to be brave in the face of what I'm afraid of."

"Penelope Farrier!" Hazel exclaimed when her eyes beheld the raven down below as she cleaned the graze on my thigh.

Blushing furiously, I bent down, covering myself up. "That's a story for another time." I told her with a meek smile while Maggie silently laughed and winked at me.

Despite the frown on her face, it would seem that both my sisters were a bit entranced with the changes I had made. Not to mention the muscle they'd never seen on me before. It was like I was shiny and new. Though Hazel looked at me with disapproval more than anything, Maggie simply giggled, not only because of my tattoos but for the barbell between my breasts. It was normal and yet weird to be so exposed to them like this. Only they seemed a little more adverse to the scars that came with the tattoos and piercings. Especially the one down my middle.

"My friend Claude is wicked with a knife." I told them as both gently touched the scar. They didn't say anything, making me avert my eyes from them.

When I was clean, Maggie put on a salve to help speed up the healing process, getting me into a pair of jeans and an orange tank top. Walking around my old room, I ran my hands along the surfaces of my dressers, looking at the drawings I had made when I was younger. I picked up a stick with two branches that had grown into the shape of a heart. Maggie and I had found it one day and she had told me some sappy story about how it was meant to be. We had found the stick together so we would always know how much we loved each other. Then I picked up the dog stuffed animal next to the small lamp. My father had given it to me when I was sick, telling me that the dog could hold all my bad feelings. I had forgotten about it. Smirking, I held it against me as I went to the bed, running my hand along the edge of it before sitting down. Taking a deep breath, I took a slow look from one side of the room to the other. Everything looked the same. It was as if they were holding on for me to return. But I wasn't staying. I had to go back.

"You okay?" Maggie asked sitting next to me.

"Not really." I told her, tears in my eyes again. "I didn't plan for all of this. I never wanted it." Taking a deep breath, I tried not to cry again. "I was happy." I told them. "I know that's not what you want to hear. But I was happy."

"A boy?" Maggie grinned. She was ever the optimist. All Hazel managed to do was frown at me.

I nodded, my brows furrowing until they met in the middle, "Yeah." I replied more air than sound. "And I'm in love with him."

"Oh, Pen." Maggie said wrapping her arm around me. "You'll be with him again."

"You don't know that, Maggie." Hazel told her. "We have no idea what's going on except that Abnegation is in ruin and now we're giving sanctuary to Dauntless rebels."

Laughing, I shook my head, "What is your problem, Hazel? Are you telling me you're not happy to see me? Are you telling me that you'd rather I be on the run, fighting for my life? Because that's not very peaceful of you. You should probably go have some bread."

"Enough." Maggie told us. "We're better than this."

"Not anymore." Hazel replied and left.

Sighing, resting my elbows on my knees, I put my head in my hands. I didn't want to fight with them. Not now. Not like this. I was only going to be here for a little while and I didn't want my sister to hate me before I left. Who knows, I may never see them again.

"She'll be all right." Maggie told me, rubbing my back. "I for one think you've become an amazing woman and I'm very proud of you."

Turning my head to look at her, I smiled, feeling exhausted. "Thank you."

Hazel reappeared then, "Mom and Dad want to see you."

"Okay. I'll be down in a minute." I told her softly.

She sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "I'm sorry, okay? I think I'm jealous that you left when I feel like I should have too."

"I know, Hazel." I nodded. "But you know me. I've gotta rebel and now I am labeled as such. You should count yourself lucky."

"What happened?" Hazel asked, her curiosity spiking. I suddenly felt like she would have chosen Erudite. It made my stomach turn and I didn't want to tell her anything. "If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind. But I don't know if I should say anything until we meet with the community tomorrow. I'm not sure it's safe."

"Who cares?" She said sitting next to me again.

"Hazel." Maggie scolded.

"It's fine." I told her, holding up my hand. "Hazel, I'm not talking about it until I've discussed it with my faction members." I told my eldest sister with a firm tone.

"Fine." She nodded, though I could hear the disappointment and annoyance in her voice.

"We should go downstairs before Mother comes up here. She'll know somethings wrong." Maggie stated gently.

Hazel and I nodded, making our way downstairs. Sitting next to my father, bringing my knees up to my chest, you'd never know I'd been shot. I gave nothing away. Something Dauntless had taught me. Leaning my head against his shoulder, he put his arm around me, tucking me into his side like he did when I was a child. Mom came and sat in front of me, putting her hand on my knee as if I'd disappear at any moment. Putting my hand over hers, Maggie sat on the floor in front of me, Hazel in the recliner next to us.

They were all staring at me with expectant expressions on their faces. Feeling like a weight was slowly being set on top of my shoulders, I shrugged out of my parents embrace, moving around the coffee table and started to pace. "I can't talk about what's going on." I told them, stopping in front of them.

"We're not asking." Dad told me.

"I know." I nodded. "But I'm sure you're all curious."

"Were you there?" Mom asked.

For a long moment I just looked at her, and then I nodded, "Right in the thick of it."

"Who shot you?" Hazel asked.

I shook my head, "I'm not giving any specifics."

"Why not?" She frowned.

"Hazel." Mother shot at her.

"What?" She shot at our mother. "If she won't tell us then how do we know she's not here to destroy us as well?"

"Hazel!" Our father yelled.

Feeling my anger start to boil, I shot toward her, slamming my hands down on the arms of the chair. Hazel attempted to melt into the back of it, while the rest of my family stood with anxious expressions.

"You have no idea what I've been through." I shot at her. "You cannot even imagine what's going on out there. You're safe here in your little Amity bubble leaving you naïve to what the world is like. You don't want to know what I've seen and done. You don't want to see what I'm capable of, Hazel. I love you, but I no longer belong to the faction of peace. I am not the sister you once knew and I am going to warn you not to test me."

"Pen, strop threatening her." Maggie told me calmly.

Looking over my shoulder at her, I took a deep breath, pushing myself away from my sister. "Me not saying anything isn't just me being stubborn. What you don't know can't hurt you." I told them before meeting Hazel's eyes. "And it can't be used against me."

"We would never do that." Maggie told me, stepping up to me, putting her hand against my shoulder.

"No, you wouldn't." I told her. "But I've been home for only a few hours and I'm gonna be sleeping with one eye open, praying that my sister doesn't turn on me." Now my eyes are back on Hazel.

"She wouldn't do that." Our mother said stepping to her eldest, wrapping her arm around her protectively.

She was so happy to see me when I'd arrived and now she was looking at me like I was a stranger. Laughing lightly, I shook my head, rubbing my right palm with my thumb. "I need to go for a walk." I told them, swiftly moving toward the door.

"Pen, wait." Maggie said following me.

Spinning as fast as possible, she jumped, taking a step back. "Mags, I really need to have a minute alone." Then I looked to my family. I was feeling very judged right now. "And I think you all need a minute as well. Wrap your heads around who I am now, because it's clear on all your faces that you're not sure you like the new me."

"Penelope." My father frowned.

"No, Dad. Please don't try and deny it." I replied with a small smile. "I've never stopped loving you guys and I've been eager to see you. But this is a little too much to take."

With that I turned and moved out of the door. Running, I went to the orchard, climbing a tree and nestling down in the V of two large branches. Burying my face in my knees, I sobbed into them, wrapping my arms around my head, needing to release all my pent up emotions. Putting my face in the crook of my arm, screaming until I felt like my throat was going to tear in two.

"Where are you, Eric?" I asked the night sky. "Please be okay."

Sobbing into my knees for what felt like forever, when I finally quieted down, I stayed where I was until the heat in my cheeks had faded. Dropping from the tree, the momentum put me on my knees, making me sigh and sit on my heels. I didn't want to go back to my parents place. I wanted to go home. I wanted to find Eric.

"Hey." A voice said as steps approached.

Sighing, knowing who it was, I looked at the ground, replying, "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

Looking up at Tris, she knelt in front of me. "I've been better. And yourself?"

She sighed and nodded, "Yeah, better."

"I am so sorry about your parent's, Tris." I told her, tears once again entering my eyes. "I know there's been time to say that before now, but I am so very sorry."

"Thank you." She told me gently. "How are yours?"

Scoffing, I smirked at her, "Second guessing how happy they are to see me."

"I'm sure they're happy to see you." She replied. I met her eyes and sighed. "Did you lose your temper?"

"My sister Hazel is a real piece of work. Way more than she was when I left."

"Did you hit her?" She smirked.

Feeling a little bit better about myself, I smiled at her, "You know, I didn't."

She laughed, "Well, that's something to be proud of."

"Thank you." I told her.

"Be happy that your family is here, Pen. Some of us aren't as lucky." She replied softly.

"Hey." I told her growing serious. "We're family now. It's not about blood anymore. It's about faction and who we are and what we've done together. I love my blood family, I really do. But I'm finding that I love my faction family even more." She smiled, nodding at me. "I would love to take Maggie with us though. She'd be a welcome asset to our dark little family."

She laughed lightly, nodding, "If you say it than it must be true."

"Listen, Tris, I know we don't see eye to eye on much and we'd probably like to kill each other verses actually getting alone, but I do appreciate you."

"Thank you." She told me with a nod.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked her. She nodded again. "Can you please not do anything reckless while we're here? We need them to like us enough to protect us. I need this to work so I can have closure with my family before we go. I need a little time and I need you to help me get it."

It took her a long moment to reply, finally nodding, "I'll do my best."

Knowing that was as good an answer as I could have expected, I nodded at her, "That's all I ask."

Lingering with each other for just a few minutes more, we left the orchard together, splitting up and going to our respective safe houses. Walking through the door, everyone stood from where they had been sitting, watching me with apprehensiveness.

"I'm sorry." I told them.

"It's fine." My mother smiled, stepping up to me and embracing me tightly. "We're just happy you came back."

"Of course I came back." I replied. "I didn't come all this way to bail after the first fight."

Then my dad's arms are around me as well. "We just love you so much, Pen."

"I love you guys too." I replied, though what I told Tris was just as true in this moment as it was when I told her.

Seeing Hazel and Maggie over my mother's shoulder, my eldest sister was looking at me with skeptic eyes and Maggie was smiling at me with the love I knew she held for me. A bond that could never be broken. Smiling at her, she nodded and disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with tea. By the color of it, I knew I was going to be asleep in minutes, and I was okay with that. I needed the dreamless sleep that it would give me. I didn't want to think about Eric or about Four or about anything else. Sleep sounded amazing right now.

After it was gone, Maggie led me upstairs and to my bed. Lying on my good side, well, my better side, I felt her lay down next to me, wrapping her arm around me. Hugging her hand to my chest, I shut my eyes, falling asleep quickly, wishing it was Eric's arms around me.


	2. Arguments and Decisions

**Chapter Two: Arguments and Decisions**

Waking at first light, I got up, going to the bathroom, embracing the silence. Looking at my reflection, I felt rested and yet looked worse than I did yesterday. Sighing, I smoothed my hair before making my way downstairs. I had hoped to grab a bite and then find Four and the others. There was a lot of discussion that needed to take place and it would be better done sooner rather than later. However, I wasn't that lucky. Hearing noise as I reached the base of the stairs, I turned the corner to see my mother in the kitchen. She already had breakfast underway, with bacon, eggs, and cubed potatoes that were lightly seasoned. We were only allowed so much but she brought out everything for me this morning. She even had enough time to squeeze some fresh apple juice.

"Wow." I smiled at her.

"It's nice to have all my children under one roof again." She beamed back at me.

"It's just until we figure out what we're going to do next." I stated, making her happy expression disappear. "I'm sorry, Mama, but I am Dauntless and will leave when my people do."

"Why?" She asked me. "Why would you risk your life for whatever they're fighting against?"

"Because I'm fighting too. I believe in it just as much as they do." I told her. "I know you don't understand, and I can't tell you anything right now, but I need you to try. What's happening affects us all whether you realize it or not. Things are going down and none of us are going to make it through unscathed."

"Pen, you need to give me something to work with. I'm your mother. You can trust me." She replied.

"It's not about trust, Mom. It's about loyalty and right now I need to be loyal to my faction."

"Even though they slaughtered Abnegation?" She frowned.

"Most of Dauntless are just as innocent as those who were killed. They didn't know what they were doing."

"A simulation?" She frowned.

I nodded, though a wave of fear passed through me. "Don't ask me anything else. I can't talk about this right now. I don't know what to do, or what Four will want to do, or Marcus, or Johanna. Please just wait until Johanna gathers the faction and then we can go from there."

"Okay." She told me.

I felt guilty for speaking to her like I have. I'd never been so hard with her. I'd always been cheerful and happy. Now I was terrified about what would happen. Feeling emotion clench in my chest, I met her eyes as a glistening entered them. "A lot of people died, Mom. I nearly died. Tris lost both her parents in the attack on Abnegation. I need to help them. If I can help prevent others from dying, I'll do whatever I have to. Especially when it comes to the people I care about."

"Andrew and Natalie are dead?" My father asked stepping into the room.

"Patrick." My mother spat at him.

My stomach dropped as I looked between them. They were keeping something from me. "Yes." I stated flatly. "How do you know them? I never told you their names. I didn't even tell you Tris's last name. How could you know who I'm talking about?"

They exchanged a look, my father slowly stepped toward me, sitting on the stool next to me. "What happened to them?"

"How do you know them?" I repeated.

"Please, Pen." He said with furrowed brows. "Just tell us what happened."

Keeping his eyes, it took a long moment for me to say anything. "Natalie was shot to death saving mine and Tris's life while escaping Abnegation. Andrew was shot to death while we attacked the Erudite who had infiltrated Dauntless, both of us attempting to give Tris enough time to shut down the simulation. We were both shot at the same time. I made it, while he didn't."

"Lilian." He said meeting her eyes, gripping my hand painfully.

"What's going on?" I asked looking back and forth between them. "Because it's clear that something is." They were silent. "What aren't you telling me?" I shot at them. Before they could reply there was a knock on the door. My father walked to it, opening it to see Four standing there. "Hey." I told him.

"Come in." My father said stepping aside.

"Thank you." Four smiled.

"Just in time for breakfast." My mother beamed at him as if the moment prior had never happened.

Thanks to him, I'd have to wait till later to figure out what the hell was going on here. They didn't seem to recognize Tris and yet I hadn't said her last name or the names of her parents and my father knew exactly who I was talking about. I felt unnerved, like I was missing something important that was right in front of me and yet I couldn't see it.

"You okay?" Four asked.

"Yeah." I told him as I ate. "Avoid the bread."

He nodded, digging into the eggs and potatoes like they were the best thing in the world. Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him, kissing his cheek. He just smiled at me, placing a kiss against my forehead in return. My mother raised a brow at me but smiled. My father cleared his throat as he got a cup of coffee, frowning at the man sitting next to me.

"You're Marcus's son, aren't you?" My father said softly. Four didn't say anything. My father sighed and nodded, "I'm sorry, Tobias. I know you haven't had it easy."

Four shot me a look but I was staring at my father. I once again needed to have answers. Not only had he recognized Tris, he now knew exactly who Four was and who his father is. "I didn't say anything." I told Four with a subtle shake of my head. "Dad –" I started, but before I could say anything else, there were steps and my sister came into view.

"Oh, hello." Maggie said stepping up on Four's other side. She was wearing a cute yellow sundress and leaned against the counter provocatively.

"Maggie." Our mother frowned at her.

"Sorry." She smiled but clearly didn't mean it.

"Stop." I told her.

"Alright." She said raising her hands.

After devouring more food than was necessary, I went upstairs to shower and get dressed. Four followed me, sitting on the toilet while I hummed to myself. "How do they know me?"

"How do they know who Andrew and Natalie are?"

"Andrew is understandable, even my father, but I don't know how he would know Tris's mom."

"Because she was Andrew's wife?" I countered.

"Maybe." Four replied softly.

"Either way, it's obvious that they're hiding something from me." I stated.

Then the door opened and there was a scream. Hazel. "Get out!" She yelled at Four.

"Okay." He said standing up.

"Get out, get out, get out!" She bellowed at him.

Laughing, I finished up, stepping out and wrapping a towel around myself. Hazel was standing guard at the door, glowering at me; I patted her cheek before walking away. Going to my room, Four was sitting on the bed. Still grinning at my sister, I shut the door. Laughing, I turned to Four, seeing a raised brow and an annoyed expression.

"What?" I told him, still smirking. "I'll probably never see her again. And besides, it wouldn't be the first time you've seen me naked."

"Not the point." He told me.

"Avert your eyes please." I smiled at him.

He did as he was told, clearing his throat. Wrapping the towel around my head, I pulled on a pair of yellow underwear and a bra to match. I had to admit that it was nice to see bright colors again. I love wearing black but this was equally as nice. Grabbing a long skirt from a drawer, it was tiered with red, orange, and yellow as well as brown around the trim. Grabbing a white, short sleeved shirt, I pulled my hair back, before turning back to Four.

"All done." I told him. He turned around from the corner he was staring at, a smile of fondness crossing his face. "What?" I smiled, feeling a small blush rise in my cheeks as I tucked my swooping bangs behind my ear.

"You look good, Opie." He replied.

Laughing, I felt the blush heat my cheeks. "I'm cut, bruised, and littered with bullet wounds. I can't imagine I look that great. And despite the sleep I got, I'm pretty sure the dark rings are growing."

He nodded, stepping up to me, gently taking my head in his hands, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "You're still beautiful."

"Thank you." I smiled, wrapping my arms around him. I was perfectly content, only then Eric flooded my mind and I pulled away from him, turning to the door, and swiftly leaving the room.

"Opie."

"It's fine." I told him as he followed me down the stairs. My family was all standing in the kitchen, growing quiet when we came into view. "Hello, everyone." I told them suspiciously.

"Opie." Four said again. "We should talk." He added softly.

Nodding at him, I looked at my family. "I'm going to step out for a bit with Four. I'll see you all at the meeting."

"No." My mother stated, her grip comparable to a vice, her fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"Mother." I told her with seriousness. "Please let go."

"Lillian." My father told her with a firm voice.

"She just got here." She shot at him. "If I have it my way, she won't leave my sight until a decision is made."

"You can't have it your way." I told her gently. "I've said it before. Things need to be decided. Now please let me go."

She met my eyes, her grip slowly loosening until I could pull free from her grasp. Four pulled me against his side, protectiveness flowing off of him. Smiling at my family, I moved toward the door, ready for a break from them.

"Pen, can I come?" Maggie asked.

Smiling wider at her, I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Not this time."

"You're just going to let her go with him?" Hazel shot at my father.

Sighing, I looked at her. "Hazel, he may be my father, but I don't answer to him anymore."

Turning to the door, Four and I slipped out, feeling a weight lifted off of me as soon as I was apart from them. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, we walked toward the orchard, knowing there would be less people there.

"I've been meaning to ask you," I told him as we walked, "do you want me to keep calling you Four or should I switch to Tobias? Now that our world is falling apart, you aren't hidden anymore. People know who you are."

"Whichever." He replied. "You calling me Four might not be bad. Tris has taken to Tobias and I guess I like that she's one of the few who know my name. I've asked her to use it."

"And you still want me to use Four?" I frowned at him. He just looked at me. "I don't quite get your reasoning, but okay."

"It doesn't matter. Call me whatever you want." He retorted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know." He nodded.

"So how are you and Tris doing? You two okay?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah." He replied but there was something in his voice.

"Four." I stated, stopping us under a large apple tree.

He fiddled with a stick he had grabbed, breaking it into tiny pieces. "It's just - you know - I don't even know what it is. She lost both her parents in one day. Will's dead. She's suffering but she won't talk to me about it."

"She's processing and dealing. She's gonna be angry for a while. Just let her know that you aren't going anywhere and wait it out. It'll pass."

"And if it doesn't?" He asked.

"It will."

"And what about you?" He asked.

I just frowned at him, "What about me?"

"Do I wait you out too?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "I'm fine. I haven't lied or kept anything from you."

"You regret coming with us."

"No, Four, I don't." I told him. "I got to see my family again. That means a lot to me."

"And yet you wish you were with Eric."

"Of course I do." I replied quickly, my brows furrowing. "More than anything. But we're on completely different sides of this. I don't know where his head is or what he wants. He can't protect me from those he answers to. I'd more than likely be killed if I had stayed with him."

"Which is why he hit you and pushed you away." Four nodded.

"I think so." I told him, sounding unsure, but then changed my tone, sounding sure. I was sure. "No, I know so. He's loves me, Four. And I love him. I will do whatever I have to do to make it right with him. He can rebel just as easily as we did. Maybe he's working on the inside. I mean, maybe he's going to surprise us and help us."

"Opie." He frowned sadly.

"I know." I said quickly. "I know. But it's nice to imagine."

He wrapped his arm around me, "I know you want to see the good in him, but I just don't think he has our best interests in mind."

Sighing, I moved away from him, looking off at the wall that was in the distance. "He's out there, Four." I told him. "I don't care what he's doing. I need him back. I need him with me."

"He's not something you can just claim, Opie. He's Eric. He's a leader of Dauntless and is Jeanine's left hand. He is so far on the wrong side, you need to be realistic about our situation."

"I haven't forgotten, Four." I shot at him. "And I don't want to claim him. He's my Tris. Are you telling me that if you were me and she was him, you wouldn't do everything in your power to reunite with her?"

"I'm not saying that." He told me gently.

"Then what are you saying, Tobias? Because I don't know what to do. I want to be here and I want to be there. I need him, Tobias. Not just because I love him. I'm just not me without him anymore."

"You are." He frowned. "You are far more independent than you give yourself credit for."

"I know." I nodded. "I guess I'm just saying that I'm better with him."

"And you're terrified of what he's going to do without you." He replied. It was a statement, not a question.

Meeting his eyes, I nodded, "I really am." He nodded back. "I know what he's capable of, Four. He's a better man but Jeanine is manipulative and I'm sure she'll convince him to do a lot of things he may have second guessed when he was with me."

"Like killing people?"

I nodded. "I think he'll kill more people before this is over."

"And?" He said with a raised brow.

Frowning at him, I crossed my arms, "And I'll see him through it."

"You'd take him back, just like that, even though he's killed people."

"Yes." I replied quickly. His jaw clenched and he averted his eyes from mine. "How many rounds are we going to go where Eric is concerned?" I asked him. "You know where I stand. I won't turn from him, Four. He'll come for me."

"He'll come to kill you." He frowned back at me.

"He won't." I retorted.

"He will, Pen. He will because Jeanine will tell him to."

"You've already seen him tell her no. He won't kill me. I know for a fact that he won't."

He scoffed, "Fine, he won't kill you. But he sure as hell won't save you."

"You don't know that!" I screamed at him.

"Be smart, Pen."

Calming myself, I tried to keep my temper at a manageable level. "I am being smart."

"No. You're blinded by your feelings for him. You think that you can change him, that you can make him something he's not. Well guess what, you can't."

"He is not the same man you knew. He's changed."

He laughed and paced away from me. "I just can't see how you would want to be with him after this."

"Because he doesn't have a choice if he wants to survive." I shot back at him.

"Everyone has a choice. He chose wrong."

"He chose me!" I yelled at him.

"Then where is he?!" He yelled back. "Where is he, Pen?"

Feeling emotion creeping in, I crossed my arms, looking at my feet. "Everything he's doing is because of Jeanine."

"I know." He nodded. "But that doesn't change the fact that he's killed people. By choice."

"So have we." I shot at him. "We've knowingly killed several Dauntless."

"They were under a simulation." He replied. "It's different."

"It's only different because you choose to see it that way." I shot back at him. "All of us were absent choice."

"You're making light of it." He frowned.

Without warning, tears brimmed in my eyes and I bit the corner of my bottom lip, shaking my head at him. "You don't understand."

He sighed, stepping up to me, putting his hands on my arms. "I do, Opie. I do understand. But he is on the opposite side of this. He's killing everyone like us. How can you be so blind to that?"

"Love is blind."

"You're not that naïve."

"I love him, Tobias." I told him, anger creeping in again. "I hate to say it, I really do, but where he's concerned I can forgive him. No matter what he's done."

"He was going to let you die!" He yelled, going from a three to a ten in an instant.

Feeling small, I wanted to disappear. I knew what was going to happen. I knew that he hadn't done as much as he could have. "I'm choosing to believe that he did it to protect me."

"HOW?!" He bellowed, making me jump.

A tear slid down my cheek and I swiftly brushed it away, "So he could protect me from the inside. He would know what her next move is and he could save me from it."

"Are you listening to yourself?" He frowned at me. "You can't possibly know that."

"Maybe I can." I frowned at him. "Why is it so hard to believe that he would do the right thing?"

"Because he was going to let her kill you!" He was yelling again.

Calming, I nodded at him. "I know. Okay, Tobias? Is that what you want to hear? I know." He sighed, his shoulders slouching. "Do you want me to tell you how much it hurt that he barely lifted a finger to save my life?"

"Opie." He said sadly, heaving a heavy sigh.

"Do you want me to tell you how much I wished things had turned out differently? How loving him may cost me everything? How scared I am? What do you want me to tell you, Four?"

"I don't know." He said softly. "I may not have thought about you enough in all of this."

"Meaning?" I frowned at him.

He sighed again. "I've only thought about all the wrong he's done. Not how it affects you. Not really."

"You're not alone with what you're thinking and feeling. I'm just going to look past it and love him anyway."

He sighed, bringing his hand lightly to my face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I said giving him a small smile. "You're not wrong, Tobias. I'm just not willing to give him up. Not for anything."

He nodded, wrapping his arms around me. Hugging him tightly, I rested my head against his chest, not wanting to let him go. Starting to walk again, he wrapped his arm around me. We walked in silence around the orchard for a while before he went to get Tris and the others. I wasn't ready to be with people yet. I wanted to walk a bit more. Four understood, making me promise to join them before the meeting started. I didn't hesitate to give him my word. There were very few I trusted more than him.

It felt weird walking the same streets as I used to. I remembered everything, walking them without thinking, taking everything in as if I were seeing it for the first time. Wrapping my arms around myself against the morning chill, I heard the steps behind me before anything was said. It wasn't Maggie, I knew that. The steps were too heavy to be hers. Part of my wanted to hope that Eric had slipped in without anyone noticing, making me the happiest girl alive. But when I stopped and turned around, it wasn't him. Though I did smile, stepping up to the boy - man - that stood in front of me.

"Cal Higgins." I smiled.

"You remember me." He smirked.

"Of course I do." I told him, furrowing my brows. "I've known you forever." He nodded, hearing more steps as a young woman joined us. "It can't be." I grinned as I recognized her. "Melody?"

She slipped her hand into Cal's, smiling the entire time, "We should go to the cafeteria."

"I just wanted to say 'hi' to her." He replied kindly.

"Let's go." She smiled and pulled him away.

He looked over his shoulder, waving, "Good to see you, Penelope."

Smiling, I nodded. I guess I should have known it wouldn't be a completely warm welcoming. Even the Amity had their own thoughts and feelings. I knew some wouldn't be happy about Dauntless claiming sanctuary in their peaceful place. Though their kindness would never falter. They would more than likely remain neutral throughout this entire fight, and I was fine with that. Their neutrality would save their lives. Even though it could also mean the death of others that their involvement could have prevented.

With the sun coming up, Amity was coming alive, starting the daily chores. The cows would need to be milked, the fields tended, apples picked, clothes washed, and everything else that encompassed their daily lives. Passing several, a few stopped to talk to me but most smiled and continued on or avoided me all together. If they didn't acknowledge me then they wouldn't have to worry about anything, keeping their neutrality intact. That hurt a little bit. A lot of these people I'd known for sixteen years, then I left, and now they were completely indifferent to me. No hugs. No questions about my wellbeing. Nothing. The ones that did talk to me kept it very generic. Not that I was willing to share anything anyway, but still...

"Penelope Farrier." A voice said from behind me as I walked through the orchard. Turning around, there was a pretty blond stepping toward me with a basket full of apples. Her hair braided over her shoulder and her blue eyes filled with excitement.

Smiling, I met her halfway, "Melissa Conrad."

"I heard there were Dauntless among us but I didn't think it was you."

"Surprise." I smiled opening my arms to her.

She laughed and shook her head. "I can't believe how much you've changed."

I nodded, "I know. It's kinda crazy."

"And now what?" She asked. "Are you factionless now?"

"Technically." I nodded.

"Your parents will take you back." She stated sadly.

"I know." I replied. "But I don't belong here anymore, Lissa. I belong with my faction. I have people who I can't leave behind."

She sighed sadly and nodded, starting to walk again, "You didn't belong here before either."

Falling in step with her, I nodded, "And I like who I am."

"I'm happy for you." She smiled at me. "Really."

"Thank you. I don't think many would agree with you."

As if to reiterate my words, we passed several people who averted their eyes and the air around us was filled with whispers. My smile fell, my brows furrowed, feeling like I was walking a path of judgment, when I was simply accompanying an old friend.

"Have you seen Cal?"

"I have." I nodded. "Looks like Melody has him wrapped around her little finger."

Lissa laughed, "She does. But he's happy."

"She didn't seem thrilled to see me."

"She's not. He's the first boy you ever kissed."

"And it was a good one." I told her, both of us laughing.

"You're also the first girl he ever loved." She added.

I nodded, "That was a long time ago."

"You leaving was probably the best thing that happened to her."

"I believe that. She's been in love with him for a long time."

She nodded, "They're getting married next month."

"Good for them." I told her excitedly. "She's good for him. He needs someone to dote on and she loves being doted on."

She laughed again, "Yes she does. But she's become an excellent musician and is extremely diligent at helping run the kitchens."

"Good." I nodded. "I'm happy for her." Lissa sighed and just grinned at me. "What?"

"You can slip right back into Amity like you never left."

Taking a deep breath, I looked around, "I never lost Amity. I just created my Dauntless-self around it. I mean, I am far more Dauntless than Amity, but there are things about Amity that I appreciate and hold on to."

"Forgiveness?"

Furrowing my brows, keeping the smile on my face, I looked at her, "You know, everyone assumes that that's the only part of Amity that I've held on to."

"Are you saying it's not true?'

"No. Everyone is perfectly correct; I just didn't think I was that transparent."

"You're not. It's just the one thing you were good at when you were still here." She replied.

"I guess that narrows it down a bit."

Laughing again, we walked to the cafeteria to drop off the apples. Seeing Melody, she smiled at me but I knew she wanted nothing to do with me. Smiling back, I felt everyone's eyes on me. There was already a murmur of voices but now I felt like it all shifted toward me as eyes darted my way, some even started to stare. Looking at myself, I knew they knew who I was but I was wearing Amity colors. But my hair and tattoos were visible and I could only imagine how weird that looked. Not to mention the visible wounds. Everyone knew about Abnegation. I was just a reminder of what happened.

Then there was a voice I did not wish to hear. One that had been the difference between peace and defiance for years. Turning around, I looked at Holly. She was tall, burly, and had transferred into Amity two years before I left it. She had transferred from Dauntless - a rarity in itself - and there was something about her that just pissed me off. She looked like a frumpy troll. Molly had reminded me heavily of her and the similarity in name and appearance didn't help me differentiate between them. I hated Holly. I hated Molly. Both were just instigators for havoc.

"She's still here?" I asked Lissa, forcing a smile onto my face.

"She is."

"That's it? Not a happy tale?"

"She has her moments but she fits in okay."

Her eyes turned toward me and she was immediately moving my way. "We need to go. I am not even-tempered enough to deal with her."

"Let's go." Lissa said and swiftly turned me away from her.

My hands were already balled into fists. Dauntless had made me an adrenaline junky when it came to fighting and I enjoyed fighting. Not enough to seek it out but even training with the bags and sparing with friends was something I looked forward to.

"Penelope!"

Moving faster, I gripped Lissa's wrist. "This isn't going to be good."

"Keep moving." She told me.

"Penelope!" Holly yelled again. I didn't respond to her. She still followed and then she decided to open her big mouth. "I just have a question. Why are you running from Erudite? Were you one of the Dauntless who was murdering Abnegation? What did your parents say? How about your sisters? Are they going to let a murderer back into their home?" Stopping, I was starting to shake. They weren't said with anger or disdain. She sounded friendly and genuinely concerned, making it that much worse.

"Penelope." Lissa said softly. "You don't have to do this. You're a good person. You're better than she is. Let's just keep walking."

"I can't." I whispered. "She doesn't understand. None of you understand."

"I know. Which is why you can't engage her. Just keep moving. I'll talk to her."

"I don't let anyone fight my battles for me." I said meeting her eyes. Then the steps stopped and I turned to face her. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me. We spoke with Johanna when we arrived. No questions will be answered until Johanna calls the meeting."

She just sneered at me. "So you're not going to deny killing people in Abnegation?"

"I did what I had to. Something you couldn't possibly understand." I told her as kindly as I could muster, but she knew that I was being false.

She frowned and stepped closer to me. Close enough to smell her rank breathe and see the scar against her brow I'd given to her. "I'm from where you are. I understand." She told me with venom.

"Careful." I retorted unblinkingly. "Your Dauntless is showing. Which would make you the same as me."

In the next second she'd punched me, making Lissa shriek. Getting to my feet, I touched the cut she'd opened up on my cheek. I was in no condition to be fighting. Both physically and emotionally. But I sure as hell wasn't going to back down either. Facing her, I waited to see what she was going to do.

"Walk away." I told her when she didn't move.

We were far enough away from the cafeteria that very few - if anyone - had witnessed it. She didn't heed my warning, lunging at me again. I easily leaned back, pivoting out of her reach. That only pissed her off. She charged me, her fist nearly hitting me. Shifting just in time, I landed a hard punch to her ribs. She gasped but retaliated, attempting to backhand me. Gripping her wrist, I cupped my hand, slamming it against her opposite ear. I was sure it was ringing horribly as she gripped it. Blocking and pivoting out of several more punches, she finally stopped. She stood hunched over with her hand on her knees. Turning away from her, Lissa smiled at me, taking a deep breath. At least I had one old friend on my side. In the next second there was a yell from behind me. Spinning, ready to defend myself, there was a blur and Holly was lying on the ground.

"Four." I said looking at him with wide eyes.

Then he was to me, taking my head in his hands, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Are you sure?" He asked touching my cheek.

"She didn't start it." Lissa defended me.

Four smiled at her, "I didn't think she had."

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He nodded, pulling me into a hug. "I thought you were getting the others."

"I did, only I heard commotion and naturally thought…" He said trailing off.

Smiling, I nodded, "Naturally you thought I was getting myself into trouble."

He gave me a small smile, "You have been known to lose your temper. And after what we were talking about, I just…"

"I know." I smiled, hugging him again. "Don't worry about me, Four. I'm being on my best behavior."

He smiled and nodded, "I know." Then a more serious expression crossed his face. "I'm glad you get to see your family, but I didn't like being apart last night."

"I know." I nodded. "But it won't be for long. Then you'll be stuck with me."

"Boyfriend?" Lissa asked.

We both looked at her before laughing. "I'm Four." He said holding out his hand. "And no. I'm more of a brother."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" She smiled sweetly.

Then Tris appeared, stepping next to him protectively, crossing her arms. "Yes. He does."

"Sorry." She smiled at Tris. "I should go. The meeting is starting soon. My family will be expecting me. I'll see you later, Penelope."

"Okay. See you." I smiled at her.

"Let's go before someone notices." Four said gripping my wrist and leading me off.

Meeting up with the others, we made our way toward the glass building where the meeting was going to be held. It was awkward enough being here and not being able to be ourselves.

"It's okay, Opie. I hated her before she left Dauntless. It would appear her personality hasn't changed much." Four told me, gently nudging my arm.

"Thanks." I smiled at him.

"How you holding up?" He asked.

"There are a few faces I'm happy to see. But I feel very judged walking these roads. Everyone is looking and whispering. Most are just avoiding me like I have the plague or something."

"It's probably for the best." He nodded, putting his arm around me. "We won't be here long anyway."

Nodding at him, my stomach was starting to turn. I was excited for the meeting that was about to take place, but was also dreading it. Joining the crowd of people, it was kinda fun seeing all the color in comparison to the constant black of Dauntless. Though black was slimming. Smiling to myself, I looked at the squat building made entirely of glass. The sunlight reflected off the panes making it hard to look at, yet I couldn't look away. The sun felt amazing, my skin soaking it up.

The doors to the building are wide open. Around the edge of the circular greenhouse, plants and trees are growing in troughs of water or small pools. Dozens of fans positioned around the room do little to cool it, making the air thick and heavy, sweat already beading on my neck, rolling down my back. Smiling fondly at the huge tree in the center of the room, its branches spread over most of the greenhouse. Its roots bubble up from the ground, forming a dense web of bark. There's water in the spaces between the roots, and metal rods holding the roots in place. Looking at it made me want to reach out and touch it. I loved trees. And we'd accomplished many agricultural feats, though they had all been with the help of Erudite technology.

Running my hand across my hair, my bangs falling free, I felt torn in a million different directions. Trying to focus on Johanna, she stood on a cluster of roots, looking out over her people. We were different in that she wasn't Amity's leader. She was simply the voice of the people. Everyone was a part of the decision making processes, and usually the decisions were nearly unanimous. But today I had a feeling there may be many who think we should move on immediately. I hoped that wasn't the case. My parents had some explaining to do and I didn't want to leave them or my sisters just yet. I may never see them again when we leave and I wanted more time with them.

Taking a deep breath, I looked around the room, seeing Cal and Melody nearby. He noticed, smiling and waving at me. Doing the same, I sat down on the floor, blending in with the rest of Amity. Bringing my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them. The Abnegation sit in tight rows a few yards away and I see both Four and Tris looking at them before they share a few words and finally sit next to me.

Johanna lifted her hands and bowed her head. All conversation in the room ceases immediately. Shutting my eyes, I let the silence fill me, feeling peace even though I knew it would only last a moment. I didn't open my eyes until Johanna's voice broke the silence, everyone's eyes training on her.

"We have before us today an urgent question." She tells us. "Which is: How will we conduct ourselves in this time of conflict as people who pursue peace?"

Every Amity in the room turned to the person next to him or her and started to talk. The discussion was on. My stomach was fluttering as I listened to all the muttering. It was hard to hear much of what was being said but I knew that each and every one of them was taking this seriously.

"How do they get anything done?" Tris asked as the minutes of chatter wear on.

I shot her a look but she didn't see it. Four gently touched my arm before replying to her. "They don't care about efficiency." He told her. "They care about agreement. Watch."

As if on cue, two women in yellow dresses a few feet away rise and join a trio of men. A young man shifts so that his small circle becomes a large one with the group next to him. All around the room, the smaller crowds grow and expand, and fewer and fewer voices fill the room, until there are only three or four. I can only hear pieces of what they say: "Peace—Dauntless—Erudite—safe house—involvement—"

"This is bizarre." Tris states.

"I think it's beautiful." Four replied as he watched.

"This is how I was raised." I added. "Four's right, it is beautiful."

She gives both of us a look.

"What?" Four laughed a little. "They each have an equal role in government; they each feel equally responsible. And it makes them care; it makes them kind. I think that's beautiful."

"Thank you." I told him, not feeling like I needed to defend them. I wasn't judging Abnegation while it was being slaughtered.

"I think it's unsustainable." Tris replied. "Sure, it works for the Amity. But what happens when not everyone wants to strum banjos and grow crops? What happens when someone does something terrible and talking about it can't solve the problem?"

"It wouldn't happen because we talk it out. Any conflict is resolved by the party involved. We utilize the peace serum to calm and make those afflicted level headed so it can be discussed rationally until a solution is met."

"Again, unsustainable."

"Because Abnegation can sustain their selflessness especially now that they're scattered to the wind." I shot at her before standing.

Moving through the crowd, I passed Melissa and her family, touching her shoulder as I passed her by. Not lingering, I searched the crowd until I finally found Maggie and my family, swiftly moving to them.

"Hey." Maggie said. "I thought you were going to sit with your people."

"Tris is a real piece of work sometimes. She's criticizing our methods as unsustainable when she has no idea how we work. She thinks she knows things but she's just a child. One that people think is important when all I want to do is slap her." The words fell out of my mouth without my permission. Rolling my shoulders, I attempted to calm down. I didn't want to be mad at her.

"Bread?" My mother asked.

I glared at her but she just laughed at me. "What's been said over here?"

"We're leaning toward sanctuary. But there will be conditions." She replied, their group speaker had already gone to Johanna.

Nodding, I fell silent as I watched the talking die down. Eventually someone from each of the big groups stands and approaches Johanna, picking their way carefully over the roots of the big tree. When everyone has said his or her piece, they sit down again, leaving Johanna alone in the center of the room. She angles her body toward us and folds her hands in front of her. Part of me wants them to send us away. I don't know where we'd go but if we went home than maybe I could find Eric and just talk to him. I just wanted to see him again.

"It's going to be all right." Maggie said taking my hand and squeezing it tightly.

"I know." I nodded. "But that only solves our immediate problem. There are so many more that we have to face."

"One thing at a time, Pen." She said running her hand down my hair.

Then Johanna addressed the crowd. "Our faction has had a close relationship with Erudite for as long as any of us can remember. We need each other to survive, and we have always cooperated with each other." She's telling us. "But we have also had a strong relationship with Abnegation in the past, and we do not think it is right to revoke the hand of friendship when it has for so long been extended."

The sound of her voice is honey-sweet and calming. She chooses her words carefully, speaking them slowly and with conviction. Nodding as she spoke, I gave Maggie's hand a squeeze, needing her comfort. She sensed it, wrapping her arm around me tightly.

"We feel that the only way to preserve our relationships with both factions is to remain impartial and uninvolved." She continued. Sighing, I bowed my head, dread filling my stomach.

"It's okay." Maggie told me.

"Your presence here, though welcome, complicates that."

"Maggie." I whisper, more air than sound.

"It's okay." She repeated.

"We have arrived at the conclusion that we will establish our faction headquarters as a safe house for members of all factions," she says, "under a set of conditions. The first is that no weaponry of any kind is allowed on the compound. The second is that if any serious conflict arises, whether verbal or physical, all involved parties will be asked to leave."

"We're doomed." I said looking at Tris from across the way.

"The third is that the conflict may not be discussed, even privately, within the confines of this compound. And the fourth is that everyone who stays here must contribute to the welfare of this environment by working. We will report this to Erudite, Candor, and Dauntless as soon as we can."

"Report it?" I frown. "That - no - they'll come for us."

I watch as Johanna's eyes drift to where Four and Tris are sitting. "You are welcome to stay here if and only if you can abide by our rules. That is our decision."

I think of the gun that Tris still has and the fact that she will not be able to stay quiet for long. Training my eyes on them, I feel like our time here will be spent tiptoeing around what we're really thinking and feeling. "We won't be here much longer." I tell Maggie as I continue to look at them.

"What do you mean?" She frowned.

Meeting her eyes, I felt anger start to boil inside of me. "She's going to ruin it." I tell her. "She can't stop herself. If someone says or does the wrong thing it's all over."

"Talk to her, help her through this."

"I don't want to." I told her and stood. "I need a minute."

Moving through the orchard, I waited till the sounds were barely a whisper behind me. Moving behind a tree, I slid down its trunk until I was sitting in the dirt. Putting my face in my hands, I started to cry. Everything was so screwed up and there was nothing I could do about it. I would bet almost anything that Tris would be the first to move against someone whether it was one of us or one of Amity. I'd already had a confrontation that I was lucky enough to get away with. But it would happen again. I didn't want to point fingers but I was truly certain that it would be Tris. I needed to talk to Four, making him watch her, be there with her to stop her from doing something foolish.

More than that, I just wanted everything to go back to the way that it was. I wanted to be home with Eric's arms around me, with Tori and the tattoo parlor and the infirmary where Simmy was to keep me motivated. I needed my home and my people. This place no longer provided either of those things and once I realized that, I couldn't help the guilt and sorrow I felt guilty for not loving my family as much as I should. But I had accepted Faction Before Blood. I had accepted it and embraced it. I had Eric and Four and Tori and Claude and Henry...I had a new family that I loved. That I needed. None of that was here. The unknown was scarier than anything that had happened yet. Not knowing what happened to my family after the simulation was ended. Or what had happened to Eric. We had run and now, because of my old faction, we were going to be thrown in with members of every faction. They would all know where we were and they would come for us. We needed to figure out our next move and act on it. But what? Gently banging the back of my head against the tree, I willed for the answers to come to me.

* * *

 **And there we have chapter two! I hope you all are enjoying it so far! Lots of funness to come! And don't worry. Eric will reappear before too long. ; )**


	3. Unexpected

**Chapter Three: Unexpected**

Even after the tears had stopped, I sat there, staring at the trees and the sun shining through the leaves. The light hit them just right, making them appear transparent, seeing their skeleton. Seeing what they were made of. Watching them was calming, letting my mind get the better of me. Eric's voice started to run through my head. He had told me he loved me. Those three words repeating over and over in my head. It gave me comfort. Despite everything that had happened afterward. More tears filled my eyes as I thought about him. I needed him more than I thought I would ever need another person. Taking a steadying breath, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. Hearing steps, I looked up to see Maggie.

"Hey." She said softly as she handed me my old sketchbook and a pencil. Grinning, I took them, paging through the memories of our childhood. "Remember that one?" She asked. It was one of Hazel as the evil scarecrow. "Boys at school had just told you about how evil it was. Controlling and wanting to keep everything for itself. Bossing kids around until you gave it what it wanted. You told me that the story reminded you of Hazel and then you did this." I laughed and nodded. "You were only eight and already so gifted."

"I still create art. I am the best tattoo artist that Dauntless has ever seen."

"I'd expect nothing less." She beamed at me. "Oh, and this one of Orchard. She lived a long time."

"Fifteen years." I nodded. "I grew up with that dog." She nodded. "I had almost forgotten about her."

"We're lucky we got to keep her at all. It was only because of Johanna making Mother agree that she work as well."

Laughing, I nodded. "Her cute little cart that she used to pull produce with. Not to mention she had excellent digging skills." She laughed and nodded. "I always thought it was unfair that Candor were the only ones allowed pets. Especially here. They would be very useful. Just like Orchard was."

"Yeah, you've always been different." She smiled and nudged me. Then she met my eyes with a raised brow. "But enough about the past." She grinned, turning to a blank page, tapping it. "Show me your guy."

Grinning, I nodded, "Eric."

"Tell me about him." She asked getting comfortable.

"You don't want me to tell you about him." I told her.

She frowned at me, "Why not?"

"Because he's not a good guy and you'll hate him just as much as everyone else if I tell you about him."

"Try me." She replied. "I'm the good sister."

Laughing, I nodded, "That you are, Mags. That you are."

"So?" She asked expectantly.

Sighing, I nodded. "He's allergic to nuts. His favorite color is blue. I used to think that that spanned from being born Erudite, but he associates it with calm." I told her as I started to sketch. "He only drinks black coffee and only allows himself one piece of cake each week, usually on Fridays. He is big on routine. If he has one, he sticks to it. He's become more flexible since we've gotten closer, but there are some things he just won't do out of order or at the wrong time. It drives me crazy sometimes. But then again, I've slowly become more routine oriented. It's his fault." Pausing, I met her eyes, smiling for a moment. "He never gets drunk." I went on. "He'll partake in the drink, but he never lets himself go past a slight buzz. And he's a sound sleeper. He makes these little grunting noises every now and again. It annoyed the crap out of me at first, but now it's almost like I need them in between his steady breaths and other soft noises in order to fall asleep. And don't even get me started on his lips. One touch from them and I'll instantly give in to him." I smirked at her, feeling a blush rise in my cheeks.

"It's not bad so far." She smirked back.

My smile disappeared and I sighed heavily, my hand still moving the pencil across the paper. "He's killed people. I couldn't begin to guess how many. He killed Neely."

"Neely's dead?" Maggie frowned.

"It was an accident, but it was his fault."

"Pen." She said sadly.

"I was there when she died. But the day she died was also the first time I slept with him."

A somewhat shocked expression crossed her face, "Come again?"

"Yeah, I slept with him before I actually ever talked to him. In fact, all we did was have sex until my mouth got in the way. Then it was Max. Then it was my friends. Then it was me again."

"Wow." She said but I didn't think it was because she was impressed.

"Yeah, that's a longer story that we don't really need to get into detail about." I smiled at her.

She nodded, "Yeah, maybe not."

"Anyway, as sweet and caring and gentle as he is with me, he can also be cold, manipulative, and just plain cruel. He was horrible. I hated him. Even when we decided to sleep together that first time, I hated him."

"But now you love him." She stated. "I'm sure there's a lot that happened between the two." I nodded, pausing my drawing. She settled in closer to me. "We've got time, Pen. Fill me in on everything."

Smiling, I nodded at her, "Okay."

Taking a deep breath, I delved into my story. It was easier than I had thought it would be. She had been the only family member to come visit me on Visiting Day. My parents had still been too upset to see me and Hazel flat out refused. I'd told her then about initiation and how I'd made friends. From there I briefly touched base on where I lived and what I did for a living. I told her about my apartment and my tattooing and the med area. Spending more time on my inking skills than anything, since I loved tattooing, I loved sharing my talent with my faction. Not to mention Tori. I went into detail about her, telling my sister about how supportive she was and how I could always count on her for anything. She was like another big sister or even a replacement for our mother. Either way, I wouldn't have lasted as long as I had without her. Maggie didn't quite understand why, but I wasn't getting into my Divergence, not yet.

From there I told her about Claude and Henry. She needed to know that my life wasn't bad in Dauntless. I told her about the antics we'd get into and how we cared about each other and supported each other day in and day out. How we confided in each other and had become closer than anyone can get to each other. Then I started to add Eric in. Telling her of how I had depicted him before I fell in love with him. How much he was hated by his own people. They had good reason to hate him and I painted a pretty good picture of why.

Then I told her how Neely died and how Eric and I started. How it had started in the heat of the moment and then evolved into something else. I didn't leave anything out. I told her about the coldness and the fighting and the making up again and the moments where we were simply content to lie in each other's arms. There was so much I wanted to say and yet I felt like I was dragging it out. When I paused and asked her if she'd heard enough, she had a childlike expression on her face when someone is reading you a good book. Smiling as she egged me on, I kept talking.

She didn't seem too phased by it, but I could see her dislike for him start to grow when I got to Tris and her initiation. Getting to when he turned cold, slamming me against the wall and hitting me, she had a lot of questions about why he acted the way he did. But I told her that it didn't matter. He had apologized and had shown me more of himself than anyone ever has. He was flawed; I never claimed that he wasn't. But I still loved him. Despite all the things he has done, that would never change. I would never turn from him.

"Are you afraid of what he's done since you left?" She asked.

"No." I said shaking my head. "I'm terrified."

The way she was looking at me told me that she was afraid to ask her next question, "What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know." I told her. "He needs me and now I'm stuck here with no idea where he is or what he's doing. More importantly, what is Jeanine making him do?" She looked at me sadly. "Sorry."

"It's fine." She said offering me a small smile. "And you're sure he loves you?"

"He told me he did."

"While he thought you were under a simulation?" She frowned trying to wrap her head around everything.

I nodded, "He didn't think I could hear him, let alone remember what he was telling me."

"So as far as he knows, you don't know."

"I don't know." I frowned, pausing before deciding to nonchalantly tell her the biggest secret I've been carrying around. "He knows I'm Divergent so -"

"What?!" She yelled before looking around and lowering her voice. "What?"

I looked at her nervously, "Yes, I am Divergent."

"Pen." She said with an air of awe.

"It's not as exciting as you might be thinking." I told her.

She looked around us before sighing, "You really are a rebel."

"Not on purpose." I told her with a sad tone. "Believe me, I wish I wasn't."

"Because then you could be with Eric?"

"That's part of it." I told her. "His job is to hunt my kind down. We're nothing more than an order to him."

"Except for you." She smirked.

"I hope so. Though Four and everyone hold no high hopes for him. He's just a killer in their eyes."

"Neely was a good person. I knew her well."

"I tried to help her."

"I know." She nodded with a smile.

Putting down the pencil, I handed her the book, "Here."

Taking it, a smile grew across her face, "He's very handsome."

Smiling, I nodded, "Yes, he is."

"He doesn't look so evil to me."

I had pictured him smiling, relaxed, and happy. "That's because this is how I remember him. Not for all the bad, but for the good he showed me every day. He's capable of so much more; he just needs someone to show him how. He can be a good man, I know it, Maggie. He can be, I just need to prove it to everyone else."

"You will, Pen. You will." She told me reassuringly.

Sitting and talking till the sun was below the horizon, we made our way back to the house, finding our family sitting around the table. They all looked at me with a smile, even Hazel, though there were still questions in her eyes. Giving them a small smile, I wasn't sure what to say or do. Maggie nudged me, walking to the kitchen and getting us both a glass of water. Still just standing there, my mother stood and walked around the table, embracing me.

"How are you holding up?" She asked.

I shrugged, wanting to say 'I don't know' but I knew that that answer would not suffice. "I'm doing okay."

"What do you think you and your people will do?" My father asked.

Sighing, I sat in my usual chair at the table, folding my arms on top of it, "Honestly, I don't think we'll be staying long. We're not made for peace. That is beaten out of us during initiation. We are fighters and we act out when someone pushes the right buttons. I have attempted to learn to control my temper and I've done okay with it. But I've already made mistakes since I've been here. I fought a member of Amity today. It won't just be Tris who ruins everything. It will be me too."

"Pen." Maggie said taking my hand, setting the water down in front of me, thanking her.

I pulled my hand out of hers. She frowned but just folded them in front of her. Sighing, I looked at my hands. "Tris is like a ticking time bomb. She's going to explode. It's just a matter of time. What I don't know is if it will be just her. If she starts to go off, I might just go off with her."

"You won't." My father stated.

Smiling, I shook my head, "You don't know me anymore."

"Have you told Johanna this?" My mother asked.

"No." I told her quickly. "And neither will you." I told them firmly. "Tris needs to feel like no one is watching her. If I say something then all eyes will be on her and she'll explode sooner rather than later."

"What about Four?" Hazel asked. "Can't he control her?"

"He can." I nodded. "But if he's not with her there isn't much he can do."

"Won't he watch her?"

"Hazel, she's his girlfriend, he's not going to smother her with constant contact. She's her own person. She'll just break if he's constantly there."

"In other words, there's nothing we can do to stop it." My father stated and sighed.

"No, there isn't." I confirmed. "After everything she's been through and seen, she's unstable. She has legitimate reasons, and I feel for her, but she's going to get us all into trouble."

"We'll help out any way we can." Maggie told me.

"Thank you." I smiled at her. Sighing, I spoke softly. "If she does break. If it's her and not me who ruins everything. I'll be there to defend her."

"You don't even like her." Hazel shot at me.

Nodding, I shrugged, "I admit that she has a unique way of pissing me off faster than most, but she's family. I will protect her."

They all seemed to grow quiet, the weight of their silence settling on my shoulders. I didn't know what they expected me to do, or Four for that matter. We were here for sanctuary. They were concerned for Tris only because she would be our downfall and I would leave them. Only I could ruin this too. I didn't think it would be me. But I was just as capable. My family wouldn't admit to it, but I was. Something told me the second time I left would be harder on them than the first. The longer the silence went on, the more eager I became to leave. It took all of me not to stand up and go find Four and the others. Hell, I'd even put up with Tris at this point.

"Hey, you need to see her guy Eric." Maggie stated, finally breaking the silence, grabbing the book and showing off the picture of Eric.

They had a slew of questions and Maggie answered every one of them. I was grateful for that. She painted a wonderful picture of him and how gentle and caring he was. How he had defended me and protected me. How he loved me but couldn't leave with me because it would raise suspicions. She made him sound like everything I wished he would be. I wished he was as kind and gentle as she made him sound. I wished he was the sweet-tempered man of my dreams. As far as they were concerned, he was. He was handsome and caring and he loved me. That's all that mattered. Everything has two sides and if all they saw was his good, I was okay with that.

When everyone started to disperse to bed, I went to my room, Maggie following me. I had told her that she was more than capable of sleeping in her own bed, but she insisted that she stay with me. My bed was too small for two people, but I did appreciate her closeness. It was nice to have a warm body next to me, despite that fact that I wished with all of me that it was Eric. Wanting to feel his muscles and his lips against my skin. Thinking of him made me happy.

Pausing my pencil, I couldn't sleep, unlike Maggie next to me. Sighing, looking down at the sketch of Eric I'd just finished, I felt emotion start to take hold of me. Slowly getting out of bed, tears were already hot against my cheeks as I slipped out of the room. It was late and the house was quiet, making me move as silently as possible. Reaching the top of the stairs I heard a noise, making me instinctively crouch and move forward. At the top of the stairs, I looked down to see my father slip outside.

Swiftly following him, I kept just far enough back that he wouldn't see me, making sure he was always in sight. He turned down alleyway after alleyway, weaving with purpose. Soon the greenhouses came into sight and I watched as another figure moved inside of one. My father started to jog, slipping inside after them. Running to catch up, I slowly opened the door, just enough to squeeze through. Staying crouched, I spider-crawled underneath a table, moving down the length of it, the room still quiet. At the end of the table, I looked between the legs, seeing my father sneak up behind the other, grabbing them and slamming them against the wall.

"Patrick." Marcus's voice broke the silence.

"Marcus." My father told him, hardness in his voice that I'd never heard before.

"What are you doing?" Marcus asked.

"What do you know?" My father countered.

"Patrick, I don't know what you're talking about."

My father pulled him away from the wall only to slam him against it again. Frowning, I watched with fascination. I'd never seen this side of my father before. It was oddly refreshing, making me want to jump out and support him. As far as I knew he was born and raised Amity, making his outburst toward an Abnegation leader extremely interesting to me.

"You do know what I'm talking about. You'd do well to remember who you're talking to." He shot at him.

Grinning, I lowered myself to my knees, enjoying this more than anything else since I'd arrived here. This was great.

"You know something, Marcus. What were you hiding? What was Andrew hiding?"

"Patrick –"

"Do not lie to me!" My father yelled at him. "You know what Jeanine is trying to keep quiet."

"I don't." Marcus replied. "If I did, don't you think I'd already have done something to stop this conflict?"

When my father spoke, it was through clenched teeth, "You thrive on conflict. For all I know you helped her start this war, putting my _daughter_ in the middle of it."

Now Marcus reacted, shoving my father away from him. "I have nothing to do with your daughter's Divergence. Remember, my _son_ is also one of the Divergent. You only have yourself to blame."

"Just as you do."

"Maybe if you had kept a closer eye on Pen you could have prevented her from defecting."

My father scoffed and shook his head, "And if you hadn't abused your family maybe you could have prevented Tobias from doing the same. As well as keeping your wife under your roof."

Marcus looked like he wanted to hit my father. If only he had been anything other than Abnegation. "Think what you want, Patrick."

"It's not something I think. It's the truth." My father replied. "There's no point it trying to lie. You know me better than that."

"Then you should believe me when I tell you that I don't know what Jeanine is planning."

"What's your next move?"

"I have to see what the children are going to decide first. Whether I like it or not, Tobias is in charge of our little party. Pen is his second."

My father scoffed, running his hand down his face as he paced away from Marcus. "She shouldn't be in charge of anything."

A small smile crossed Marcus' face, "She's a lot like you, Patrick. You should be proud of her. She's strong and brave and unafraid to do what's necessary. So far she's stayed true to herself."

"I am proud of her." My father shot at him, turning to face him. "I'm more proud of her than any of my children. She's become everything I'd ever hoped she would. Despite her choice of company."

"I hope you mean Eric." Marcus frowned at him. My father nodded, getting a silent sigh from me under the table. "He'll ruin her."

"She can take care of herself." My father told him matter-of-factly. "She doesn't need you or anyone else looking out for her. Pen will take care of Pen. No matter what that entails." My chest swelled with pride toward my father, loving him more and more. He sighed and nodded. "I can't stop her from following Tobias. But if you insist on staying in this fight, I must ask you to keep her safe."

Marcus raised a brow at him, "She wouldn't let me do one kind thing for her. She punched me within thirty seconds of meeting me. I'm pretty sure killing me would make her day."

"She's a good judge of character."

Marcus scoffed and nodded, "What are you and Lillian going to do?"

"We're going to remain here for now. I have my other daughters to worry about. If Johanna decides to join the fight and asks for others to follow, I'm sure my wife and I will be among the volunteers."

"That oldest of yours is a real piece of work." He stated. "Hearing her talk to Caleb, all I can see is Jeanine when she was her age."

Frowning, I looked at my father, waiting for him to defend his eldest. But instead of defending her, he nodded, sighing loudly. "I know."

Marcus nodded and moved toward the door, turning back to my father with his hand on the knob. "Keep your family safe, Patrick. When I learn anything I will send word. And I'll keep Pen as safe as I can."

My father nodded, "Thank you."

With that Marcus left and my eyes are still on my father. He moved to the wall, putting his hands against it, bowing his head between his arms, taking a deep breath. Pushing himself off of it, he turned and leaned against it, sliding down it until he was crouched. Running his hand down his face, he sighed again, a furrow moving across his brows.

"Have you been there the whole time?" He frowned, his eyes meeting mine despite the darkness.

Crawling out from under the table, I stepped up to him, kneeling in front of him as he finally sat on the ground. "Yeah."

He smiled and shook his head, "I didn't want you to see that."

Shrugging, I smirked at him, "I know, but I really enjoyed seeing it."

"Your thoughts?" He asked.

Sitting down, bringing my knees up against my chest, I thought a moment. "I think Marcus really doesn't know anything. I think Jeanine has been keeping her end game to herself. The only thing we're sure of is that she's after the Divergent. After that it's not clear. It could have to do with the simulations. It could be to harness us as weapons. Who knows? I sure as hell don't. All I know is that she wants us. She wants us healthy and in one piece. After I was shot she tried to have me killed. Natalie's the reason I'm alive. After that, we fled and haven't heard anything else." He nodded and I couldn't help but see understanding in his expression. Frowning, I leaned toward him, "I'm starting to think you know more than I do and I was there."

"I don't." He replied.

"What did you mean when you told Marcus to remember who he was talking to?" He met my eyes, remaining silent. "It's a little late for secrets, Dad."

"No, it's not." He told me. "Right now keeping certain secrets is the key to surviving."

"So you do know something."

"I know something." He admitted. "But not so much about what's going on right now. More about what has been."

"Can you elaborate on that?" I asked, heavily confused.

"No." He stated bluntly.

"Dad." I frowned.

"Pen." He smirked back at me.

"Dad." I repeated.

"Pen."

Heaving a heavy sigh, I couldn't help but smile at him. "Fine." I told him, lifting my chin. "Will you tell me someday?"

He nodded, "Yes, Pen. I'll tell you. But things are volatile right now. The less you know the safer you will be."

"You don't know that." I stated. "For all you know you're killing me sooner by not telling me."

His smile never faltered, "Nah. In this I know I'm right. I've been around a lot longer than you."

Laughing lightly, I shook my head at him. "Amity sure as hell doesn't feel like Amity anymore."

"You've seen our house and that's pretty much it. Amity is still Amity. You'll have to help with chores and then you'll see. If you can handle your temper long enough that is."

Laughing a little harder, I nodded, "I'll be fine if I could just rally the support of my sister."

"Hazel is lost. I don't know when it happened but your mother and I have tried to help her. She doesn't seem to want it. Then when you showed up it was like bragging to her. You have the life she wanted, maybe not the faction, but the life." Nodding, I felt emotion in my chest again. "Hey." He said leaning forward and taking my hand. "Everything is going to be fine. You know we'll protect you as best we can." I nodded again, swallowing the lump in my throat. "And you need to do whatever you have to do to stay alive. Promise me."

Smiling, I nodded yet again, "I promise, Daddy."

"Good girl." He said returning it.

Walking back to the house, we reminisced about before I defected. He asked a few questions about my life since, not seeming to be surprised in the slightest. I had forgotten how much I loved talking to my father. I was like him. More like him than I had thought I was. It made being here better and worse. I loved that I held more of him then I thought I did, but it also complicated my decision to leave without caring. I did care. But after everything I still knew I was going to leave. Without question and without hesitation.


	4. Living An Old Life

**Chapter Four: Living an Old Life**

Come morning, I had only slept a few hours and had managed to fill the majority of the sketchbook with drawings of Eric and home. Maggie was asleep next to me as I watched the sun rise through the window. When I couldn't stand sitting anymore, I slowly crawled from the bed, putting on a red shirt with a pair of brown pants, knowing that we'd have to hold up our end of the deal, working with the Amity during their daily chores. Slipping on a pair of working boots, I went to the orchard and started to climb a tree, finding a dip where I could sit comfortably. It was nice to be higher up with the wind blowing in my face and the sun sending colors into the sky.

Knowing that the chores would be starting soon, I waited until the first people started to arrive; I made myself known, starting to toss down the apples to the people below me. Once the lower levels were picked, I climbed as high as I could to get to the apples that most were too afraid to go after. A few even hollered for me to be careful, but I'd done far more dangerous things than this. This was a piece of cake.

As soon as the baskets were full, I assisted my mother in picking the ripe beans from the garden, and then helped my father milk the cows in the barn, scraping off the cream on top that was taken to be turned. It was just like old times. I got sweaty, and dirty, and was completely content. Little did better as a distraction then a hard day's work. I knew it couldn't last but for now I would cherish it. After we left here we would have to fight and survive on whatever we could find on our own. Looking for any piece of hospitality as we roamed the city, trying to figure out what our next move should be. And for that I was drawing a blank. Do we go home? Do we disappear? Do we fight? Do we hide? I had no idea where we were going to go. But something told me that events would take place and force our hands one way or the other. It was just a matter of time.

That night, dinner felt like it always had. My sisters and I helped Mom cook while Dad read the latest news. Though, more often than not, I caught him watching me. My father and I had always been close. I think it was hardest to leave because of how much I would miss him. Him and Maggie. I loved my mother and Hazel but I had bonded with my father and Maggie in a way different then I had with them. It wasn't meant to hurt them; I was just the way it had turned out.

Smiling, he returned it, going back to reading the paper. Gently shoving him when the time came to set the table, he took a jab at my side, making me jerk away from him. Only the act made my smile falter. There was only one man who knew exactly where to grip me to make me squirm. One man who made me feel alive.

Eric.

Feeling awkward, I shifted away from him, getting a look in return. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I pressed a kiss against his cheek, then continued to help. He seemed to understand, a sad expression moving across his face. Giving him the best reassuring look I could muster, he sighed, raising a brow at me in response. I just silently laughed, shaking my head as a broad smile crossed my face, trying to focus on setting the table. Glancing up at him he was smirking at me now.

Everything was prepared, everyone smiling and laughing as we fell back into the time when this was an everyday occurrence. I was the last to the table, setting down the bottle of milk, when there was a knock on the door. We all froze, my hand still on the neck of the bottle. My father met my eyes and I swiftly and silently moved to the window, pulling back the shades just enough to see by the door. Letting out the breath I had been holding, I sidestepped and opened the door.

"Hey." I smiled at Four, Tris standing next to him. "What's going on?" I frowned when he didn't reply immediately.

"Just checking in." He told me. "Wanted to know if you wanted to grab dinner with us."

Smiling, I opened the door further, looking back at my mother. She smiled and stood, still looking at me. I held up two fingers, nodding, before going back to the kitchen. "You should stay here and have dinner with us." I told him.

Tris shook her head, but Four nodded, ignoring her as he stepped inside. My family watched every move that they made. Maggie quickly got up and grabbed another chair for Tris to sit in. Both smiled at each other while Four and I took our seats, him on my right and my father on my left. My mother put a plate, glass, and silverware in front of both of them before returning to her seat.

"Let us pray." She smiled. Neither Tris nor Four were phased by that, both bowing their heads before the rest of us. "Pen?" She smiled sweetly.

Smiling, I nodding, taking a deep breath, "We thank for the gift of food, the warmth of a home, and the blessing of the company we share. May we always know the kindness of others, and the strength to do what we must. May we have courage to fight our oppressors and the knowledge to know right from wrong. Amen."

"Amen." All but Tris repeated.

I didn't think her adverse to praying, finding her lack of response a little unusual. Four just smiled and gently touched my hand, getting a look from his girlfriend that could only be taken for jealousy. Despite the fact that she knew I was madly in love with her least favorite person on the face of the earth.

Eric.

He flooded my mind and for a long moment I just stared at my plate, my stomach turning as my need for him rose. Where was he? What was happening to him? Was he okay? Feeling nausea start to take hold, I felt an arm slide along the back of my chair.

"Everything's okay, Opie." Four whispered softly.

"No, it's not." I whispered back, meeting his eyes. He sighed, his jaw tight. "You know what I want, Tobias. So, no, it's not okay."

He nodded, running his hand down the back of my head. Then we noticed all eyes were on us. Smiling, I sighed, trying not to dwell on Eric. Starting to take food, the others following suit, thought the table was uncharacteristically quiet for my family. Apparently no one had anything light and fluffy to say. The room was full of heavy tension, the weight of questions unanswered practically tangible in the air. But leave it to my sister to say something inappropriate and callous toward the person who needed it the least.

"Do you have any family left, Tris?" Hazel asked.

"Hazel." I shot at her, kicking her shin underneath the table. Tris looked at me expectantly. "I'm sorry." I told her, shaking my head before looking at my sister. "She won't speak again unless it's with respect and on subjects much less personal."

Hazel glared at me, but I could count on Maggie to make up for her. "I heard you jumped first during initiation." She grinned. "That was very brave of you. Especially for your first day. Even Pen didn't jump first."

"I was third." I replied quickly. "Which isn't too bad if I say so myself."

Tris smiled, "I didn't know you were third."

"We can't all be as awesome as you." I smiled back. She knew I didn't think her all that awesome, but it was appropriate for the time being. "And I couldn't have been first even if I wanted to." I added.

"Claude?" Tris smiled, taking a bite of food. It was clear that she was enjoying it. As well as the company.

I nodded, "She's a beast." I smiled.

"I've never gotten into it with her. Something I'm grateful for." She replied.

"You should be." Four smirked. "I've only fought with her once and I'm not ashamed to say that I lost horribly."

Scoffing before laughing, I nodded again, "I like to compare myself to her, but even I don't beat you very often."

"You can though." He told me. "You just need to be prepared to take a beating."

"Ha!" I said and laughed again. "Like the beating you gave me that put me in the med area for nearly a week?" All of us Dauntless laughed, only then I realized that the rest of the table had gone quiet, making us all quiet and stare at our plates, clearing our throats. "Sorry." I told them softly.

"Don't be." Maggie smiled, she was the only one who was. "I thought it was fascinating." Winking at her, I smiled, loving her more and more.

"Fighting is beneath you." Hazel muttered under her breath.

"Fighting is what Dauntless does." I retorted. "It's how we protect the city."

"Couldn't protect yourselves." She muttered even softer.

Before I could react, Four was on his feet, his knife gripped tightly in his hand. My parents were on their feet as well. From where I sat, I gripped his wrist tightly, making him look down at me. "It's okay." I told him. "Sit down."

"She's being disrespectful." He stated but did as he was told.

"I know." I nodded. "She's the oldest. I never said my family was perfect."

Everyone sat down again, my father's hand in a fist, the other covering it as he brought them to his lips. "Hazel, you can be excused."

"Dad." She frowned.

"Go." He told her, meeting her eyes. She glared at me before standing and leaving the table. "I'm sorry, Tobias." He said looking at Four. He turned his head, meeting my father's eyes. "She's not normally like this. I think she's taking the conflict harder than we thought."

"It's okay." Four said with a small smile. "I apologize for making a scene."

"It's okay, Tobias." My mother smiled. "We're usually more put together than this. We are the faction of peace after all."

"It's my fault." I said meeting my mother's eyes. "I shouldn't have come here."

My father gripped my hand, "Don't say that. We want you here."

"Thank you, Dad." I smiled at him.

There was another long pause before he smiled, clapping his hands together. "Okay, enough of the hard talk. Let's just enjoy our meal and hear a few more stories from your time in Dauntless."

Smiling, it didn't take much to prompt a story from Four. He really had impeccable people skills. Tris and I added or edited along the way, sending laughter and good feelings through the room. When everyone had eaten their fill, all us girls helped clean up the kitchen, making sure every dish was clean, dry, and put away; while the men sat in the living room and talked about whatever it was that they were talking about.

When we were done, I slowly walked into the living room, hoping to hear what they were saying. Four was too good though, saying my name before I was even in sight. Narrowing my eyes at him, I joined him on the couch, my father suggesting that Maggie get her guitar. I had completely forgotten about her guitar. She was a beautiful player. Sitting on the coffee table, she warmed her fingers up, tightening strings and such until she was happy with them. Then she started to play. It was beautiful. After a few minutes Hazel slowly came down, sitting on the bottom step, listening to our sister play. To make it complete, Maggie started to sing, her voice melodic. She was perfect in nearly every way. I didn't know how I'd gotten so lucky to have a sister like her, but I adored her. Her words beautiful and she sang with such passion, I didn't know where she came up with it.

 _Even though you're far away  
You're never far from me  
No matter where you go  
I'll still be waiting here_

Smiling, I shut my eyes, letting her voice take me over.

 _Forever and a day  
I'll still be waiting here  
Until you're once again  
Wrapped safe within my arms_

Eric filled my mind, making tears brim in my eyes, slowly sliding down my cheeks. Though all the while I was smiling. Part of me felt like she was singing for me, but I didn't want to seem that narcissistic.

 _It doesn't matter what you've done  
As long as you remember  
No matter where you go  
I'll still be waiting here_

It was late into the night when she finally set her guitar aside, leaving the room quiet. There were many emotions tangible in the air. Looking at Four and Tris, he had his arm around her, as she nestled against his side. Both had content looks on their faces. It was hard not to be touched by Maggie. She was extraordinary in every way. You could feel every emotion she put into it, having a calming effect on the couple next to me. It was nice to see. We'd been so stressed over the past days that to feel a sense of calm was welcoming and so very needed. If only it could stay this way. And seeing Tris this way made me like her more. She was always so guarded and defensive. But seeing her lower them, taking in the music, I could see why Four loved her so much. If only she could learn to keep her mouth shut every once in a while. It would make life just a tad bit easier.

When the silence started to get heavy, all the good feelings being pushed down by reality, Four and Tris stood, making their way to the door. "Thank you for having us." Tris smiled at my mother as she followed them to the door. "Maggie is a beautiful player. You have a beautiful family."

"You're welcome any time." She smiled putting her hand on Tris' arm. "That extends to even when you leave here."

Tris immediately tensed and I knew that she was thinking of her own mother. It was written all over her face. Without warning, she wrapped her arms around my mother's neck, hugging her tightly. It was unusual for an Abnegation to hug but something told me she needed it far more than any of us knew. Her parents were dead while both of mine were right here, alive and touchable. She needed that. Maybe I had misjudged her. Maybe she wasn't as bad as I thought.

"See you tomorrow?" Tris asked me.

"Yeah." I nodded back with a smile.

"See you later." Four said touching my arm. "Very nice, Maggie." He smiled and shook her hand.

As soon as they were gone, my mother got an odd look on her face, like she wanted to cry and yet couldn't bring herself to call upon tears. She went to the kitchen, making herself busy while my father went upstairs, neither of them saying a word. I watched them, wondering what secrets they've been hiding from me.

"They know something." I told Maggie as she stepped next to me.

"I know." She replied, making me give her a look, her expression serious. "They've been weird since the attack on Abnegation. Then with you mentioning Tris's parents..."

"They knew them."

"But how? When?"

"I don't know." I said shaking my head.

"Maybe they are just shocked that a faction would do that to another." Hazel added. Maggie and I exchanged a look before we both looked at her. "What? We don't know, so why are you jumping to conclusions?"

"What are you girls talking about?" Our mother smiled.

"How did you know Natalie and Andrew Prior?" I asked her. Her smile disappeared and she crossed her arms. "Mom."

"Pen, there are some things that just don't need to be brought up. The past is the past for a reason."

"What kind of answer is that?" I frowned at her, stepping closer to her. "What do you know about what's going on?"

"Penelope, I don't know anything." She told me with a hard tone.

"You do." I stated just as firmly. "You know more then you're letting on and I need to know what it is. The more information we have the better chance we have of winning this thing."

"You don't have to fight." She frowned at me. "This isn't up to you."

"Is that why you won't tell me?" I frowned back at her. "Do you think that will make me stay? I am _not_ staying, Mother!" I yelled, feeling guilty immediately afterward, her expression turning somber. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. It's just…" I started, pausing and glanced as Hazel, I wasn't sure if I wanted her to know or not. But she was bound to find out eventually. "My life might hang in the balance of this war that we've started." I finished. "So it is imperative that you tell me what you know."

"What do you mean your life?" She frowned with fear in her eyes.

"They are searching for the Divergent." I stated. Her eyes grew wide and I nodded at her. "This is bigger than you know, Mama, and I am smack dab in the middle of it."

"Patrick!" She called up the stairs.

He appeared at the top of them, looking down at her, and she simply nodded at him. He sighed as his shoulders slumped, running his hand down his face, a glistening in his eyes. In the next second he was rushing down the stairs, gripping my arm and leading me toward the door. "You should leave now. You shouldn't wait."

"Why?"

"If Johanna tells the others about making our faction a sanctuary, they'll know you're here and they will come to look for you."

"I know." I nodded. "But where are we supposed to go?"

"Anywhere."

"Dad." Maggie said gripping my wrist. "We can protect her."

"How?" He shot at her. "How, Maggie? She's Divergent. There is no safe place for her to go. Especially when everyone will be allowed into our faction. If the Erudite and their Dauntless soldiers come here, they're already dead. They need to go."

"I'll talk to the others in the morning." I nodded, taking a step away from the door, his hand still gripping my arm, bringing my hand to his forearm.

"No." Maggie said meeting my eyes. "You just got here. We just got you back. Two days is not enough time."

"I know." I nodded, running my hand down her hair. "But it won't be forever. Once this is done, I'll come back to show you how Divergent I can be." Smiling at her reassuringly, she just looked at me. "Maggie, I know this is scary but I'll be okay."

"You're the baby, Pen. You're not supposed to be doing this. Not alone."

"I'm not alone." I told her. "I have people looking out for me, who I in turn have to look out for."

"What if Eric comes looking for you? Don't you want to be here for him?" She asked with a hopeful expression on her face.

She had hit the right button and it took a long time for me to answer. "He's working with Erudite. He's their attack dog. He's not going to be able to help me. I can't worry about him right now. Or being with him. I need to worry about me and those I'm with. If we get another chance than I'll welcome it when the time comes. But right now he's the last person I want to see. If they force him to shoot me, what then?"

"He wouldn't." Maggie frowned.

"He would!" I yelled at her, pulling from my father's grip. "Stop trying to make him out to be some kind of hero! He's not a hero, Maggie! He will shoot me in self-preservation. He may not kill me because he loves me, but then I'll be taken to Jeanine who will kill me. It's his job to find, capture, and turn in anyone who is Divergent. I don't know what Jeanine wants with us but as far as I know it's not something you come back from."

"Stop it." Hazel said with tears in her eyes. "Just stop it. Both of you. Maybe the situation isn't as dire as you think it is. Maybe she's doing what's best for our society."

"Hazel." My father said looking at her with slight shock. "Have you been listening at all to what's been going on?"

"I have, and I still think the factions need to remain intact. Abnegation can repopulate and the rest of us just need to do what she asks to preserve our way of life."

"This is no way to live!" I yelled at her. "I won't be alive to see the world you're talking about. Do you really want me dead?"

"Have you tried to not be Divergent?" She asked.

"It's not like that! It's who I _am_!" I yelled, slamming my hand against my chest.

"Well, don't be that way!"

Anger was boiling in my veins, making me lower my voice. "Do you think it's something I can just turn on and off?" I frowned at her, trying to control my shaking. "I was born this way. This isn't something that I picked up along the way."

"So you're blaming Mom and Dad." She stated. "Real mature."

I was yelling again, "I'm not blaming anyone, Hazel! What the hell is wrong with you?!" I wasn't just angry but I was hurt as well. Lowering my voice again, I took a step toward her. "You're acting just like the people who are trying to kill me. Why are you acting this way?"

"I'm simply being honest with my sister."

"And you're siding with Jeanine." I stated, my brows furrowed as far as they would go.

"I'm just having trouble seeing your side of it."

Scoffing, laughing lightly, I stepped away from her. I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. My own sister was an Erudite in Amity clothing. Looking at Maggie, she was shaking, a tear sliding down her cheek as she stared at Hazel. My mother looked like she didn't know what to do and my father looked like he wanted to hit his eldest and wasn't moving to keep himself from doing so.

Feeling my own tears sting in my eyes, I sighed, nodding at Hazel, my voice soft, "Clearly you're not the sister I thought you were."

"And what kind of sister would I be if I wasn't honest?!" She yelled in return.

"A good one." I replied and moved toward the door. "I need some air."

"Pen." My mother said shaking her head.

Without meeting her eyes, I replied, "I won't be long."

"I'll go too." Maggie said swiftly following me.

Leaving, I strode through the streets, trying to calm myself down. For a long while Maggie just walked with me in silence. I didn't feel like talking. My parents knew more than they were letting on, Hazel was becoming no better than the people I was fighting against, and I had no idea what move to make next. Maggie was the hope I was trying so hard to cling to. Hoping that Eric would come swooping in and save me from this conflict. But he wasn't going to. I wished he would. I missed him. Feeling tears, I pushed them away, now was not the time for them. He wasn't here and there was a chance I'd never see him again. I had to let him go and not dwell on my need for him.

"I'm sorry." I told her shaking my head. "Being here has caused more trouble than I had wanted. I thought being back with my family would help me be strong. And I think you all have, but it's making me strong enough to leave you behind and never look back."

"I know." She replied. "But things have been different. They've been using the serum more often and yet some of us have not taken part in it. It's made tensions in our house rise."

"Give some to Hazel and make her shut up." I frowned.

"I don't know what's gotten into her." Maggie said shaking her head. "I just - I mean - if she wanted to defect then she should have. Now she's just taking it out on you."

"And she'd be a part of the faction I'm fighting." I sighed.

"You think?"

"I really do, Mags. With all her questions and how she was defending Jeanine, I'm positive that she should be in Erudite. Something tells me she's going to turn her back on me before this is over."

"She wouldn't do that. Not to you. Even if she is more Erudite than Amity."

"Right now none of you are acting like Amity." I shot at her. "Maybe you, but that's it."

"I was born for Amity. But I'll protect my sister until the world ends."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around her, resting my head against hers. "Thank you."

"I'd do anything for you, Pen. You're my favorite."

Laughing, I wrapped my other arm around her, "You're my favorite too."

Walking till we were sure our family would be asleep, we returned, going upstairs and crawled into bed. She once again lay with me, nestled against my back. It was nice to have her close. It made sleep easier to come by. Closing my eyes I concentrated on the sound of her breathing, the rise and fall of her chest against my back. It was comforting, giving me something to focus on until sleep finally took me.

 _The halls were silent, my steps echoing in every direction. Trying to keep quiet, I pressed myself against the stone wall, hiding in the shadows as steps approached. When they came into sight, I frowned, stepping from the shadows._

" _Max." I said swiftly moving to him._

 _He gripped my shoulders, his weight falling against me. Wrapping my arms around him, I attempted to lower him to the floor as gently as possible, something warm soaking into my clothes. My breathing started to become ragged as I leaned him against the wall, seeing that blood was spilling from him. I was covered in it. I was so sick of being covered in blood._

" _Max." I repeated, covering at much of his wound as I could._

" _They're coming." He told me._

" _What?" I frowned, my heart racing._

" _They're coming." He repeated. "Find him. Save him." Staring at him, I nodded. Then a smile broke across his face, blood spilling from the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry."_

" _For what?" I asked, my voice thick._

" _For trying to keep you two apart. I know better now…at the end."_

" _It's not the end." I smiled at him. "You'll be okay."_

 _The words were barely out of my mouth when his chest rose for the last time, his eyes locked on mine as his face relaxed. Tears streamed and I ran my hand down his face, shutting his eyes. Checking him for a weapon, I found a knife at his thigh. Gripping it tightly, I put my hand against his cheek, sighing before nodding. Taking a deep breath, I started to move down the hall again. With every step I took, it seemed as if the noise was getting louder._

 _Finally making it to the Pit, my eyes grew wide as I took in the fight before me. Hearing a sound, I turned just in time to see Henry, his arm coming down on top of me, his knife in his hand. Gripping his wrist, he forced me to the ground._

" _Henry! What are you doing?!" I yelled at him, my arm already starting to burn with the effort._

 _Looking at him, his expression was blank. It was like he was looking at me but he wasn't actually seeing me. He was under a simulation. They'd gotten inside. Pushing against him, I managed to get my knee up, forcing him just far enough away from me to get in a good punch. He stumbled, falling to the side as I scrambled away from him. He was on his feet faster than I was. Turning to face him, I still held the knife in my, now shaking, hand. He turned toward me, still looking but not seeing. The Henry I knew would rather die than hurt me._

" _Please don't make me do this." I told him softly. "Please, Henry."_

 _Then he was lunging at me. Feeling pain across the top of my shoulder, it was nothing compared to the groan that came from him. We both looked down, my knife buried in his gut. Though in the next second, he swung his arm, bringing his knife toward my own. Swiftly gripping his wrist again, I freed my knife, spinning it in my palm before thrusting it into his chest. It took only a moment for him to go limp, his knife clattering to the ground as he slumped against me. Sobbing, holding him tightly against me, I lowered him to the ground. Taking a moment to grieve, I pressed my forehead against his chest. Gripping his blond locks, I could feel the blood soaking into them, turning them red. Screaming into him, I stood as fast as I could, avoiding looking down at him._

 _I just killed Henry._

 _Henry._

 _The blond haired, blue-eyed boy who had been my first love and one of my closest friends. I killed him. So this is what being a murderer feels like…_

 _Swiftly moving down into the crowd, my eyes searched for Eric. He had to be here somewhere. He had to. Hearing Claude, I spun, seeing her back to back with Eric. There was a circle of Simulation Dauntless surrounding them. Rushing forward, I stabbed one in the back of the head, pulling the knife free as they crumpled to the ground. Swiftly joining the love of my life and another of my closest friends, we started to kill them, fighting back with as much force as they did. All they wanted was to kill us. But if it was going to be us or them, then it sure as hell was going to be them._

 _Minutes ticked by and I heard a gunshot and then Claude yelled out again. Turning toward her, blood was running through her fingers, her hand latched across the side of her neck. Rushing to her, I tried to get her to move her hand but blood spurted with the motion. Knowing what was going to happen, I put my hand over hers, offering her the best smile I could muster._

" _I love you, Claude. Everything is going to be alright." I told her. She opened her mouth to say something, but only managed pained noises as she was met with a mouthful of blood, running from the corners and down over her chin. "I know." I nodded. "I know. You did good."_

 _She died moments later, leaving me once again to grieve the loss of my family. Slowly standing, it was as if everything was moving in slow motion. I saw Tori briefly before she was littered with bullets, falling dead to the ground. I watched as Terra was stabbed through the neck. Nathan was shot next. Simmy was crouched nearby, helping a wounded Rebel when she was shot at pointblank from behind. Everyone I ever cared about or knew was dying before me._

" _PEN!" My name was screamed._

 _Spinning, Four was running toward me, Tris cradled in his arms. She was dead. There was no question about that. We must have been unprepared for them. They must have surprised us and then slaughtered us. Falling to my knees with him when he reached me, he had tears streaming down his face. Trying to comfort him, I didn't notice the soldiers closing in. I heard Eric yell my name, my arm being grabbed right before there was a hail of bullets where I'd just been kneeling, Four falling over Tris' body, swiftly joining her in what lies after death._

" _Pen." Eric said softly, turning me toward him._

 _Taking his face in my hands, I kissed him passionately. "I love you." I knew this was the end._

 _He smiled at me, wiping the hair from my face. "I love you."_

 _Then there were more gunshots, pain searing through my body. Eric arched against me, his weight forcing me to the ground. He landed next to me, his eyes meeting mine before they glazed over and death took him. Then I was screaming…_

Waking in a cold sweat, my breathing rapid, I sat up, seeing Maggie watching me. "Morning." I smiled running my fingers through my damp hair, attempting to play it off as nothing. She smiled at me sadly, making me think the screaming wasn't just in my head. "I kept you up, didn't I?"

"Not too much." She shrugged.

"Was I loud?" I asked with furrowed brows. She just smiled even sadder at me, if that were possible. "Jesus, Mags, just tell me."

She sighed. "You were screaming pretty good for a while there. Yelling Eric's name." I nodded at her. "Is that what you fear more than anything? Losing him?"

Tears swiftly brimmed and fell, running down my cheeks as I nodded at her. "Yeah. I can't - I mean - if something happens to him - and if I can't -" I sighed, giving a short laugh, and nodded again. "Yeah."

"Shower quick and we'll go to the cafeteria today." She told me. "Hopefully we can avoid the family for a while."

Nodding, I did as I was told, dressing in the same old bright colors. Meeting Maggie downstairs, we had been lucky enough to not wake the family. If we did, they were being nice by not bothering us. Then we made our way toward the sound of happiness. Peoples' laughter and talking already audible this early in the morning. I wished I could appreciate it, but I was anything but happy. I felt exhausted and angry and worried. I didn't think I could stay here much longer without acting. I needed to do something. I needed to find Eric. I needed to find Claude and Henry and Tori and everyone else from my faction. I needed them now more than ever.

Making our way through the doors, I felt like eyes were immediately on me. My hair was down, showing the color I'd put into it. My tattoos were uncovered, letting them see the ones that were visible. I was met with more smiles than anything, though some ducked their heads or averted their eyes. Going through the line of food, it took twice as long as everyone else, making me feel bad for those that were behind me. Several of them wanted to talk, asking how I was and letting me know how happy they were that I had survived the Abnegation attack. Instead of making me feel better about it, I felt guilty. Many had died that day. Andrew and Natalie. Many men, women, and children, all at the hands of Dauntless under a simulation. If only they knew what had really happened. The sacrifices that had to be made in order to stop the simulation and free those under Jeanine's heel.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I swiftly moved away from the touch, only to be met with a smile and nod from an Amity member. Samantha. She had chosen the same year as I had, remaining in Amity. I smiled apologetically and nodded at her. Maggie swiftly and gently pushed me further down the line, finishing, and as quickly as possible, moved to an empty table.

Sitting down, I sighed heavily, "Well, that was fun."

"They still love you and just want you to know that." Maggie replied.

Nodding, I sighed again, "I wish they'd love me less. All it's doing is making me feel guilty."

"Most of these people remember when you were born." She went on, a fond smile on her face. "And the rest either grew up with you or have heard about you. It's not like they haven't been talking about you since the second you showed up here. Even before that a few came to our door asking if Mom and Dad needed anything."

"Really?" I asked with furrowed brows. She just nodded and raised hers as if my question was ridiculous. "Again, it doesn't make me feel any better. I've put you all in danger by coming here. When the Dauntless traitors come for us, who knows who's going to be caught in the crossfire."

"We'll be fine." She stated nonchalantly.

"Promise me that when they come you won't interfere." I frowned at her, suddenly fearing for her.

"I can't do that." She told me with the same tone. "You're my sister."

"As your sister I am asking you to stay out of it. I can handle myself and I'll have the backup of my faction members. My family. I need you to stay clear and stay safe."

"I won't hide, Penelope." She stated with a hard tone. The first time she's used my full name since I'd gotten here.

"If they kill me and go after my family you need to already be gone." I stated.

"And what about the rest of the family?" She frowned, ignoring the part about me dying. Only then she added, "And you're not going to die."

"I might." I nodded at her. "I might and you need to be okay with it."

She frowned, pushing her plate away from her, "You sound like you're already trying to say goodbye."

"Our next moment is never guaranteed." I stated softly yet blandly.

"Really?" She frowned at me.

"Careful." I smiled, pushing her plate back toward her. "They might make you eat some bread."

"I kind of loathe you in this moment." She said but started to eat again.

Laughing lightly, I started to eat as well, unable to stop myself form looking around and seeing the home where I had grown up. To cheer her up, I started to talk about memories from when we were young. Though the more I talked, the more I realized that our childhood was officially over. We were all grown-up, making our own decisions and making our mark on the world. Something I was growing eager for. I'd already decided where I belonged and I'd do anything to get back to Eric. To my home.

We were happily talking and laughing, the previous moment forgotten for the time being; though we were interrupted as a few people stopped to make small talk before moving on. It was clear we wanted to be alone, but some were too eager to talk rather than to leave us alone. Before long even Melissa appeared and asked to sit with us. I was okay with that. She had been a good friend before I defected and being around her made things feel normal. At least as normal as was possible, and listening to her and Maggie was calming.

Before too long Hazel came striding in. I smiled at her, but she didn't seem too eager to reciprocate it. To make it worse, instead of coming and sitting with us, I watched as she walked to where Caleb was sitting with members of Abnegation. He offered her a warm smile, as she sat next to him, watching as she returned it with one of her own. An image of her in blue flashed in my mind. My stomach dropped and it took all of me not to get up and rush over there.

"We need to go." I told Maggie.

"What is it?" Lissa asked.

"Why?" Maggie asked, swallowing her apple juice. Following my line of sight, she stood and gripped my arm. "Sorry, Lissa." She smiled at our friend before leading me from the cafeteria. "If this thing goes south I will not let it be your fault."

Stopping at the far edge of the orchard, I paced, trying to rein myself in. "I just – I can't believe that she'd pick an Erudite over us. Doesn't that tell you something?" I shot at Maggie. "Isn't she supposed to support me? Love me? Be with me?"

"It's not all about you, you know." Maggie smiled kindly.

Laughing louder than was probably necessary, I nodded at her, "You're right. You've never been more right." Sighing, I stopped my pacing, looking toward the city. "I need to think about others right now."

"I'm not saying that." She told me. "I'm just saying that Hazel is the least of your problems. I want you to worry about you, I just don't want you to dwell so much on our eldest sister that you miss something important."

"Like what?"

"Like the signs that they're coming. Like the stability of those you came with. Like keeping yourself alive so you can reunite with Eric."

"Eric." I said more air than sound, tears prickling in my eyes.

She smiled sadly at me. "You miss him."

"More than anything." I smiled back, still fighting the tears.

"Do you think Jeanine is making him do something horrible?"

Anger started to flow again at the mention of Jeanine. "Yes." I replied shortly. "I think she is and we have another Jeanine in the making in our own fucking sister." I added with disdain.

"I thought we weren't going to dwell on that."

"It's kind of hard, Mags." I shot at her.

"I know. Just think of Eric." She told me trying to calm me.

Trying and failing. It only added to my rage. "Just think of Eric?" I frowned at her. "You mean my boyfriend who is out there probably killing people? The man I love who I was forced to leave behind and now I have no idea if he's okay. He could be dead, Maggie! He could be dead and I wouldn't know about it because I left him!"

"Hey." She said swiftly moving toward me. "You're drawing attention."

Looking around, I saw the eyes that were watching us. Nodding, I swiftly moved away from her, needing to be busy. But she was right on my heels. Going to where the laundry was washed, I turned and scrubbed the shit out of them, needing any sort of release. If I were still in Dauntless then I could at least beat the shit out of a punching bag, or throw knives, or shoot a gun. Here? All I had was laundry, dishes, apple picking, and art. Art would help but everything else had to be done first. Not to mention the crops that needed to be picked and planted, and the livestock that needed to be tended. There was plenty to do.

"Really?" Maggie asked as I started to brush down the cows.

Yes, really. Cows were smarter than you give them credit for, and they were more docile then the horses. Not to mention that not many liked tending to the cows, so I was sure to manage more time alone here than anywhere else. I didn't feel like screwing on a smile and faking peacefulness when all I felt was angry and hostile. I needed to hit something.

"I like cows." I replied, forcing a calm tone.

"They're smelly and I'd rather go pick peas."

"Then do it." I shot at her more harshly than I had intended.

She sighed and sat on a barrel of hay. "I know you're struggling but you need to calm down."

As if on cue, the cow let out a bellow and shifted away from me. "Sorry." I told the cow, patting her shoulder before sitting next to my sister. "Sorry to you too. I just want to hit something."

"Is that what you do at home?" She smiled.

God I loved her. She knew my home was Dauntless and no longer here. She knew me better than anyone and I hadn't laid eyes on her in five years. "Yeah." I nodded. Showing her my hands, I ran my thumb along the scars on my knuckles. "It's a good stress reliever. I run every now and again, but I hate running. It's good for stamina and stress as well, and is the only reason I do it. But hitting things makes me feel better."

"Then let's find a quiet place and find you something to hit."

"I can think of someone." I replied with a raised brow. She just raised one back, opening her mouth to retort only to have my name yelled.

"Pen!" I heard again. "Pen!" It was Caleb.

Sighing, I waited till he was in sight. "What is it?'

"Tris." He panted. "She attacked Peter."


	5. Overstayed Welcome

**Chapter Five: Overstayed Welcome**

I felt like I was running before I stood, racing toward the buildings. I wasn't sure what I looked like, but people literally leapt out of my way. Granted, if they had gotten in my way I'd be more than likely run them over verses going around them. My heart was racing as I made my way toward the conflict room. Tris would be taken there and be given a dose of the peace serum. Something that she would not be happy about.

When the building came into sight, I watched as Four started to trudge toward the orchard. Weaving through the crowd, I swiftly skidded to his side. He looked at me but before I could ask what happened he had his arms around me. Hugging him tightly, there was both anger and concern in his grip.

"She's going to ruin this." He whispered.

"I know." I told him hugging him tighter. "We all are."

"What are we gonna do?"

"We need to talk to Johanna. But my father thinks we need to leave. Like yesterday."

"Why?"

"I don't know. They still won't tell me what they're hiding and how they know what they know. But they know more about what's going on than I ever thought they would. I think we should listen to him. I think we need to go."

He nodded. "Let's see what Johanna says and then we'll decide."

"What happened?"

"Peter stole the drive we took from Erudite." He sighed, pausing for a moment. "He provoked her and she acted."

"Of course she did." I replied with a sigh. "Did you get it back?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"And I'm sure they ushered her off to the Conflict Room." I stated. He nodded. "Be prepared for her when she comes out." I told him. He frowned at me. "They will inject her with peace serum, it's protocol, so she's going to be feeling pretty damn good."

"Great." He frowned. "That's all I need. Tris hyped up on yet another serum."

"I know, Tobias. But everything is going to be okay. She'll be okay. This is probably good for her. She's been through a lot and maybe a few minutes of forgetting that will do her some good."

"Or piss her off."

I laughed, "Yeah that might be more accurate."

He sighed, sitting at the base of a tree. Sitting with him, I held tight to his hand. He was struggling just as much as I was. As Tris and everyone else was. There was so much going on and we were all dealing with it in our own way.

"Talk to me, Pen." He told me softly. "Get my mind off of whatever they're doing to her."

Nodding, I sighed, trying to think of what I could say to him that would actually make him feel better. "I had to be given the peace serum once." I told him, getting a smile from him. "Hazel had just knocked me out of a tree. We've always kind of been at odds with each other. Anyway, I was fourteen and feisty. As soon as she saw me pissed off, she refused to get out of the tree. Climbing back into it, I attempted to grab her as she struggled against me. Eventually I managed to grab the bottom of her dress, yanking her out of the tree. Then I started to hit her, though I only got one good hit in before Maggie dragged me off of her. My father was so mad that he allowed them to take me and dose me instead of dealing with us at home. He told me it was about time that I learned a little bit of peace and if this was the way than so be it."

"He should have known then that you didn't belong here." Four smiled.

"Oh, I think he did." I nodded at him. "He just hoped that I'd learn my lesson and stay here with them. Obviously that plan didn't work out."

"You belong in Dauntless. You belong with me." He told me sadly, squeezing my hand.

"I'm here for you, Tobias. No matter what happens."

"What about Eric?" He asked next. "What are you going to do when we come across him again?"

Smiling, I felt a slight blush rise in my cheeks, "Probably attack him, kiss him passionately, tell him that I love him, and then run for my life."

He laughed, which actually kind of surprised me a little. "That sounds like something you would do."

Then I couldn't help but frown, "I miss him, Four. I miss him and want to be with him."

"I know." He said pressing a kiss into my hair.

"What is she making him do?" I asked, needing to be reassured.

"If he really loves you, he's doing what he has to until he can be with you again."

It did the trick, but deep down I couldn't help the doubt I felt. Out of sight, out of mind. What if he didn't care about me anymore? What if he would do her bidding without pause and when the time came when we stood face to face he'd kill me rather than kiss me? Doubt. I was now filled with doubt.

Four could see it, pressing another kiss into my hair before pulling me tighter against his side. "Either way, everything is going to be alright. I won't let anything happen to you." Smiling against him, it fell as he added, "If I can help it."

Sighing, we waited for Tris to be released, remaining silent. It seemed neither of us were very good at cheering each other up right now.

It wasn't too long before yelling reached our ears. Looking at each other, we both let out a sigh as we recognized Tris' voice, yelling for Four. By the sound of it she was flying high at the moment.

"Here we go." I told him and stood. "Remember, she's going to be feeling really good. She's not going to be acting normal." He sighed and nodded we moved toward the sound of her voice.

"Four! Where are you?" She hollered.

"Tris?" Four said as we watched her stand there giggling.

Sighing, already feeling annoyed, she ran toward us, almost falling over if Four hadn't grabbed her waist. It was like everything in her turned on at once and she pressed her body against his and kissed him. What I told him had officially been proven. She was feeling way too damn good. Especially for her. I was almost jealous of her.

She kissed him again. "That was lame." She told him all groggy like. "Okay, no it wasn't, but…" She stands on her tiptoes to kiss him again but he stopped her with his finger against her lips.

"Tris. What did they do to you? You're acting like a lunatic."

"That's not very nice of you to say." She complained. "They put me in a good mood, that's all. And now I really want to kiss you, so if you could just relax—"

"I'm not going to kiss you. I'm going to figure out what's going on." He told her.

She stuck out her bottom lip, pouting at him, but then she grinned as if some lightbulb had turned on. "That's why you like me!" She exclaimed. "Because you're not very nice either! It makes so much more sense now."

"I know you said she'd be different but, is she supposed to act like this?" Four frowned at me.

I looked at Tris with furrowed brows. "Actually, I don't think I've ever seen anyone act quite like this. Not this bad anyway. She's acting completely drunk. In an extremely annoying way. They must have given her too much."

"Come on." He said to Tris. "We're going to see Johanna."

"I like you, too."

"That's encouraging." He replied flatly. I don't know if it was the way he was reacting to her, or seeing her in this state, but laughter started to bubble, spilling out of me before I could make it stop. "Come on. Oh, for God's sake. I'll just carry you."

Unable to stop laughing, he swung Tris into his arms and she wrapped hers around his neck, kissing his cheek. He is not amused and yet I think this is the most entertaining thing I'd seen in a good long while. I practically lost it when she started to kick her feet, making Four role his eyes and sigh at me. I just shrugged and laughed at both of them. As annoying as she was like this, it was completely adorable. I made me like her more, knowing she was capable of such good feelings. Even if it was only because of a serum. It still came from inside of her.

Going to Johanna's office, we walked right in, seeing her sitting behind a desk with a stack of papers in front of her, chewing on a pencil eraser. She looked up at us and her mouth drifted open slightly. I was still laughing, shrugging at her, embracing the happy feelings moving through me.

"You really shouldn't cover up your scar." Tris told her, staring at the chunk of dark hair that covers the left side of her face. "You look prettier with your hair out of your face."

"She's right you know." I told her between laughs.

Four just sighed again, sitting Tris down hard, but she started to laugh and I couldn't help but laugh harder at her. I hadn't laughed this hard in a long time. Bending over, I tried to stop but I just couldn't do it. The harder I tried, the harder the laughter spilled out of me. I had been with Eric the last time I'd laughed this hard, fooling around and doing stupid shit.

"What did you do to her?" Four asked Johanna, clearly annoyed. "What in God's name did you do?"

"I…" Johanna frowned at him. "They must have given her too much. She's very small; they probably didn't take her height and weight into account."

"Pen said that it was a peace serum?" He said to her questioningly.

"You have a nice voice." Tris grinned at him. I continued to laugh.

"Tris," he said annoyed, "please be quiet."

"Yes, the peace serum." Johanna nods. "In small doses, it has a mild, calming effect and improves the mood. The only side effect is some slight dizziness. We administer it to members of our community who have trouble keeping the peace."

Four snorted at her. "I'm not an idiot. Every member of your community has trouble keeping the peace, because they're all human. You probably dump it into the water supply."

"Was Penelope given it as well?" She frowned at me.

"No."

She nods, seeing that he wasn't going to let it go. She didn't respond for a few seconds as she folded her hands in front of her. "Clearly you know that is not the case, or this conflict would not have occurred." She told him and I started to calm down. This damn fucking conflict. "But whatever we agree to do here, we do together, as a faction. If I could give the serum to everyone in this city, I would. You would certainly not be in the situation you are in now if I had."

"Oh, definitely." Four replied with heavy sarcasm. "Drugging the entire population is the best solution to our problem. Great plan."

"Four." I said calmly.

"Sarcasm is not kind, Four." She replied gently. I thought I had myself under control but laughter broke from me again. I'd become extremely sarcastic in my time at Dauntless, making me once again wonder what the hell I was still doing here. "Now, I am sorry about the mistake in giving too much to Tris, I really am. But she violated the terms of our agreement, and I'm afraid that you might not be able to stay here much longer as a result. The conflict between her and the boy—Peter—is not something we can forget."

"Don't worry." Four told her. "We intend to leave as soon as humanly possible." My laughing is done now and I look between them.

"Good." She said with a small smile. "Peace between Amity and Dauntless can only happen when we maintain our distance from each other."

"That explains a lot."

"Excuse me?" She asked. "What are you insinuating?"

"It explains," he said with gritted teeth, "why, under a pretense of neutrality—as if such a thing is possible!—you have left us to die at the hands of the Erudite."

"Four." I said calmly with a hint of hardness.

Johanna sighed quietly and looked out the window. Beyond it is a small courtyard with vines growing in it. The vines creep onto the window's corners, like they are trying to come in and join the conversation. I want to join too but at the moment I don't know what to say, only wanted Four not to make the matter worse.

"The Amity wouldn't do something like that." Tris adds. "That's mean."

Putting my hand on her arm, I smiled down at her, "Time to be quiet." She grinned up at me, gently gripping my wrist, her thumb moving back and forth across my skin.

"It is for the sake of peace that we remain uninvolved—" Johanna begins.

"Peace." Four almost spits the word. "Yes, I'm sure it will be very peaceful when we are all either dead or cowering in submission under the threat of mind control or stuck in an endless simulation."

Johanna's face contorted, making me wrap my arms around myself. Tris is mimicking her and it takes all of me not to start laughing again. But this isn't really a laughing matter. Moving my hand to her back, she looked at me, wrapping her arm around my waist and resting her head against my stomach. Embracing her, I sighed, watching Four and Johanna closely. She may be from the faction of peace, but even she can be hard. We were seeing it right now.

When she spoke next, it was slow. "The decision was not mine to make. If it was, perhaps we would be having a different conversation right now."

"Are you saying you disagree with them?"

"I am saying that it isn't my place to disagree with my faction publicly, but I might, in the privacy of my own heart." She replied. I nodded, looking at Four.

"Pen, Tris and I will be gone in two days." Four states. "I hope your faction doesn't change their decision to make this compound a safe house."

"Our decisions are not easily unmade. What about Peter?"

"You'll have to deal with him separately." He replied. "Because he won't be coming with us."

Four took Tris's hand and turned to leave. "Four." She says stopping him. "If you and your friends would like to remain…untouched by our serum, you may want to avoid the bread."

Meeting Johanna's eyes, she barely raised a brow, but I knew what she was saying. Nodding, I turned to look at Four as he did the same, giving me an expectant look. "I'll be just a few minutes." He nodded and left.

Johanna sat back down and I stepped closer to the desk. "You let that boy speak for you." It's not a question. I nodded in response. "Why? Are you not able to make up your own mind?"

"Like you, it's not always my place to disagree with my faction." I replied with a hard tone.

"Stay, Penelope. You don't belong with them." She said sadly.

"I do." I reply quickly. "I do belong with them, Johanna. I belong with them far more than I belong here. I'd need an IV drip of peace serum to keep me in line. You don't understand how hard it is to be here after having left. I'm not the same little girl that left here five years ago. I will never be her again. I don't want to be her ever again. I'm strong now. Stronger than I ever thought I would be. I've seen and done things and understand myself and the world far more than if I had stayed here." I paused, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. "Amity would have slowly strangled me to death. I look around, even at the people who raised me, and I don't recognize them. But I recognize Four and Tris and even Peter. I recognize the family I created all on my own. I have a man who loves me, who I love in return. Amity would never have given me half of what I have now. I'm happy, Johanna." Pausing again, I thought of everything that had happened. "Or at least I was until all of this started. But I'll get back there. I need to."

"I hear through the grapevine that it's the malicious Eric who holds your heart." She stated.

Over everything I'd just said it was that that she had latched onto. "What does that have to do with anything?" I frowned at her.

"I feel like you're a tainted version of the Penelope I once knew." She said softly.

My anger was boiling now. It wasn't the first time I'd been referred to as tainted. I wasn't tainted. I'd simply made decisions for myself. "The next person who calls me tainted will find a new meaning for the word pain. He is nothing like you think he is and I will defend him with my dying breath."

"Perhaps you need some bread, dear."

"What I need is for you to not underestimate me." I replied. "And don't judge me for things that you don't understand."

"You don't think I understand?" She told me, now smiling.

"You don't know me anymore, Johanna." I stated. "So, no, you don't understand."

"I understand love, Penelope. I simply think you've been seeking it from the wrong place."

Opening my mouth to reply, I stopped, closing it as something flickered in my mind. "What do you know?" I asked her. "What has he done?"

"From what we've heard, he's been on a bit of a killing spree." She told me without feeling. "He's been leading soldiers in and out of homes, kidnapping and killing all who get in his way."

"He has orders." I stated defensively. "If he doesn't listen then he'll be labeled a traitor and be killed himself. He's doing it in self-preservation."

"Is he?" She asked, clearly thinking the opposite.

Rushing forward I slammed my hands down on the top of the desk, glaring at her. "You don't know him, Johanna. I would appreciate it if you didn't jump to conclusions when you don't have all the facts. I'm telling you that he is worth the risk. If you know me at all, then you would know that I don't put my all into anything unless it's worth it. He's worth everything. And I'll do everything I have to until he's back in my arms. Even go against you, my family, and anyone else that gets in my way. Do I make myself clear?"

For a long moment she just looked at me, then she lifted a cup, a small smile moving across her lips, "Tea, dear?"

Smacking it out of her hands, I turned and walked away, "Two days, Johanna." Leaving the building, I started to march off angrily with no destination, only to have Maggie fall in step next to me. "Been waiting for me?"

"I've gotta spend as much time with you as I can." She smiled.

"It's starting to get a little creepy." I stated.

There's a long moment of silence before she spoke. "I can't tell if you're being serious or not."

"I'm not." I smiled at her. "We'll be gone in two days. Let's make the most of it."

"Why two days?" She asked as we started to head to our parents' home.

"Enough time to prepare to leave."

"Okay." She nodded.

Reaching the house, I stopped, unable to take another step. "I can't go in there right now." I told her. "I'm not calm enough yet. Can we go somewhere else?" I asked her.

"I'll be right back." She told me, running into the house.

It was only a few minutes later when she came sprinting out of the house, flying past me. Following her, I could hear my mother yelling behind us. Laughing, we sprinted toward the orchard, sitting under the shade of the trees. We were out of the way, hoping to be left alone, wanting to just spend time together before I left. It didn't take long for her to start to play. She had grabbed my sketchbook, so while she played, I sketched, talking like we did for all the years of my life before I left.

It was going to be hard to leave her. She was by far one of my most favorite people. I needed her more than I realized. Wanting to ask her to come with me, I knew that that was too selfish. I couldn't ask her to join a fight that had nothing to do with her. She was safe here. Once it all blew over I'd come back, hopefully with Eric, and let her meet him. I didn't care what the rest of my family said, but I would give just about anything for Maggie's approval. Even though I knew that I already had it.

"Drawing anything fun?" She asked a few hours later, watching as I filled up page after page.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I've been working on filling it since I've been here and I think there's almost enough."

"Enough what?"

"Memories." I replied softly.

"Pen." She replied softly.

"These are just a small piece of the girl I was and of the woman I have become. Just in case this fight takes my life or the lives of those I love, I want a memory of what my life was like before all this started."

"How many are Eric in?" She asked with a smile, tucking my hair behind my ear.

Meeting her eyes, I returned her smile, "Almost every one of them."

"I hope I get to meet him someday."

"Me too. I just hope it's on good terms."

"Me too." She told me.

With the afternoon gone, we finally made our way back to the house. The walk was quiet and the whole time I was trying to think of what I was going to tell my family. What I was going to tell my parents that didn't make them freak out. Dad told me to go. But I knew that Mom would put up a fight. Her and Johanna thought that I belonged here and I didn't know what to say to make them see that I didn't. I didn't belong here. Maggie was the only one from Amity that I felt had my back. I knew Four and Tris did, but everyone else was just white noise in this hell that Jeanine had thrown us into. Shot. Forced from our home. More questions than answers. People dying all around us. What should be done versus what we were going to do.

Taking a deep breath, I followed Maggie inside, both our parents looking up from the table. Without saying a word, my father got up, moving to me, and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm sorry I've been gone all day." I told him, my face buried in his shoulder.

"We thought you'd left without saying goodbye." He told me.

"I wouldn't do that." I smiled as I released him. "Mama." I said embracing her next. "I love you." I told her.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Tris got into a fight with Peter. I was keeping Four company while we waited for her."

"Did they give her serum?"

I nodded, smiling, "Yeah, too much. She was flying pretty high."

"How are you?" She asked next.

Sighing, I nodded again, "I lost my temper with Johanna. Only that was after Four confronted her about Tris. We're leaving in two days."

"You should leave tonight." My father said putting his arm around me.

"I know, Dad. I do. But Four said two days, so we'll wait two days."

"Why are you listening to him?" Hazel asked coming down the stairs.

Looking up at her, I had to choke down the anger I wanted to spew at her. "Because he's older and more experienced. Plus he's a glorified leader of my faction. I respect him and will follow him." I explained.

Everyone but her nodded, my mother breaking the silence, "What did you argue with Johanna about?"

"My love life mostly." I stated with annoyance.

"We know who Eric is." My father said sitting at the table. Something I already knew.

Mother went into the kitchen, followed by my sisters, helping her prepare dinner while I went to the table, sitting next to my father. "And?"

"And we're concerned." He replied with a raised brow.

In this moment I saw myself in him, making me smile, "He's good to me, Dad."

"Is he?" He frowned. "From what we understand of him, he's not a good person. I can understand why, but he hasn't done himself any favors."

"How can you understand?" I asked him, now frowning.

"Because I knew his parents." He replied.

"What?" I frowned back at him.

He nodded. "I was younger, making a few deliveries to the other factions and I met a young man. He was horrible with a scrawny thing latched onto his arm. I met them several times over the years and I never once could bring myself to be kinder to them than the bear minimum. They are not good people."

"I know they're not." I told him, nodding.

"Did he tell you about his parents?" He asked.

"Not exactly." I told him, getting an expectant look in return. "Are you at all familiar with the Dauntless Fear Landscape?" He nodded. "He uh – he took me through his. One of them dealt with his parents. They were abusive toward him. Made him feel like he was nothing." He sighed and nodded. "I know he's done bad things, Dad. But I am in love with him. I am so in love with him and I will not rest until I'm with him again."

"Are you sure he feels the same way?" He asked next.

"Yes." I replied and for the first time since I'd been apart from him, I meant it with all of me. "He loves me, Dad. I know he's done bad things, but he's better when he's with me. I can help him be a better man. He can be a better man."

He smiled, taking my hand, "Okay."

"Okay? What does that mean?" I frowned.

"It means that I approve. As long as he's not using you."

"He's not, Dad. Things are a bit weird now that he knows I'm Divergent but we'll figure it out."

"Have you talked to him since he found out?"

I shook my head, taking a deep breath, "No. But it won't change anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I said, meaning it this time as well. "He may not come after me or act like it, but he won't hurt me."

"He hit you though." He frowned. "More than once."

Looking at Maggie, it would appear that she had been filling our parents in on my life without me knowing about it. I had probably been keeping them all up at night, screaming and carrying on about Eric. That in itself should have been enough to convince him. I wouldn't be so afraid if I didn't love him.

"He did." I nodded. "But both times he's hit me, it was to protect me. He is a leader of Dauntless and is under the heel of Jeanine. He needs to keep up pretenses if he's going to keep us alive." He frowned at my use of 'us'. "He needs to keep himself safe."

"What do you think he's doing?"

"I think he's doing what he has to. He's killed people. I know that. But I'll forgive him. Part of me is still hoping he's working on the inside and will eventually turn on her and come with me."

"I get that you hope for that, but what do you think is real?"

"That Jeanine is manipulating him and he doesn't know how to get out from under her." I replied. "She has a hold on him that I don't fully understand. He's known her his whole life and she put him in his leadership position to discover anyone who is Divergent. He has never had anyone before me. That's a long time to look to someone you think you can trust only to find out that they want to kill half the city." Dad nodded at me but didn't say anything. Annoyance started to come over me. "And I am so sick and tired of having to defend him." I added, letting my annoyance show. "None of you know him the way I do and I can't convince you that he's changed. He'll have to prove it."

"Something that he has yet to do." Hazel said as she started to set the table.

Clenching my jaw, Dad put his hand over mine, looking up at his eldest, "Hazel, your sister is only going to be with us for a couple days. Please try and keep any negativity at a minimum. Anything you have to say she's already heard."

"Thank you." I smiled at my father. "He just needs to be given a chance."

"I'll give him a chance." Maggie smiled.

"Me too." My mother added.

Dad smiled, squeezing my hand, "Me too."

"Thank you." I said again, tears filling my eyes.

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Now go help your mother."

Smiling, I did as I was told. Maggie never failed in lightening the mood, even getting a smile and laugh from Hazel. Spending more time at the table than usual. My mother cried, cherishing the moment where all her children were safe and with her. My father offered inspirational words that we could all use when things got dark. I couldn't promise that I'd remember them word for word, but I'd remember the feeling his voice sent through me when he spoke them.

When everything was clean and put away, Hazel went upstairs to her room, the rest of us going to the living room. Watching as everyone took a seat, I paused at the base of the stairs, looking up them. Sighing, I slowly made my way up them, walking down the hall to her room, letting myself inside.

"Hey." I said softly. "Can we talk? And maybe not yell at each other?" She nodded, setting aside her journal. Stepping up to her bed, I sat down on the edge of it, bending my knee so I could face her. "Listen, I know you don't like me very much anymore, but I'm still your sister."

"It's not about liking or not liking you, Penelope."

"Then what is it about?" I asked.

"It's about the life you have and the one I was deprived of." She told me.

I could hear the jealousy in her voice. "Why didn't you transfer?"

She sighed, leaning toward me. "Because I thought it was the right thing to do." She replied. "I did it for our family."

"It's not about our family though. It's about doing what's best for you."

"And I chose family over myself."

"Now that would be Abnegation. I don't think you belong with them." I smirked at her.

She smiled, "No, definitely not."

My smile fell and I asked the one question I really didn't want the answer to, but I needed to know. "You would've chosen Erudite?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Do you believe what Jeanine did was right?"

"To an extent." She nodded. "I'm not for all the killing that has been going on but I do believe that the situation needs to be contained and that's what she's trying to do."

"What situation?" I asked.

"The problem with the Divergent." She stated.

My stomach started to turn and I wanted to be angry with her, but I kept myself in check, "What about me? Where do I fall in what you believe?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you, Penelope. I love you. You're my sister. I just feel like there's a way to fix it."

I wanted to yell at her until she realized that it was just who I was, instead I smiled and nodded at her, "Okay."

"And I think you're a fool to be in love with Eric." She smiled.

Laughing lightly, I nodded. "You're not alone in that."

"But if you love him and if he truly loves you, than I support you."

"Just not what I am." I said softly. She shrugged lightly, still smiling at me. "I love you too, Hazel."

We sat for only a few minutes more before I offered her my hand. She took it and together we went to join our family. We were only halfway down the stairs when the door burst open and Four ran in out of breath. All eyes moved to him before they were all on me. Rushing down the rest of the stairs, I threw my arms around my father, then my mother, telling them that I loved them. Turning to Hazel, I hugged her as well, telling her I loved her. Then I turned to Maggie, tears already in her eyes.

Pulling her to me, I wrapped my arms around her neck. "I love you." I whispered. "You are the hope that will lead me home. I'll come back."

"I love you." She replied.

"I gotta go." I smiled at the rest of my family and looked to Four. He offered me his hand. Taking it, we ran from the house. "Erudite?"

"Yeah."

"Do we have time?"

"I don't know."

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"To get the others and then we have to play Amity."

"That's the plan?" I frowned at him. "Did Tris get the drive and the gun?"

"That's where she was headed. And many had to change."

I was re-wearing my embroidered skirt with an orange shirt and sandals. I was about as Amity as you can get. Asking if I could have a red scarf from one of the Amity, she obliged, and I quickly draped it over my head. My hair was a dead giveaway and despite the thinness of the fabric it was wide and dark enough to obscure it. Tobias was wearing a red collared shirt and a pair of jeans that are fraying at the knee. He looked ridiculous but Amity enough. Joining the others at the dormitory, Tris was also wearing red. It's supposed to symbolize brightness and kindness but to me it's the color of blood. The first feeling of fear started to seep into me. But also excitement. If Eric is here I could at least be able to see him again.

"Here." Susan, a girl I don't know but has been lingering with our group, handed me a red blanket. "Your arm." She says pointing at my tattoo.

"Shit. Thanks." I told her. I was so used to it I hadn't even thought about it.

"You're welcome." She smiled.

 _Abnegation._ I think to myself.

I'd barely got it in place when the Erudite cars pull up to the compound. There are five of them, all silver with black roofs. Their engines seem to purr as the wheels bump over uneven ground. We move just inside the building, in an attempt to keep out of sight. We weren't moving until we were ready to. The cars all pull to a stop, and the doors pop open, revealing at least five men and women in Erudite blue.

And about fifteen in Dauntless black.

When the Dauntless come closer, we can see strips of blue fabric wrapped around their arms that can only signify their allegiance to Erudite. The faction that enslaved their minds. Four took Tris' hand and gripped my wrist, pulling me away from the door and into the dormitory. My eyes were searching but I didn't see him. Maybe he hadn't even come.

"I didn't think our faction would be that stupid." He told us. "You have the gun, right?"

"Yes." Tris replied. "But there's no guarantee I can fire it with any accuracy with my left hand."

"You should work on that." He states matter-of-factly. Always an instructor.

"I will." She replied. Seeing a shiver run through her as she adds, "If we live."

"Okay, play Amity." I say softly, skipping every few steps with a big grin on my face.

A bell sounds, once, twice, three times. It is a summons to the dining hall where the Amity gather for less formal occasions than the meeting we attended. We join the crowd of Abnegation-turned-Amity.

"Tell the kids to play tag." Tris told Susan.

"Tag?" She replied.

"That's a good idea." I nodded at Tris.

"They're acting respectful and…Stiff." I can hear the cringe she makes afterward, knowing what the nickname means to her. "And Amity kids would be causing a ruckus. Just do it, okay?"

In the next moment the kids are running down the hallway, dodging Amity feet and yelling, "I touched you!" "You're it!" "No, that was my sleeve!"

Susan shrieks with laughter while I continue to walk along skipping with a stupid grin on my face, pretending to talk to Four and laugh every once in a while. We catch up to the Amity in front of us as we cross the courtyard to the dining hall and disperse among them. I manage to find Maggie, sitting next to her while keeping the others in my line of sight. A pair of Dauntless traitors stand by the door to the dining hall, their guns in hand, putting me on edge. Maggie didn't say anything but smiled and giggled at my side.

Tobias was sitting across from Tris a few tables down while Susan sat with her. Peter and Caleb are a few seats down from them. Suddenly feeling like I was too far away from them, I jerked as if to get up, trying to quiet myself, bowing my head and muttering to myself that I'd be okay. But if we were forced to make a run for it, I'd be easily singled out because I'm so far away from the others.

Tensing, Maggie gripped my hand. "It's going to be all right. Stay calm. If I need to run a diversion, I will." I nodded, unable to trust my voice right now. "You gotta smile or you'll look suspicious." She said and gripped me behind my knee, making me shriek and a smile cross my face.

"Thank you." I whispered to her.

Finally Johanna walked in with an Erudite woman. Her bright blue shirt seemed to glow against her skin, which is dark brown. Her eyes are searching the room as she spoke to Johanna. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, trying not to shake with fear and anticipation. I feel like a loaded spring, ready to move if I have to. The energy to hold still was starting to make me anxious, my eyes darting between my people and the traitors.

"Our Erudite and Dauntless friends are looking for some people." Johanna called over the crowd. "Several members of Abnegation, four members of Dauntless, and a former Erudite initiate." She's smiling, making my heart start to race. "In the interest of full cooperation, I told them that the people they were looking for were, in fact, here, but have since moved on. They would like permission to search the premises, which means we have to vote. Does anyone object to a search?"

The tension in her voice suggests that if anyone does object, they should keep their mouth shut. Taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly, my knee is bouncing so bad I'm afraid they'll see. Some of my anxiety starts to ebb as no one says anything. Johanna nodded to the Erudite woman.

"Three of you stick around." The woman told the Dauntless guards clustered by the entrance. "The rest of you, search all the buildings and report back if you find anything. Go."

For a long moment I feel myself calming. I haven't left anything that they would be able to find to prove our presence here. But then my stomach dropped and my heart started to race. "My sketches." I whispered to Maggie, feeling the color drain from my face.

"I hid them. They'd have to be extremely thorough to find them." She whispered back. I nodded, already calming. "It's going to be okay."

Looking at Four and the others, I see a Dauntless soldier moving toward him. My heart started to race again. I would have lurched toward him if Maggie hadn't kept me still. She subtly shook her head, repositioning the scarf so my hair was fully covered.

"Your hair is pretty short for an Amity." The female soldier told Tobias.

"It's hot." He replied.

The excuse might've work if he knew how to deliver it, but he said it with a snap. She stretched out her hand and with her index finger; she pulled back the collar of his shirt to see his tattoo. And then Four moved. He grabbed the woman's wrist, yanking her forward so she lost her balance. She hit her head against the edge of the table and fell. Across the room, a gun goes off, someone screams, and everyone dives under the tables or crouches next to the benches.

But instead of diving, I'm on my feet, rushing toward him. Maggie is yelling my name, but she can't stop me. Not now. I watched Four grab the Dauntless woman by the back of her neck and wrenched her to her feet. He has her gun, using her to shield him as he fires over her right shoulder at the Dauntless soldier across the room.

"Tris!" He shouted. "A little help here?"

She's just sitting there. She started to move for her gun but she can't grip it. Rushing behind her, I pulled the weapon free, shooting the Dauntless man at the end of the aisle, his own gun drawn and aimed at us. He barely had time to scream before he fell dead to the ground.

Four still had the Dauntless woman by the throat, his gun now trained on her. "Say another word and I'll shoot." He shot at her. The Erudite woman's mouth is open, but she doesn't speak. "Whoever's with us should start running." Tobias called, his voice filling the room.

All at once, the Abnegation rise from their places under tables and benches, and start toward the door. I still have the gun up, my back against Four's. I watch Caleb pull Tris up from the bench and start toward the door. As they walk, Tris suddenly dived and a shot filled the air. The Erudite woman had concealed a small gun. My gun is now on her.

"Put the gun down." Four ordered, pointing his revolver at her as well. "I have very good aim, hers is better, and I'm betting that you don't."

The Erudite woman dropped her gun. Together Peter and Tris walk toward the door. Four and I follow, walking backward so we can keep our guns on the Erudite woman. Moving my eyes to where my family was, I smiled and nodded at them. My mother was crying, as well as Maggie, but both forced a smile for me. My father had a set jaw but he smiled as well and nodded at me. Moving backward until I was past the threshold, Four was just ahead of me, slamming the door between us and her at the last second. Turning, we all froze, another truck had arrived and five Dauntless were standing in front of us with guns raised.

My breath caught and my gun lowered, "Eric."

His eyes were locked on me. His face contorted with the struggle of what to do. He knows what he should do but he's fighting it with everything in him. Staring at him, it takes all of me not to rush to him, throw my arms around his neck and kiss him with all the pent up passion I have for him.

"Eric." I said again, seeing his muscles start to relax.

Then he tensed and turned, shooting the Dauntless closest to him. Four and I fired as well, dropping the other three before they can let off a shot. There's a long moment when no one does anything. Then I lower my gun and smile at Eric.

"Run." He told us, lowering his gun. The others don't have to be told twice, taking off down the path through the orchard. I didn't follow. Rushing to him, I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. "Go." He told me, pain in his voice as he gripped me tightly. "Pen, you need to go." He said with his hand against my face, before he gently pushed me away from him. "Run." Staring at him, I took his head in my hands, kissing him passionately as I snaked one arm around his neck as the other found his face. It felt so good to touch him again. "Pen."

My name had never sounded so good. Staring into those beautiful blue of his eyes, I kissed him once more, slow and deep. Then I smiled at him, running my thumb across his lips. "I love you too." Then I released him and broke into a run.

Now there is the sound of yelling and shots are being fired. I can hear Eric's voice, looking over my shoulder to see him once more. His gun was up and pointed at me but I knew it was just a diversion to save face. A bullet flew past me. Meeting his eyes, he gave me a subtle nod, giving me a small smile. Giving one in return, I see him pull the trigger again, only then everything went black.


	6. On The Run

**Chapter Six: On the Run**

Waking, I found myself in a dark room. The smell of rot was in the air. The room was small and cluttered, but the bed I was on was real, the pillow comfortable under my head. Reaching up, I felt a bandage on the side of my head, straining to remember what had happened. Rolling up, sitting on the edge of the bed, my head spun, making nausea hit me and bile rise in my throat. Lying back down, I shut my eyes, my head throbbing. Eric flashed behind my eyes, making tears fill them. He had been there. He'd been right in front of me. Then there was nothing.

It was only a few minutes when Four appeared. He looked pissed. "What's going on?" I asked him sitting up again, frowning at my head spun.

"Pen." He said rushing to me, wrapping me in his arms.

"Tobias." I frowned, my body aching.

He quickly let me go, "Sorry."

"Four." Tris said following him, only then her eyes are on me. "You're awake."

"What's going on?" I asked again. "Where are we? What happened? Fill me in please." I told them a little on the frantic side.

"Shh." Four smiled, gently running his hand down my hair. "You're okay. Everything is okay."

Tears were once again in my eyes, gripping the front of Four's shirt, my voice a whisper as I stared at him, "He was there. He was right in front of me."

"I know." He told me sadly. "Opie, I know."

"Where is he?" I asked. "What happened?"

"He hit you with a stray bullet." He told me, his tone still sad.

"It was an accident." I frowned, feeling frantic again. "He would never…"

"I know, Pen. I know it was." Four nodded. "It grazed your temple. You're lucky."

"Though we're pretty sure Eric thinks he killed you." Tris stated, getting a look from Four. She faltered but went on. "He got pretty frantic after you went down."

"How do you know?" I asked her, my heart racing.

She looked at Four. He sighed, taking my hand. "We could hear him. I think he really does care about you. Only if he thinks you're dead, I don't know what kind of havoc he'll unleash."

The tears came faster, falling down my cheeks as I averted them from theirs. "If that's true than Jeanine will have full control over him, he won't help you. I should have just stayed with him, no matter the consequences."

"No." Four frowned. "He's after the Divergent. He knows you're one of us. You need to stay away from him."

"I love him." I said as more tears fell. "You have to understand that I would do anything for him. If he thinks he's killed me then he'll revert back to the killer he was. He's a better man when he's with me. Don't you see? He needs me."

"I know." Four said gently.

"He needs me, Tobias." I repeated.

"I know, Opie." He replied running his hand down my hair.

"Where is he?" I asked.

He sighed, running his hand down my hair again, "I don't know."

"Four." Tris said with a little force to her voice.

He looked at her before his hand found the back of my neck. "Can you move?"

"Where are we going?" I asked as I stood, feeling steady on my feet, despite the sound of my blood pounding in my ears.

"Candor." He replied. "That's where the Dauntless are."

"Where are we now?" I asked, briefly shutting my eyes as I tried to will the pain in my head to stop.

"Factionless Sector." Tris replied.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, nodding, "That would explain the smell."

"My mother is here." Four stated.

Furrowing my brows, I put my hand against his face, "You did the right thing before and I'm sure you're doing it now."

"She knew?" Tris frowned at him.

"We have no secrets, Tris." I told her, grabbing my jacket from the chair. Four looked at her with concern. Four and I may not have any secrets but it appeared that they did. "We don't have time for this. Let's move."

"And suddenly you're going to lead us?" Tris frowned.

"No." I frowned back. "But clearly you and Four have unresolved issues. Put them to rest now because I will not let it get one of us killed."

Four looked between us, then his expression softened and he took my jacket from my hands. "Rest." He told me softly as he took my head in my hands. "We'll leave at first light."

"No. I want to go now." I told him putting my hands on his chest. "We need to get our people and I need to go after Eric. He needs to know I'm alive."

"Stop." He said gently before placing a kiss against my forehead. "One thing at a time, Opie."

"Pen." Another voice said coming in.

"Edward." I said looking at him; Four slid his hands down my arms before he went to Tris. "Jesus you look like hell." I smiled looking at his eye patch.

"I hear you've gone a little mad." He replied.

I just shrugged at him, knowing what – or rather who – he was talking about. I swear it was the one thing anyone remembered about me now. The damaged Dauntless who fell in love with her malicious leader. "What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants."

"No wonder you never came on to me." He winked at me, though I wasn't sure it was an actual wink or just a blink.

Laughing, I shook my head at him, answering sarcastically, "Yeah, that's the only reason."

He – maybe – winked at me again before leaving. Turning to Four, my smile was gone. "Why are we here?" I asked him.

"They caught up to us on the train. I had to give them my name and before we knew it we were on our way here." He explained.

"Other than finding our people in Candor, what is your next move?"

"Mine? Don't you mean ours?" He frowned.

"Fine." I shot back shaking my head at him. "What is our next move?"

"I don't know."

"I need to find Eric, Tobias. So tell me what you have planned so far."

"I don't have all the answers, Pen." He told me gently.

Nodding, I ran my fingers through my hair, taking a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." He told me. "I just don't know."

"Okay." I nodded. Hearing steps, both Four and Tris froze, turning toward the door. "What is it?" I asked.

"Penelope Farrier." A woman said appearing before they could answer, stepping toward me.

Crossing my arms, I took her in. She was middle-aged with dark hair. She was prettier than I had thought she would be. I could see Four in her. "Evelyn Eaton. I'd like to say it's a pleasure, but why deliver false pretenses?"

"Tobias said I'd like you." She smiled.

"Fuck you." I shot at her.

"You don't even know me." She replied.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "No. But I know enough." Four stood at my side with a smile on his face. Even Tris couldn't help but smile. My head was throbbing and after just a few minutes I had grown tired of the company we were keeping. "Why wait till morning? Let's go now." I said to Four still looking at his mother.

"You will depart at dawn." Evelyn said and turned and left.

As soon as she was gone Four turned to me, the smile still on his face. "This is why I keep you around."

"I'm pretty sure you can handle telling your mother off."

"Yeah, but you jumped on that bandwagon without really knowing anything."

"You've told me enough. I'm sure even Tris isn't fond of her."

Tris nodded, "And I've spent a little time with her now."

"We'll wait till dawn. Opie, you need more rest."

"I can't, Four." I frowned at him.

He sighed, stepping up to me, taking my head in his hands. "Try."

I shrugged at him, "I can't sleep without him."

"Remember the man he killed in cold blood. Remember the Abnegation that he let die. Remember all the wrongs he has done and maybe you'll find rest."

"Those are your words of wisdom?" I frowned at him. "So what if I can forget all he's done. Jeanine is controlling him. He doesn't have a choice."

"Opie." He frowned. "How can I make you believe that he is not who you think he is? He's dangerous. He's evil, Opie."

"I don't care what you say, Four. If nothing has turned me from him yet, nothing will." I stated.

"What's your plan then?" He shot back at me. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to stay with you for now." I told him. "But I need to find him."

"Why are you going to go back to him?" He asked, clearly frustrated.

Sighing, I took his hand, squeezing it, "Tobias, I need you to try and understand. I love him and will not turn from him. But I won't turn from you either. You are my family. I love you."

"What if the time comes when you have to choose?" He asked next, gripping my hand in return. "What if it's either me or him?" Tris was watching him with furrowed brows.

For a long moment I didn't say anything. I honestly wasn't sure what to say. "I don't know." I finally told him.

Four nodded, his jaw tight, scoffing, "You do know. You'd choose him."

"Tobias…" I said shaking my head.

"I know you love me. But you love him more. If you could live without one of us it would be me."

"Why are you making it sound like that's the inevitable?" I frowned at him. "Nothing is set. If anything I'll be the one who goes down. If I have to choose than I choose me dying over both of you."

"Don't you dare." He shot at me.

"I'm not going to willingly commit suicide or anything. But I can't live without him and I refuse to let you die."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Tris said from between us. "I'm not sure what's going on here, but can we just stop?"

Looking at her, I nodded, "Yeah, sorry."

"It's okay." She told me.

The air felt thick, needing to get out of the room, I moved toward the door. "I need some air."

"Pen." Four said sternly.

Turning, I met his eyes. "What do you think I'm gonna do?"

"This is the factionless sector. You don't know where you're going."

"I'm pretty sure I can handle walking down the street and back." I told him, growing more annoyed.

"You're hurt. What if you pass out or something?"

"He has a point." Tris added.

"I can take care of myself." I told them and left.

Moving down the stairs, I realized that we're not in a house. It must have been an old office or something at some point. Turning a corner, the room opened up, seeing more people then I had expected, sitting on bedrolls and talking, children running and weaving through all the adults. Other's sleeping, sharing cans of food, sipping bottles of water. It didn't take long for all eyes to be on me. Keeping my head up, I moved toward the only door I could see. It was steel and looked heavy. My only thought was hoping that I had the strength to pull it open when I reached it.

Letting out the breath I had been holding, shutting the door behind me, I moved down the alleyway. The stench of garbage lingers in the air and I have to watch my step as rats scatter between the empty trash cans. The smell made me nauseous, but I couldn't stay back there. I needed a little alone time. I'd been forced to leave my family. I had been with Eric. I had touched him and kissed him and was forced to leave him as well. I had enjoyed my alone time before and I had gotten little to none since we were forced to leave Dauntless.

The farther I went, the darker it got, the silence only broken by the occasional sound of something falling. The smell was getting worse. When I'd gone far enough that my surroundings were a little quieter than I was comfortable with, I allowed myself to let my thoughts encompass me. Where was Eric? What was he thinking? What was he feeling? What was he doing? What was happening to him? Only before I could come up with any answers, I was startled, jumping. I thought I'd heard my name. Then I heard it again and again. It was my name. Turning, I squinted in the dark, seeing a figure moving toward me. They kept calling my name and the closer they got I realized that I knew that voice.

"Henry?" I said, relief filling me. "Oh my god." I said and then I was running, throwing myself into his arms. "Henry." I said wrapping my arms around him, crying into his neck. He was shaking and the warmth of his tears was soaking into my shirt. "Henry. I can't believe you're here." I said taking his head in my hands. He smiled at me, though there were bruises littering his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I escaped from Abnegation when the simulation stopped. They tried to round us up but I managed to get away."

"Claude?" I asked. He shook his head. "Simmy? Nathan? The twins?" He shook his head again. "What about Tori?" He just looked at me. "You left them all behind?"

"What was I supposed to do, Pen? They were killing those who tried to escape. I ran with no intention of looking back."

Nodding, I gently rubbed his chest. "I understand."

"I'm sorry." He said shaking his head.

"It's okay." I smiled. "It's okay."

"Where were you?" He frowned.

Furrowing my brows, my Divergence was something he didn't know about yet. "It's a long story, Henry. I was fighting. I wanted to find you and Claude and the others but there wasn't time. We had to get out of there."

"As long as you're safe." He told me. Smiling as he took my head in his hands, he pressed a long kiss against my forehead. "Where did you come from?"

"A factionless storehouse." I told him.

He nodded, putting his arm around me, "We should get you back there."

"Okay." I nodded. "We can get you something to eat and drink."

"What happened to your head?" He asked.

Gently touching it, I shrugged, "I got shot."

"Who are you staying with?"

"Four's mother. He's there as well of course."

He frowned at me, "I thought she was dead."

"Nope." I stated. "Tris and her brother Caleb are with us as well."

"And that's all you managed to save?" He asked with a raised brow.

I raised one back. "I'm sorry but we Divergent are a little rarer than you normal folk under simulation."

"Divergent?" He said stopping me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because we're being hunted." I told him. "Why would I go around telling people that I'm Divergent? I don't have a death sentence."

"But I'm me." He frowned back. "Hell, we dated for almost two years and you didn't say anything."

"I repeat, me and everyone like me is being hunted." I told him slowly.

He sighed, his hands on his hips, "Four and Tris?"

"Yup."

"Caleb?"

"No."

"Tori?"

"Unsure, but if I had to bet on it than I'd say yes. Just maybe not as much since she was still controlled by the simulation."

"Jesus." He said running his hand down his hair. "I mean, after everything they've said about the Divergent, I expected you guys to be a little scarier." Now he was grinning, looking at me like he had when I'd first met him at sixteen. It was boyish and charming.

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you, Henry."

"I love you too." He told me, squeezing me tightly. My side wound protested but I didn't let it bother me. If I could handle my family's hugs I could handle his. Besides, he was family. "I'm happy you found me."

"Me too." I said resting my head against his chest. "Me too."

"Alright, let's go." He said draping his arm across my shoulders. "Let's get you back. I'm sure Four is freaking out not knowing where you are."

"He's one of the good ones." I told him.

"Who I always thought you'd eventually end up with." He confessed.

"What?" I laughed. "That's gross. He's like a brother to me. It never would have happened and sure as shit isn't anymore. This girl is taken."

He sighed, his smile falling, "Yeah, by the guy that's going around killing people."

"A conversation for another time." I told him firmly.

"Why? Let's talk about it now."

"No." I told him. "I'm happy that you're here. I'm happy to have been reunited with you. Don't ruin it now."

"Fine." He replied. "I wouldn't want you to hate me just yet."

"Not yet." I smirked up at him. He returned it, pressing another kiss against my forehead.

When the storehouse came into sight, Edward was standing outside the steel door. Sighing, Henry tightened his grip around me, sensing my unease. I didn't want to talk or fight or do anything anymore tonight. I just wanted to feed my friend, get him cleaned up, and find a bottle to drink until our world was a haze. I just wanted to try and find a measure of peace before we once again had to leave, trying to find yet another place that was safe for us.

"Edward." I smiled at him.

"The boy's been worried about you." He smirked. "Henry."

"Ed."

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Last I checked, Tris was finding them bedrolls and a corner to sleep in for the night."

Nodding, he opened the door for us, "Thanks."

Stepping through the door, Henry was right behind me, his eyes looking in every direction. Seeing Four and Tris in the corner, he stood and was moving toward us faster than I deemed necessary.

"You okay?" He asked, gently gripping my arm.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I found a stray." I said smirking up at Henry.

"Henry." He said holding out his hand.

Henry took it with a smile, "Four." Then he nodded at Tris who smiled back.

"I didn't think anyone made it out, let alone came here." Four told him.

"I may have taken a more cowardly approach and made a run for it." He stated.

"You're not the cowardly type." Four stated.

Henry gave a short laugh, "It may be that I ran thinking people were following me and I ended up alone." Four just smiled and nodded. "Fill me in."

"Me too." I said gently. Henry frowned at me. "I stormed off. It was a thing."

Four nodded and delved into the story of what they had learned since they'd arrived. Four wasn't any happier with his mother than anyone else was. He made her sound like a real piece of work. It sounded like his parent's deserved each other despite the end they endured. All the while we were silent, letting him speak. Even Tris was remaining silent.

"So what's our next move?" Henry asked.

"We get to Candor and what's left of our people." Four replied.

For a moment we all looked at each other, an anxious silence settling between us. "Come on, you reek." I told Henry. "I'm gonna get him cleaned up." I told the others before taking his hand and leading him further inside.

Taking him up to the room I had woken in, I found a bowl and a cloth. Edward was nice enough to help me warm water before handing me a small amount of soap. Just because they were Factionless didn't mean they didn't take care of themselves. Returning to Henry, I sat him on the bed, ordering his shirt off before starting to clean his skin. Smiling as I ran my hand across a snarling wolf on his arm, I remembered our time together with fondness. It had been a long time ago but he had been very sweet to me. Too sweet. Part of our downfall was that he loved me far more than I loved him. It wasn't fair to lead him on when he wanted to take our relationship to the next level while I wanted to take a step back. He was angry with me for a while but got over it. Thank god, since he was one of my best friends.

"I remember moments like this when we were together." He smiled over his shoulder at me.

I nodded, "Moments like this were the highlights of our relationship."

He turned toward me more, taking my hand. Letting him, I wanted the comfort he offered. "Those were good times."

"They were." I nodded. "It was a fun time. We saw each other through some tough times back then."

"Now our world has fallen apart. What are we gonna do?"

I didn't think he wasn't asking it from a faction member point of view. He was asking me what I was going to do. This wasn't where I thought this conversation was going. "I don't understand exactly what you're asking me?" I asked trying to buy myself a little time.

"You do." He nodded.

Sighing, I put my hand against his bare chest, meeting his eyes, "I'm with Eric, Henry. Just because things are screwed up right now doesn't change that."

"Are you serious?" He frowned.

"What do you think I should do?" I frowned back. "We've been reunited after our world turned to shit and you think I should fall into your arms? Have you been tracking me down? Did you leave the rest of our family behind because you wanted to play hero?"

"No." He shot at me. "No, of course not. I just thought that after he killed all those people you might have come to your senses."

"And what, you wanted you to be the one to hold me and comfort me? Just like that?" I asked. His jaw tightened but he didn't say anything. "Sorry, Henry, I'm more loyal than that." I shot at him. "And I'm not turning from him just because shit went down. I love him as much now as I did then." Sighing, he gently gripped my hand, rubbing it gently. It calmed me down, making me take a step toward him. "Look, I'm happy you're here. There are few other people I'd want here as much as you, but don't read into anything."

Thinking that he hadn't, something came over him, and in the next second he was kissing me. Without kissing him back, I gently shoved him away from me. I didn't want to be cruel but I also didn't want anything that he had to offer either.

"Henry, please." I told him, pushing against his chest, shaking my head at him. "I can't."

"Why not?" He frowned.

"You know why." I told him. "I just told you why."

"I'm right in front of you, Pen. I came for you."

"I don't feel that way about you anymore. I love you, Henry. But I'm not _in_ love with you anymore." I replied gently. He just frowned at me. "I'm in love with Eric and you know that. I just got done telling you that."

"Eric." He frowned. "The bastard who kills people and takes pleasure in their misery."

"He's different with me." I told him. "I don't expect you to understand. But I am very much in love with him." He just looked at me for a long moment before gripping my arms and threw me onto the bed. "Henry."

"You don't love him." He said moving on top of me. "You'd have to be as cruel as he is to love him and you're not."

"Henry." I said pushing against him as his hand moved up my shirt. "Stop." I told him as I gripped his hand, trying to force it off of me.

"I love you, Pen. I can be everything you need me to be. I can make you happy." He told me, attempting to kiss me again. Putting my hand against his face, I pushed him away from me with as much force as I could muster.

"Henry, don't!" I cried before he backhanded me, making blood fill my mouth.

"How can you love him?" He asked me angrily, ripping the top of the skirt I was still wearing as he yanked it down.

"Stop!" I yelled as I struggled against him, shock filling me, my mind reeling from what was happening.

"He'll be the death of you." He said ripping the collar of my shirt next, getting a yell from me.

"Please don't do this. Please don't do this." I pleaded. Panic was taking over, fogging over my mind, making me powerless against him. This wasn't Henry. This wasn't the man I knew.

Struggling as hard as I could, he kept me firmly in place, his fingers moving between my legs. "Don't! Henry!"

His lips silenced me as he put his full weight down on top of me. He was stronger than I was, stopping me from struggling away from him. He pulled my breast from my bra, squeezing it painfully as he bit my lip, tasting the blood from where he had split it. Finally managing to move from underneath him, I punched him, falling off the bed, and scrambled away from him. I couldn't move fast enough.

"Stop! Please!" I cried as I held my hand out to stop his advance. He hit my hand away, gripping my ankle and jerked me toward him. "Please don't do this! _Please!_ "

Frantically trying to push his hands away from me, his grip was firm while mine was weak from shaking, fear coursing through me as my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. He painfully yanked my leg up, putting himself between them.

"You will love me." He told me with hatred. "You wanted it hard and you were thinking of him the entire time. So think of him now."

" _Get off of me!_ " I screamed managing to get my other knee against his chest, taking his head in my hands and slammed mine into it before forcing him off. My head swam, my vision speckling as I attempted to crawl away from him. "Oh god." I whispered as Henry gripped my ankle and yanked me again. "Henry, stop this!" I yelled at him as I attempted to curl into a ball, my head pounding and my vision had yet to right itself.

"Pen!" Four called through the door before he burst into the room, gripping Henry and wrenched him away from me.

He fell hard to the floor, a look of shock crossing his face as he realized what he had done, what he was going to do. "I –" He started as he looked at me, getting back onto his feet.

Looking back with pure fear, Tris was at my side, embracing me protectively as Four went after Henry. Forcing him to the ground, he hit him several times before throwing him out of the room, watching as he took off down the stairs before he swiftly turned to me.

"Are you all right?" Righting my bra, Tris helped me wrap my destroyed shirt around me as I nodded at him. "He didn't – I mean – I was in time?" He stammered.

"No." I told him. Shock moved across his face. "I don't mean 'no', I mean it didn't get that far." I told him as Tris helped me to my feet, her arm around me. "Your timing was impeccable." For a long moment he just looked at me, shaking his head and I could see the emotion in his eyes. "Don't, Tobias. Please."

"Opie." He said pulling me into his arms.

"I'm okay." I told him, my voice shaking as tears filled my eyes. "I'm okay."

"I am so sorry, Opie." He told me.

"I never imagined he – that he was capable of – that he would do something like that."

He gently wiped the blood that was starting to drip down my chin, his fingers brushing the marks that were on my shoulder. "Opie."

"I'm okay." I repeated, attempting to pull myself together. "Hurt. But okay."

He sighed, "I hate to admit it but even Eric wouldn't attempt to hurt you like this."

I shook my head, taking a deep steadying breath. "He can be rough but he would never rape me." The word alone made Four wince and move toward the door. "Wait." I said stopping him. "He's not worth it. He'll feel guilty enough as it is. You got a few good punches in. And you can't leave right now. Please don't leave me." I told him before he pulled me against him again. Hugging him tightly, the tears started to flow, fear still flooding my body. "I need him." I whispered into his shoulder, my tears soaking into his shirt. He knew which 'him' I meant.

"I won't let anything happen to you." He replied.

"Everyone okay?" Edward said appearing in the doorway.

"Can we get some clothes?" Four asked him.

"Of course." He nodded and disappeared.

As soon as I was fully clothed again, I found myself on one side of Four while Tris was on the other. He wouldn't leave me alone for the night and I didn't want to be alone. Evelyn was kind enough to let us keep the room, all lying on the bed. His arms were around Tris as he slept, my arms crossed against my chest, pressing against his back. I tried to fall asleep, going through everything that usually worked, but sleep wouldn't take me. Every time I started to drift off, Henry would appear and change into some sort of monster and come for me all over again. Every creak of the house made me think he was coming back to finish the job. Pressing myself closer against Four, I needed what little comfort he could offer. Shutting my eyes, I pictured Eric, wanting him so badly. I didn't want to cry but the tears came too fast for me to stop.

"I'm sorry." Tris said from around Four.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep.

"Me too." I replied.

"You really love him, don't you?" She asked.

"More than anything." I whispered.

"Then why didn't you stay in Amity? Why did you come with us when he was right there?" She asked next, confusion clear in her voice.

Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm not an idiot." I told her. "I know who he's working for. I know what his orders are. Even if I had given myself up to him, they all know about me. I don't think even he would be able to save me. I think that's why he hit me in Abnegation. Why he didn't try and stop me in Amity. He let me go, let me run, as a way of protecting me."

"You honestly believe that?" She asked.

"Doesn't it make sense?" I countered.

There was a long pause before she spoke. "Or he really doesn't love you and is coming after you just as hard as the rest of us."

"He let us go." I stated with annoyance.

"Maybe shooting you wasn't an accident." She replied without missing a beat. "Maybe he really was aiming for you. He is hunting the Divergent. Maybe because you are one he now despises you, hoping for your downfall as much as the rest of them. We don't know what his orders are."

Feeling tears again, I got up, going to the door and pausing, my hand shaky against the knob. "You know, Tris, Four loves you even though you are flawed. I know Eric's reputation but why can't you see that the love I have for him is the same that you share with Four?" Turning my head to meet her eyes, I frowned at her. "And you can be a fucking bitch. Maybe you're the one who deserves Eric and I should be with Four. We're better matched in the grand scheme of things." I could see her glare at me. "Before you judge me, you should make sure you're perfect. And from where I'm standing you are far from it." Leaving, I closed the door behind me, taking a calming breath.

About to move downstairs, I saw a figure appear in the hall. It was Evelyn. She motioned me toward her and against my better judgment, I followed. She led me into her office, a small couch was there that had a pillow and blanket on top of it.

"I take it we took your room." I stated as I looked around. It was small, but tidy. Maps with markers everywhere, books and papers littering the room. She motioned me toward a small table with two chairs by it. "Thank you."

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Obviously not."

She looked toward the door, "She truly loves him, doesn't she?"

"It appears so." I replied.

"Appears?" She said, her eyes darting to mine as if I was about to spill some secret.

"I don't know anything about love." I told her. "The man I love is the most hated of our faction. Most would love to see him dead."

"Eric?"

"See?" I said and laughed. "Even you know who I'm talking about."

She nodded, leaning her arms on the table. "But that's because I had a nice chat with Henry." My expression went dark and I looked away from her. "He's been kicked out." She told me. "I don't know where he is. I suppose he could still linger and follow you wherever you go, but for now you're safe here."

"Thank you." I told her again.

"I've been told you're a bit of an artist." She stated.

I nodded. "I am Amity."

"That doesn't make you good at it. You as an individual makes you good at it. Being from Amity doesn't give you all the aspects that they covet. Otherwise you'd still be there."

"Sorry." I told her. She was right. "And yes, I am an artist and a fine one at that. Most of the tattoos you've seen on us are by my own hand."

"Will you do me a favor?" She asked.

"Depends on the favor." I replied.

She just smiled at me. "My son hates me and will be leaving me come morning. I can't be certain I'll ever see him again. Will you draw me a picture of him?"

For a long moment I looked at her. She was manipulative and had her own ends to meet. But in this, I felt like she was genuine. She was his mother and how could I deny her this simple request? If mine had asked such a thing I wouldn't think twice about it.

"Do you have paper and a pencil?"

"You need a pencil?" She smiled.

"Whatever you have will do." I stated with a raised brow.

She stood and went to her desk, grabbing the paper and pen from on top of it. She had clearly planned for this. I couldn't decide if that should worry me or not. Asking for more light, she gladly obliged, taking a seat closer to me. It never bothered me to be watched, but in this moment I wasn't exactly thrilled with her eyes being constantly on me.

"You have a gift." She told me.

"I work better in silence." I stated.

"You don't like me very much do you?" She smiled.

Sighing, I paused, feeling the urge to scribble all over Four's face. "I don't know you, Evelyn."

"But?"

"But from what I understand you're using your son to bring the Dauntless into the fold with your factionless. You plan to take over Erudite and kill Jeanine. After that you're more than likely going to try and take control of the city and make it your own playground."

"Don't you think I'd make a better leader than Jeanine?" She asked.

"Probably." I told her. "But that doesn't mean you should." She smiled and nodded at me. "You're not going to tell me you like me again are you?" I frowned at her. "Because that would just be creepy."

She laughed lightly, nodding at me and remained silent. When she didn't say anything else, I pulled the paper back to me, once again focusing on bringing Four to life before me. Finding it comforting, I didn't stop at just Four. Soon Eric looked back at me. My family. My friends. In just a matter of hours you could piece together nearly my entire life. Staring at Eric, tears filled my eyes, sliding down my cheeks as I put it down.

"I know you said that you don't know anything about love." Evelyn said softly. "But from the emotion you put into your drawings and the expression on your face when you look at him, I think you may know more than all of us."

"You don't know me." I told her. "You don't know my relationship with him."

"Is there a question in there somewhere?" She smiled.

"How do you know?" She just put her hand over mine, picking up the picture of Four and left her own office. Putting my hand across my forehead, I stared down at Eric, tears once again filling my eyes. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I told his picture before putting my hand over my mouth trying to silent my sobs.

When the sun was starting to rise, I could hear the factionless waking up below me. There were steps before the door opened and Four appeared. I was still sitting at the table, the drawings spread out before me. He sat down, sighing as he looked at them all. I still held the one of Eric in my hand, feeling exhausted and detached from the world. Four looked at me, taking my hand, squeezing it tightly. Putting my other hand over his, I took a deep steadying breath. He nodded, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against my forehead.

"Four." Tris said appearing behind his shoulder.

"Yeah." He said getting up and going to her, taking her in his arms.

Hating the sight of them, I stood, folding the picture of Eric and put it in my back pocket. I left the rest on the table before standing and moving to the door. "I'll wait for you guys outside."

Going down the stairs, it was another awkward walk through the factionless before I made it outside. Pacing back and forth, I kept my eyes moving, worrying that Henry would appear from the shadows. Even if he did I knew he wouldn't try anything. He was my first love and I was his. I had found another while he still looked at me as the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. He had told me that. It had terrified me and I had ended it the next day. I didn't feel the same way he did and I wasn't going to lead him on when I knew what he wanted and I didn't want the same thing. I felt sorry for him. At the same time he had enough looks and personality to get any girl he wanted. He needed to let me go and move on. We were too young and had already experienced too much to hold on so tightly to something that didn't exist.

"Eric." I whispered to the ground.

Feeling the tears start again, I tried to stay in control. After last night all I wanted was for him to be here. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. But then I had to remind myself that he had. It was an accident but it had been his bullet that had hit me. Or was it? Who really knew? There were several people who were shooting at us. Maybe it wasn't his.

"God." I told the sky, my chest heaving as I paced faster, the tears coming faster.

This felt like the Ferris wheel all over again. He had happened to me then and he had happened to me now. Only now Henry was added into the mix. What the hell was I going to tell Eric? Should I tell him at all?

"You ready?" Four asked coming out. Tris, Caleb, and Susan were behind him.

"Yeah." I told him softly.

Making our way through the Factionless Sector, we tried to move as silently as possible. We didn't want too many people to see us. Though it appeared that the majority of the people we saw were in fact, factionless. Since we didn't want to be noticed, I couldn't help but be grateful. The less talking I had to do the happier I would be. We'd be in Candor in just a few hours and hopefully we'd be reunited with our people. There would be plenty of talking to go around then.

"Pen!" My name was called randomly. "Pen!"

Turning, I couldn't help the relief that filled me. "Terra!" I called back, rushing to meet her. She threw her arms around my neck. "Thank god. Where the hell have you been?"

"I just heard you were here this morning." She told me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, taking in some cuts and bruises on her face and arms.

"Yeah, just trying to be Dauntless amongst the Factionless."

I nodded, smiling at her. "Claude would be proud. Come on, I'll get you to her."

"You know where she is?" She asked as tears brimmed in her eyes.

"I hope so." I replied wrapping my arm around her.

"Terra." Four said putting his hand on her arm. "It's good to see you."

"You too." She smiled at him.

We started out again, only to have Caleb fall back. "I, uh, I'm not going with you."

"What?" Tris said frowning at him.

"I'm not going with you to Candor."

"Then where are you going to go?" I frowned at him.

"I'm going to go back to Abnegation and see if I can help anyone who's left there."

"Caleb." Tris said.

"I can't go with you, Tris."

"I'm going with him." Susan told her.

She looked taken back by their sudden announcement. Staying next to Four and Terra, we let them have their moment before Caleb and Susan turned and left us. Tris looked devastated. He was her brother and the last living member of her family. Susan was the last person she had from her previous life. I couldn't imagine what she was going through.

Four took her in his arms as she moved to him. He whispered something in her ear, making her smile and nod, knowing that he was comforting her. Telling her just what she needed to hear. Feeling emotion again, I pulled the picture of Eric out of my pocket opening it up, hearing his voice in my head.

"Do you know where he is?" Terra asked.

"No." I told her through a tight throat.

"Claude told me about the two of you." She told me softly. "I don't know everything that happened in Abnegation, but from what I've heard it wasn't anything good. I'm really sorry how it all turned out."

Smiling, I nodded at her, "Me too."

"Let's go." Four said over his shoulder. Taking in my expression, he sighed and stopped.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked as we reached him.

"You." He smiled, pressing a kiss into my hair.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded, falling in step behind him and Tris. Terra stayed close to my side as we kept moving. Crossing the lines between the Factionless Sector and Candor, we made our way toward their headquarters. We had no idea who would be waiting for us. We knew our people were taking refuge there but we couldn't be certain what welcome would be waiting for us. By now they had to know who and what we were. We didn't know if they would see us as the enemy or if they'd look at us as the faction members we were. If they turned against us we could be walking right into Jeanine's hands. The thought made me both nauseous and excited. The thought of being killed for what I was, was terrifying. But I wanted to see Eric. I wanted to hold him in my arms just once more before I was murdered for being Divergent.

"We're almost there." Four said, starting to jog as the building came into sight.

We all paused outside the door; the only thing we can see is our reflections in the glass doors. Feeling Terra press her arm against mine, I nodded at her as I took her hand, knowing we looked as out of place as we felt. Four took the first step forward and I quickly followed with the others behind us. The lobby was large and well-lit, with black marble floors that stretch back to an elevator bank. There's a ring of white marble tiles in the center of the room that form the symbol of Candor. The room was crawling with armed Dauntless.

A Dauntless soldier with an arm in a sling stepped forward with a gun held at the ready, the barrel aimed at Four. "Identify yourselves." She commanded. She's young, but not young enough to know who Four is.

The crowds eyes are on us, some almost seem to recognize us while others simply stare, waiting for us to tell them who we are. It made me anxious. Even if they did know who we were, they weren't reacting in a way that made me feel good about being here.

"Four." He told them. He nodded toward Tris, "And this is Tris." He then met my eyes.

"I'm Pen and this is Terra. She is the only among us who isn't Dauntless." I told them.

"And what is she?" The soldier asked.

"Factionless." I replied with a hard tone.

It's clear that she knows who we are; at least who Four is but she didn't lower her weapon. "Some help here?" She asked. Some of the Dauntless stepped forward cautiously, like we're dangerous.

"Is there a problem?" Four asked.

"Are you armed?"

"Of course I'm armed." He shot back at her.

"We're Dauntless aren't we?" I added.

"Stand with your hands behind you head." She says it wildly, like she expects us to refuse. Looking at them, I was trying to figure out why it seemed like they expected us to attack them.

"We walked through the front door." Tris stated. "You think we would have done that if we were here to hurt you?"

The rest of us remained silent. Four was the first to touch his fingertips to the back of his head. I did as well, Terra with me, Tris looked at Four before finally doing the same. Dauntless soldiers crowded around us. We were all patted down and the weapons we had were quickly taken.

"What's going on?" Four asked.

"I'm sorry." She told us, almost like she meant it. "But we were instructed to arrest you upon your arrival."

"This is bullshit." I told Four softly.

"Quiet." He told me.

They remained around us, but didn't handcuff us, as we were led to the elevator bank. Tris kept asking why we were being arrested but Four and I remained silent. Terra was making soft noises. The poor girl was terrified. And why shouldn't she be? We were being arrested for reasons unknown, being taken into a faction we were unfamiliar with, and had no idea what to expect next.


	7. Confessions

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One**

 **A/N: You all have been VERY patient while waiting for Eric to return. I am happy to say that he will return in the NEXT chapter! You all have to endure one more chapter without him and then he will make his return! You can do it! And the chapters are still fun. SO ENJOY! And a HUGE THANK YOU to all who have read/followed/favorited! And an even BIGGER HUGE THANK YOU to all who have reviewed! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: Confessions**

We're taken to the third level, leading us to a small room with a white marble floor instead of a black one. There is no furniture except for a bench along the back wall. Every faction is supposed to have holding rooms for those who make trouble, but I've never been in one before. Well, other than Amity. By the look on Tris and Terra's faces, they hadn't been in one either. As soon as we were through, the door was closed behind us, leaving us alone together once again.

Four sat down on the bench, a concerned expression crossing his face. Sitting next to him, I gripped the edge of the bench, leaning forward, ready for anything to happen when the door was opened again. Tris paced in front of us while Terra sat hunched in the corner.

"Why do you think they arrested us?" I asked Four.

"I don't know." He replied.

"If Erudite hasn't taken them over yet, wouldn't they want us here?"

"I don't know." He repeated slowly, meeting my eyes. Then his eyes were on Tris, "Can you please calm down? You're making me nervous."

"This is me calming down." She told him.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. "The wound in your lip begs to differ."

Tris finally sat down, hugging her knees to her chest with one arm while the other rested next to her. For a long moment no one said anything, the silence making me anxious. I preferred her pacing. Getting up, I took her place, slowly pacing the floor. Not only to try and release some anxiousness but I also felt like Four was about to have a heart-to-heart with Tris. It was long overdue and I felt like I was invading their space even though there was nowhere else for me to go.

But it bothered me how she didn't appreciate everything he did for her. She wasn't the only one who had made sacrifices. We all had made sacrifices. She didn't see all the sacrifices that he had made. She was so preoccupied with what happened in Abnegation that she was losing herself. I hoped I'd never have to feel that. But something told me I would. If I kept trying to get back to Eric, somewhere along the line someone was bound to die because of me. But something told me that I could live with that. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse about what the future might hold.

"Sometimes," Four finally said, "I worry that you don't trust me."

"I trust you." Tris replied. "Of course I trust you. Why would you think otherwise?"

 _Maybe because she killed one of her best friend's and hasn't mentioned it to you._ I thought but bit my lip to keep from saying it out loud.

"Just seems like there's something you're not telling me. I told you things…" He shook his head. "I would never have told anyone else. Somethings been going on with you, though, and you haven't told me yet."

"There's been a lot going on. You know that." She replied. "And anyway, what about you? I could say the same thing to you."

Watching him put his hand against her cheek, his fingers pushing into her hair, was painful. They were like the opposite of Eric and me. They were the good and we were the evil. Taking a deep breath, I looked away from them, wishing they would just shut up. Escaping into my head, I tuned them out. I didn't want to hear any sentimental, lovey-dovey bullshit right now. I was starting to wonder what the hell I was doing here. Why didn't I just stay in Amity and let Eric find me? Why did I leave? I should have just stayed and this wouldn't be happening. Henry wouldn't have tried to rape me if I had just stayed with my family and let the Dauntless traitors find me. Right now that sounded like the better option.

Still pacing, the door opened and a few people filed in. Two Candors with guns, a dark-skinned, older Candor man, a Dauntless woman I don't recognize, and then Jack Kang. The representative of Candor himself.

"Hello." I say. The word out of my mouth before I could hold it back.

He is a thirty-nine year old, handsome man, with short black hair and warm slanted eyes, just like Tori's, with high cheekbones. Though, despite his good looks, he was not known for being charming. That would go against their Candor ways. Since he was Candor, I knew that anything out of his mouth would more than likely be the truth. Something that in this moment would be most welcome.

"They told me you seemed confused about why you were arrested." He told us with a deep, flat voice. Not what I expected. "To me that means either you're falsely accused or good at pretending. The only –"

"What are we accused of?" Tris interrupted him.

"He is accused of crimes against humanity. You are accused of being his accomplice."

"What about me?" I asked holding up my hand.

"Nothing." He replied.

"Well that's stupid." I frowned. "Then why was I arrested with them? And Terra over there is Factionless. Why was she taken?"

"You were arrested due to association." He replied.

"Oh, okay." I frowned.

"Crimes against humanity?" Four asked, anger entering his tone as he looked at Jack with a disgusted look. "What?"

"We saw video footage of the attack. You were running the attack simulation." He replied.

"You don't understand the circumstances." I frowned at him.

"How could you have seen footage? We took the data." Four stated.

"You took one copy of the data. All the footage of the Dauntless compound recorded during the attack was also sent to other computers throughout the city." He explained. "All we saw was you running the simulation and her nearly getting punched to death before she gave up. Then you stopped, had a rather abrupt lovers' reconciliation, and stole the hard drive together. One possible reason is because the simulation was over and you didn't want us to get our hands on it."

"The simulation didn't end." Tris told him. "We stopped it, you –"

Jack held up his hand, "I am not interested in what you have to say right now. The truth will come out when you are all interrogated under the influence of truth serum."

Laughing, I shook my head, looking at Four who briefly met my eyes. "Great."

"Truth serum?" Tris said shaking her head. "No. No way."

"There's something you have to hide?" Jack said raising both eyebrows at her.

"We aren't Candor." I stated, raising one brow at him.

Tris shook her head at him, and he looked down at his watch. "All right, then. It is now noon. The interrogation will be at seven. Don't bother preparing for it. You can't withhold information while under the influence of truth serum." And with that he turned and left.

"Perfect. That's fucking perfect." I said returning to the bench.

"What a pleasant man." Four stated with sarcasm.

He came and sat next to me. Terra remained in the corner while Tris paced in front of us again. "What now?"

"We wait?"

Sighing, I nodded, "Maybe we'll actually get a little bit of closure."

"Do you need closure?" Four asked with a raised brow.

Meeting his eyes, I nodding gently, "There are a few things I'd like to get off my chest."

"Anything that will surprise me?"

Smiling, I shook my head, "No, Four. I can't keep anything from you."

"You kept Eric from me for months." He stated.

I shot him a glare, "Because you would have totally approved of it if I had just been honest with you?"

"Never." He replied, a small smile moving across his lips.

Smiling, I shook my head, "Eric was something I was keeping for myself. He was my guilty pleasure until he became more than that."

"He became your Tris." He smiled wider at me.

Laughing lightly, I was about to reply when Tris interrupted, "It's really creepy when you guys do that."

"Jealous?" I smirked at her, wanting to rile her up.

"Of you?" She smirked before laughing. "Never."

My smile disappeared and I was on my feet before Four could stop me. Tris jumped back, the laugh dead in her mouth. "You seem awfully afraid of me for someone who was so cocky a moment ago." I told her, a smirk on my lips.

"Enough." Four shot at us.

"Pen." Terra said softly.

Going to where she was sitting, I stood in front of her protectively. "Sorry."

"Don't be. But we're not doing each other any favors by fighting amongst ourselves." She told me.

"We're Dauntless. It's what we do." I replied blandly, my eyes still on Tris.

"I'm not." Terra stated with a hard tone. "And I'm telling you to stop."

Looking at her, her expression matched her tone. Nodding, I started to pace, trying to release my pent up emotions. This whole thing was becoming draining. I needed to get out of this room. I needed to find Claude and Tori. Once we were reunited with our people we could come up with a better plan. We needed to figure out our next move and we couldn't do that locked in this room.

Finally sitting back down on the bench, I once again gripped the edge of it, staring at the ground. Not knowing what to do or say, I started to hum the melodies that Maggie had played for us when we were all together in my parents' home. The silence was heavy and I hoped the tune would bring just a measure of peace. At least enough where we'd stop fighting each other. Terra had been right about that. We couldn't afford to turn on each other. Not now. Not ever.

It was a few hours before Dauntless soldiers finally returned. The room had gone quiet, my mind filled with the anticipation of what was to come. Wondering what words would spew from our mouths without our permission. But most of me thought that we'd be able to fight it. We were Divergent after all.

The soldiers were here to escort us to the bathroom, refusing us when we asked if we could go in pairs. Apparently they thought we would attempt something as soon as we were free of this room. I couldn't deny that the thought had crossed my mind. Whichever two got away could easily rally back up and come for the others. Once our people knew that we were here and being held against our will, they would come for us. We were Dauntless after all. We were known to be impulsive, reckless, and stubborn as all hell. After the argument was settled, Terra was taken first, then Four. Once he was returned, Tris was escorted next. As soon as she was gone, I looked at Four, wondering what he was thinking.

"Are you afraid of what you'll say?" I asked him.

He shook his head before asking, "Are you?"

"Terrified." I smiled at him. "All my feelings for Eric are going to be regurgitated over all those who are listening. They are going to judge me as harshly as they judge him."

"No they won't." He said gently gripping the back of my neck.

"And why won't they?" I frowned at him.

He just smiled, "Because you'll tell them why you love him. You won't be able to lie."

Smiling, I rested my head against his shoulder, only lifting it when the door opened and a Dauntless soldier handed me a plate of sandwiches. "Thank you." I told her with a smile. She smiled back before leaving quickly.

"Do you think Tris is hiding something from me?" He asked.

"No." I replied, "I know she is." I picked up a sandwich, my stomach turning at the smell of it. Sighing, I put it back down and set it on the other end of the bench. I wasn't hungry anyway.

"What is she hiding?" He frowned.

"It's not my place to say anything, Four. I'm more trustworthy than that." I stated.

"You don't even like her." He replied, his frown deepening.

Laughing, I nodded, "She is not my favorite person. But she matters to you so she matters to me."

"Thank you." He told me, his expression softening. "I appreciate that."

"I kinda love you, Tobias." I smiled.

He pulled me closer to him, pressing a kiss against my temple. "Love you too, Opie."

The door opened and Tris was let back in. "Guess it's my turn." I said and stood.

It was nice to have a moment's peace without any eyes on me. Gripping the sides of the sink, I took a deep breath before splashing cold water on my face and neck. I was anxious for seven to come and go. If Claude and the others were here they would hear everything I've never said before. I was terrified and yet anxious for the release it would give me. I was so sick of secrets. I just hoped Tris had to go before me so I didn't have to break the news about Will before her. Christina was going to be broken when she found out. I was more worried about that than what everyone would think about me and Eric. Because the more I thought about it, the more I didn't care if they knew. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change how I felt about him. The worst they could do would be to kill me and even that would be worth it, as long as I didn't turn from him. Something I never intended to do.

Pounding on the door broke me from my thoughts. It was time to return to our cell. We were nearly there when there was some heavy commotion. Recognizing the voice, I attempted to push past the Dauntless who were escorting me. "Claude!" I yelled. "Claude!"

"Pen!" She called, breaking through the Dauntless who were attempting to hold her back.

Doing the same, I ran into her open arms, embracing her tightly. "God I've missed you."

"Are you okay?" She asked. "Your head."

"And my side among other places." I nodded, feeling the pain at her tight embrace. "I've just been shot a few times, but I'm all right."

"Let's go." A Dauntless said gripping my arm.

"I'm here, Pen." Claude told me as I was ripped away from her. "I won't let them do anything to you."

"Don't worry about me." I told her, fighting against them. "Terra is with us."

"She is?" Claude said rushing toward the door. "Is she okay?"

"She's okay." I reassured her. "Just keep yourself safe. She'll need you when this is all over."

"Get inside." The Dauntless said shoving me back into the room and slamming the door.

"Claude!" I yelled through the door.

"Claude?" Terra said moving to the door. "Claude!"

"Terra!" Claude yelled before she was gone.

Terra started to cry, making me pull her against me, holding her tightly as we returned to her corner. Sitting down, I pulled her into my lap, feeling the need to join her in her despair but couldn't be weak right now. People were counting on me. Eventually, Terra fell asleep, the sound of it starting to lull me to sleep as well. My lack of sleep the night before was starting to show and I was starting to feel it's affects. Four and Tris were basically silent, making it that much easier for sleep to take me.

 _I was running. Searching. Always searching. Then the scene shifted from me running to me standing and listening. My breathing was the most prominent sound in the dream. The scene circling, the halls of Dauntless were spinning around me, flashes of red in the darkness. Figures were moving around me, some with guns, others cowering as the end drew near. There were familiar voices all around me. Some laughing. Some screaming. Yelling. Whispering so low that I couldn't make out the words. Then – clear as day – another voice entered the mix._

" _Pen."_

 _A whisper._

" _Eric?" I said in a whisper as well._

 _Then I was running._

 _No longer in Dauntless, I was running through Abnegation. I was back in that day. The day where my whole life fell apart. Where was he? His voice had been but a whisper. My name. Yet I could tell exactly what he was feeling. Exactly what he was trying to tell me. And I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. He didn't get to say goodbye. Not by just saying my name. I needed to find him. I needed to be with him. Especially if the end was near._

 _Running past the gunshots and screaming, a gun now held tightly in my hand, Abnegation members were falling dead around every corner. Dauntless soldiers were hunting them down like prey. Rounding a corner, Abnegation had fallen away, being replaced with Amity. The grass tall and the apple trees rose high above, the sun's rays shining through the leaves, making shadows dance across the field. Breathing hard, I stared at Eric who was standing in front of me, his hands folded in front of him, his half-smile on his face as he met my eyes._

" _Eric." I said breathlessly. "I'm sorry. I should have stayed with you."_

" _No." He smiled._

" _Everyone's saying things." I told him with furrowed brows. "I don't know what to do. But the one thing I do know is that I need you."_

" _It's going to be okay." He nodded at me._

" _They're going to kill me." I told him. "And everyone like me."_

" _I won't let that happen."_

" _You can't stop it." I frowned at him. "And if you try to stop them then they'll kill you too."_

 _He shook his head. "I won't let that happen."_

 _The gun in my hand started to rise and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. "They want you dead. They don't want me to have anything to do with you and they will kill you."_

 _He nodded. "I know."_

" _What are we gonna do?" I asked him, stepping forward with my gun still trained on him._

" _What we must." He said pulling out a gun and aiming it at me._

" _What, kill each other?" I frowned at him._

 _He just looked at me, a frown starting to cross his face. "What were we thinking?"_

" _I don't know." I said shaking my head. "But I love you. I love you, Eric. All I want is to be with you. And now we've been ripped apart."_

" _I love you, Pen." He smiled back. Only then a dark expression crossed his face. The kind he gave to those who he was about to beat the shit out of. "But this is all your fault."_

" _Eric."_

" _It's your fault." He frowned._

" _Eric. No." I replied sadly._

" _It is." He said as his hand started to shake. "You brought this all down on our heads. You made me do unspeakable things."_

" _Eric." I said, pain filling my chest._

 _For a long moment we just looked at each other. I wanted to throw the gun down and run to him. I wanted to touch him. To kiss him. But I couldn't move. We were frozen in place with guns aimed at each other._

" _This is your fault too." He stated with venom before shooting himself in the head. A scream erupting from my mouth as I watched him fall to the ground._

Shooting awake, I found myself lying on my side, curled into a ball. Terra looked at me with tired eyes. Sitting up, both Four and Tris were looking at me as well. Clearing my throat, I realized I was all sweaty and tears had fallen while I slept. Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I cleared my throat again.

 _It's your fault._

This wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. But apparently deep down I held a measure of guilt that was coming to the surface. I would willingly take responsibility for Eric's actions. If he was killing again it was because he thought I was dead. Maybe he was doing things. Unspeakable things. But I wasn't forcing his hand. I just knew what he would become without me. Only he blamed me for him taking his own life. That was something I couldn't live with. I would never allow him to commit suicide. I would never…he could never…

"Damn it." I whispered to myself.

"You okay?" Four asked.

Meeting his eyes, if we had been alone I would have told him about the dream and asked for his help. But I couldn't. Not right now. "Yeah." I lied.

He frowned, opening his mouth to reply, only before he could say anything the door opened and Claude came pushing through, rushing to us while Christina appeared for Tris.

"Claude!" Terra said getting to her feet and embracing her girlfriend.

For a moment they were completely enthralled with each other, kisses and words of endearment given to each other. Then Claude's arms were around me. "Everything's going to be okay." She told me. Feeling tears again, I buried my face in her shoulder. "Be brave, Pen. Be you."

"I'm actually terrified." I told her with a laugh. "And I'm worried for him."

"I know." She replied with a nod.

"Come on." We were told.

Claude stayed at my side, Terra's hand firmly in hers as we made our way to the elevator. We all filed into it, the air thick with anticipation and anxiousness. Christina attempted to reassure us about the truth serum but I was sure there was nothing she could say that would make this any easier for any of us. Tris killed her boyfriend and she was about to find out about it. And I was about to confess my love for one of the most wanted Dauntless. This was going to be a very long night.

"Is everyone else all right?" Tris asked her. "Uriah, Lynn, Marlene?"

"All here." She replied. "Except Uriah's brother, Zeke, who is with the other Dauntless."

"What?" Tris and I said in unison.

The elevator stopped on the top floor, and we all filed out before I could hear the response. We walked down a black-marble hallway, then down another before we were ushered through a set of double doors. Here the marble floors are white, with a black Candor symbol in the center of the room. The walls are lit with rows of dim yellow lights, making the whole room glow. Every voice echoed and most of Candor were already gathered, as well as the remnants of Dauntless. Some of them sat on tiered benches that wrapped around the edge of the room, but there wasn't enough room for everyone, so the rest were crowded around the Candor symbol. In the center of the symbol, between the unbalanced scales, are four empty chairs.

Our Dauntless guards herd us to the center of the room, murmurs and jeers following us. Spotting Jack Kang in the front row, his expression gave nothing away. An old, dark-skinned man stepped forward, a black box in his hands.

"My name is Niles." He told us. "I will be your questioner. You –" He said pointing at Terra. "You will be going first. So if you will please step forward…"

Terra was terrified, and she should be, as she stepped forward. Niles opened the black box. It contained four needles, one for each of us. He also takes an antiseptic wipe from his pocket and offers it to Terra.

"The injection site is in your neck." Niles stated. Terra lifted a shaky hand and wiped her neck with the antiseptic. Niles plunged the needle into her neck, squeezing the cloudy, bluish liquid into her veins. "I will ask you a series of simple questions so that you can grow accustomed to the serum as it takes full effect."

We were forced to listen as he asked her name and which faction she was from and where she was now. It took only a few minutes for Niles to realize that she knew nothing about anything. After she transferred to Dauntless and failed the initiation process, her life amongst the factionless was uneventful. She spent most of her time hiding and scavenging. She knew nothing about Erudite or Dauntless.

As soon as she was done, she swiftly joined Claude in the crowd, sobbing into her as Claude offered her all the comfort she could provide right now. Then Niles's finger was pointed at me, motioning for me to step forward. Taking a deep breath, I took the wipe from him and ran it across my neck. Taking another deep breath, I shut my eyes as the serum was injected. Everything fell away and I let the feeling calm me, deciding that even though I could, I was not going to fight the serum. I was going to be honest. Opening my eyes, everything back in focus, I looked at Niles and waited for the questions to start.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Penelope Farrier." I told him.

He nodded. "You transferred to Dauntless?"

"I did."

"From?"

"Amity."

"Do you feel that that was the right choice for you?" He asked.

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because I was not kind enough for Amity. I have a short temper and enjoy putting people in their place. Amity are supposed to be passive. I'm passive aggressive but not nearly even-tempered enough to be in Amity. Though I do have the ability to forgive, even when I shouldn't."

"And you assisted Tris during the attack on Abnegation?" He asked.

"I did. I was with her nearly the entire time." I told him. The answers flowed out of me like water.

"Nearly?"

"I parted with her briefly while she went and saved Four. I kept the coast clear with her father while she saved the man she loved. Her father and I were shot, he died and I survived."

"Did she or Four have any involvement in what happened to their former faction?" He asked next.

"No." I replied quickly. "No they did not. All of us were unaffected by the simulation they were running. Our only thought was to end the simulation and save our faction from becoming murderers without their knowledge. All we wanted was to save the people we cared about and end the corruption of an already corrupted faction."

"Do you feel that you succeeded?"

"I feel that we had a victory. But no, we have not succeeded yet."

There was a pause before he asked his next question, "And you returned to Amity?"

"Yes."

"It was your home. Did your parents welcome you back?"

"Yes." I stated sadly.

"Why didn't you stay?"

"Because I still don't belong in Amity, despite how much I love my family. I am proud of the faction I chose and I was happy in Dauntless. Then everything changed."

"Is it true that you are Divergent?"

"Yes." I stated quickly. I was not ashamed of what I was.

"So you too are being hunted."

"Yes."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I am proud of what I am. But my Divergence complicates my happiness."

"Why?"

"Because of the person I'm looking for."

"Who?" He asked.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him, not wanting to look anywhere else. "The man I love."

"And who do you love?"

Feeling the first wave of pain as I attempted to resist the answer. I was suddenly afraid to tell them, even though I had thought I'd already decided that I would tell them my truths without protest.

"Penelope?" He asked.

"Eric." I whispered, the crowd disappearing as his face entered my mind.

"The Dauntless leader who assisted in the overthrowing of Abnegation? The same man who has killed several of your kind and countless others?" He frowned.

"Yes." I said rolling my shoulder. "We've been seeing each other for months now."

"And you love him?"

"I already said that I did." I shot back defensively.

"Why?" He asked. "He's done terrible things."

Looking at him, I took a deep breath. "I know he's done bad things. Unimaginable things. Unforgivable things. But with me, he's gentle and caring. He's protective and funny. He is the opposite of how he projects himself to the world. He is stubborn and makes people shudder with disdain at the mere sight of him. But to me all I see is a beautiful man who is far more than what he seems."

"And you forgive him for his transgressions?"

Tears fell as I nodded. "I forgive him for all of it because he makes me feel alive and as if I'm the only woman who exists. And I believe that I can better him. I can help him become a better man then he is now. He can be a good man. With me he can be anything."

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know." I replied more air then sound.

"What is he planning?"

My voice was strong as I repeated, "I don't know."

"He didn't tell you anything?"

"No." I replied quickly. They were trying to learn their enemy. But I wasn't going to help them. I couldn't. I didn't know anything. He'd saved me from that. Ignorance is bliss. "I haven't seen him for more than a few minutes since Abnegation. Even if he would tell me there was no time."

"When did you see him?"

"When we left Amity."

He nodded. "Since then it's said that he's been on a bit of a killing spree."

"I've heard."

"And yet you wish to be with him?"

"Yes."

"Even though he has murdered and destroyed people's lives?"

"Like I said, I am capable of forgiveness, even in the most dire of circumstances."

"Even though it may cost you your life?" He asked next.

I replied quickly and with conviction, "Yes."

"Why do you think he's done what he has?"

"Jeanine is more manipulative than you can imagine. She's known him his whole life, knows what to say to him to get him to do what she wants. He's been under her heel so long I don't think he knows how to stop. He tried to keep me simulation free. That would seem very small to most, but to me it speaks volumes. He's learned to love and as long as I'm alive then he can come back from the control Jeanine has over him."

"Does he know you're alive?"

Sighing, I bowed my head. "I don't think so."

"Do you think he'll kill again?"

"Yes."

"And you will forgive him?"

"Yes." I stated. "I will save him no matter the cost. Even if that means my life."

There was a long moment of silence before he spoke again, "Thank you for your honesty."

"Thank you for your honesty." Was repeated from the crowd.

Nodding, I stepped out of the center of the room. Seeing Claude, I was going to move to her only I was met with a fist against my face before I had made it two steps. Another met my cheekbone and stomach before I fell to the floor. There was more commotion, hands reaching out for me, a heel making purchase against my side and then my face. Feeling my shirt gripped tightly, there was a different commotion before my waist was grabbed and I was ushered through the crowd and out into the hallway. Wiping blood from my lip and cheek, feeling blood start to drip down the side of my face from a split brow; I sat against the wall, the double doors blocking out the angry cries.

"That went well." Henry told me, kneeling in front of me. "Are you okay?"

Jerking, my shoulder dragged across the wall painfully as I scrambled away from him. "Get away from me."

He moved away, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry." He told me.

"Pen." Claude said coming out with Terra on her heels, the crowd silent and for a moment I hear Tobias's voice.

"Stay away from me." I said pointing my finger at Henry. "Don't you dare come near me."

"What's going on?" Claude asked but she swiftly moved in front of me protectively.

"Just stay away from me!" I yelled at him.

"Pen." Claude said softly, holding her hand out to me. Gripping it tightly, I got to my feet, peering at Henry over her shoulder. "It's okay." She told me.

"No, it's not." Henry replied. "It's not okay."

"What happened?" Claude asked.

"Claude." Terra said gently, wrapping her arm around me and leading me down the hall.

Henry swiftly moved in the opposite direction before Claude turned and moved to my other side, leading me to a bathroom. Claude scared the shit out of everyone inside, not letting me in until it was empty. Terra was kind, keeping a steady arm around me as she sat me down on a bench.

"What was that all about?" Claude asked as she started to run some water.

I looked up at her but didn't say anything.

"Where do you hurt?" She asked next, starting to mess with my clothes.

Again, I just looked at her before lowering my eyes to the ground.

"Pen, talk to me." She said taking a step back.

Feeling tears fill my eyes, without moving my head, I lifted my eyes to meet her. Tears slid down my cheeks, one catching on my eyelashes before I blinked, the tear falling, swearing I could hear it hit the floor.

Hearing her loud sigh, I took a slow deep breath, letting it out just as slowly. "Pen, I'm serious. I don't like this silent you. I need you to say something to me."

"Claude." Terra said with a harsh tone. Then she took a cloth, soaking it in hot water before she started to clean the blood from my face and shoulders. "Leave her alone. There will be plenty of time to talk later. Let her process what just happened."

"What just happened?" Claude frowned. "She confessed something that we already knew."

"But they didn't!" I yelled at her, breaking my silence. "My own faction beat me for the confessions I just made. I'm sure they're second guessing trusting me since I can so easily forgive a murderer. Jesus, Claude!" I yelled, getting to my feet and paced away from her. "Let me wrap my head around all of this."

"Pen." Claude said gently, stepping toward me. "They may not hold any good feelings toward Eric. But when you get him back they'll have to see that he's worth the risk."

"When I get him back?" I frowned. "Claude, he thinks I'm dead. How am I supposed to get him back?"

"You'll figure it out."

Scoffing, I shook my head, "It would have been easier if I had just died when Jeanine wanted me to."

"No." Claude said angrily, gripping my wrists. "Never say that."

"I'm in pain, Claude. You have no idea what I've gone through. And once I tell you, you might not think it so farfetched to wish for death."

"You'll live for him." She stated matter-of-factly.

Nodding, I smiled, "You're right. I will live for him. But he's not here, Claude. I don't know where he is or what he's doing."

"Don't you want to save him?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then stop talking like a spoiled child, pull the massive stick out of your ass, and fight like the Pen I know and love. This pathetic-ness is not you, Pen. You're better than this."

"Am I?" I frowned. "Am I really."

"I thought you were."

It was the gentleness of her voice that threw me off. She was genuinely disappointed in me. "I thought I was too."

Claude sighed but didn't say anything else. Terra stepped forward, gently putting her arm around me and led me toward the shower. Together they coaxed me out of my clothes, moving me under the hot stream of water. I appreciated their silence as they cleaned me from top to bottom. I hadn't really thought I was dirty but the water and soap felt amazing on my skin.

As soon as I was clean, I was once again clothed in Dauntless black. Terra used her fingers to comb the knots out of my hair, braiding it before draping it over my shoulder. She gently massaged my back, helping me release some of the tension that I was feeling. When she'd finished, she finally tended to herself while Claude knelt in front of me as I sat on a bench and stared at my hands.

"What's going on between you and Henry?" She asked me gently, needing answers.

Meeting her eyes, I didn't want to tell her. Frowning, I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

"It does." She said softly, nodding at me.

Sighing, I met her eyes again, bringing my hand to her face. "Can we do this somewhere else?"

She sighed back at me, nodding, "Of course."

Waiting for Terra to finish, Claude led us to a mostly deserted hallway where cots lined the walls. Grabbing a folded one from another room, she opened it next to hers, motioning for me to lie down. Hers was against the wall, both her and Terra lying down on top of it. Feeling exhausted, I laid down as well, facing Claude. Terra wrapped her arm around her with her chin resting on Claude's shoulder. Curling up into a ball, I just wanted to go to sleep. But Claude had a right to know. She was my family. Reaching out, she ran her hand up and down my arm, offering me a small smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "What happened after the simulation ended?"

"There was a lot of chaos." She replied. "Once we realized what we'd done, a lot of us fell apart. Some of us scattered. Those of us who could handle it banded together to find a safe place to go. Abnegation was gone. Home was out of the question. It was decided that Candor was closest and would be our best bet. It turns out that only the Dauntless traitors really agree with Jeanine. I think we'll have more allies than we thought we would."

"Good." I nodded.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"No, Claude. I am not okay." Tears started to take hold. "Nothing about this is okay." I replied and before I knew it I was sobbing. Trying to keep quiet, Claude wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her. "This whole thing sucks." I sobbed into her. "I just want to go home. I want to go back to the way things were. I want to see Eric again. I need Eric." I sobbed before my words became inaudible.

Crying myself to sleep, the sun was up when I finally opened my eyes. I felt rested and yet my eyes still felt puffy and heavy. Looking up, Terra was sitting against the wall but Claude was gone. Sitting, I rubbed my eyes, sighing as I licked the dryness from my mouth. Terra scooted forward, running her fingers through my hair as she smiled at me. Nodding, offering her one in return, I put my hand on her arm.

"Where's Claude?" I asked her with a raspy voice.

"She went to find Henry." She told me.

My smile disappeared and I darted from atop the cot, racing through the halls. She was going to kill him. She wouldn't stand for what he did and she should hear it from me. I could talk her down before she went off on him. Panicked, I felt everyone's eyes on me as I ran past, pushing through and making them jump out of the way. Rounding a corner, I slammed into a chest, my arms being gripped almost painfully. I struggled against them.

"Pen." A voice said somewhat frantically. "Pen!" Stopping, I looked up into Four's face. "Opie." He said putting his hand against my face. "Opie, what is it?"

"Claude went to find Henry. I haven't told her what happened yet."

He didn't need to respond, he simply took my hand and started to run through the halls with me. Both had tempers that would kill and if Claude had a blade on her trouble was definitely in Henry's future. Four knew them just about as well as I did and if he was rushing than I knew I wasn't over exaggerating. Any of the populated areas were clear of any sign of them. My anxiousness grew as we moved to the higher levels. There was a wraparound balcony, and we could see the doors wide open, able to hear yelling and then a horrible cry of pain.

"Claude!" I yelled before she was even in sight. Rounding the corner of the building, Henry was on the ground, blood running down his arm and across his lower abdomen. She was fucking castrating him. "Enough!" I yelled, snatching the knife out of her hands.

"Pen!" A familiar voice yelled and Simmy ran into view.

"Simmy!" I said swiftly embracing her. "Thank god."

"Henry." Simmy said and moved toward him.

Claude rushed her, letting loose a feral cry as she gripped her wrist. She wrenched Simmy away from him so hard that she flew onto her back, looking up at Claude with a fearful expression.

"Claude!" I yelled, putting myself in between her and Simmy. "Enough!" I repeated, holding the knife out in front of me, bending my knees, readying myself to take action if I needed to.

"Claude." Four said with his hands on her arms.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Claude asked him with a shove.

He frowned at her, "When was I supposed to tell you? I was busy sitting in a cell and being interrogated."

"This morning when I came to you. You blew me off when you should have been telling me what was wrong with my best friend." She replied harshly.

"I'm fine." I said handing her the knife back. "I'm not damaged. Four got there just in time and Henry's guilt is eating him alive. It's done." Claude met my eyes for a long moment before she looked down at Henry. "Simmy, please see him tended and I'll see you later." I told her before walking away without looking at him.

Claude was next to me a moment later, wrapping her arm around an anxious looking Terra who was still panting from following me and Four. "You're being too kind to him." Claude stated.

"No, I'm not. Ignoring him and being afraid of him will hurt him far more than acting out against him. You hurt him, so I'm satisfied." I replied. "Thank you."

"Anytime." She said leaning her head against mine.

Later on, it took much coaxing to finally get Claude to leave me the hell alone. What happened happened, and there was no sense in dwelling on it. I wasn't about to forgive him anytime soon, but I didn't want to talk about it either, let alone think about it. Every time I did, I just felt violated and dirty, wanting to shower to get the feeling of his hands and lips off of me. It was so far from the time when I longed for them. His touch had comforted me. His lips made me shiver. He was holding on to the past when all I wanted to do was forget it. The thought of him made me sick. He was no longer the boy I used to love. He was now a man who was capable of…I couldn't even think the word. A shiver ran through me, making me wrap my arms around myself. Only then warmth started to move across my back and against my neck. The feeling brought on by memory. The feeling of Eric's hand against me, his face in my neck. Tears once again filled my eyes and all I wanted was to get to the future. The future where Eric and I would be together and this Faction War would be over and done with.


	8. He's Here

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One**

 **A/N: Here it is! It's finally happened! I hope you enjoy it and I can't wait to see what you all think! =D**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight: He's Here**

Night had nearly fallen as I paced the halls. All I could think about was Eric. After seeing him and then having to confess about him, I couldn't push him from my mind. Not even for my own sanity. I had seen him. I had touched him. And yet I ran from him. I knew I had to. He told me to. I knew I couldn't stay with him, but it was eating me alive to not be with him. If I hadn't ran, if I had just let him catch me, maybe we'd be together right now. Instead all I got was a head wound and a debilitating guilt in my stomach.

"Finally found some peace and quiet?" Tris asked falling in step with me.

I sighed and nodded, "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Eric?" She asked. When I didn't say anything she scoffed and shook her head. "Pen, he is not a good guy. You shouldn't want him so badly."

"You don't know him like I do, Tris." I told her. "He's kind and gentle when he wants to be."

"I have a hard time believing that." She replied.

Frowning, I stopped and faced her. "Do you honestly think that I would let him blind me to the way he really is?" I asked. "Because I'm pretty sure you know me well enough to know that I do not put my faith and trust in people that don't deserve it." She nodded at me. "And whether you like it or not, I am in love with Eric. Whether Four likes it or not I am in love with Eric. Nothing will ever change that. He is my Four."

"I don't see it." She stated as we walked up the stairs toward the balcony that overlooked the city.

"You don't have to." I shot at her. Stopping in the stairwell we had turned up, I sighed, "You know, I think I'm going to call it a night."

"You don't like me very much, do you?" She asked me.

"I'm trying to!" I yelled at her. She lowered her eyes, scuffing her shoe on the step. Sighing again, I crossed my arms. "Look, it's not that I don't like you, Tris. I simply don't respect you very much." I told her, briefly meeting her eyes before I walked away. I wanted to adore her for Four's sake but I was having trouble. She was single-minded and short-sighted. Not to mention her disdain for Eric was annoying. Everyone's was.

"You okay?" Claude asked as I dropped onto my cot next to hers. She was sitting with Terra, leaning into each other with hands held.

"No." I replied sadly.

Claude sighed, moving to me, lying down and faced me. "I know you miss him. But it's better that you're here."

"No, it's not." I replied. "I need to be where he is."

"He'll get you killed, Pen. He's working for Jeanine." She reminded me.

"Not by choice." I stated.

"Did he tell you that?" She asked. He hadn't, so I couldn't answer her honestly. She knew I believed it but I had no way to prove it. "He has done terrible things. You can't pretend that he hasn't."

"I know, Claude." I said sadly, tears springing to my eyes. "But I'm choosing to believe that he feels guilt about what's he's done. That Jeanine is pulling his strings and forcing his hand. I'm choosing to believe that he's doing what he has to do to stay alive." Letting a tear fall, I took her hand. "He loves me, Claude. And I love him more than anything."

She put her hand against my face, gently rubbing my cheek with her thumb. "Then I'll get you back to him." She smiled.

Falling asleep together, we were woken by the sound of shattering glass followed by screaming. Darting awake, we were instantly in motion. Grabbing Claude who reached for Terra, we moved to the wall, grabbing those around us as well. Silencing a little girl with my hand over her mouth, we lined the wall, listening. Swiftly moving to my bag, I had just reached my gun when the door burst open and shots were fired. Firing back, I grabbed the little girl and disappeared through a side door with Claude on my heel. Shooting two more blue-banded Dauntless, I rushed into a stairwell, moving as far below as I could. We were in the bowels of the building, making our surroundings quiet. Shots sounding everywhere above our heads, accompanied with screams and the sound of panicked running and bodies falling. Several had followed us and were huddled behind us, stammering and crying as they stared at us like we were their salvation.

"Quiet." I shot at them, the little girl gripping my waist. "Take her." I told a middle aged woman, pushing the girl toward her.

"No." The girl cried.

"Sweetie, I have to go help the others." I told her, forcing her into the hands of the woman.

"What are you thinking?" Claude asked me, a gun in both hers and Terra's hands.

"That we go fight for what we believe in." I told her.

"And get ourselves shot?" She frowned.

"I can handle it." I replied.

She furrowed her brows, "Well, I can't."

"Yes you can." I told her. "You're the toughest person I know." Then I grinned at her, "Besides, that's why you have me."

Opening the door, I moved up the stairwell, the commotion had quieted slightly. Though as soon as I'd thought it, a pair of Dauntless came down the stairs, quickly seeing their armbands, I shot them before they could shoot us. Moving further up, the bodies started to appear. Crouching, I checked the vitals of the one closest to me. They were alive. Looking around, we could see them breathing. They were all alive. Frowning, I checked the body for where they were hit. Frowning harder, there was something round imbedded under the skin. There was no doubt in my mind that it was yet another serum to knock everyone out.

"I am so sick of all these serums." I whispered to Claude.

"We need to find Four and the others."

"I know."

"What about Henry?" She asked.

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" I frowned at her.

"We can hate him. Still doesn't mean either of us wants him dead." She replied.

Sighing, I nodded. "If we see him we save him. Otherwise he's on his own."

"Fair enough."

"Come on." I said and started to move again.

Moving from one level to the next, we exited the stairwell only to listen to what was happening. Moving up yet another stairwell, a familiar sound finally reached my ears. Stopping, I spun, looking up to see Four.

"Opie."

Swiftly moving to him, I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Four."

"They have Tris." He told me. "We're moving up the staircases until we reach them."

Nodding at him, I smiled, "Then let's get her back. They're all clear below us."

He nodded, briefly gripping my hand before we were running again. Now flanked by our comrades, we followed the staircases, clearing the floors on the way. At one point we were sure we heard Tris scream. We ran toward the sound of her voice, only then another scream was heard and my blood ran cold.

"Eric." I said and picked up my pace.

"Wait." Four said gripping my arm and yanked me to a stop. "We don't know what we're running into. Wait here."

"No!" I yelled. "You came to save your love and I will save mine."

"Hold her." Four told Claude.

"Eric!" I yelled and moved to rush forward only to have Claude grip my arms, holding me back. "No! Let me go!" I yelled. "Four!"

"Stop." Claude told me, spinning me to face her. "Pen, stop it."

Meeting her eyes, mine were already flooding with tears. "It was just hours ago when you told me that you would get me back to him. He's here, Claude. I need to go to him."

She nodded, letting me go. Darting away from her, the tears were already gone. I felt like I was flying as I followed the small commotion and the voices ahead of me. Hearing Eric cry out again, I pushed through the crowd to see Eric sitting on the ground, his hand on his leg as he looked up at Four who had his gun aimed at his head. Rushing forward, I dropped to my knees, sliding in front of Eric, blocking him with my body as I looked up at Four, my gun aimed at him.

"Don't." I told him, my hand steady, my other arm around Eric.

"Pen." Eric said from behind me, his hand against my back, he was shaking.

"I won't let you hurt him, Four."

"Opie, get out of the way."

"No!" I yelled at him. "If you kill him you'll have to kill me too." Four glared at me, his grip on the gun tightening, as well as his jaw, as he took a fraction of a step closer to me. "I swear to god, Four. If you hurt him all bonds between us will be broken."

"He shot a child in the head." Four stated. Moving my eyes for just a second, I took in the bodies of the Divergent. "He kills our kind."

"He can change." I told him. "Four, he has changed."

"Pen." Eric repeated, his hands moving up and down my sides and back. One arm snaking around my waist as he pressed a kiss against my neck.

"I'll take responsibility for him. If he ever attempts to harm an innocent again, I'll kill him myself." I pleaded for his life.

"Right before you commit suicide." He stated.

I looked at him sadly, "I won't live without him. I refuse."

"Pen." Eric repeated again, his hands and lips sill moving across me.

"Eric, I'm attempting to save your life. You're being awfully distracting." I shot at him over my shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me but stopped groping me. Looking back at Four, I could see a change in him. His resolve was faltering. "I'm in love with him." I told him, Eric's grip tightening around me. "Please, Four. Let me take responsibility for him. Let him make amends for the damage he has done. He can be a good man."

"Opie." Four said shaking his head.

"He can be a good man!" I yelled at him. Dropping my gun, I held my hand out to him, the other on Eric's thigh. "I am begging you. If you don't reconsider you'll not only be killing him but one of your closest friends. Your family. Are you going to willingly put my blood on your hands?"

Four glared at me, "Don't make me do this."

"Then kill us." I shot at him. "Kill us both."

"Let him live." Claude said stepping out. "Come on, Four. Don't do this."

Then Henry pushed through the crowd, pale with blood still on his clothes. "Let him live."

"Let him live." Tris said, though it was clear in her voice that she truly wanted the opposite. I knew she did. She was saying it for me. I'd never appreciated her more than I did in this moment. "Let Pen try. If she fails, we kill him."

I looked at them before meeting Four's eyes. For a long moment he just looked back at me, than he nodded. "Bind him." He said lowering his gun.

"Four." I said as my stomach dropped. He glared at me. Swiftly turning to Eric, I took his head in my hands. "It's going to be okay."

He took my head in his hands, kissing me deeply, smiling, "I love you."

"And I love you." I told him. Then his hands were torn away, being bound behind his back and he was pulled away from me. "Eric." I said reaching for him.

"Pen." He replied with fear in his voice.

Getting up, I moved to follow him when my waist was grabbed. "Wait." Claude told me softly. "Just let them take him. He'll be alive the next time to see him."

"Come on." Four said gripping my arm and dragging me in the opposite direction from him.

He brought me to a small room. Marcus was there with Jack Kang. "What's going on?" I asked, trying to sound brave and put together even though I was terrified.

"By your factions laws he should be killed." Kang practically yelled at Four, pointing his finger at him.

"He's alive for now. It doesn't mean he's going to stay that way." Four replied.

"Four." I said harshly.

"Enough out of you." Four shot at me. "Eric killed one of Jack's children. Still think he should live?"

"Yes!" I yelled at him.

"You're blind!" Kang yelled rushing forward and backhanded me.

It wasn't hard enough to drop me, but it stung like crazy. If I had to guess, that was the first time he'd ever hit a woman. Especially when guilt crossed his face.

"We don't know why he's done what he has. For all we know Max and Jeanine are holding something over his head." I told him calmly. "Give him the truth serum. Let him tell you what's real."

"Do you honestly believe that he is a good man?" Kang asked.

"I do." I nodded. "He has done horrible things. I know he has. But there is more to him than what you've seen. He is caring and gentle. He feels tremendous guilt for what he's done."

"He told you that just to get you to sleep with him." Four shot at me. "He will never be the man you believe him to be."

"How do you know?" I frowned at him. "You want to believe that. I get it. But I choose to believe that he is worth saving. He's worth everything to me. And how can you put him to death without knowing exactly why he's done what he's done?"

"Because I've seen what he's done." He said getting in my face.

"So have I." I nodded at him calmly. "And I still love him." He scoffed and paced away from me. "Remember, Tobias." I added, certainty in my words. "Every move you make against him is made against me as well." He just shook his head at me. "If you can't see past this that's fine, I'm not going to hate you for it. Kill us."

"Stop saying that!" Four yelled, once again getting in my face. "Just stop! I'm not going to kill you, Pen! I would never do that!"

"Then listen to me!" I yelled back before lowering my voice. "Do what I'm asking."

For a long moment we just stared at each other. Four was fighting what he should do and what was right. I knew that killing Eric would be the logical thing to do. He'd done enough to earn his fate. Even I couldn't deny that. But I was madly and irrationally in love with that man and the thought of him dying made me already pray for death. I'd seen what loss had done to others. I wasn't going to join them. Where he went, I went. Even if it was to our graves.

"Fine." Kang stated, breaking the loaded silence that had filled the room. "Get him."

"We'll do it tomorrow. The next day if needs be." Four told him. "Our people will want to hear what he has to say. We need to talk and decide things before we bring him in front of our people."

"Fine." Kang repeated and left.

"Where is he?" I asked Four. He left without replying. "Four." I said following him. "Where is he?"

"No." He stated coldly.

"Four!" I yelled, making him stop. "Whether you like it or not, I am with him. Now tell me where he is. I won't stop until I see him."

"You are not allowed in the cell." He stated.

"Fuck you!" I yelled at him. "You aren't a leader of Dauntless. You can't tell me what to do. Now pull the giant stick out of your ass and take me to the man I love."

He glared at me before starting off again. Following him, we were silent, both of us too pissed at each other to even attempt to break words. We'd already said too much. Not that I cared. In this moment the only thing I cared about was Eric. Rounding a corner, I saw two Dauntless keeping watch outside one of their cells. Rushing forward, Four told them to let me in before he turned and stormed off.

"Eric." I said running through the open door, not stopping until I had my arms around his neck. His hands were still bound, but he pressed against me, burying his face in my neck. "I love you." I whispered to him. "Nothing you have done will ever change that."

"You don't know what I've done." He whispered.

"It doesn't matter." I said shaking my head as I took his in my hands. "Baby, it doesn't matter. As long as you are alive, that's all that matters to me. I love you, Eric. I have loved you for a long time. I love you despite what you've done. Even if you tell me more that's not going to change."

His brows furrowed and he shut his eyes as I ran my thumbs back and forth across his cheeks. "Kiss me." He told me. Not needing to be told twice, I kissed him deeply, unable to breathe. Putting my hand behind him, I put it in his, lacing our fingers as I wrapped my arm around his neck. "I love you, Pen." He told me, both of us breathing hard. "I've done a lot of wrong, but loving you is the best thing I've done in my life."

Smiling, I kissed him again, "And it will remain so."

He laughed lightly. "God I wish I could touch you." He told me, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Soon enough."

"What are they going to do with me?"

"Either tomorrow or the next, you're going to be given the truth serum in front of our people and the Candor."

"No." He stated forcefully. "Just let them kill me."

"Eric." I frowned, running my hand down his chest.

"I don't want you to hear what I might say." He replied sadly. "You don't need to know."

"I don't care." I told him. "I've already told you that."

"You will care." He nodded.

I took his head in my hands, "Eric, baby, listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. I don't care what you've done. Things have been so messed up. We've both done things we're not proud of."

"You don't understand, Pen." He frowned stepping away from me.

"Eric." I frowned again, stepping toward him.

His voice was forceful, nearly a yell, "No."

"I won't let them kill you." I told him, mimicking his tone.

"You won't have a choice." He replied as if it was no big deal. "I won't let them give me the truth serum." Then he met my eyes and his brows furrowed, pain entering his voice. "I won't do it, Pen."

Slowly stepping toward him, I pressed my hand against his chest. When he didn't move away from me, I wrapped my arm around him, my other hand finding his face. "I love you. Unless you stormed Amity and killed my family, nothing you have done will hurt me. Everyone I care about is alive."

"You should go." He stated as he moved away from me again.

"Eric." I frowned. "Tell me now. What did you do?" He clenched his jaw, turning and sitting on the edge of the bed that was in the wall, leaning forward with his eyes on the floor. "I can't react to the news tomorrow. You need to tell me now."

"Pen, please." He said still not looking at me. "Just go."

"Eric, look at me." I frowned at him. He slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. "Tell me what happened."

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "It happened so fast I didn't know what I'd done till it was over." He started. Stepping toward him, I put my hand on his shoulder, the other against his thigh. "When I let you go, and we were shooting at you, you were hit." I nodded at him. "I thought I'd killed you. I thought I'd killed the only person I've ever loved. I – I – panicked. Flipped out. I shot two Dauntless, putting my gun to my head, screaming the whole time. But when I pulled the trigger, the gun clicked. I was out."

"Eric." I frowned, taking his head in my hands, my stomach dropping and for a moment I forgot how to breathe.

"I reloaded but by that time I was too numb to try and kill myself. Instead grief took me over. I turned back into Amity, scanning the crowd for…I don't even know what. Then my name was yelled and I was confronted by a young woman. She looked a lot like you."

"Maggie." I said airily, my hands falling away from him.

He nodded. "She told me she knew who I was and asked if you had made it out. I was so angry that all I wanted was for someone to share my pain, so I told her that you were dead. That I had killed you. I believed that you were dead." He paused and took another deep breath. "As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. She completely broke down. For a while I just let her yell at me. Hit me. She was screaming at me, how could I kill her baby sister. It broke my heart." He paused again, his eyes glazing over, a sniffle escaping him. "Then I was yelling back, towering over her but it had no effect on her. Just like you." He added with a smirk. "So we stood there, screaming at each other with everyone watching. She continued to shove me and hit me. My soldiers were too afraid to step in. One tried but I shot him in the head."

He paused, a distant look crossing his face. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I knew what the ending of this story was going to be. Shaking, I walked to the other side of the room, sitting down against the wall.

"It was as if she just realized I had been holding a gun. She stilled for just a moment, looking at me straight in the eye saying 'for Pen' before she went for it." He said meeting my eyes. "I fought her for it. We were both so grief-stricken we didn't know what we were doing. Then it went off. She fell away from me. For a moment everything slowed down. I looked at her lying on the ground, my breathing the loudest thing in my ears, your mother standing in front of me, her mouth open in a scream of horror." He paused again for a long moment, his eyes drifting away, going back to that moment. "I'll never forget the look on her face. Or of Maggie just…lying there." He blinked, a tear sliding down his cheek. Shaking my head, I put my hand over my mouth, tears streaming as I looked at him with shock. "Then the sound returned and everyone was screaming. Your dad rushed forward, as I stumbled back, taking her in his arms. But there was nothing he could do. She was dead within seconds."

The tears kept falling as I tried to scream. To say something. But no sound came out. I couldn't breathe, let alone talk. When I finally took in air it was a giant gasp as I turned against the wall. In the next second I'd thrown up against it, mainly bile, burning my throat and leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Shaking violently, I took in a deep breath, screaming as I pushed it out. For a moment I sobbed, then they seemed to suddenly stop. Pushing myself onto my feet, I pressed my forehead against the wall. The coolness of it welcoming.

"Maggie." I said softly, the tears running freely as I shut my eyes. "No. No, no, no. No!" I screamed, turning toward him. "She was my sister, Eric!"

"You were dead!" He yelled back.

The sobs returned as I tried to wrap my head around it all. Meeting his eyes, my arms limp at my sides, I held my breath, trying to see him as the man I loved but all I could see was a murderer. For a moment my strength returned, rushing forward I punched him hard across the face. He fell from the bed, both of us landing on our knees. Folding over, my strength gone, I put my hands over my face as I rested my head against the floor, sobbing and repeating my sister's name over and over and over again. He had killed her. She was dead.

"Pen." He said leaning against me. "I am so sorry." Sitting on my heels, I turned my head and looked at him. "Baby, I am so very sorry. I would never want to hurt you like this. It was an accident. We both thought you were dead."

"I need to go." I told him, wiping the tears and snot from my face as I got to my feet.

"Pen, please." He said getting to his feet as well. Reaching the door, I turned to look at him, watching as a tear slid down his face, fear in his eyes. "Don't go." My heart was breaking right now. I'd never seen him look so weak. "I need you, Pen. I've never needed anyone but I need you."

I nodded at him. "I need you too." He smiled with a sigh of relief. I couldn't bring myself to smile back at him. When I spoke, it was through sobs. "But – I – just – can't look – at you – right now."

Swiftly leaving, I ran from the building, taking turn after turn. Ricocheting off wall after wall, I kept moving, even when my legs started to burn from the effort. My chest was heaving and my breathing was more gasps than anything. I didn't stop until I found a deserted corner to hide in. Dropping to my knees, I screamed, shaking racking my form, tears and snot flowing freely as I sobbed. Falling to the side, my back against the wall, I rolled back and forth, not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to react. Maggie was dead. She was the kindest person I'd ever met. She was my best friend before I transferred, and still was after being reunited with her. She was the brightest light in my life only to be extinguished by the man who held my heart. I was so mad at him, yet I knew that it hadn't been done to hurt me. He hadn't done it on purpose. It was a tragic accident and yet I couldn't be so quick to forgive him. Not this time. I needed to process. I needed to grieve. After putting so much energy into defending him and keeping him alive, he had killed one of the most important people in my life. I wasn't sure I could forgive him for this. I loved him. But every time I look at him I would be forced to remember that it was his eyes she had seen last. His grief and anger. He had been the last thing she had seen in this world. How could I face that? How could I forgive him after this? How happy could I be with him? I didn't know where to begin to process and make it okay. How do I make it okay? Curling into a ball, I sobbed until exhaustion took me.

When I woke the sun was beating down on me. My eyes were puffy and heavy, but Eric was still the first person I thought of. Rolling onto my back, I looked up into the blue sky, wanting to go to him. Wanting to be with him. And yet I couldn't seem to move. Feeling tears again, my brows furrowed as I shut my eyes, the tears rolling from the corner of them. Sitting up, I leaned my back against the wall, letting last night repeat over and over again in my mind. Sighing, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, slowly getting to my feet. I felt exhausted. My body felt like it was weighted down and my chest ached with every breath I took. Running my fingers through my hair, I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together when all I wanted to do was fall apart. Maggie. Dead. Maggie was dead. I silently cried as I made my way back to Candor headquarters. When the building came into view, Claude was pacing in front of it, rushing to me as soon as I was in sight.

"Where have you been?" She asked. "What's wrong?"

"Have they started yet?" I asked her through a raspy voice, wiping the freshest tears from my cheeks.

"No." She replied. "They haven't mentioned Eric yet. But Kang is going to make a speech."

"When?" I asked with a frown.

"Pretty much now. Come on." She replied, practically dragging me to the auditorium.

Going through the doors, Kang is already in the middle of the room. "Quiet down, everyone!" Kang called out, lifting his hands, and the crowd goes silent.

Pushing to the front of the crowd of Dauntless, my stomach was turning and my mouth was dry. All I wanted was to get this meeting over with and to have Eric exonerated. Then we'd deal with the rest. Maggie was dead by Eric's hand. But he was still alive and his life was hanging in the balance. I may not know where we stood right now but I still couldn't handle anything happening to him. He deserved his chance at redemption. He deserved to prove that he wasn't the man everyone thought he was. He would show them all who I saw every time I looked at him. They would accept him. And if they didn't then it would be the last day alive for both of us.

"I know many of you are confused and shaken by what happened yesterday." Jack stated. "I have heard many reports from a variety of perspectives, and have gotten a sense for what is straightforward and what requires more investigation."

"Investigation?" I frowned at Claude who just shrugged at me.

"What seems to me to require more investigation is the Divergent." He went on.

"Shit." Claude said and leaned closer to me. "He's gonna be just as bad as Jeanine."

"Not necessarily." I replied. "He's agreed to let Eric tell us his truths. He's let us stay here so far."

"His kid is dead. I'm not sure how understanding he's going to be." She stated. I sighed and nodded. "I mean, look at him. He's exhausted. He's looks almost as bad as you."

"If you are one of the Divergent, please step forward so that we can hear from you." He called out.

Scanning our group, I found Four, watching as he stepped forward. I'm already at the front of the crowd, watching my friend and brother move toward me. Claude and everyone around us were moving away from me, letting Four pass freely. Tris followed him, then Uriah, and the others among us. I looked up at Jack Kang who's standing with his shoulders back. Only then another moved through the crowd and it took all of me not to attack him. Despite all that had happened I still loathed the man.

"Marcus." I said with a dangerous tone.

"Don't." Four told me.

"You, Marcus?" Jack said as he reached the middle of the room and stands on top of the lower scale in the floor.

"Yes." Marcus replied. "I understand that you are concerned—that you all are concerned. You had never heard of the Divergent a week ago, and now all that you know is that they are immune to something to which you are susceptible, and that is a frightening thing. But I can assure you that there is nothing to be afraid of, as far as we are concerned." He looked sympathetic and reassuring. I can see why people like him. Though for me all he's doing is putting me on edge.

"It seems clear to me that we were attacked so that the Erudite could find the Divergent. Do you know why that is?" Jack asked him.

"No, I do not." Marcus replied. "Perhaps their intention was merely to identify us. It seems like useful information to have, if they intend to use their simulations again."

"That was not their intention." Tris spoke up, making all eyes turn to her. "They wanted to kill us. They've been killing us since before any of this happened."

Jack's eyebrows drew together. The room is so quiet that you could hear the rain as it started to fall against the rooftop. The room darkened and I feel a dread seep through the crowd. Shifting closer to Four, I looked to Claude who appeared to be as worried about this conversation as I am.

"That sounds very much like a conspiracy theory." Jack replied. "What reason would the Erudite have to kill you?"

"Obviously we don't know." Tobias replied. "But there are nearly a dozen mysterious deaths recorded among the Dauntless from the past six years, and there is a correlation between those people and irregular aptitude test results or initiation simulation results."

Lightning stuck, making the room momentarily glow. Jack shook his head. "While that is intriguing, correlation does not constitute evidence."

"A Dauntless leader shot a Candor child in the head." Tris snapped. "Did you get a report of that? Did it seem 'worthy of investigation'?"

"Shut up." I shot at her.

"In fact I did." He replied. "And shooting a child in cold blood is a terrible crime that cannot go unpunished. Fortunately, we have the perpetrator in custody and will be able to put him on trial. However, we must keep in mind that the Dauntless soldiers did not give any evidence of wanting to harm the majority of us, or they would have killed us while we were unconscious."

"Trial?" I spoke up. "You said you would give him the serum so we can hear his truths."

"That is a different discussion." Jack told me.

My head jerked to Tris so fast I thought my neck was going to snap. "Keep your mouth shut. You have no right to speak."

"Enough." Four whispered to me. "Opie, calm down. Eric will have his moment to speak."

"Their peaceful invasion suggests to me that it may be possible to negotiate a peace treaty with the Erudite and the other Dauntless." Jack continued. "So I will arrange a meeting with Jeanine Matthews to discuss that possibility as soon as possible."

"Their invasion wasn't peaceful." Tris replied. I shut my eyes, putting my hand on Four's shoulder to steady myself. Only Four's smiling. He's letting her speak. "Just because they didn't shoot you all in the head doesn't mean their intentions were somehow honorable. Why do you think they came here? Just to run through your hallways, knock you unconscious, and leave?"

"I assume they came here for people like you." Jack replied. "And while I am concerned for your safety, I don't think we can attack them just because they wanted to kill a fraction of our population."

"Killing you is not the worst thing they can do to you." Tris stated and this time I'm with her. "Controlling you is."

Jack's lips curl with amusement. Amusement. "Oh? And how will they manage that?"

"They shot you with needles." Tobias stated. "Needles full of simulation transmitters. Simulations control you. That's how."

"We know how simulations work." Jack replied. "The transmitter is not a permanent implant. If they intended to control us, they would have done it right away."

"But—" Tris started.

Jack interrupted her. "I know you have been under a lot of stress, Tris." He told her quietly. "You have done a great service to your faction and to Abnegation. But I think your traumatic experience may have compromised your ability to be completely objective. I can't launch an attack based on a little girl's speculations."

"You weren't there, Kang." I told him. "You didn't see what they did. You don't _understand_ what happened to Tris, or myself, or anyone else who went through the Abnegation attack. You couldn't possibly be capable of an objective view unless you understand everything that happened."

"Again with the traumatic experience clouding judgement. Otherwise why would you want to save Eric so badly?"

Shaking started to take me over and I felt Tris's hand grip my wrist. Looking at her, she's as angry as I am now. She was no longer a little girl and neither of our judgement was clouded or compromised. Only everyone else in this room will believe the words coming from the man before us.

"You don't make our decisions for us, Kang." Tobias told him.

All around us, the Dauntless shout their assent. Then someone else yelled, "You are not the leader of our faction!"

Jack waited for their shouts to die down and then said, "That is true. If you want to, you can feel free to storm the Erudite compound by yourselves. But you will do so without our support, and may I remind you, you are greatly outnumbered and unprepared."

I hated that he was right. We couldn't attack anyone without it ending in a bloodbath. I felt nauseous knowing that fucking Jack Kang held all the power. He had just made it blatantly obvious for all to see and he wasn't shy about pointing it out.

"I thought so." He stated smugly. "Very well. I will contact Jeanine Matthews, and see if we can negotiate a peace. Any objections?"

No one said anything. For the moment there was nothing left to say. The meeting had ended and the room started to empty. Looking around, I couldn't see Eric or any intention of them bringing him out. "What about Eric?" I said gripping Four's shoulder.

"One thing at a time, Opie." He replied gently, for my benefit, I knew he wanted Eric dead sooner rather than later. "Jack needs to have his meeting."

"If Jeanine comes –" I started but didn't know what I wanted to say.

"I know." He replied putting his hand against my face. "We will keep Eric safe. She doesn't have to know he's here. If he proves himself than we can use him against her. Jack knows this."

"I'm scared." I told him with tears in my eyes.

"I know." He repeated, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Now go keep an eye on Eric if you want." He said turning and moving away from me.

"He killed Maggie." I blurted out. He stopped and turned back to me, wrapping me in his arms. "It was an accident. It was an accident but he did it. My own sister was killed by the man I love." Tris was behind Four, looking at me with a sad and yet angry expression, while Four squeezed me tighter. "She's dead and the worst part is…" My voice dropped to a whisper, "…is that I think I'm okay with it."

He pulled me away from him, taking my head in his hands, "Opie."

"I love him, Tobias. I love him more than anything." I told him as tears ran down my cheeks. "Please do not let them take him away from me."

"I'll do what I can." He said and rushed off.

Looking at Tris, she sighed, crossing her arms as she stepped up to me, "I'm sorry, Pen."

"Me too." I stated.

"But why are you going to defend him when he's killed people you care about? He's killed innocent people and you won't see how wrong it is." She frowned at me.

"If Four killed innocent people, would you still love him?"

"It's different." She said shaking her head.

"No, it's not." I shot back at her. "Eric has done horrible things but you don't realize how heavily those deaths weigh on him. He's not the same man he was. He feels guilt and sorrow. He wants to be punished for his actions. It just can't mean that he gets taken away from me." I told her, sniffling and finally pulling myself back together. "And he'll prove it when they give him the truth serum. He will prove it."

"I hope so." She replied and walked away from me.

Feeling anxious, I turned to see Claude waiting for me. Forcing a smile, she wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so sorry about your sister."

"Me too." I replied more air than sound.

"Come on. I'll walk you to Eric's cell."

Nodding, I knew that she wanted to be with Terra, but I also knew that I could count on her. "Have you seen your family?" I asked her.

"I did." She replied. "But we don't really see eye to eye anymore. I introduced them to Terra and they all clammed up so fast. I have never felt so embarrassed and ashamed in my life."

"Never feel ashamed." I frowned at her. "You are a beautiful woman. And part of your beauty lies in your love for Terra or anyone else. You are strong and confident. Never let anyone make you feel ashamed for who you are. Because I am proud to know you. I am your family. You don't need them anymore. Together we'll be the family we've always wanted. Okay?"

"Yeah." She smiled, resting her head against mine.

"I love you, Claude."

"Love you too, Pen."

Stopping in front of the cell door, I took her hands in mine. "Go make love to that beautiful girlfriend of yours and remember how amazing you are. If anyone says different then send them my way."

"Thanks." She smiled and left.

Turning to the cell, I just stared at the door. No sound was coming from inside of it. I had wanted to be reunited with him so badly, and now I was afraid to walk through the door. I wasn't afraid of him. I was afraid of myself and what I would say to him. I didn't want to look at him differently. I didn't want him to forever be known as the man who killed my sister.

"Just go in." I whispered to myself. "Just go in."

I couldn't move.


	9. Make It Right

**Chapter Nine: Make It Right**

Turning to walk away from him, I froze, knowing that that wasn't the answer. Everything that had happened sucked. I didn't think the shock of it all had fully worn off yet. It was all just…too big. Too much. I would never forget my sister and what she meant to me. The sting of her death was still fresh and it hurt. It hurt more than anything. But I couldn't turn from him. I'd told myself that I would never turn from him and I wasn't going to start now. We would work it through. We would be okay.

At least that's what I kept telling myself.

Tears slid down my cheeks and I swiftly wiped them away. Taking a deep breath, I nodded at one of the guards who opened the door for me. Stepping into the cell, Eric was sitting on his knees in the center of it, his head bowed. Shudders moved through him as he slowly lifted his head and met my eyes. Tears filled his as he looked at me. For a moment I just stared at him. So angry and yet seeing him cry affected me more than I thought it would after what he'd done.

Rushing to him, I fell onto my knees, pulling him against me. His face was against my neck, my arm wrapped around his head as the other wrapped around his shoulder. His tears were hot against my neck and mine against his. Pulling him away from me, I took his face in my hands, pressing my forehead against his.

"I'm so sorry." He told me with his eyes shut, tears hot against his cheeks. "Pen, I am so sorry."

I didn't have words for him, but I couldn't be apart from him either. Coaxing him to lie down, I cradled him as comfortably as I could, running my nails up and down his back, feeling him relax. Humming to him, needing sound, he drifted off to sleep, holding a fistful of my shirt in his hand. Pressing a kiss against his temple, I held him, one arm firmly around him while I continuously ran the other through his hair, down his arm, across his side, his thigh, anything that I could reach. All the while I hummed to him, no tune in particular, anything to calm him. Not only him but myself as well.

I thought that after I was reunited with him, my nightmare would be over. Instead I was still faced with the possibility of losing him. He may not die but they could imprison him. Make it so I could never see him again. Pressing my face into his hair, I took a deep breath of him as fresh tears filled my eyes. He smelled amazing, comforting me, clearing my mind and reminded me of what I was fighting for. Him.

"Pen!" My name was called as the door was quickly opened.

"Simmy?" I said as she rushed in. "What is it?" I frowned at her.

"I'm sorry." She told me. "But somethings happened. We need you."

"We?" I frowned.

"Please." She told me with furrowed brows. "It's Tori."

I tensed and was about to move, but stopped, looking down at Eric. He was still sleeping soundly and it had only been a few hours. "Get the pillow from the bed." I told Simmy. "And the blanket."

Doing as she was told, she helped me gently shift him from my lap. I rested his head against the pillow and covered him with the blanket, only I had to pry my shirt from his fingers. As soon as I had shifted away from him, his brows furrowed and he shifted closer to me. Running my fingers through his hair, I pressed a long kiss against his temple.

"Pen." Simmy said anxiously.

"I'm coming." I told her, covering Eric further. "I love you." I told him, pressing a kiss into his hair before I stood and followed her. "What happened? Where was she?"

"In Erudite." She replied as we broke into a run. "She and Zeke were spies. They figured it out and Tori was shot as they tried to escape."

Picking up speed, Simmy kept up with me, pulling into the lead as she took me to Candors med area. Pushing through the doors I could hear her painful cries. Rushing toward the sound of her, I was met by a Dauntless guard, my arms gripped tightly in their grasp.

"Let me go!" I yelled at him.

"No access." He told me.

"Get the _fuck_ out of my way!" I yelled at him. "I'm family!"

"Pen!" Tori screamed.

He turned his head toward the sound of her voice.

"That's me." I shot at him. "Now let me go." He met my eyes before releasing me. Rushing through a curtain, Tori was lying there pale and in pain. Blood covered her thigh. "Tori." I said taking her hand, my other moving to her hair. "You're gonna be okay."

"You're alive." She smiled up at me, squeezing my hand as tightly as she could. "How are you alive?"

"Shh." I smiled, pressing a kiss against her forehead. "Is she gonna be okay?" I asked the doctor that was working on her.

"You experienced with gunshot wounds, Kid?" She asked.

"I am." I replied.

"I'm out of nurses and I'm the only doctor here at the moment. Are you stable enough to help me?" She asked, getting a glare from me. She smirked and nodded. "Alright, Kid. Glove up." She ordered.

Doing as I was told, I washed my hands and arms, pulling on a set of gloves before returning to her. Following her direction, we worked meticulously as we cut the bullet out of Tori's leg. I assisted in stitching the bleeders before we cut away all the dead tissue, irrigated, and closed the wound. By the time we were done, Tori was unconscious, she was being given blood and fluids, as well as a good dose of penicillin and morphine. Her leg was propped up on pillows, but no permanent damage had been done. At least none that we could see. We'd know more when she woke up.

"She'll be fine." The Doc told me as she pulled the gloves from her hands.

"Thank god." I sighed doing the same. "Thank you."

She smiled at me. "I didn't do it alone. That was impressive, Kid. Where did you learn medicine?"

"Books and experience." I replied. "I'm Dauntless. We don't really spend a lot of time teaching or learning medicine despite the wounds we like to inflict on each other. But I'm in charge of our med area so I've read up on as much as I can get my hands on. I've seen a few things that I've had to deal with."

"You've performed surgery?" She asked next.

Shrugging, I answered the best I could, "I guess so? Nothing that I've been trained to do. I've controlled bleeding and done a few deep laceration repairs, but nothing like opening a chest or anything."

"Something tells me you could do it in a pinch if you had to. You'd be good in the field."

Frowning, I nodded at her. "I guess."

"Though you don't sound very Dauntless." She replied with a raised brow, both of us washing the blood from our arms. "Sounds more like Erudite."

I stiffened, gripping the edge of the sink to keep myself from acting out. "Please never compare me to them again. I may enjoy learning but I'm not like them. I don't go around destroying other factions."

"Sorry." She replied. "Candor, remember?" She added and smirked.

I smiled and nodded, "You guys can never keep your mouths shut."

She laughed and nodded. "Keep an eye on her. If you feel uncomfortable with anything come and find me. But something tells me that you can take care of her just fine on your own."

"I can." I nodded.

"Are you close to her?"

"She's family."

She nodded and sighed, "Keep her close, Kid."

"I will, Doc." I nodded again.

She left and I swiftly pulled up a chair next to Tori. I was exhausted. I wanted to return to Eric but I couldn't leave Tori before she woke up. I needed to make sure that she was okay. More than that I needed to tell her everything that's happened. It was selfish of me to need her to comfort me but I felt like my allies were dwindling. After the beating I took after confessing my love for Eric, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. I had Claude. But now Tori was back and I needed her. I'd make sure she was okay and I'd let her say her peace but when she asked how I was I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop the words from spilling out of me like water.

After a while, Four came to visit. He was the only one who spoke as he filled me in on what Tris had told me Eric said before he'd been hurt. Told me that the meeting with Jeanine had been arranged for seven tonight and then they'd make a decision about Eric. The word 'trial' had been tossed around and, to be honest, I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying. All I wanted was for Tori to be okay and for Eric to have his chance to speak. I wanted him to be freed. I needed something positive to come out of all this. I needed something to hold on to.

After shedding yet another bucket of tears, I fell asleep with Tori's hand in mine, my head resting on the edge of the bed. I didn't realize I was as spent as I was, welcoming the sleep more than anything. I didn't dream. I didn't think. For a blissful few hours I slept and didn't have to think about everything that was happening, finally escaping the horror that our lives were becoming.

"Pen." A voice said softly.

"Mm." I replied furrowing my brows but kept my eyes shut.

"Pen, wake up."

Flying back against the chair, I righted myself and looked at Tori. "Sorry." I stated sleepily. Clearing my throat, I stood, wiping my hands on my thighs before I was leaning over her leg. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm okay." She told me, gripping my hand. "I'm okay, Pen. How are you alive? How did you end up here? Tell me what I've missed."

Frowning, I shook my head, "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter." She replied.

"What about you?" I countered. "What were you doing in Erudite?"

"I was gathering as much information about Jeanine as I could. I needed to find anything useful about her that would help us bring her and Erudite down."

"Did you succeed?"

She nodded. "She has a secret lab on the top level. She put in place some insane security measures to protect it. I was trying to get up there when I was figured out."

"It's okay." I told her, my brows still furrowed. "You're here and you're safe. That's all that matters."

"Pen, I saw him." She stated.

"What?" I frowned at her, my stomach dropping.

"I saw Eric." She smiled. Tears filled my eyes as I averted them from hers. "He was trying to protect you the whole time." She went on. Nodding, I met her eyes again. "I saw him and he questioned me on why I was there. I thought I had convinced him but my answers weren't what he wanted to hear. He didn't really care why I was there. He didn't care what I was planning. His only concern was you."

"Tori." I frowned at her, shaking my head as I sat back down.

"He said to watch out for you. To keep you safe when I returned to Dauntless." She paused, taking in the tears that were on my cheeks. "He knew that what he was doing was wrong. He killed for them but he could no longer watch them die. He felt every one of them. I could see the pain and guilt. He doesn't want to kill for them anymore."

"Please, Tori." I said shaking my head again. "I don't want to hear. Not right now."

She didn't listen. "Only then he went to Amity and word of your death reached Erudite. Everyone thinks you're dead. I heard about Eric's breakdown. About your sister's death. I heard about him killing again, no longer feeling anything. They took bets on how long it would take for him to kill himself." She paused when I took a sharp intake of breath.

"He did try and kill himself." I shot at her. "And then killed my sister instead."

"Jeanine was so pleased by your death." She went on with a sad tone in her voice.

Frowning, I kept shaking my head, "Are you listening to me?"

"She knew there was nothing holding him back and she exploited him for it. She gave him orders and he followed them blindly because he didn't care anymore." She paused again. "He was blinded by grief."

"Stop." I whispered as I covered my mouth, attempting not to sob, meeting her eyes, seeing if she actually was listening to me now.

Letting go of my hand, she gently tucked my hair behind my ear. "I know how much you love him. Only I never realized how much he loves you. You are everything to him." The tears fell faster down my cheeks, so warm that it felt like they were burning me. "I've never been so happy to be proven this wrong before. Everything you ever told me was true. He adores you, Pen. And to see him suffering without you really hit it home for me. I haven't seen him in days, but I hope he's okay. I hope there is still a chance for you two."

Nodding, I took a deep breath before telling her, "He's here."

"He is?" She said and I watched a wave of relief pass through her.

"They want to put him on trial for the attack on Candor. He killed a child, among others." I told her, taking another deep breath as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, rubbing them into my jeans. "From what I understand, he was told to take two Divergent back to Erudite and to kill the rest. Apparently, Divergent brains stop developing after twenty-five so he was going to kill the younger ones and take the older ones for Jeanine to experiment on."

"You're almost perfectly ripe then." She frowned.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"But he thought you were dead."

"And that's why he shot a little boy in the head, Tori!" I yelled at her. "That's why he shot my sister!" Laughing, I shook my head, resting my elbows on my knees. "You don't understand, Tori. Everything is so screwed up." Pausing, she kept silent, looking at me with so much sympathy I wanted to throw up. "Four said Tris don't think he cared about what he was doing when he stormed in here. She wounded him and Four was going to shoot him in the head when I put myself between him and Eric." She took my hand, squeezing it tightly. "I would have taken that bullet for him. I'm almost sorry I didn't. Now I have a dead sister and I might lose Eric anyway." Meeting her eyes, I felt twice as depressed from the way she was looking at me. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"Where is Eric now?" She asked.

"In a cell. Bound." I replied. "I was with him when Simmy came to tell me you were here. I've been here ever since."

"Go to him. Reassure him. He needs you, Pen."

"He shot and killed my sister, Tori!" I unintentionally yelled at her.

She looked taken aback but it was more out of sympathy than anything. "You'll get through it."

"Does he deserve to be forgiven?" I shot at her. "After everyone he's killed. After everything that he has done. Do you honestly think he deserves to be saved?"

"Yes." Tori replied.

Laughing, I stood and paced away from her. "You saying that – of all people – just makes this whole thing worse."

"Are you saying that you don't love him anymore?"

"Of course not." I shot back at her. "He's everything to me. I will never stop loving him. I can't just turn it off."

"See? He's still the most important thing to you. It sucks, I know it does. But he's the love of your life."

"And if he dies anyway?" I frowned, sitting back down.

She sighed, leaning slightly closer to me, "Could you live with yourself if you don't make it right with him? Even if he does die?"

Taking a deep breath, I shook my head, "No."

"He needs you."

"And I need him, Tori." I replied. "Even though he…"

"I know." She nodded.

"Even after what he's done, if they kill him…I won't last long."

"Do not talk like that." She shot at me. "He is not going to die and you sure as hell aren't going to join him. I will protect him."

"How, Tori? How are you going to protect him? You're bedridden and we don't have any leaders right now that anyone is going to listen to." I frowned.

"Things are going to change, Pen." She stated as if she knew something that I didn't. "And when it happens, I'll have a say in what happens to him, and I will protect him for you."

"Why would you do that for us?"

"I've been here since the beginning and I know what you feel for each other and I would never take that away from either of you. I'll get him back to you, Pen. I promise." She told me with certainty.

"Thank you." I told her as my eyes filled with tears again. Though a subtle relief was starting to creep into me.

"Honey, you're so tired." She told me with furrowed brows.

"You have no idea what it's been like." I cried.

"Tell me everything." She said with a commanding tone.

Nodding, I delved into the story of what happened since the simulation started. I'd only seen her once and that was when she had killed the man in Abnegation. She was quiet as she listened; only asking a few questions here and there. I didn't go into too much detail, not wanting to spend the rest of the night discussing all the bad that had happened.

When I got to Henry she had a few choice words and I had to threaten her with sedation for her to finally relax. He'd get his comeuppance. Then I told her about the truth serum and the event that happened that led us to here. She was quiet for a long time afterward, making me wonder what she was thinking. She never lied to me so when she took this long I was always worried about what she was going to say.

"Okay." She said meeting my eyes again. "Don't worry about Eric. We will get him out of this. You should have let Claude cut off Henry's penis. And when Eric has control of his hands again, he's going to kill him."

Finally breaking a smile, I nodded at her, "I know. But I think we have bigger problems to worry about right now."

"He'll be okay." She told me. "Better than okay, because you two will get through this and be stronger than ever." I nodded again. "And I am so sorry about Maggie."

Smiling, I shrugged at her, "Everyone is."

"It's okay to be upset about it. But you know it was an accident. Eric would never purposely do something like that. Not to you."

"But to other people?" I retorted with a frown.

"Not anymore." She said shaking her head. "With you he can be a better man."

"Those are the same words I've been telling you for weeks. Now you all of a sudden believe them?" I frowned at her.

"Pen, I am so sorry that I've been difficult when it comes to the two of you."

Sighing, I let out a short laugh, "And just because he's a better man doesn't mean he's not still going to do horrible things."

"But he'll do them out of necessity and not just to be cruel or to follow orders."

"Does that make it better?"

She nodded, her tone certain, "Yes."

"Kind of like when I came to terms after Neely." I told her. "Are you seeing the roles reversing here?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I do. And I'm sorry."

Feeling a wave of anger, I nodded at her, a frown slowly crossing my face. "Everyone is so goddamned sorry. If everyone had realized all of this sooner than maybe things would have turned out differently."

"No, sweetie. They wouldn't have." She told me gently. "You are Divergent and he isn't. It might have happened differently, but the end result would have been the same."

Sighing, I nodded, "I just hope they paid attention when they gave me the truth serum. I hope they believed what I said. I told them that he can be a better man."

"Then everyone should know that it's true."

"Only then they beat me, Tori." I frowned. "That's where all my latest wounds came from. They fucking _beat_ me when I confessed my love for him. Our own faction."

She sighed and nodded. "He's done a lot of wrong in his time in Dauntless."

"He's not that man anymore." I retorted.

"I know." She said gripping my hand. "I know, sweetie. Everyone else will see it too. They just need a little time."

"And I hope they'll keep their word and give him the truth serum. Then they'll know he's telling the truth and that he is worthy of being forgiven and will earn him his place among us." I replied trying to sound more hopeful.

"He will." She smiled.

"If he doesn't, I'll break him out and we'll run."

"We'll do what we have to." She nodded at me. "You're not alone, Pen. Not anymore."

Sighing, I fought the tears that seemed to have replenished themselves and now wanted to be released. "And yet the more people that surround me, the more alone I feel." I replied barely above a whisper.

"I felt like that too." She told me. "Only then I met you, Penelope Farrier." I couldn't help but grin at her. "You've been a pain in my ass since day one and yet I could have never asked for a better friend, ally, sister, or faction member. You're pretty awesome in my book."

"Mine too." Four's voice interrupted us.

My smile disappeared and I swiftly got up, slowly getting Tori a glass of water so I wouldn't have to look at him. He may have shown sympathy for my sister's life but he was still out to get Eric. I knew where he stood and he might vouch for him for my sake, but I knew what he really wanted. I didn't want Eric to be the reason that a rift formed between us, but I didn't think even he understood what killing Eric would do to me. So much of my focus was on him that…I didn't know who I was without him anymore. Maybe Four was right. Maybe everyone was right and I couldn't see it because I'd spent so much time and energy into defending him and keeping him alive. I'd been fighting so much for him and after recent events…was he truly worth it anymore? Were _we_ truly worth it anymore?

Looking at my reflection in the glass of the cabinet in front of me, only one word filled my mind – _Yes._

Taking a steadying breath, I turned, not looking at Four as I walked back to Tori, handing her the glass of water. She drank it while raising her brow at the pair of us. Sitting back down, I raised a brow back, keeping my eyes on her. Without saying a word, I felt him put his hands on my shoulders, pressing a kiss against the back of my head.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

Sighing, I leaned into his touch, bringing my hand up to cover his. "It's okay." I replied softly.

He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at Tori, "You're looking good."

"And you're an ass." Tori replied with a raised brow.

"You've been catching her up." He smiled at me.

"I still love you." I smirked at him.

He took my hand, holding it tightly in both of his, "I'm gonna make it right."

"How?" I frowned at him.

"I don't know yet."

"Making it right is simple, Tobias. You keep your word and let Eric tell us his truths." He nodded. "Tobias." I frowned harder, pulling my hand from his.

"It's not up to me." He replied.

"Well maybe it should be." Tori interjected. We both looked at her. "We need new leaders."

"We have a leader." I stated even though I knew he didn't count anymore.

"No one will follow him anymore." Tori stated. "We'll tell everyone that he will be stripped of his leadership and replaced with others that we pick as a Faction."

Four just looked at her and nodded, "And you want me to be one of them."

"And Tori." I stated.

"And one more." She nodded. "We can't settle ties between the pair of us." She added with a smirk.

"Okay." He nodded. "We'll have to get our people together and see what they think."

Tori nodded. "I can make it happen."

"Okay." He repeated.

"What about everyone else?" I asked him. "Where's Tris? What's being planned on Kang's end?"

"She's getting ready to go spy on the meeting between Kang and Jeanine." He replied.

"What?" I said getting to my feet.

He did the same, putting his hands on my arms. "It's okay. I'm going with them."

"Them?" I frowned.

He nodded, "There is a group going."

"Kill her." Tori told him, propping herself up. "Kill her, Tobias."

He just looked at her before the time, "I gotta go."

"Please find me when you get back. I'll be here or with Eric." I told him.

"Okay." He nodded, pressing a kiss against my forehead, running his hand down my hair as he stepped away from me.

"Go to Eric." Tori told me.

"What about you?" I frowned.

"I'll be fine. But if Jack Kang is leaving, he'll be taking others with him. I'm sure Eric is guarded but it might be better if someone is there who can protect him. If our people are out for blood it would be an excellent opportunity." She replied.

"Thanks for that." I frowned at her. "I am officially freaking out now."

She just smiled. "Don't freak out. Just go to him. He needs you."

"Okay." I nodded. "I love you."

"Love you too. Now go."

Turning, I swiftly ran to back to Eric's cell, ordering the door opened and that no one else be granted entrance without my consent. They nodded and unlocked the door. I bolted into the cell, turning and making sure it was locked behind me.

"What's going on?" Eric asked quickly. "Where have you been?" Turning, I met his eyes but didn't say anything. "Baby, you gotta say something to me."

I shook my head at him, "What do you want me to say, Eric?"

"Anything." He told me with furrowed brows, stepping toward me. I put my hand up to stop him. "Yell at me. Hit me. Do whatever you have to do."

"Fine." I shot at him. "You want me to yell? I'll yell! Everything bad that has happened to me is all your damn fault!" I yelled. "I've been hit, shot, and my sister has been killed and it has all been because of you! You, Eric! I love you but –" I said and stopped.

"But?" He asked with an anxious tone.

"This hurts, Eric. This hurts more than anything. Maggie was important to me. She meant the world to me and you killed her."

"Pen, I am so sorry about Maggie. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Not anymore. Especially not like this."

"I know." I nodded at him, anger starting to boil. "But I can't be so quick to forgive you this time."

"Pen." He said kneeling in front of me. Feeling my jaw go tight, I raised my chin verses dipping it to look at him. "I can't even begin to apologize enough for Maggie. I never wanted to hurt her. It was an accident. We both thought you were dead. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her. To you."

Looking down at him, I felt tightness in my chest. "That doesn't make it okay." I frowned.

"I know. I know, baby. I know that it doesn't." He told me pleadingly. "But there is nothing I can do to bring her back. I can't change what happened. But you're alive. You have no idea what that means to me. And I'm still going to ask for you to forgive me. Please, Pen. Please tell me that you can forgive me." I just looked at him. "Please."

Slowly bringing my hand to his face, I wanted to touch him, comfort him and tell him that I could forgive him. Then Maggie's laughter filled my mind and I knew that I would never hear it again. I would never hear her play her guitar, her melodic voice accompanying it. I would never sit with her in the orchard and talk about everything like we used to. She was gone. I couldn't even grieve her properly. I wasn't with Hazel or my parents. If they had watched her die and thought me dead as well, what could they possibly be thinking and feeling? How would they survive the death of two children? How was Hazel going to feel being the only one left? And it was all because of one man. The man I loved was responsible for nearly killing me. He was responsible for killing my sister.

Feeling nauseous, I turned away from him, pounding on the door for the guards to let me out. As soon as the door was closed behind me, Eric started to scream, making me drop to my knees. I'd never heard him scream before. Not like that. He was in agony and I couldn't find it in me to go back inside. Crawling to the wall opposite the door, I leaned my back against it, bringing my knees up. I had to cover my ears to drown out the sound of him, my sobs doing well as extra noise. The guards looked shaken but I didn't have any words for them either.

I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do. I needed time and wasn't going to get as much as I needed. I had to be Dauntless about this. About Maggie. I needed to remember the faction I had chosen and I needed to put my sister behind me. She was dead and there was nothing I could do about it. No matter how much I dwelled on it, all it was going to do was hurt me, and Eric, and everyone else who had known her.

I had to believe that she was in a better place. She didn't have to worry about the war raging around her. She was okay. I had to believe that she was okay and would watch over me and guide me. I would see her again. Someday. I had to believe that and to be okay with her death. I had told Four that I was, and I was okay with it. But having to look at Eric and see everything that had been taken from me – from us – I couldn't take it. He was at the center of my pain, when he had been the light in my life. I loved him. I loved him more than anything. I just had to find a way to forgive him. I had to forgive him.

"Opie." Four said squatting in front of me, breaking me from staring at the door. "Jesus, Opie."

"I'm okay." I told him.

"No you're not." He replied worriedly.

"Back already?" I frowned, trying to change the subject.

"Opie." He replied sadly, running his hand down my hair. "What do you need?"

Tears filled my eyes and I silently started to sob, "How do I forgive him?"

He sighed and pulled me into his arms as he sat on the ground. Wrapping my arms around him, I cried into his shoulder. "You can forgive him, Penelope." He told me softly. I couldn't remember the last time he had said my full name. I quieted at the sound of it. "What happened was an accident. He feels regret and sorrow about what he did. He would never purposely hurt you. He loves you, Opie, and he needs you now more than ever. He needs you to get through this."

"I know." I told him. "I'm just having trouble looking at him."

"Come with me." He said pulling me away from him.

Nodding, he pulled me to my feet. Leading me to an unused room, he told me to stay and that he would be right back. It wasn't ten minutes when he returned with a candle, Claude and Terra, Simmy, Heather and Hannah. Smiling, Christina walked in with Will's sister Cara. Then Henry appeared, staying in the doorway.

Four lit the candle, holding his hand out to me. Smiling, I took it and stepped against his side. "This is for Maggie." He told us. Claude moved to my side, wrapping her arm around me. "She was shot and killed after our escape from Amity. She was kind and passionate and she loved her family more than anything. Especially her youngest sister, Penelope." He looked at me and I smiled at him, a tear sliding down my cheek. "She was wise beyond her years. She gave willingly and expected nothing. She was forgiving and empathetic. She was the epitome of Amity. She would not want her death mourned long, knowing she had done right in this world. Her only regret would be not knowing that her sister was alive and well.

"I can only hope that she now looks down upon her, guiding her in this time of war. She would not want her death dwelled on, no matter who was the cause of it." He turned and looked at me. "She would want you to be happy despite it all. She would wish you nothing more than the life you wish to have. She would see you from this fight and deliver you to a world of peace and love. Forgive, Pen. Embrace the Amity in you and see that this is not the end. You will get through this and you will be happy." He paused and then told me what I needed to hear. "So forgive him, Pen. Forgive him and be happy. We have all wronged you when it comes to this. But she never judged you. She took in everything you told her and still chose to see the good in him. Honor her by doing what she would want you to do. What you want to do, even though it's hard. Now it's time to make it right. Not just you with him. We all need to make it right and we will see it done." He turned back to the others. "For Maggie."

"For Maggie." They all replied.

"Thank you for coming." He told them and blew out the candle.

"Thank you." I whispered to him as they all dispersed. All but Claude and Terra.

"I still don't hold any good feelings toward him." He told me honestly, handing me the candle and lighter. "But he means something to you, so he means something to me." Smiling, remembering when I'd said those same words to him about Tris, I placed a kiss upon his cheek. "Now go back to his cell. Even if you can't forgive him just yet, you need to be with him. He needs you."

"Has anything been decided?" Claude asked.

"No." He replied. "But the second I know anything I'll find you or send word." He said meeting my eyes again. "Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."

"Never." He smirked. "I love you too."

Sighing, I gently ran my fingers through his hair. "You need to make things right with Tris as well."

"I know." He nodded.

"You can tell me about it later." I smiled.

He nodded again, "I could use your advice. But let me take care of you first."

"Okay." I told him, keeping his hand until I was too far away to reach him.

Making my way back to Eric's cell, I was once again let inside, seeing Eric sitting against the wall, hunched over his knees. He stood the moment he laid eyes on me, gaging my mood carefully. He didn't say anything and I didn't offer any words of comfort or forgiveness. Walking to the bed, I set the candle down off to the side, lighting it again.

"For Maggie." I said softly.

"For Maggie." He replied, offering me a small smile.

Furrowing my brows, his smile disappeared as I turned away from him. Sighing, I knelt on the bed, motioning him forward. He kept my eyes for a long moment before he tentatively stepped toward me. Keeping his eyes the entire time, I gently gripped his forearm, pulling him closer to me. Turning him, I sat him on the edge of it, starting to massage his shoulders, neck, and arms. I was sure he was feeling uncomfortable but he hadn't complained yet. He seemed more worried about what I was thinking, glancing at me over his shoulder.

As soon as I'd loosened his muscles the best I could, I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into it. Taking a deep breath of him, he rested his head against mine, tensing and sighing. I could feel his fingers twitching against my thigh. Pressing my lips against his temple, I felt a slight shudder move through him. Sighing myself, I laid down, pressing my back against the wall. Gently pulling on his forearm, he shifted and laid down facing me. Putting my hand against his face, I stared into his eyes. Running my thumb across his lips, I leaned forward, grazing them with mine, but didn't kiss him. Brushing my lips along his jawline, his neck, his cheek, I remembered the moments we had shared. Running my hand down his side and around his back, remembering all the moments when we laid together and the feelings he brought out in me. I had to remember the good in him. The way he made me feel like I was the only person in existence.

Holding onto those memories and feelings, I knew that I would reach forgiveness. Pressing myself against his chest, meeting his eyes again, I slid my hand down his arm and into his, lacing our fingers. He gripped my hand tightly, almost painfully, only the effect was spectacular. Lightly kissing him, even that one moment of contact and it felt like we had melded together. His hand in mine. The feeling of his lips. God, I loved his lips. I knew that nothing had changed between us. I would forever miss Maggie, but Eric was alive and he was here and I couldn't live without him. I needed him just as much as he needed me. We were in this – in everything – together.

"I will not turn from you." I whispered to him.

Tears filled his eyes as if I'd told him what he had wanted to hear, then his lips were against mine, kissing me deeply, his hand squeezing mine. "I love you." He whispered back.

"I love you." I told him.

"I will make it right."

"And I will forgive you."

He faltered, realizing that I hadn't fully forgiven him yet. He simply nodded and rested his forehead against mine. "I'm in this for forever."

I couldn't help the furrow of my brows, nodding and kissing him once more.


	10. It Is Time

**Chapter Ten: It Is Time**

Having been called away to a Dauntless meeting, I had left Eric in his cell. He had stood there and watched me leave, no words being broken between us. Though the entire time I could feel his unease washing off of him in waves. He was insecure, something I had never thought him to be. But faced with the possibility of me not being able to forgive him, struggling to be a better man, facing what he had done…he had turned into someone I'd never expected him to be. He was the confident one. He was a leader. I didn't feel worthy enough or comfortable enough to think that he needed me to be those things. He had been them before me and I needed him to be them after me. If something did happen then I would need him to be able to move on and not revert back to the killing machine he had used to be. If he was exonerated then he needed to find it inside of him to be strong and brave and fearless.

I understood that the unknown was terrifying and that what people thought of him weighed on him, but he needed to see his own worth. But it felt like that was what I was. Everything good in him and the man he wanted to be, he put inside of me and now I was carrying it with me. I was his better half. The light and the dark. I wanted to be that light for him. But after everything that had been going on I was struggling. I just wanted to get whatever they were going to make him do over with so we could be together and fix whatever was broken between us.

Finding myself in the space between rows of bunk beds and doors, I frowned at the tightly wrapped bedsheets that are holding the doors closed. Then I realize that this is not a known meeting and we're keeping people out of hearing it. Wrapping my arms around myself, I actually felt a little anxious. These were close friends and family, and yet I was half expecting to get attacked for my allegiance to Eric. But nothing happened and it appeared as if I was hardly noticed.

Unlike Tris. She seemed to be the center of attention. Then I see Tori, sitting on a chair between a few bunks, her wounded leg stuck out in front of her. Four as well as the rest of the Dauntless who were in Candor are all present. I stepped next to Claude, who is looking about as uneasy as I feel, Terra standing at her side with protectiveness I'd never seen before.

"Everything okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Liar." I frowned at her.

She sighed and met my eyes, "I'll explain later."

Nodding, I turned my attention to Tori, her eyes on Four, "What were the terms?"

He looks pissed and I knew there was more going on than I had thought. Something happened when they went to spy on the meeting. I guess we were about to find out what that was. Then I'd have to ask Four about Tris later. He hadn't filled me in yet and it seemed like things were piling up. Not only that, but I needed the distraction from everything. Even if it was just for a few minutes.

"There were three." Tris told us. "Return Eric to the Erudite." Her eyes flash to me as my head jerked toward her. Her eyes telling me to attempt to remain calm. Nodding, I took a deep breath. She nodded and went on, "Report the names of all people who did not get shot with needles last time. And deliver the Divergent to Erudite headquarters."

"If Jack Kang is making deals with the Erudite, we can't stay here." Tori stated. "So where can we go?"

"I'd like to revisit the whole give Eric back part." I frowned.

"Home." Four spoke, finally looking attentive. Everyone turned their head to listen to him. "We should take back what's ours. We can break the security cameras in Dauntless headquarters so the Erudite can't see us. We should go home."

"I'm with Four." I replied and many look at me. "Not that it matters." I added in a low voice. Claude smiled at me.

Though from the sound of the shouts and yells around us, everyone was in agreement. We are all one in this moment. All wanting the same thing. In this moment: home.

"But before we do that," Bud interjected from behind Tori, "we need to decide what to do about Eric. To let him stay here with the Erudite, or to execute him."

"Execute?!" I exclaimed, lunging at him before I could think about it, Four catching me round my waist.

"Pen, I know you love him, but he's done a lot of wrong." Bud replied.

"You can't!" I yelled.

"Eric is Dauntless." Lauren stated, turning the ring in her lip with her fingertips. "That means we decide what happens to him. Not Candor."

"Kang agreed to give him the truth serum so we can hear his truths about what's happened. He can be a better man. He already is a better man." I told him. "You need to let him prove it."

"Why? Because he loves you?" Marlene, Tris's friend, spoke up.

"He does love me." I shot back at her. "And he will help us. He can infiltrate Erudite for our benefit. He is not what you all think him to be."

"He can be useful." Claude added. "We need to take that into consideration."

"And who will make the final decision?" Henry asked. "We don't exactly have anyone to lead us anymore."

"He has a point." Tori nodded. "According to Dauntless law, only Dauntless leaders can perform an execution. All five of our former leaders are Dauntless traitors." Tori stated. "So I think it's time we pick new ones. The law says we need more than one, and we need an odd number. If you've got suggestions, you should shout them out now, and we'll vote if we need to."

"You!" Someone called out. We already knew that was going to happen.

"Okay, anyone else?" Tori shouted.

"Tris!" Marlene shouted.

I had hoped someone would have disapproved of that but no one said a word or even muttered anything.

"Pen!" Claude suddenly shouted.

"Claude." I frowned at her.

"If they can shout Tris than I sure as shit can shout you."

Despite my love for Eric, no one said anything. I was not going to lead the people. Oh hell no, I was not going to lead the people.

"Harrison." Someone said. He's middle-aged with a blond ponytail on his shoulder, and he grinned at the nomination.

There's a long moment where all the Dauntless are quiet. Then Tori spoke again, "I'm going to nominate Four." There are a few murmurs but otherwise they are quiet. "We only need three leaders. We'll have to vote."

"Five were nominated." Claude spoke up.

"Shut up." I told her. "I refuse the nomination." I said louder to the crowd. I had enough to worry about without adding a leadership role to the mix. If Eric was out, I was too. I had plenty of reasons to not want it.

"I refuse mine as well." Tris spoke up.

Tori raised her eyebrows at both of us, "Are you sure?"

"Positive." I stated with a nod.

"Yes. I don't want it. I'm sure." Tris replied.

All debate was over. The new Dauntless leaders are Tobias, Tori, and Harrison. Two of which were on my side when it came to Eric. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I only hoped they kept their word about getting him out of this.

The decision had barely been made when something rang – one long pulse, two short ones. Looking around the room to find the source, Tris is leaning against the wall, looking up at a speaker suspended from the ceiling. Looking around the room there is another across the way. Then Jack Kang's voice spoke all around us.

"Attention all occupants of Candor headquarters. A few hours ago I met with a representative of Jeanine Matthews. He reminded me that we Candor are in a weak position, dependent on Erudite for our survival, and told me that if I intend to keep my faction free, I will have to meet a few demands." I needed to know what else went down at that meeting. "In order to comply with these demands, I ask that everyone make their way to the Gathering Place to report whether you have an implant or not." He went on. "The Erudite have also ordered all Divergent to be turned over to Erudite. I do not know for what purpose."

Judging by the sound of his voice, something major had gone down. "What happened at that meeting?" I asked Four.

The rest of Dauntless is scrambling about, putting their things in bags. I hear Eric's name, disdain and anger on their tongues. One even mentioned murder, making me rush into action, racing to his cell and swiftly ordering them to let me inside. They seemed hesitant but did as I asked. As soon as I'm through, I slammed the door shut, ordering it to be locked and for the key to be slid underneath the door. They listened and I swiftly put the key in my pocket, staring at it, they hadn't been far behind me. Then they were pounding on the door.

"What's happening?" Eric asked stepping next to me.

"They want you executed." I stated.

"Who's they?" He said as if un-phased by my response.

Stepping closer to him, I slid my hand into his, "We have new leaders. They'll get us out of this."

"Who?"

"Four, Tori, and Harrison."

There was a long moment of silence making me look up at him. He was staring at me. "You're gonna be okay."

Tears sprang to my eyes faster than they ever had. "No, Eric." I told him. "If they execute you I will not be okay. I would never be okay again."

He just smiled and leaned down, kissing me sweetly. "You will be okay. It might take time, but after everything I've done, I deserve to be executed. They would be fools not to kill me."

Swiftly taking his head in my hands, my eyes locked with his, "I cannot lose you, Eric. I need you. Do you understand me? I _need_ you."

"You're gonna be okay." He repeated.

Falling against his chest, I started to cry, the pounding on the door making me jump, realizing that it would be them that took him from me. My own people. I couldn't bear the thought. Wrapping my arms around him, he pressed the side of his face to mine, his breath filling my nostrils, the feeling of his eyelashes against my cheek, his lips grazing my skin, making it that much more unbearable to think of losing him. I could feel his heart racing, a small jolt when the pounding intensified, only then it stopped. We both looked to the door, terrified of what that meant. Did they get another key? Are they going to smoke us out? Kill both of us if they couldn't just have him?

I was terrified.

"Pen." Four's voice came through the door. "Pen, open the door."

"No." I told him.

"Kang will hold to his word. We're ordering our people to listen to his truths." He told me. "Eric will have his moment and we will see if he is worthy of exoneration."

"Open the door." Eric told me.

"You're not just saying that, are you?" I asked through the door.

"Opie." His voice was now low and soft. "I would not lie to you. Tori and I have already agreed to try and save him. Now you have to do your part. Open the door."

"Open the door." Eric repeated.

Bending down, I pushed the key under the door. The lock was quickly turned and the door opened. Four was the only one standing there. The others were already moving down the hall and from sight. Four nodded and stepped in, gripping Eric's arm.

"Eric." I said gripping his fingers.

"No matter what happens. You're gonna be okay." He told me before Four was pushing him down the hall, gimping on his injured leg.

Swiftly following them, Claude was waiting for me, leading me to the front of the auditorium. Niles was once again on the stage, ready to inject Eric with the serum. Eric's expression is strong but then his eyes moved to me. Pain I'd never seen before moved across his face. He was going to admit to the lives he had taken and was faced with a possible execution. This was worse than anything I had imagined thus far. I had thought this the end but it could still be the beginning of something far worse. Before I can say or do anything, he was given the serum, Jack Kang stepping forward, prepared to ask him all that we wanted to know.

"What's your name?" Kang asked.

"Eric."

"Are you prepared to tell us the truth no matter what it may be?"

"Yes."

"Why did you come here?"

"Jeanine had us hunting the Divergent." He replied. "She needs them to formulate the perfect serum to use against them. One that they can't get out of. I was told to spare two of the Divergent and kill the rest."

"So you have killed people?"

"Yes."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Initially I felt nothing." He told us. "I had no one growing up and I had no one in Dauntless. Jeanine was the only constant I had in my life. So when I transferred, I became ruthless. I didn't care who I hurt. When I was handed my leadership position I was told that I would have to make hard choices and that above all I would have to follow orders without question. I was told my purpose was to track down the Divergent and report my findings directly to Jeanine. I'd known her my whole life so I followed her blindly. She has a very unique and subtle, yet strong way of manipulating those around her to do her bidding. She manipulated me. She used me. I believed what she told me about the Divergent. I believed that what I was doing was right. So I followed her orders. I killed for her."

"But you don't believe that anymore?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I met Penelope Farrier and I fell in love with her." He replied with certainty. "Getting to know her, just being around her, showed me there was more than just taking orders. She made me realize that there was more to me than just obeying and killing." He paused, nodding to himself as he looked at Kang. "Pen is the most amazing person I've ever met. She is the good that I strive to be. She showed me that the Divergent are not the enemy. She showed me that they are what we should be protecting."

"How?"

"Because she is Divergent." He stated. I couldn't help but smile at the proudness I heard in his voice. "The more time I spent with her, the more I started to question my world and my role in everything that was happening. The few questions I asked only brought hell down on both our heads. No matter how hard I tried to not be with her, I realized that I couldn't live without her, and so I did what I could to try and keep her safe. I've been trying to protect her, and by doing so I threatened our relationship by hurting her. Horribly." He went on. He wasn't holding back.

"What did you do?"

"I killed her sister. In a moment of grief, we struggled with my gun and she was killed."

"What moment of grief?" Kang asked.

"I had fired at them when Pen and the others were fleeing Amity. Keeping pretenses so they would think I was still on their side." He replied and paused. He swallowed hard, his eyes growing distant. "I hit her in the head and thought I'd killed her. I told her family that she was dead and her sister couldn't handle the news. And I killed her. It was an accident and I wish I could take it back. But I can't. I have to live with that." He frowned, bowing his head.

"You've killed since you've been with Ms. Farrier. Why?"

"I had been searching for the Divergent but I hadn't come across any. When they decided to move forward with their plans, I tried to convince them that she was trustworthy and to keep her out of the simulation. I wanted her with me so I could protect her." He was drifting from the point. I knew this part but didn't see how he was answering Kang's question. "Jeanine denied me." He paused again, anger entering his voice. Then he looked up and met Kang's eyes. "When the simulation started I had to play my part. I had to do what they wanted me to do. I killed for them. For Jeanine. I needed to keep myself safe so I could protect her. That was all I wanted. As long as I was alive, I could protect her. Even after I found out about her Divergence that was all I wanted. But I failed her that day." He told him, distance entering his eyes. "Jeanine had ordered her death and I didn't stop it." He said and paused. You could see the guilt in his expression. "But I heard of her escape. I knew she was alive so I would do what I had to do, be who I had to be, to ensure her safety. As much as they manipulated me, I wanted to manipulate them. I made sure I was sent to Amity. I made sure that I was in the meetings to know what progress had been made. I even started writing down things I'd heard, knowing that I would be reunited with her and I needed something to prove my loyalty and that I had switched sides." He paused before continuing.

"Then Amity happened. I watched her go down and they kept repeating over and over again, 'She's dead. Leave her, she's dead.' I'd killed the only person I've ever loved." He paused, and I could hear the emotion in his voice. I didn't know that. No one had said anything about it. When he went on, his voice was strong again. "The moment I thought her dead, I no longer cared what I did anymore. I was simply a body in motion. My mind was lost to grief. If they gave me an order than I obeyed. I thought I'd lost everything that mattered to me. I was already dead inside so I didn't care about killing, about…shooting that boy." A pained expression crossing his face before it smoothed out and he met my eyes, a small smile now on his lips. "But she's alive."

"So you feel guilt about what you've done?"

His eyes moved back to Kang, his smile gone, his brows furrowed. "I will never be able to apologize or repay those I've hurt. So, yes. I feel guilt. I feel sorrow and pain. I will carry the weight of the things I've done with me forever. No one can take it away or help me carry it, and they shouldn't have to. I alone need to carry the lives I've taken and the pain I've caused. I alone will feel that pain every day of my life. But I will make it right somehow. Whether it is with blood, sweat, and tears, I will try to right the wrongs I've done through the actions I make from this day forward. As long as I have Pen with me I can be a good man." He paused, everyone quiet as they waited for him to go on. "I will make amends for the things I have done. I have to. I will no longer live without the woman I love and I will do whatever it takes to be with her. I will be the man you want me to be. I can help you infiltrate Erudite. As far as Jeanine knows I am still hers. But I belong to only one person. Penelope Farrier. She is the good in me and I will be what she needs me to be. What you all need me to be. Even if it takes the rest of my life, I will prove it to you. As long as I am with her, I will prove it to you."

"All you have said speaks truth about you turning from Jeanine. But it would appear that all of that is tied to one person: Penelope Farrier." Jack said and paused. "If you go to war and fight against Erudite, if she dies, what will happen to you then?"

"I will avenge her and give my life to the cause she believed in."

"And you say you can infiltrate Erudite. You would do so, killing any and all in your path, just to prove your allegiance to those that surround you now?"

"I will do whatever I have to do to prove that I am not the man they think me to be. Not anymore."

"Even if Penelope were no longer at your side."

"She'll always be with me."

"And what would you say to anyone asking about your place amongst your people? Do you still consider yourself a leader of Dauntless?"

"No." He replied quickly. "I am no better than any other Dauntless in this room. If anything I am the very bottom. I will have to work to earn the trust and respect of my faction members. But I will do it. I will prove it. All I need is Pen."

"Damn." Claude smirked and nudged me.

Grinning, I was still staring at him. "He even surprises me sometimes."

"Just to clarify." Jack said, making me slightly anxious. "Jeanine manipulated you into doing the things you've done, making you believe the things you believe; and you now recant all ideas that she's put in your head, believing that she indeed needs to be stopped and will work alongside your loyal faction members, the Factionless, and all those who fight against her, for the safety of all the lives within this city."

"Yes." He replied with conviction.

There was another long pause. Jack was staring at him, Eric staring back. It went on so long I felt like I was going to be sick. This was the moment that was going to change everything. Whatever Jack said next was going to determine what happened next. Did he believe what Eric was saying? Was he willing to look past the death of his son and see a man worth saving?

All the while the room remained quiet. I held my breath, shifting back and forth as I stared at the pair of them. What more could Eric say to convince him? What more could he say to convince our faction that he had changed? He had said all the right things. Guilt. Sorrow. Despair. He felt all of them about the things he had done. But he had told them it was due to Jeanine's manipulation. She was the cause of all of his pain. My pain. Our pain. She was the cause and she needed to be stopped. All Jack had to do was exonerate him. Believe what he was telling him and let him go.

"Please." I whispered.

Claude put her hand against my arm, rubbing it reassuringly. Anxiousness was starting to take over, only then Jack spoke again. His voice calmer and his expression had smoothed out. My heart started to race and I locked my eyes onto him.

"Then today marks the start of a new life for you. I only hope you can accomplish everything you've just vowed to do." Jack told him. "Thank you for your honesty."

The crowd repeated the words before a slow clap started at the back of the crowd. After a few seconds others joined in. Then before I knew it, the majority of the room was clapping for him. He had told them what they wanted to hear and it wasn't done just to placate them. They now knew that he felt guilt about what he'd done. He felt sorrow for his actions and no one could take away the pain he inflicted upon himself because of it. He had told them the truth. Maybe a little too much of the truth. I didn't know when he became so wordy. The last time I'd heard him talk so much to anyone, other than me, was the night Edward lost his eye.

Laughing lightly, I brought my fingers to my lips, lightly touching them as I wrapped my arm around myself, looking up at Eric. Grinning, I met his eyes. He nodded at me, a tear sliding down his cheek as he took a deep breath, trying to put his hard expression back onto his face. Getting up onto the stage, I took his head in my hands and kissed him passionately, my thumb wiping the tear away as excited cries called out to us.

Laughing, I rubbed his cheeks as I met his eyes. "I'm in this for forever too. I forgive you."

"I wanted you to forgive me. I wanted you to so badly. But now I don't." He replied sadly. "Because then I'll have to forgive myself."

Nodding at him, I kissed him sweetly, keeping his eyes, "Forgive yourself, Eric. You've just made the biggest step forward of your life."

"No." He told me. "The biggest step I took was letting you in."

"I am deeply saddened about Maggie." I replied, making him avert his eyes, a glistening returning to them. "But what's done is done. And I…" I said making him meet my eyes again. "I am so in love with you, Eric. I can't live without you. It'll hurt like hell, but I can live without Maggie. But you? Never. So please do not do anything stupid." He laughed, kissing me deeply.

"Pen." Four said stepping up to us.

"Can he be released now?" I asked, rubbing Eric's chest as I wrapped my arm around him.

"No." He said shaking his head.

"Why not?" I frowned at him.

He sighed. "He's proven himself."

"Then what's the problem?" I shot at him.

"Other's need more convincing."

"Like you?"

Eric pressed a kiss against my shoulder, "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay." I frowned.

"There are still a few among us that would feel safer if he remained restrained for just a few more days –"

"Bullshit." I spat at him.

"It's been decided that he will remain bound until we've returned home." He told me, putting his hand on my arm. "It's the best I can do. I can't ignore the concerns of the others. Not anymore."

"It's okay." Eric nodded at him. "I understand."

"I don't." I frowned at Four. "He said all the right things and it was the truth."

"I know." Four nodded. "Just a few more days." He replied. "Then things will fall back into a more normal rhythm. We'll all feel better when we get home. And like he said, he has to build trust and respect. Right now a lot are still questioning him. Let his words sink in and let them process it." Nodding, he put his hand against my face, nodding at Eric before he walked away.

"I'm okay." Eric told me as I bit my bottom lip, attempting not to cry. "As long as I'm with you. You saved me."

Looking up at him, I sighed, pushing the tears aside. "I'd do it again. As many times as you need me too."

He smiled, resting his forehead against mine. "Once is enough."

"Pen." Claude said rushing up to us.

"Hey." I smiled embracing her.

She released me, looking at Eric. He nodded at her. She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. For a moment he tensed before resting his chin against her shoulder. "You're one of us now." She smiled as she released him.

"Thank you." He nodded at her.

"Claude!" Terra said rushing toward her.

I pulled Eric against my chest as I watched the two embrace each other lovingly. Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my head between his shoulder blades, my hand moving back and forth across his chest. His fingers moved against my stomach, gently gripping my shirt. Leaning up, I pressed a long kiss against the back of his neck. He was safe.

Then I saw Henry hovering and Eric tensed, his body quivering and an evil look crossed his face. "Hey, it's okay." I told him.

In the next second he had jerked away from me, darting toward Henry. Rushing after him, Claude appeared in front of him, slamming against his chest as I came up from behind him.

"Take it easy." Claude told him.

"Eric." I said gripping his arm.

He lurched forward again; all of us watching Henry run in the opposite direction.

"Baby, it's okay." I told him gently.

"It's not okay." He said and jerked forward once more before he started to calm down.

"Eric." I said holding him tightly.

"If I had my hands right now…" He started.

"I know, baby. But he's already suffering. You beating him will only give him satisfaction in paying for what he did. Let him suffer for a little longer."

Claude put her hand against my shoulder. "I'll be right back." She said and jogged away from us.

"Claude came to see me. You'd taken off and she thought you were with me." He replied. "Finding me alone she took it upon herself to tell me what happened. What he did to you."

"He didn't mean to." I told him. "He was just jealous and angry and hurt."

"That doesn't make it okay." He told me.

I sighed and nodded, "I know. Believe me I know. It's not something I'm going to forget any time soon. But he's a good man."

"He's a better man than me." He replied. "But that doesn't mean what he did can be excused. If he ever comes near you again…"

"You're here, Eric." I told him softly. "Nothing like that will ever happen again. And what he did…"

"I'm gonna kill him." He said tensing and moved in the direction Henry went.

"Eric." I said moving after him.

"I'm going to kill the son of a bitch!" He yelled.

Eyes were moving toward us. Him saying something like that was not going to do him any favors. "Baby, please." I told him pleadingly.

He looked around, seeing the eyes that were watching us. Sighing, he nodded and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "Sorry, baby."

"It's okay." I told him, my hands against his sides. "Believe me I would love for you to give him his comeuppance. I really would. But we have other things to worry about. Like you getting set free. You can take care of Henry later." He sighed again and nodded, kissing me deeply. Running my fingers through his hair, slipping my hand into his, I smiled up at him. "And for the record, you are far more than anyone ever expected. And the only man for me. The only one I will ever love in the entirety of my life."

He smirked at me, "I guess I should stick around for a while then."

"Probably." I smiled before kissing him. "I love you."

"I wish I could hold you." He told me, pressing his forehead against mine again.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through his hair. "Soon. In the meantime, I will hold you."

"I love you." He said softly and kissed me again.

Then there were steps and a hand fell on my shoulder, both of us looking at Claude, "Come on, let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

 **Hope you all enjoyed! Can't wait to hear what you all think! =D**


	11. It's a Hard Road to Redemption

**Chapter Eleven: It's a Hard Road to Redemption**

Leaving almost immediately, we made our way home, the remaining Dauntless feeling like they had purpose again. Helping Eric, his balance was off, making him struggle as he attempted to climb over and under rubble. After a while he was starting to get annoyed with me helping him, snapping at me despite me only wanting to help him. He was stubborn and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. I simply wanted to make it easier for him. He'd been through enough. All I wanted was make sure he knew he wasn't alone. Not to mention that Four had been right about some of our people not believing or accepting Eric. Some would pass him, a dangerous look in their eyes. Even I couldn't deny that Eric had hurt many people, and that there was an enormous amount of amends that he needed to make. But he would do it. He already said he would. For me. I'd never felt more special in my life then listening to the truth that spilled from his mouth. I had wanted to believe it but I never truly had. Now I did. I believed it with all of me.

"Stop it." Eric shot at me as I reached for him.

Sighing, I dropped my arm to my side, "I'm only trying to help you."

"I know." He said with a kind tone. "But I have a long road ahead of me and it doesn't do me any favors to have my woman constantly helping me. I am the malicious Eric."

Laughing, I moved closer to him, gripping his arm as I leaned up and kissed his cheek, "But you're all mine."

He smirked and kissed me properly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're an idiot by the way."

"What?!" I chuckled. "Why am I an idiot?"

He stopped, making me stop next to him. For a long moment he just stared at me. I felt a blush start to rise in my cheeks. "You said it back in Amity."

Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned into him, "And why does that make me an idiot?"

"You threw me off. You made me want to throw everything away and go with you."

"You should've." I told him. "I needed you."

He nodded, kissing me deeply. "Only then you died. I killed you."

"Only a little bit." I smirked, trying to make light of it.

He smiled, unconsciously moving to touch me, only to be held back by the cuffs. In the next second he was struggling against them, yelling out when nothing happened.

"Stop it." I told him, moving behind him, slipping my hands into both of his. "Eric, stop." He did, bowing his head. His muscles were shaking from the sudden exertion. "Eric…" I said softly before bending down, putting his hand against my face.

"Pen." He said sadly, shaking his head.

Straightening, I pressed myself against his back, resting my head between his shoulder blades. "We're almost home." Pressing a kiss against him, I sighed, running my fingers across him as I moved to face him. "Just think of all the things I'll do to you when we get there. To our room. We can go to the Chasm where it all started." Wrapping my arm around him, I slipped my hand into his, putting my other on his shoulder as I leaned up and kissed him passionately.

"Pen!" Four's voice interrupted. "Let's go!"

Realizing we had been left behind, I sighed and nodded at him. Moving again, I rolled my shoulder to try and release some of my tension. I knew he was a leader of Dauntless now but he still didn't have to act the way he was. He had supported me in saving Eric. He had been kind about it. Only now he was cold and wanted nothing to do with him. Leaving him bound and marched back to Dauntless in front of everyone. If his goal was to humiliate him, it was working.

"Don't be mad at him." He told me.

"Why not?" I shot back. "He helped save you and now it's like you don't exist."

"He didn't save me for me. He saved me for you." He replied. "I don't give a shit about what he thinks of me. I got what I wanted."

Smiling at him, I wrapped my arm around him. "So did I. But I still don't appreciate my brother being an asshole toward you."

"I'm the asshole and I deserve his indifference. As well as everyone else's."

"No you don't." I retorted.

Smiling, he nudged me, his lips finding my neck, "You're the only one who thinks so."

Laughing, I pressed against his side, once again being interrupted. "You got a sec?" Zeke asked me.

"Yeah." I nodded, following him, glancing at Eric. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him, but he just nodded at me. Sighing, I nodded back, crossing my arms as I watched him walk away. "What is it, Zeke?" I was already feeling anxious having Eric out of sight.

"I think you should know that Eric wasn't telling you the entire truth." He told me.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned. "He can't fight the serum. He didn't even try."

"I know." He nodded. "But he didn't go into detail about all the shit he did. I was there, Pen. I was there and saw firsthand what he is capable of."

"I know what he's capable of. If I can forgive him for killing my sister I'm pretty sure I don't give a fuck about whatever it is you're talking about." I shot at him, attempting to move past him.

"Wait." He said holding up his hands.

"What, Zeke?" I frowned. "I don't care about what you have to say. I care about Eric and that's all the matters."

I attempted to move away from him again, but he gripped my arm, "Just wait."

"Get your hand off of me." I told him dangerously.

"It's better this way." He told me.

His jaw was tight and the look on his face was telling me something was wrong. Pulling away from him, I rushed after Eric, my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. They had already been out for blood and now I'd given them enough time to make good on their threat. Rushing around a corner, I saw him surrounded by six Dauntless. They were far enough from the rest of the group to draw any suspicions. They were beating him, sending him from one member to the next. Without saying anything, I darted down to them, swiftly breaking the arm of the first I encountered, the leg of another, catching the fist of the third, bending their arm against their back, threatening to pop it out of the socket.

"Stop what you're doing or I will continue to give you what you deserve." I told them calmly.

"He doesn't deserve to live." One said, holding his arm against his chest.

Eric was on the ground, coughing, blood falling down his brow and chin. "You need to get over it. He's alive and will remain alive as long as I'm still breathing. Come for him again and I'll kill you myself." I told them, popping the shoulder out of place and shoving him to the ground. The other three helped their wounded and left.

"Opie." Four said rushing into sight.

"If you plan to lead these people than you should start to fucking control them." I shot at him. When he didn't say anything, I turned and went to Eric, helping him to his feet as I assessed his injuries.

"Don't be so hard on him." Eric told me softly as I gently touched his wounds, making him grimace. "He's gone against everything he knows by letting me live."

"I know." I told him. "I simply don't care." I added, frowning as I look at his brow. They had torn his piercing out and it was bleeding more than I would have liked.

"You do." He smiled.

Meeting his eyes, I sighed, but wasn't as sure as he was. "The only thing I care about is you."

"I'm flattered." He smiled.

"And also bleeding." I replied still frowning.

He pressed a kiss against my forehead. "I'll be okay."

Running my hand down his chest, I put my arm around him, keeping him tight against my side. He attempted to make small talk, lightening the mood, but I wasn't in the mood. All I could do was watch everybody as if they were going to make a move against him. Following our own people made me more anxious than I liked. Feeling like we were still going to have to fight to survive. The thought made me refuse to take a single step away from Eric's side, not about to let anything else happen to him.

When home finally came into sight, a wave of relief when through me. I wanted Eric freed. I wanted to see my room. I wanted my bed. I wanted my mural. I wanted the many faces of Eric. More than all of that, I wanted to spend the night with the man I loved, once again feeling his hands against me. The feeling of my skin against his. The euphoria of his lips…

"We're home. Cut him loose." I told Four. He just looked at me with a hard glare. Tris was at his side, looking much the same. She hated Eric and he had done very little to her since she arrived. If anything Tris had caused more damage than Eric had. She had put the Divergent into motion and most followed her as if she were something special. Even if she was, she meant little to me. "Cut him loose." I repeated. Tori stepped up behind me, cutting the ties that bound him. "Thank you." I told her.

Eric's hands were immediately on me, pulling me against his chest, "Come on."

Taking my hand, I put my other against his bicep as I hugged his arm against my chest. His grip was tense, tightening whenever we passed a group of people. Moving with purpose, he led me down the familiar route, practically running as we reached my door. Opening it, everything looked just like it had when I had left it. Stepping in, I couldn't help but smile. I was so relieved to be back in this room. Looking at Eric it would appear the same was for him. Running my hand along the red comforter, moving to my mural, I looked at it with fresh eyes. Then my eyes fell upon the curtain, knowing what lay behind it. Holding my hand out to Eric, he took it, letting me lead him to it.

"I never showed you this." I told him, giving it a good yank, making it rip off the pole. Behind it was Eric and all the expressions I'd ever seen him make.

"Pen." He said stepping up to it. There was a long pause before he smirked at me. "I can't decide if I should be flattered or really creeped out." Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his, leaning against his shoulder. "When did you do this?"

"After capture the flag." I replied, my lips against him. "That was a very interesting night."

"I fell in love with you that night." He stated as he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his chest. "Sitting with you on top of the Ferris Wheel. The moon shining in your hair." He smiled, putting his hand against my face. "You were so annoyed with me and yet all I could think was how I didn't want to go one more day without you."

"But you did." I told him. "You broke up with me after that."

He sighed, nodding as he rested his forehead against mine. "I needed you to be safe. I needed you to be whole. I was willing to let you go if it guaranteed both of those."

"But it didn't last." I smiled, bringing my hands to his face.

"That's because I love you more than anything." He whispered to me.

For a moment my breath caught, my heart racing as warmth ran through me. "Kiss me." I whispered back.

His arms enveloped me as he kissed me passionately. Wrapping my arms around him, I pressed myself as close to him as I could get. Pulling me to the bed, he picked me up, kneeling on it as he lowered both of us down on top of it. His hand moved up my shirt, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I was already wet for him, wanting nothing more than to have him inside of me. Pulling on his pants, we quickly undressed, the feeling of his skin against mine euphoric.

"I love you, Eric." I told him.

"I love you, Pen."

Then he was inside of me. Moaning with pleasure, he was slow and steady, our lips brushing every piece of flesh they could reach. Arching against him, my lips found his again, his taste and breath flooding my senses. I hadn't truly felt happy since I was forced to leave him. Now he was once again in my arms and I never wanted to let him go.

After we had sufficiently exhausted each other, he held me in his arms, my back pressed against his chest as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm. Taking his hand, I kissed the palm of it, hugging it to my chest. His lips found my neck, pressing his face there as he sighed contentedly.

"I was afraid this would never happen again." He told me softly.

"Me too." I replied. "But if I couldn't save you, I was going to follow you." He tensed, holding me tighter against him. "I know." I added, trailing my fingers across his skin. "But you kinda mean everything to me."

His lips were against my neck again, breathing me in. "You mean everything to me too. I can't even begin to describe how amazing you feel."

Rolling, I wrapped my arm around him, putting my leg between both of us. "I know exactly what you mean." I smiled, kissing him deeply.

"You should sleep." He told me.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "And miss out on staring at you all night? I don't think so. We've been apart long enough. I'm not missing a single moment with you tonight."

He smiled, brushing the back of his fingers across my cheek, "You're so sentimental."

"You've become a bit soft too." I replied, raising a brow at him.

"Only around you." He replied and was kissing me again.

Rolling him, our lips never stopped as I straddled him, my hands moving across every inch I could reach. Bringing my hand to his hair, I pulled his head back, trailing the ball of my tongue ring up his chest to his neck, biting his chin before I took his mouth in mine once more. His hands gripped my sides tightly before moving around me, cementing me to his chest.

When our lips finally slowed, I rested myself against him, hugging his shoulders as he pressed his lips against my hair. "I love you, Pen."

"I love you, Eric." I told him, starting to drift off, fighting it.

"Go to sleep." He whispered.

"You're going to be here when I wake up, right?" I asked him.

"Always." He whispered, pulling the sheet over us.

Falling asleep, I stayed on top of him, loving the rise and fall of his chest and the sound of his breathing and the beating of his heart. All of it was like a lullaby. At the same time, I had this sickening feeling that he was going to wander away from me as soon as I was asleep. Since I was lying on top of him, I hoped that I'd wake up to every move he made.

His whole life had been turned upside down and neither of us knew where he should start in proving his loyalty and making his amends. One thing at a time. But I wanted to be there with him – for him – to help him in any way that I could. He was doing all of this for me. I had never felt as desired or as needed until him. If he could change everything for me, it was only fair that I did everything I could to support him. But more than that I wanted to protect him. I didn't think Zeke would be the last to make a move against him.

It seemed my thoughts were proven right when I woke up alone. I wasn't surprised but highly annoyed. He had still managed to slip away despite the fact that I was literally lying on top of him. Sighing, I sat up, listening to the apartment. It was still dark out and it was far too quiet for him to still be inside of it. Getting up, I quickly got dressed. Making sure the apartment was empty; I left the room, jogging through the halls in search of him. Going to his apartment, I found it empty as well. Turning to leave, I couldn't help but stop, taking in the shelves of books, the dark comforter laying askew on the bed. Stepping up to it, I picked up one of his shirts, pressing it against my face so I could take in his scent. Taking it with me, I went toward the Pit wondering if he had gone for food. None of us had eaten much since we'd left. I was nearly there when I heard the commotion. I dared to hope that it wasn't him, but I knew that it was. The closer I got the more sure I was. It was Eric and something was wrong. Rushing forward, it was faint, coming from the bottom of the Chasm. Rushing down the path, knowing it well, I reached the bottom to see nearly a dozen Dauntless in a circle, Eric in the middle of them.

"Stop!" I yelled pushing through them.

"Pen." Eric said reaching for me.

"He's been pardoned. Leave him the hell alone." I told our people.

They all exchanged a look. "Two for the price of one." One told me.

Eric and I looked at each other. "Ready?" He asked.

"Split it down the middle?" I smiled.

He went left, I went right. I hadn't even landed a blow when I was punched, landing on my stomach. My side was kicked several times before I was back on my feet. Spinning under an arm, I gripped the wrist, breaking his arm at the elbow. Kicking out his leg, I yanked him in front of me as a foot attempted to make purchase against my face. Punching him, he faltered, allowing me time to kick his chest, sending him backward. Hearing a feral cry, I turned to see a woman coming for me now. Her hair was long and untied, making it too easy to grip it, yanking it, forcing her onto her back. Her head slammed against the rock, knocking her out. Before I could make another move, arms wrapped around me and I was spun, knuckles finding my face and stomach.

"Make her watch!" One yelled.

Seeing Eric, they had his arms as he lay on his stomach, his head over the edge, water lapping at him, ready to devour him. "Eric! Let him go!"

"Drown him." Another said, stepping forward to watch.

His head was thrust into the water. He struggled against them but it was three to one. "Stop!" I screamed. "Let him go! Eric!"

Then there was a flash and I was released. Rushing forward, I slammed myself into one of those who were holding Eric, not flinching as he fell into the Chasm and disappeared. Kicking another in the face, he fell backward while the third fled, realizing that help had arrived. Gripping Eric, I yanked him out of the water. He coughed up water before his chest stopped moving. "Come on, baby. You can do it." I said slapping his cheek. He coughed up a little more water, though no air was getting into his lungs. Pinching off his nose, I put my mouth over his; breathing into him, water spilling from his mouth as I leaned away from him, rolling him until the water stopped. "There you go, baby. Keep it up." Nothing. Breathing into him again, even more water spilled from his mouth, making me roll him again. Then he started to cough, taking in a large gasp. "That's it, that's it. Just breathe, Eric." I told him. "Just breathe, baby."

"Is he okay?" Claude said dropping to her knees on his other side.

"Yeah." I told her, staring at Eric. "He'll be okay."

"Pen." Eric said turning into my chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

Pressing my lips against his forehead, I did the same, gently rocking him, "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." Then his arms lid off of me as he fell unconscious. He was breathing normally, his brows furrowed. "What are we gonna do?" I whispered to him.

"Pen! Pen!" Henry's frantic voice called as he came into sight. Four and Tris weren't far behind him.

"Take him." I told Claude.

She swiftly took Eric from my arms. Getting to my feet, Henry moved to grip my arm, but I avoided his touch. Un-phased by my adverseness to him, he fell in step just behind me as I moved with purpose toward Four. He opened his mouth to say something but I shut him up, punching him hard in the mouth. He stumbled backward, Tris wrapping her arms around him to keep him steady. He paced away from her, his hand against his mouth. She opened her mouth to defend him, but she got the same treatment as I punched her hard across the cheek. Nodding, rubbing my hand, I clenched my jaw as tears filled my eyes.

"That's twice in less than 24 hours that an attempt has been made against Eric's life." I told them. "I was under the impression that because of the truths he told he would be safe. Safe with his own people."

"Pen." Tori said appearing. The blond, ponytailed Harrison with her.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say." I shot at her. "If you all are going to lead Dauntless than who the hell is letting these members attack one of their own with the intention to kill?"

"We didn't know." She frowned sadly.

"They were going to kill me too." I frowned back, starting to shake with both fear and anger. "Two for the price of one."

"Opie." Four said stepping up to me.

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I glared up at him, "Did you send them?"

"What? No." He frowned.

"You never wanted him to live." I stated as more tears fell. "They nearly killed him, Four. Twice. Do you really hate him enough to have me killed as well?"

"I would never let anyone hurt you."

"You hurt me." I shot at him. "All of you do every time to make a move against him. He hasn't even been given a chance to prove the words he has spoken. I understand that some of our people still don't believe him. But you need to lead them. Show them that he is being given a chance."

"It's not as easy as just saying it. Everyone heard him. But he has offended many among us. He shot you." He frowned.

"It was an accident." I shot at him.

"And Maggie?"

Hitting him again, harder, he just nodded, meeting my eyes. "Do not bring her into this. You know better than that." I shot at him. "If I can forgive him for killing my sister than everyone else can put their petty shit behind them and see that he is just a man. He is not as horrible as everyone thinks he is. And he has far more in common with you than you know." He just frowned at me. "Maybe that's why he's never cared for you. But you both have similar family history. Only instead of one parent abusing him, he had two." I told him, scoffing and shaking my head, so disgusted with my own people. "You all judge him for who he is but you never stopped to ask why. There are reasons he is the way he is. The way he was. I've broken down all those walls and love him for everything he is. Even after knowing what he has done. You heard it from his own lips. He believed what he was doing was right. How can you condemn him when he didn't know any better?"

"He knew better." Tris shot at me. "You're just being naïve, blinded by your feelings for him."

Moving to hit her again, Four stepped between us, putting his hands on my arms. "I had nothing to do with the attempts made against him. And those who were involved will be punished."

Keeping his eyes, I wanted to believe him, but right now I felt like the only person I could trust was the one person they all hated. "If you do not keep your word than I will do what I have to do to keep him safe."

"Opie, I know what he means to you. I know the feeling." He said looking at Tris. "And after what he said, I would never hurt you that way. I am willing to give him a chance. I wouldn't risk my relationship with you. I know what his death would mean for you. It would mean the same for me."

Nodding at him, I took a slow deep breath, "Okay."

"You're my family, Pen. I'll protect him because you love him. And I love you."

"Thank you." I smiled, putting my arms around his neck. "I love you too, Tobias." Taking another deep breath, I nodded at him again as my smile fell. "I love him, Four. Please don't let this happen again. Please don't let our own people take him away from me."

"I won't." He said pressing a kiss against my forehead.

"If I have to I'll take him and leave." I stated. "I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave my family. But if peace can't be found, I will take him and go."

"I understand." He nodded, wrapping his arm around me. "Let's get him out of here."

Between us, Claude, and Henry, we managed to carry him up the narrow path and back to my apartment. Laying him gently on the bed, I ran my fingers through his hair, leaning down and pressed a kiss against his forehead, briefly resting mine against it before I faced the others.

"Thank you." I told them, wrapping my arms around myself, rubbing my arm.

"It's gonna be okay." Four told me, putting his hand against my arm as he pressed a kiss against my forehead.

"Sure." I nodded at him, gently pushing him away from me.

"Opie." He frowned back at me.

"Please." I said shaking my head at him.

Claude stepped up to me, hugging me tightly, "If you need anything just let me know."

"I will." I smiled at her. Henry took a step toward me but I swiftly put my hand up. "I've tolerated you enough today. Just go."

His demeanor deflated and he nodded, swallowing hard as he stared at me. Four took a step toward him and he swiftly turned and left. Sighing heavily, rubbing between my brows, I was fighting the tears that wanted to spill.

"I'm sorry." Four told me.

"I'm sure you are." I stated, feeling completely drained. "You already told me you hold no good feelings toward him."

"Pen."

"You're my best friend. My brother. But I just…I'm not sure I trust you as much as I used to. This whole thing is making me differently about our entire family. After losing Eric, then Henry, only to get Eric back and nearly lose him again. I've fought so hard and now I feel like I'm losing is you and I don't want to."

"You're not losing me." He replied.

"You're with Tris and we don't get along. You're a leader of our faction and have allowed the love of my life to nearly die. Twice. You're so concerned about what your father and your mother are doing that you're ignoring what's going on in your own little family."

"Where are you going with this?" He frowned.

"I don't know." I said shaking my head. "Nowhere. I'm just talking to you."

"I already told you that I had nothing to do with what happened today. Either time. Don't blame me for the actions of others. Just because I am one of our new leaders doesn't mean I'm to blame." He told me angrily.

He may have a good point but I wasn't about to admit to that. Not yet. Right now I was still angry and disappointed. Momentarily shutting my eyes, Eric flashed behind my lids, his head in the water. Jerking, I opened my eyes, looking at him. Tightness filled my chest and I bit my bottom lip.

"He's going to be okay, Pen. As bad as it seemed, he's going to be completely fine."

"That's not the point." I snapped at him. "Just go."

"Pen."

Meeting his eyes, I glowered at him, "Go, Tobias."

Following him to the door, as soon as he was through, I quickly shut and locked it. Taking a deep breath, I looked at Eric. He was alive and he was okay, but the fear in my chest seemed to grow. Sliding down the door, I put my hand against my head, my elbow on my knee as I started to sob. They were going to make me watch him die before they killed me too. If the others hadn't shown up when they did than both Eric and I would be floating in the Chasm. Letting the fear take over, I sobbed, rocking back and forth as I hit my head against the door, wanting to knock the memories from my brain.

When the tears finally stopped, I felt so exhausted and drained and yet I was too afraid to sleep. Stripping Eric of his wet clothes, I put clean ones on him, covering him up to his shoulders to keep the chill of the water at bay. Crawling onto the bed next to him, I propped myself against the headboard. Wrapping my arm around him, I ran my fingers through his hair, down his face, across his chest. Seeing the raven on his arm, I ran my fingers across it, remembering when I had put it there. It seemed like a lifetime ago. A time when we weren't in love. A time where we hardly liked each other at all. Then somewhere along the way things changed. He let me in and showed me everything he was, finding that he was far more light and not the darkness I had thought him to be. He was everything a man should be. Now more than ever I knew that I had found the one person I would spend the rest of my life with.

The night wore on and I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. I was so tired but every time I closed my eyes the night would replay itself. For as bad as it had been, it could have been ten times worse. They could have simply shot him. Stabbed him. Shoved him into the Chasm. The worst part was the fact that they wanted to watch it happen. They wanted it slow and physical. They wanted to feel the life go out of him. I knew that some hated him, but this? This was past simple hate. They were out for revenge on whatever Eric may or may not have done to them. For all I knew he was wrongly accused. At the same time I knew he was responsible for a lot of our faction's pain. Whether it be his actions or his indifference. He watched pain being inflicted and did nothing to stop it. I knew that. I had experienced that. I remember him watching us during our initiation. I remembered what Neely looked like after he was done with her.

I remembered a lot of things.

But now I couldn't imagine my life without him. I would remain at his side and I would fight for him. I would fight with him. Whether it was right or wrong. Whether people hated me for it or not. This man was the most important thing in my life. That's what made tonight so unbearable. The thought of him being taken from me. And despite the fact that he was perfectly fine, every time he was too still my heart would race. For a moment I'd panic, only then he'd move or make a noise and I'd calm down again. Gently rubbing his chest, he sighed, moving his hand to mine, gripping it, his thumb brushing across my skin before he relaxed in sleep again.

Watching the run rise, he was still sleeping soundly. Part of me was worried that he shouldn't be sleeping this long. But at the same time, I didn't know the last time he'd had a good night sleep. For all I knew he hadn't slept for days except for the small time I held him in his cell. Deciding he needed the sleep, I started to trail my fingers up and down his arm, watching him sleep. I took in the crease in his forehead, the length of his eyelashes, the curve of his lips…

"Stop staring." He told me without opening his eyes.

Starting a little, I smiled as I leaned down, resting my lips against his forehead, "I can't help it. You're just too damn sexy not to stare at." He rolled over, putting his head in my lap as he wrapped his arm around me. "How are you feeling?" I asked as I trailed my nails up and down his back.

"I'm sorry." He told me sadly, pulling my arm underneath his head.

Running my thumb across him as I gripped him back, I ran my fingers through his hair with the other, "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was." He told me. "I deserved it."

Holding my breath, I tried to keep myself from going from a three to an eleven. The effort to not let anger and fear rule me made me start to shake and tears filled my eyes. They were going to kill him and he though he deserved it. He clearly hadn't been paying attention when I told him how much he meant to me.

"You're shaking." He told him softly.

"You deserved it?" I frowned, my voice thick with emotion.

"Baby." He said gripping me tighter.

"You have no idea how scared I was, Eric." I told him. "They were going to kill you and they were going to make me watch it."

"And because of me they were going to kill you too." He replied, rolling onto his back so he could look at me.

Moving him from my lap, I sat up, turning to him as he did the same. "Eric, for a moment you weren't breathing." I told him, tears falling without permission. "At the time I managed to keep it together and even though you're okay, I am terrified of losing you. Do you understand what it would do to me if you died? You say I'm all that matters to you, then prove it. Stop doing reckless things and keep yourself safe."

"Because I asked to be confronted at the Chasm. I totally wanted to have to fight for my life and for yours." He shot back at me angrily. "I thought you were dead and now that I know you're alive, I will do anything to keep you that way."

Emotion was starting to win out and tears started to fall faster, "You dying will only kill me faster."

He frowned, pulling me to him. Wrapping my arms around him, he held me firmly against his chest. "I'm not going anywhere." Him saying that only made the tears come faster. They turned into sobs as I gripped him as tightly as possible. "I think this is scarier than nearly drowning." He stated teasingly. "I don't know how to deal with tears."

Leaning away from him, I wiped them away, putting my hand against his face. "I'm sorry." I told him.

"Those feelings for me are really kicking your ass." He smirked. I tried to smile but instead more tears fell. "Baby." He frowned.

"I'm sorry." I told him again. "I just – I can't imagine – you not being here." I stammered through my emotions. "I finally have you back and they – they're already trying to tear us apart."

"Stop." He told me gently. Taking my hands, he pressed a kiss against them before hugging them against his chest. "I'm right here."

Nodding, I took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm just being a girl about nearly losing my boyfriend for all eternity." I replied with annoyance, getting out of bed, pacing at the end of it.

He sat up, frowning at me. "And now you're mad at me?"

"I know you're not really the emotional type and you really don't like the whole crying thing and I don't like crying. But I guess I thought you might be a little concerned for your life." I shot at him, still pacing.

"I'm not so much concerned about mine as I am about yours." He replied.

"And you have become my life!" I yelled at him. He just smiled at me. "Stop it." I frowned.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I can't be annoyed or mad at you when you look at me like that."

"Then get naked and get back in this bed."

I couldn't help but smile, looking at him like he was crazy, "I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Why not?" He frowned.

"Because you nearly died last night and I'm freaking out about it." I frowned back at him.

He smiled again, slowly getting out of bed, stepping up to me. "I'm sorry." He said taking my hands. "I'm not freaking out about it because part of me feels like I deserve it." I opened my mouth to retort but he swiftly raised his hand. "And I know you don't agree with that but you're the only one." He said taking my head in his hands. "Baby, you're the only one that thinks I'm worth keeping around."

"Everyone else will see it too. We'll make them." I said running my hands up and down his chest. "And if they can't, we'll leave."

"And go where?"

"Anywhere with you will do." I said kissing him deeply.

He shook his head. "I don't deserve you."

"I know."

"I'm starving." He said taking my hand.

"We need to shower first." I stated.

"Sex?" He asked with raised brows.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I tried not to give in too easily, but failed miserably. He was just too damn adorable. "Fine." I told him. He grinned and practically yanked me off my feet as he pulled me toward the bathroom. "Glad you're feeling better."


	12. A Small Reprieve

**Chapter Twelve: A Small Reprieve**

Grinning from ear to ear, I couldn't stop as we made our way down to the dining area. For as bad as last night was for me, Eric was fine, and he made me momentarily forget all of it by touching all the right places. I had missed home, but now that we were back, I realized I had missed it far more than I thought I had. Showering with him felt like old times. Like before the war started. It was fun and light and everything we both needed. Bed sex was great but there was something about him slick with water that added something extra.

God I loved him.

Leaving the room had been hard, for me anyway, and the longer we were out of our little bubble, the more I wished we had just stayed in our room. It really was just like old times. There were eyes on us nearly the entire time, the same antagonism and anger flowing toward our former leader. Eyeing me with disdain as I gripped tightly to his hand, pressing as close to him as I could get. The only difference was that we didn't care anymore. They all knew and they could think what they wanted. It wasn't going to change anything. We were together and that was the way it was going to stay.

Hearing steps, Eric glanced over his shoulder before he tightened his grip on my hand. Meeting his eyes, he rose a brow, making me sigh and take a glance as well. At the moment it appeared that we were being flanked by two of our burlier members. Hugging Eric's arm to me, I was pretty sure we were in agreement to just grab food and go back to our room. It didn't feel safe yet to be out and about. Though I couldn't deny that if they wanted to do something they would have done it by now. We were being watched. I could handle that. I just didn't want to fight with my faction anymore. This was home. I wanted it to stay home. It was going smoothly until we were stopped by Zeke.

"Get out of the way." I told him coldly.

"Look." He said as he averted his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Frowning, I felt a surge of anger and it took all of me not to his him. "You're sorry?" I shot back at him.

"Pen, listen, I know I shouldn't have been a part of what happened. But you weren't there in Erudite."

"You're right, I wasn't." I shot back. "And I don't care."

"It's okay." Eric told him, nodding. "I get it. I'm not holding anything against you."

"You should." I shot at him.

Eric put his arm around my waist, bringing his lips to my ear. "It's okay, Pen."

Shaking my head, I shifted back and forth. "It's not."

"I'm sorry." Zeke repeated. "And I'm gonna try. That's all I wanted to say."

Then there was a hand on his shoulder, making him jump. "Zeke."

"Four." He smiled over his shoulder.

"Problem?"

Zeke's smile grew and he relaxed, taking a step away from us, "Nah."

"Pen?" Four said looking at me.

Frowning, I tried to decide whether to let it go or not. Eric replied for me, "It's fine."

Four looked at Zeke, smiling and nodding. They shook hands and Zeke walked away, giving me a quick nod. Looking up at Eric, he had a stoic expression but seemed completely un-phased. Typical.

"Hey." I finally smiled at Four.

"Hey." He replied though his eyes were on Eric.

For a moment I thought we were going to fight again. But then Eric offered him his hand. "Thank you."

Four looked at me, getting a brow raise and a nod, sighing before he took his hand. "Yeah. I did it for Pen."

"That's why I'm thanking you." He replied. "I still don't care if you like me or not, as long as you're looking out for her."

"Always." Four told him, unintentionally cracking a small smile. It was gone as fast as it had appeared. He was stubborn, but I was hoping this was the first crack in his hatred he held for him.

Folding my arms against my chest, I pressed myself against Eric's; his arms moved around me, making me feel content. "Do we have any food?" I asked Four.

"Yeah." He replied. "Tori's already put some aside for you."

Stepping away from Eric, I looked up at him sadly. "You aren't going to hold a grudge against me, are you?"

"No." He frowned as if the mere thought of it was ridiculous. "Of course not. You were scared and no one can blame you for the way you reacted. If our roles were reversed I would have acted first and talked later. At least you did the opposite."

Nodding, I sighed, "Thank you."

"Stop thanking me. We're family. It's what we do." He replied with a raised brow.

"Okay." I smiled. Taking Eric's hand, I put my other on Four's shoulder before walking past him.

Still smiling, I was holding onto the hope that the worst was behind us as we walked through the rows of our faction members. Passing a large group, harsh words were called at us, a bowl colliding with Eric's head. I jumped, calling out to whoever had done it. Eric's entire body tensed and his expression was telling me that he wanted to act, but he simply gripped my hand tighter, pressing against me as we kept walking. Looking at his head, there was no blood. A small favor.

Smiling up at him, I was ready to let it go. We would have to face some adversity while he earned the trust and respect from our people. But as we passed another group of them, it wasn't just bowls or cups but food as well. We were going to have to ration and they were wasting it just to get a rise out of him. Only it wasn't him they got a rise out of. I lunged at them, punching one hard before my waist was grabbed and I was being pulled away from them. My foot made contact with one of their heads, another's shoulder, before they were out of reach.

"Stop." Eric told me, cementing me to his side.

"They deserved it." I shot back at him. "I get that some people aren't happy about the decisions made about you but I will not stand for it. I will protect you whether you like it or not."

"Yeah, yeah, death is the only thing that will stop you from protecting me." He smirked.

He was making light of it, which made my temper flare. The only thing that stopped me from getting into it with him was because he repeated words I had told him before the attack on Abnegation. He listened and remembered more than I had given him credit for.

"Don't make light of it." I frowned at him but had calmed down.

"I'm not trying to." He replied. "But I am a former leader of Dauntless. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can." I shot at him, pulling away from him as I stopped. "That's not the point."

He sighed and did the same, turning toward me, running his hand down his face. "What are you getting mad about?"

Quickly taking his hand, I laced our fingers, my jaw clenched as I took a slow breath in an attempt to calm myself. "Eric, things are different now. Our world is different now. You're no longer a leader. I'm no longer a healer and tattoo artist. Everything has changed and I will no longer stand in the shadows. I will not let them beat me down and I will not let them hurt anyone that I love." Pausing, I took his other hand, running my thumbs along the top of them. "And I love you most, Eric. And after everything we've been through, can you really blame me for being overly protective of you?"

"No." He smiled. "But you have to remember something."

"And what's that?" I asked him.

"You're the only person that I love. You're it. You're my person." He replied. "You have other people that you love, who love you back. But me? I have one person. You. I understand what you're saying, but you are the most important thing in my life. So, I'll have this argument with you, but I'm gonna win." He finished with a smirk.

Narrowing my eyes at him, he had left no room for an argument. I couldn't come up with one single point that would make the argument worth it. "I hate you." I finally told him.

He laughed lightly, pressing his forehead against mine, "I hate you too."

"Come on, let's get you some food." I sighed, once again making our way across the room.

Seeing Tori at a table with Harrison, Bud, and Mizer, I swiftly made my way over to her. Putting my hand on her shoulder, I smiled as she looked up at me, both Eric and I taking a seat next to her. The others all looked at Eric before they stood and walked away, Mizer grumbling something under his breath.

Swiftly standing again, I called after them, "If you have something to say than say it to our face!"

"Pen." Tori said pulling me down. "That's not going to help anything. And talking like you're both the same person is just going to make people think you're crazy. Well, crazier than they already think you are."

"Thanks." I frowned at her.

"She's right." Eric said wrapping his arm around me. "Just take a breath."

"We've been out of our room for minutes and we've already had to defend ourselves multiple times." I replied sadly, playing with a crack in the table.

"You do realize that you're the only one doing the defending, right?" Eric smirked. "Just let it go. It'll get better. We just need to tough it out. That, and I need to prove myself. Which I can't do with you yelling at everyone in my defense. All you're doing is making me look weak and in need of a woman's protection." He told me with seriousness. "And we both know that I'm not weak and I don't need you to protect me. No matter how badly you want to."

Opening my mouth to retort, I once again didn't have an argument. That was twice in a row that his logic had beaten mine. I shouldn't be surprised, but at the same time, I swore I used to be better at these arguments. Frowning at him, I ran my fingers through my still damp hair, looking at Tori as she laughed at me.

Sliding two plates of food over to us, Eric and I enjoying it in silence. It seemed all I was doing was getting myself into trouble as it was. I didn't want to make him look weak. He was anything but weak and if that was what I was doing then I had to back the hell off and let him do what he thought was best. Ignoring them was smart but we both had tempers. Though it seemed I was channeling his through my own, which was dangerous.

"Where are you going?" I asked him quickly as he stood up, finished already.

He leaned down and kissed me deeply. "I'll see you later." He told me kissing me again.

"Eric." I said gripping his wrist.

"Baby, I'll be fine."

I shook my head, "I don't want to separate from you. Not yet."

He smiled, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Pen, I'll be okay."

"What about me? Maybe I won't be okay." I shot back at him.

He smirked, putting his hand against my face, "Stop being ridiculous."

"What are you gonna do?" I asked him. "And why can't you wait for me?" My heart started to race, anxiety filling me. "Eric." I said breathlessly on the verge of panic.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." He said sitting back down, pulling me into him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, my hand moving to the back of his head, I gripped him as tightly as I could. "Pen, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not going to let anything like before happen again. I'll keep myself safe. For you."

Letting him go, I nodded, taking a steadying breath. "Okay."

"Do I have to worry about you?" He asked gently.

Smirking, I nodded at him, "Probably."

He smirked back at me, "Be good."

"Sure." I told him with furrowed brows.

"Everything is fine, Pen." He told me kindly but sternly. "Don't worry so much. So far everything has worked out."

"You know why I worry though, right?"

He nodded, "The same reasons I do. But we can't let it take over our lives. We have a life, Pen. We have a future. Don't let the past change how amazing that future could be. Worrying doesn't help anything and it won't change anything. It's just a distraction that neither of us need."

"I know." I told him, feeling emotion clench my chest. "I just…"

"I know." He nodded. "I love you, woman." He said kissing me again. "I won't be long."

"Okay." I told him with another nod. "I love you too."

He smiled, kissing me once more before he was on his feet and walking away from me. My body jerked to follow him but I managed to stop myself, staring at him until he was out of sight. Turning back to my unfinished plate, I pushed it away from me, suddenly very un-hungry. Glancing at Tori, she was looking at me with a worried expression.

"I'm fine." I told her quickly.

"No, you're not." She replied.

Scoffing, I met her eyes, "And why aren't I?"

"Because you're practically having a panic attack because he's out of sight." She said sadly.

"Can you blame me?" I frowned.

"No." She said softly. "I'm just worrying about you like you worry about him."

Nodding, I sighed. "I'll be okay. Last night is just too fresh in my mind."

"I know." She said gently playing with my hair. "But he's okay. He's tough."

"I know he is." I replied.

But for the briefest of moments he wasn't breathing and that moment was the hardest to shake. I could only imagine what he had gone through after Amity and I never wanted to find out. Just a glimpse was too much for me. I couldn't stop it from replaying over and over in my mind. I was exhausted. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a full night's sleep and after not having any last night I was starting to feel the effects.

"Wanna talk about it?" She asked gently.

"What's there to talk about?" I countered.

"Pen." She frowned.

Sighing, I played with the food with my fork. "He nearly drowned but he's okay. I need to move past it."

"What about you?"

"What about me?" I frowned.

"They almost killed you too."

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Death isn't as scary as it used to be."

"You'd leave him behind?"

Looking at her, there was sadness and worry in her eyes. "No, Tori. I wouldn't leave him behind. But I would willingly give my life to make sure his life was saved. Watching them drown him was agonizing. I definitely want to go first."

"So does he."

"I know."

"You both need to be more careful."

"I know."

There was a long pause before she said anything else, her voice gentle, "Are you okay?"

Meeting her eyes for a long moment, I finally nodded, "Yeah, Tori. I'm okay. As long as he's okay, I'll be okay. But last night sucked. I'm starting to agree with all of you when you said my feelings for him cloud my judgement. Losing him would be the worst thing that ever happens to me."

"You've been through a lot. You're allowed to be on edge and worried. I just don't want you to lose yourself because of it."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, "Right. Today's another day. I guess I'm just going to have to tackle it as it happens."

"You're not going to freak out every time he leaves your side?"

Smirking, I shrugged my shoulders a little, "Maybe for a little while. But we'll get back into a routine. He likes those."

"He's a good man." She smiled.

Feeling emotional again, I nodded at her, "He really is."

Feeling better, she forced me to finish the food before she would let me leave. Slowly making my way from the dining hall, I was still worried about Eric, but no one antagonized me on the way out. It made me feel that at least some of our people were coming to terms with what had been decided.

Going to the parlor, I looked around at the empty space. It was too quiet. No music was playing and a layer of dust had already started to settle on countertops and chairs. Moving through all the memories I had in this place, I couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic happiness. Sitting down in one of the chairs, part of me felt like I should be helping with whatever was happening throughout our home, but I couldn't seem to move.

"Pen?" Simmy's small voice said softly.

"Hey." I smiled at her.

"How are you doing?" She asked tentatively.

I shrugged in response, before asking, "What can I do for you?"

"Ready to come back to work?" She smiled.

Frowning, I nodded, following her to the med area. For some reason I didn't think there would be much work that needed to be done. Turned out I was wrong. There was nearly a dozen people filling the beds in various conditions.

"Huh." I said looking at them.

"Ready for another exhausting day?" Simmy smiled up at me.

Meeting her eyes, I couldn't help but smile, "Let's get to work."

Quickly assessing injuries, it turned out that I was going to be treating injuring that I had inflicted. The worst we had was a broken elbow from one of those who had attacked Eric last night. The girl was here as well with a concussion and head laceration. It took all of me not to damage them further. They didn't deserve to be helped. It took Simmy shoving me to make me finally move. None of them said a word to me. In fact, most of them shied away from me, leery as I started to treat them. I couldn't help but take satisfaction in their fear. Going as far as avoiding pain relief as I set bones, sanitized wounds, and sowed lacerations. I was a force to be reckoned with and I didn't want them to forget it.

Along with all the lacerations and abrasions, giving me plenty of practice with my stitching, I kept perfectly busy. Placing pressure bandages, a few splints, as well as hot and cold compress, I was happy and yet mildly disappointed that everyone was going to survive. The stitching was tedious and by the time everyone had been tended to, night had fallen and our faction had grown quiet.

"I'm sure you missed this." Simmy smiled as we sat at the nurses' station.

"Actually, yeah, I have." I smiled back at her. "It served well as a distraction for the day."

"Where's Eric?" She asked.

Sighing, I shrugged, "He's doing his own thing." She raised a brow questioningly. "He didn't tell me what he was doing." I elaborated. "But he'll be fine."

"I wasn't doubting him." She smiled.

"I was." I told her sadly. "We may be back home but he isn't any safer here than he was in Candor or even Erudite."

"Can I ask you something?" She said quietly.

I frowned at her, "Of course."

"Since when did you let yourself get so weak?" Simmy asked gently.

"Excuse me?" I frowned harder.

"Come on, Pen. You used to be someone people were afraid of pissing off. We've seen that side since you got Eric back, but before then? I mean, you used to be known not only for your temper, but for your kindness as well. I get that Abnegation sucked. I get that Amity and what happened after sucked. But you can't let Eric ruin your reputation and the way you not only view this fight but yourself. You are independent and smart and caring and tough as nails. But the way you're acting is not the Pen we all know. Right now she's letting a man dictate her life. She doesn't have a mind of her own. She's less and that's why people are having trouble with Eric. Let him be the better man, but don't let him change you." She told me with a gentle tone.

I wanted to be angry with her. I wanted to lay into her, seeing red for a moment before I let her words sink in. She was right. Eric had been right. Four had been right. Tori had been right. Everyone had been right. The only thing I knew that I'd done right was to save Eric. Everything else seemed to scream weakness. Something that I wouldn't have thought would be associated with me. Not in the way that it was being thrown back at me.

"I know you worry about him." Simmy went on. "But you're tougher than this. Take a day or two. I just hope you can come back from everything that's happened."

That was it. What the hell was she even talking about? "Who do you think you are?" I shot at her, my temper finally spilling over. "Come back from everything that's happened?" I said with disdain. "You have no idea what I've been through. You watch your friends and family murder innocent people without knowing what they're doing. Get shot multiple times. Go see your family again only to have your sister killed by the love of your life. Nearly be _raped_ by someone you love like a brother. Have the man you love nearly be killed twice within a day. Have all that happen and you think that I don't deserve to feel the slightest bit weak." My cheeks felt like they were on fire. "I survived, Simmy. I've been shot and I've survived. I survived when I shouldn't have. I've been through more than nearly everyone in this faction. Few can even come close to what I've had to go through. So you think that I'm less of a person because I'm having trouble letting go of the bad that has happened? Well, fuck you! I'm allowed a moment of weakness. Hell, I'm allowed a month of weakness! Accuse me of being a lesser version of me and I'll show you exactly how _me_ I can be." My face was less than an inch from hers, my eyes boring into hers.

For a moment she just stared at me, than she smiled, "There she is."

Punching her across her cheek, she spun, falling to her hands and knees, looking up at me, fear written across her face. "Never antagonize me like that again." I told her.

"Okay." She replied with a small voice.

"And thank you." I added, my tone still filled with anger. She nodded at me. Sighing, I offered her my hand. She took it and I helped her to her feet. Seeing everyone's eyes on me, I glared at them. "The show is over." I shot at them, all of them quickly looking away.

"Sorry." Simmy told me softly.

"Don't be." I told her, calmer than I was a moment before. "I might seem weak at times, but I am still me, Simmy. A lot has happened in a short period of time. No one can expect me to come to terms with everything in the blink of an eye. I've lost my sister, my best friend, and I've nearly lost the love of my life. If I don't feel that than what kind of person am I?"

"You have a point." She nodded.

"Thank you." I stated. "I can tell you don't fully agree with me but you don't have to. I'm not asking you to. But you need to respect me and the feelings that I have. I may be different than I was, but I'm still everything you said I am."

"I know." She nodded again.

"Then why piss me off?" I asked her.

She sighed and shrugged, "It was the easiest way to remind you of who you are."

"I don't need reminding." I frowned at her. "You've been listening too much to everyone else. If you have questions or anything on me and the decisions I've made, then talk to me. Don't go around listening to everyone else. What they think they know may not come close to what really is."

"Okay." She nodded a third time.

"So ask." I told her.

"Why would you sacrifice your life for his?" She asked.

"Do you think that makes me weak?" I retorted with a frown. She just looked at me. "I'm pretty sure a sacrifice like that is the opposite of weak. It takes a strong person to die for someone else." I told her. "Eric is worth saving. I'm loved, Simmy. I know that. Eric has changed and barely begun to prove himself. He deserves to be saved. If it takes my death to prove that to everyone else than I am willing to give it." She averted her eyes from mine, playing with her fingers. "It's not going to happen anytime soon, Sim." I added with a smile. "But if it comes down to it, you know I love you. You know me and you know that I don't do anything lightly. Not really."

"I know." She said with a sniffle.

"So don't worry about me. I'm good." I told her. "And I do appreciate what you did. It's just not the way I would have liked it to happen."

She nodded, smiling at me, "I know."

Wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her tightly, my cheek resting against the top of her head. "You got this place under control?" I asked as I let her go.

"Of course." She nodded.

"Then I'm going to take off." I told her. "Come and find me if anything should happen." She nodded, smiling again. "Never change, Simmy."

Leaving, I still felt pissed off. I didn't think Simmy of all people would have antagonized me more than anyone else. Maybe it was because she was so close to me. Tori had tried to tell me what she had but she didn't say enough. Hearing it from her made me so angry that I wanted to cause her pain. I had thought I was becoming weak. I thought my feelings for Eric were making me become weak, losing myself by being with him. But I wasn't weak. I may have shed more tears in the past few days than I ever had before, but that doesn't make me weak. It makes me human. People had died or nearly died. Death is permanent and despite the way Dauntless treats death, I was Divergent and I treated it much differently than the faction I had chosen. This wasn't new. I hated that people were looking at me as if I were weak. Making me feel like a bad person because it was all for Eric. He was worth everything to me. No matter what anyone said or thought. They would see his worth. Karma was a bitch and I was looking forward to her taking her wrath out on those who had wronged me. Wronged _us_.

Returning to my apartment, I opened the door slowly, closing it and locking it behind me. Leaning against it, I took a deep steadying breath. Both bedside lamps were on, light spreading across the floor from the bathroom. Moving toward it, I rounded the corner to see Eric standing in front of the mirror. He was gripping the sink, his head bowed. I could see the tenseness of his muscles along his shoulders. Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself against his back, resting my head comfortably between his shoulder blades. He let out a soft chuckle, putting his arm across mine.

He straightened, taking my arms from around him so he could turn and face me. Looking up at him with a smile, it quickly faded as I took him in. "What did you do to your hair?" I frowned at him.

"I had Claude cut it." He stated, rubbing his hand back and forth across the top of his head.

It was now shorn short, leaving barely enough to run my fingers through. I'd always wondered what he would look like with it cut, but I never thought he'd actually do it. I sensed a slight unease from him as he cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mine.

"I don't' have to ask permission to cut my hair, do I?" He asked with a raised brow.

"No." I finally told him. "God, no. I'm just surprised is all." I told him, running my hand along his hair. It still felt nice under my palm. Smirking at him, I tilted my head to the side, "I just enjoyed have something to run my fingers through. As well as something to hold on to."

A smile broke across his face and he pulled me against him. "It'll grow back."

Nodding, I gripped his arms, leaning up and kissing him. "I do like it. It suits you."

"New life, new hair." He sighed.

Nodding, I sighed as well, "Do you think I've grown weak?" I asked him. Needing to talk to him about it.

"What?" He frowned.

"Simmy said some things to me today and as much as I don't want to believe them to be true, I keep thinking about it."

"You're not weak, Pen." He frowned at me with seriousness. "You're the strongest woman I know. Even when you're sobbing in my arms, you're still the strongest woman I know."

"She basically told me that my feelings for you were making me weak and making me less of the person than I used to be." I went on.

He swiftly moved from the room, heading towards the door. "I'll kill her."

Grinning, I stopped him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I met his eyes. "Thank you, but that won't be necessary."

"You're not weak." He repeated.

"Okay." I nodded, brushing my nose with his.

"I would never love a weak woman." He stated with a raised brow.

Shaking my head at him, I kissed him. "I just love you so damn much. If I am weak it's your fault."

"I'll take responsibility for it. Since you're the reason I'm weak too. And for the record, you and your family are all weak when it comes to each other. You're all strongest when you're together, and if anything happens you look out for each other and then let it all out in moments of weakness. That's being human. That's family. That's love."

"Yes, baby." I smiled kissing him yet again. "For the record, I'm strongest when I'm with you."

"Likewise." He smiled. "But you're also the only person who gives a damn about me."

"Claude gives a damn." I stated.

He nodded, smiling wider, "She's the one that matters anyway. And I seem to be growing on that little pet of hers as well."

Laughing, I let him go, "She's pretty tough now too. After she left Dauntless."

"I wish she had been that feisty during initiation." He stated as he started to take off his clothes.

Watching him, I felt a blush rise in my cheeks. Fuck everyone else. This man made me happier than I'd ever been or ever hoped to be. I loved him with everything I had in me. The best part was knowing that he felt the same way. We'd fight. We'd go to bed angry. We wouldn't see eye to eye on everything. But if there was one thing we would always agree on, it would be that we were in this together.

"I need a shower." I told him. "Wanna join me?"

He smiled, stripping further. "Is that a real question?" He retorted.

Starting to take my own clothes off, I threw them to the side of the room, smiling at him mischievously. As soon as all clothes were shed, we stood in front of each other, our eyes flowing up and down each other's body. Stepping up to him, I ran my hand along his chest as I moved round him, pressing my lips against his tattoo. Coming round his other side, I put my hands against his biceps, loving the feel of him. Then I was against his chest, his arms wrapping around me, pushing me backward as we returned to the bathroom. It was late and I was exhausted. However, the things we were about to do to each other was going to be so worth it.


	13. Death and Decisions

**Chapter Thirteen: Death and Decisions**

Having fallen asleep happy. No dreams came to me and I felt like I'd finally wake up feeling rested. It had been a long few days and sleep sounded so amazing. And there was nothing like falling asleep next to him. The warmth of his body pressed against mine. The scent of sleep coming off of him. The soft noises he made and breathes of contentment.

My lullaby.

Only it seemed that things hadn't quieted down as much as we had thought. Waking to pounding on the door, I shot up, finding Eric's arm across me protectively. He swiftly got out of bed, throwing on sweats as he moved to the door, cracking it before opening it the rest of the way. Claude was standing there with a panicked look. Telling us that we had to come, Eric looked at me before grabbing a shirt and disappeared from the room. Flying out of bed, I threw on clothes before running after them, catching up quickly. Going to the Pit, there was commotion everywhere. Eric gripped my hand, keeping me close to him as we weaved through the crowd.

"What's going on?" Eric asked Claude.

"Marlene is dead." She retorted.

"What?" I asked as my stomach dropped.

"She threw herself off of the roof. Two kids were up there with her. Tris and Christina chose them over Marlene."

My breathing became prominent in my ears as I nodded at her. She sighed and put her hand on my arm, her eyes locking on mine. "There's more."

Nodding again, I crossed my arms, bending at the waist as I tried to make my lungs inflate. Eric put his hand on my back, his other gripping my arm. Straightening, taking a deep breath, I nodded at him.

"What is it?" Eric asked her with annoyance.

"Pen!" Tori called, rushing over to me.

Furrowing my brows, I gripped her forearms as she reached me, "What's happening?" I asked her. There was a rush of people. Whispers and cries sporadically moving through the crowds. "What is going on?" I asked her almost pleadingly.

"A simulation." She told me. "When they shot us in Candor, it injected a serum."

I nodded, "Which they've activated."

She nodded, "We missed a few cameras and they used them to run the simulation."

Frowning, I nodded, stopping as she continued to look at me with a sad expression. "There's still more."

"Those affected were carrying a message." She replied.

My heart started to race, bile rising in my throat. "Where's Four?" I asked suddenly anxious and needing him. "And Tris?"

"Just listen to me." Tori told me, gripping my wrist.

Eric wrapped his arm around my waist, "What was the message?"

Tori sighed, "I have a message for the Divergent." She started, making my stomach drop. "This is not a negotiation. It is a warning. Every two days until one of you delivers yourself to Erudite headquarters, this will happen again."

For a moment I just looked at her, letting it sink in for a moment, "What?"

"We don't intend on delivering anyone to her." Tori told me.

"Then what are we going to do?" I shot at her.

"We don't know." Tori admitted.

"Where's Four?" I asked her again.

"Here." He said and immediately pulled me into his arms.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pressed my face into his shoulder, "Why is this happening?"

"The cameras have been covered. We're not going anywhere. None of us is going anywhere." He told me, his hand moving to the back of my head. Letting him go, I forced a smile, even though my stomach was turning.

"We'll come up with a solution." Tori told me reassuringly.

Scoffing, I moved to Eric's side. Leaning into him, he swiftly turned me into his chest. "No one is being delivered to her."

"Eric?" Tori said softly. "Will you come with me please?" She asked.

She sounded very professional. "Why?" I frowned at her, finding myself gripping him tighter.

"Pen." She said sadly.

"It's gonna be okay." Four nodded.

Then Claude was at my side, "I've got her." She told Eric.

"Tori, why?" I asked her.

She smiled, putting her hand on my arm before looking at Eric. He nodded and she moved away from us. He watched the direction she was going before looking at me. "I'll be right back." He stated. I nodded, though I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He swiftly closed the space between us, his hand slipping into my hair. "Baby, everything is going to be fine. Just breathe." He stated pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Go get something to eat and let Claude keep an eye on you." Opening my mouth to retort, no sound came out, and I simply shrugged and shook my head at him. "I'm sure they just want to ask me questions about Erudite. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Something bad already happened." I told him. "Many were hit with those darts. If she activates more of them…"

"She won't." He replied. "We'll figure it out."

Frowning, I was starting to feel annoyed, "Fine." He smirked and kissed me quickly before walking away. Turning to Claude I shrugged at her.

"We'll figure it out." She nodded at me.

"Sure." I told her and walked away.

She followed me, "Pen, wait."

"No." I replied breaking into a jog.

Sprinting down the hall, I lost her in the darkness of them, needing to find someplace to be alone. Finding myself in the direction of Eric's apartment, I went to the door, letting myself in. Closing the door behind me, I looked around the space. It looked exactly the same as it had the last time I was here. Moving to his bed, I picked up his pillow, bringing it to my face. Frowning, it no longer smelled of him. It'd been so long since he'd slept in it that the smell had faded. Lying down, I brought the comforter up to my face, taking a deep breath of it. His scent filled my senses, a hint of the cologne he wore every so often and of his natural musk.

Lying there, I tried not to think of what I'd just learned. They knew we were here. They knew it and they once again exploited our weaknesses. There was no escaping them. Her. Marlene was dead and it was all because of those of us who were Divergent. Jeanine needed us and would stop at nothing to get her hands on us. I didn't know what she wanted with us and I didn't want to if she was willing to kill to get it. I wanted to hide. I wanted to remain in the shadows until this whole thing was over. Did she really think we'd give ourselves up to her? Who would willingly give themselves up to die? Only in doing so, we'd hold the power to save lives. If others died because of our resistance than that would be on us. Feeling guilty for realizing that I could live with that as long as Eric and my family was safe, I knew there was one person who this would weigh on most.

Swiftly getting to my feet, I rushed from the room, searching the halls as I made my way to Four's apartment. I needed to see Tris. I needed to know where her head was at. Other than Four and myself I was pretty sure she was the only other person I knew who had known about their Divergence before all the simulation shit had gone down. When I didn't find her at Four's, I kept moving, hearing crying in a hallway near the dormitories. Following the sound, I saw Tris and Christina kneeling on the floor. Both of them were crying, embracing each other like they used to before Tris had told her truths. They'd finally made amends.

Clearing my throat, they quieted, both looking in my direction. "Tris, can I talk to you?"

She looked at Christina, who nodded, stood and stepped toward me. She paused, putting her hand on my shoulder, offering me a smile. Smiling back, I nodded, crossing my arms and scuffed my shoe against the floor. She sighed and nodded before she walked away. Tris moved into a seated position, leaning against the wall. Doing the same, I let out a heavy sigh, resting my head against the wall. I wasn't entirely sure why I wanted to talk to her. I just needed to talk to someone who was like me. I still wasn't fond of her but she was more like me than anyone else. The thought alone painful.

"What are you feeling?" I asked her.

"That no one else can die for me. For us." She stated.

"It's not our fault." I frowned in response. "We didn't ask to be this way. Why should it all fall on our shoulders just because we're Divergent? This isn't our responsibility!"

"I know." She replied. "But can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't feel guilty if someone else dies because we won't turn ourselves in?"

"What would that prove?" I asked her. "Do you think Jeanine will get the information she wants and let us live? No, Tris. She will kill us. Is our lives worth so little that we should sacrifice them? It's not fair."

"I know." She repeated.

"Four won't let you go. If you were thinking about giving yourself up to her." I stated.

"Neither will Eric." She said with a soft tone. "I think he'd sacrifice everyone and anything to keep you safe."

I furrowed my brows at her. "So would Four."

"Yeah, but the difference between mine and yours is that yours would kill them by his own hand."

Anger boiled, shaking starting to move through my arms and fingers. I was thankful for the dark since she didn't seem to notice. "I'd watch what you say." I told her with a menacing tone.

"I'm not afraid of you." She told me softly.

"You put up a good front, Tris. But I can hear it in your voice. You've seen what I can do. You've also seen what Eric can do. If by some chance you aren't afraid; you really should be." I told her and stood, stepping away from her, kicking myself for coming in the first place.

"Max is dead." She stated, making me stop. I turned and looked at her.

"When? How?" I frowned at her.

"The meeting between Kang and Jeanine. Max was her messenger, Lynn shot and killed him. That was when Shauna was hit and then Tori and Zeke arrived."

Crossing my arms, I bowed my head, feeling a prickle of tears in my eyes. He was a traitor and deserved his fate; however, I couldn't help but be saddened by the news. I never hated Max. Even when he was telling me to stay away from Eric. "What else have I missed?" I asked her.

"Tobias beat Marcus with a belt." She stated.

"Seriously?" I smirked at her.

She cracked a smile. "It was amazing."

"So he's officially his own person with the respect and love of our people." I stated.

She sighed and nodded. "Basically."

"Which leaves you to be the unstable girlfriend." I added, sitting next to her again.

"And you're the former praised Dauntless who ruined herself by falling in love with the traitor Dauntless leader." She retorted.

Sighing, I met her eyes, "We make quite a pair, you and I."

She laughed softly, "Too bad we don't really get along."

Laughing together, we grew silent, just sitting together. Unsure of how much time had passed; I finally took my leave of her, making my way back to my room. Going in, I found it empty. Sighing with disappointment, I went to the bed, crawling into it, feeling about as low as I thought I could get. People were dead and the Divergent were going to be blamed for it. Hugging Eric's pillow, his scent fresh upon it, I curled into as tight a ball as I could, shutting my eyes and willed sleep to take me.

The sun was still up when I fell asleep, waking to an arm moving around me. Gripping Eric's hand, I hugged it against me. Feeling his lips against my hair, he wrapped his body around mine. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, leaning over me so his lips could brush flesh.

"Four's not going to let you or Tris or any other Divergent give themselves up." He told me softly.

"Is that why Tori wanted you?" I asked him.

"They had some questions for me. For now they're going to increase security in hopes of stopping another attack."

"Do you honestly think that'll work?"

"Mm." He replied.

"Did you know Max is dead?" I asked him.

He propped himself up, "What?"

"Lynn shot him at the meeting between him and Kang. He's dead." I replied rolling onto my back. "I'm sorry." I said putting my hand against his face as I took in his deep frown.

"It's fine." He replied, shutting his eyes as he furrowed his brows.

Sitting up, I wrapped my arm around him, putting my hand against his face, "No, it's not." He met my eyes, sadness in them. "It's not okay. He was a good man despite the decisions he made."

"Thank you." He said putting his forehead against mine. "How are you doing with everything that's happened?"

"People keep dying, Eric." I told him, gripping him tighter. "How can I just sit back and watch as others die because of me and the others like me?"

"Because I'd kill you if you attempted to give yourself up." He replied with seriousness.

"What are we gonna do than, Eric? How are we going to protect our own and fight Erudite?"

"Four wants to make some sort of truce with the factionless." He stated.

Sighing, I let him go, bringing my knees up against my chest. "I figured it'd come to that." He nodded. "Do the others agree?"

"They would give us the numbers to eradicate Erudite."

"And is that what the plan is?" I frowned.

"Pen, I don't know. I wasn't allowed to listen to the whole meeting." He replied with annoyance.

Running my hand across his hair, I gently gripped the back of his neck, resting my forehead against his again. "I'm sorry. I don't want to argue."

"I wasn't going to." He told me with an edge to his voice.

Smiling, I kissed him. For a moment he didn't put much effort into it, then he gripped my face, kissing me deeply. "How are you doing?" I asked him.

He sighed and nodded at me, "I'm doing okay."

"Just okay?" I asked him, putting my hand against his face.

He pulled me against his side, pressing a kiss against my neck. "It's weird being back here. Everything has changed and I don't know where I belong anymore."

"You belong with me." I told him quickly.

He smiled, kissing me softly. "I know. I meant with our faction. You will still tattoo and treat the wounded. But I'm no longer a leader, what the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know, baby." I told him softly, trailing my fingers across the hair at his temple. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see where this fight takes us. Maybe we won't even be in Dauntless by the time it's over."

"Is that what you want?" He asked.

Meeting his eyes, I couldn't read his expression. "I don't care where I am." I told him. "As long as I'm with you."

"What if I want to stay in Dauntless, even if this fight takes us somewhere else?"

Taking his head in my hands, I met his eyes, repeating, "As long as I'm with you."

"Even if that takes you away from Four, Claude, and the others?"

Frowning now, I felt like he was questioning my loyalties, "What are you really asking me?"

He sighed and got up, dragging his hand down his face before he turned to face me at the end of the bed. "I just – I just don't want you to have any regrets. I'm not a leader anymore. I hold no weight in this faction or anywhere else. I'm good at fighting and manipulating and pissing people off." He told me as he started to pace. "I'm not good at being – well – good." He paused and looked at me, frowning as he saw the smile on my face. "What?"

"Baby, you are a good man. You're a better man now than you've even been. Yes, we have a long way to go on your road of redemption. But you are far from worthless." I told him. "You know more about fighting than even Four. You know the ins and outs of not only Dauntless but Erudite as well. Your knowledge – and yours alone – will be more helpful to this fight than any others. You are far more important than anyone has given you credit for. You are what will tip the scale for us. You, Eric, and you alone. Even if we do join forces with the factionless, it will still be you who will lead us because you know exactly where to hit them and what to expect. So don't doubt yourself. Because I sure as hell don't." Getting off the bed, I stepped up to him, holding his eyes. "And no matter where this fight takes us, even if it's away from those I call family, I will still remain at your side. I am where you are, Eric. After everything we've been through, you should know that by now." I told him and smiled. "I will never turn from you, Eric. _Never._ I am with you, body and soul. I love you. I love you more than anything."

In the next moment he had my arms, throwing me into the bed. He swiftly moved on top of me, ripping the shirt from my body, the straps of my bra digging into the back of my shoulders before they snapped, being tossed aside. My pants were next, being ripped off of me with more force than I thought possible and yet no pain accompanied it. Lying naked beneath him, he took my breast in his hand, squeezing it, his thumb rubbing my nipple. Then he was sucking it, his tongue leaving fire as he trailed it up my body until he slipped it into my mouth. His hand reached down and started to rub me, making my heart start to race, a shudder of pleasure moving through me as wetness started to cover his fingers. Arching as his fingers slid inside of me, my breath caught, gripping the back of his neck as I kissed him passionately. His fingers moved faster, his lips never ceasing, his teeth gripping my lip. Clutching his shirt I squeezed his hips with my legs, moaning as I climaxed. He removed his fingers, leaning back, bringing them to his lips, licking the length of his finger. Grinning at him, feeling my cheeks flush, he brought his fingers to my lips. I kept his eyes as I sucked them, gripping the base of his shirt. It was unfair that he was still dressed.

Pushing him back, I sat forward, ripping the shirt from his body. He laughed as I discarded the remains, taking my head in his hands as I reached for his pants. Gripping his hips tightly, I jerked him, rolling him onto his back underneath me. He grinned up at me, his hands finding my hips as I yanked his pants, forcing them down. Lying atop him, I worked the pants from his legs until they hit the ground. Straddling his legs, his penis now free, I swiftly took it into my mouth, my tongue forming around it, licking circles around the tip before letting it slip from my mouth. Positioning myself over him, I gripped his quivering member, lifting myself just enough so I could slide it into me. A key fitting a lock. Rocking against him, I ran my hands up and down his chest, digging my nails into him as I rocked harder. His hands still gripped my hips, feeling him shudder through his touch.

Keeping his eyes, I gripped his wrists, taking them from my hips, my thumbs running along his palms before I placed them both against my breasts. He rubbed them, leaning up, his hands sliding across my sides to my back. His lips slammed against the space between them, his breath hot against me, making me shudder as I continued to rock against him. Little made me feel more alive. Then his lips were against mine and everything fell away. The feeling of him rubbing inside of me. The taste of his lips as they moved with mine. I didn't think a day would come where I could say enough nor do enough to show him how much I loved him.

Sweat covered our bodies as we lay panting next to each other, both grinning like fools. Rolling over, I placed my chest on top of his, running my fingers across it as I looked down at him. He ran his fingers through my hair, taking it between his fingers, looking at the colors. Running my hand along the shortness of his, I rested my chin on top of my hand, closing my eyes as he continuously ran his fingers through my hair. It was a relaxing and comforting feeling. If I had it my way we'd never leave this room.

"I love you too." He told me softly, making me open my eyes.

For a moment I was confused, only then I realized he hadn't said a word since my little speech. Smiling, I leaned forward and kissed him slow and deep. "Good. Because you're stuck with me for life."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He replied running his fingers through my hair.

Kissing him again, I ran my fingers across his lips. "Not to talk in circles but, what do you think we should do?" I asked him.

He sighed, continuing to run his fingers through my hair. "I think Four is right. I think we need to get rid of Jeanine and those that follow her."

Frowning, I moved from his chest propping myself up on my elbows, still on my stomach. He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his arm as well. "Even though you've known her for as long as you can remember?"

"She's nothing to me." He shot at me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Sorry." He said trailing his fingers down my back. "The second she put you to death she was dead to me."

"Yet you followed her." I replied gently.

"When I heard that you'd escaped, I stayed to try and protect you. I manipulated her just as she manipulated me. I was just a pawn but she had many more under her control. Even I could move a few and get what I wanted, and that was to make sure you stayed alive."

Nodding, I met his eyes, seeing only truth in them. "I'm sorry." I finally told him.

"For what?" He frowned.

Frowning back, I shook my head, "I don't know. For everything. If what happened at the Chasm never took place than things would be very different for you."

"I'd be dead." He replied. "A lot of others would be dead too."

Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "But neither of us would have endured the pain and suffering that we have."

"It could've been worse, Pen. It still could get a whole lot worse before it gets any better." He told me softly. "And if I had the chance to go back and do it differently, I wouldn't. I am happy, Pen. You make me happy and I would give anything to be with you."

"You would let more be put under the simulation and die?" I asked him, knowing the answer.

"Yes." He replied quickly. "If I was the Divergent one and you weren't, wouldn't you sacrifice others for me?"

I replied just as quickly, "Yes." He smiled at me. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No." He said and kissed me. "It simply makes you imperfect."

Laughing lightly, I kissed him again, "It's a good thing neither of us are perfect."

"Perfect is just boring." He smirked.

Laughing louder, I wrapped my arm around him, pressing myself against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you." He said before a serious expression crossed his face. "Will you promise me something?"

"Of course."

"Don't give yourself to Jeanine. Don't leave me." He tone was serious with a layer of fear in his undertone.

"I promise you, Eric. I won't leave you. Not ever."

He nodded, smirking at me, "Good."

"I would never put you through that again. I would die for you, but I won't die for her."

"I don't want you to die for me, Pen." He frowned. "I need you to survive."

"And I need you to survive."

"Don't be a martyr." He frowned harder.

"Then you don't be one either." I retorted. "I'm pretty sure even you underestimate my feelings for you."

He chuckled, "I don't think so."

"I know I mean everything to you. The same is for me. I may have those that I love and call family but nothing means anything without you."

"This conversation is swiftly turning into a very morbid goodbye speech." He stated with a frown.

"We are at war. Death could come at any moment." I smirked at him.

"Not while I'm here."

Smiling, I slid my hand to the back of his neck, pressing my forehead against his, "Then I guess you better not go anywhere."

Enough words had been broken and it was getting late. There were many things that needed to be done come morning, and we needed to be rested to face it. Showering together, we silently showed each other the meaning behind that words we had spoken, going to bed happy and exhausted both physically and mentally. Despite the bad that had happened, I couldn't deny the sense of contentment and happiness that filled me. I hated everything that was going on. But we were alive and we were together. And nothing could ever compare to falling asleep with Eric's arms wrapped around me.

Feeling as if we had just laid down, we were once again woken to pounding on the door, only this time it was coming from the balcony. Lifting my head, I saw Four standing there with a panicked expression. Swiftly grabbing a shirt from the floor, Eric's, I unlocked the doors and pulled them open.

"Tobias, what is it?" I asked him groggily.

"Tris is gone." He told me with fear in his voice.

* * *

 **Happy Tuesday! Hope you all are still enjoying the story thus far! Lots of funness ahead!**


	14. Stupidity

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One**

 **A/N: Hello my lovelies! So far it seems you're all enjoying Part II. I hope you're staying excited and into the story! I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU! And tomorrow is a full day for me so you're getting this weeks chapter early. Don't get used to it! ; )**

 **With much love,**  
 **Enjoy and Happy Reading!**

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen: Stupidity**

Anger.

One of the stages of grief.

It felt like we were already grieving Tris and she'd only been gone a matter of hours. There was a crowd of us filling Max's old office, now made to be Tori's. We'd been arguing for hours and yet nothing had been decided. The moment that Four told me Tris was gone; Eric and I helped him get the leaders together as well as those closest to Tris. She had talked to Christina before she left. At the time Christina had no idea what Tris was planning, she had simply told her that she was going to see Caleb to see what he knew about what Abnegation was going to release; the reason that Jeanine orchestrated the attack on them. It was a good story. Hell, if she had told me that I would have agreed and probably offered to go with. There was a lot we didn't know and a lot that we needed to know. But Tris was being an idiot. Yes, Jeanine was hiding something and yes, we needed to figure out what it was. But this wasn't the way. I understood that Tris needed to figure out what it was. I wanted to know too, but this wasn't the way. Giving herself up was the stupidest thing she could have done. It was almost like suicide. The easy way out.

"I'm not saying that!" I yelled as Four started to get all riled up again. "I'm saying that you can't do it alone." I added lowering my voice.

"I'll do what I have to." He replied.

"Even if we wanted to get her out, we don't have the numbers right now." I went on. "It was your idea to join with the factionless but we have yet to make any sort of agreement with them. We can't just storm in there with guns blazing."

"Why not?" Eric frowned.

"Because we'll be slaughtered." I shot back at him. "I don't know about you, but I'd like to not die today."

"Maybe not." Four replied looking like he was deep in thought.

For a moment I just looked at him, trying to figure out where he was going with this. Then the only logical explanation started to become clear. Looking at Eric, he had the same look that Four did. They were both going to do something stupid. I needed to defuse this before it escalated any further.

"Look, I know you could go and get her out, but you don't know the halls and when they make their rounds." I stated, attempting to make him see reason. "Not only that but you have no idea where they're keeping her."

"That's why Eric will accompany me." He stated.

"He hasn't agreed to anything." I stated.

"Not yet, but who better to help me than him?" He countered.

"If you're going to ask that of him ask now, otherwise he's staying here." I shot back, though I hoped he would just keep his mouth shut. Eric couldn't go. I couldn't handle him going back there. Not after just getting him back.

Eric stood from where he sat next to me, towering over me, his voice serious. "You don't speak for me."

"I'm not speaking for you, I'm stating a fact." I shot back at him. "It would be stupid to simply march back into Erudite. They must know you've betrayed them."

"We don't know that!" Four yelled.

"Exactly!" I yelled back. "We don't know anything!"

"Enough!" Tori yelled even louder, putting herself in the center of the group. "We've been talking in circles for hours. Let's just take a break and cool off."

"I'm not going to cool off until we're on our way to save Tris." Four shot at her.

She stepped up to him, "You will do nothing until we've all discussed every option we have. You are a leader now, Tobias. You need to start acting like one."

She left, Harrison following her, leaving the rest of us standing there in an awkward circle. For a long moment I just looked at Four before trying to make him see reason. "Tobias, I understand what you're feeling. I really, really do. But you have to be smart about this." He nodded and started to walk away. "Tobias, wait. Tobias!" Sighing, I put my hand against Eric's forearm, looking up at him.

His jaw was set as he met my eyes. "If he asks, I'm going." He told me.

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"You don't speak for me and don't think that you can tell me what to do. I may owe you my life but that doesn't mean you rule me." He replied with a hard expression.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I shot at him. "When have I ever tried to tell you what to do or to rule you? I like to discuss things but that doesn't mean I expect you to listen to me just because I say so."

"Then what are you thinking?" He asked mockingly. "Let's discuss it."

Scoffing, I shook my head at him, "You are a better man, but sometimes the old you can't help but come out."

Walking away from him, I went to the Dining Hall, seeing Claude and Terra at a table. Sitting across from them, listening to them talking about fighting technique, Claude slid a can of green beans over to me. I ate them, gripping the apple she slid to me next. She was hardly looking at me and yet was taking care of me. But that was Claude.

"You can't let them get the upper hand. If you don't have a gun, go for their gun hand and attempt to disarm them. Take their gun and shoot the hell out of anyone." Claude was saying.

"I know." Terra smiled at her. "I've learned a lot since Dauntless and now that you're here I know I'll become just as good as you are." She told her before looking at me. "And Pen." Though a frown crossed her face. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." I stated.

"Don't bug her." Claude stated. "She's got a lot going on today."

"Will you come back with me?" I asked her. "When we meet again in a few hours?"

She nodded, "Of course."

I nodded back at her, "Thanks."

In the next moment, Four slammed down in the seat next to me. I didn't look at him. Claude repeated the same action she had with me, taking the food from Terra and pushing it over to him. He ate in silence, the sound of his apple and mine loud in our little space. Unable to take the silence anymore, I looked at him, raising a brow when he met my eyes. He just raised one in return.

"Are you going to ask him to go with you?"

"Yes." He replied.

"He just got away from them, Tobias." I frowned at him. "I just got him back and we're finally free to be together. Only now you're asking him to go right back to the place he's just escaped."

"I need him to help me get her back." He said slowly. Scoffing, I shook my head, looking at my hands. "But I'm gonna ask you too." He added, meeting my eyes. Staring back at him, I didn't know what to say. "I know you and Tris aren't close, but I need you Pen. I need you to help me get her back too."

Putting my hand on the back of his neck; I nodded, pulling him against me. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. Holding him tightly, I looked at Claude. She looked back sadly, offering me a small smile.

Walking down the thin path to the base of the Chasm, I sat near the water, letting the spray coat my skin. I wasn't sure how I felt about Tris not being here. It was her own decision – a stupid one – but hers nonetheless. This fight wasn't hers. This was all of ours and she made it seem like it was all about her. Like she was the only Divergent that mattered. She was just one little girl. One that Jeanine had taken a liking to, but that didn't make her the only one worthwhile. It wasn't up to her to bring down Jeanine and to see this fight end. Nothing was up to her and yet she just walked herself into Erudite and into Jeanine's hands. She was a fucking idiot and now her beloved _Tobias_ was going to ask Eric – my world – to go get her back. Not only him but myself as well.

I didn't owe her anything. I didn't owe her anything and yet I knew that I couldn't deny him. I would go with him because Eric would go. I couldn't be selfish enough to ask him to stay because I didn't like the thought of going without a proper plan. Then I realized that I was selfish enough. I wasn't going to risk Eric just to get Tris back. I'd be sorry if she died but it wasn't my problem.

Only it was my problem.

She was Divergent.

 _I_ was Divergent.

It was us and all those like us that was the purpose behind this fight. Jeanine wanted us and would kill until she had us. Did that make Tris the selfless one? The one we should look to because she was brave enough to hand herself over? Shutting my eyes, I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. My head hurt.

Hearing steps, I sighed as Eric sat next to me, bending his knees, draping his arms on top of them. "Why does she think she's so special?" I frowned at him. "She is not the only Divergent one. But if I had done what she had, would I get the same reaction? Would our people band together to come and rescue me from the situation that I put myself in?" When he remained silent I went on. "I am just as worthwhile as she is if not more so. She is just a stupid little girl and yet Four loves her and everyone else looks to her like she is some sort of prophet. I know more about being Divergent than she does and yet even Jeanine speaks her name."

"Do you want yours to be the name she speaks?" He asked.

"No." I replied quickly. "I just don't see what everyone else does. I wish I loved her like everyone else, but I can't seem to bring myself to love her, or even like her, like everyone else."

"I don't love her." He stated.

"No, but you're willingly going to run back into Erudite to rescue her." I retorted with venom. "Four asks and you just agree to go. She means nothing to you and yet you chastise me for wanting to talk you out of it. You didn't give me the opportunity to talk you of it. You just assumed that's what I was going to do and were an asshole about it."

"Pen –"

"You don't get to tell me what to do any more than I get to tell you." I interrupted him. "You gave a lovely speech about me being all you have and I reciprocated it and you still are going to run into the lion's den." Finally turning my head to meet his eyes, his brows were furrowed, his apology in his eyes. "I don't agree with Four. We can't just run in there with guns blazing in the hope that we find her and can get her out. That place is swarming with Dauntless traitors. They will kill us on sight."

"Maybe not me." He told me gently.

"Maybe not." I said picking up a rock and throwing it into the water. "But if they figure it out than they will kill you. Did you ever stop to think of what that would do to me?"

"It's not all about you, Pen." He replied with edge in his voice but was still gentle. "Did you ever stop to think what Four must be feeling? He loves Tris and she's in Erudite all alone. We have no idea what Jeanine is doing to her or what she will do to her. Even I didn't see what she did with them."

"You mean me." I frowned. "You mean Tris. We aren't 'them'. We're the Divergent."

"Fine. The Divergent." He replied sounding annoyed now. "But she could die, Pen. She could die and can you really be selfish enough to let your friend – your brother – go through that if we can help him save her?" I didn't reply. "I know what's going through his mind. I had to feel the agony of thinking you dead. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Not even my worst enemy. So if Four asks me to help him, then I'll do it without hesitation. I know the ins and outs of Erudite. My knowledge will give him, and anyone that comes with, the best shot of getting her and everyone else out alive." I nodded, staring at the water. He sighed and moved closer to me, his arm pressing against mine. "You said it yourself; I have a long road to redemption. This is something I can do to help earn trust and respect. More than that, if I can earn those with just Four than I'd feel like I'm starting to belong here again. So don't ask me to be a coward. You know I can't. Not even for you. I'll do the right thing for once in my life."

Looking at him again, tears were welling in my eyes. I'd never been more proud of him. Or more terrified for him. He wasn't wrong. In fact, he probably had never been more right. How could I argue with him? Deciding that I couldn't, I nodded, getting up and making my way back up the path. Slowly walking the halls, I went back to my apartment, moving round the bed and sitting in front of my mural of him. I was going to have to let him go. I didn't want to go but I knew that I would be at his side. It was a stupid plan and we'd more than likely get ourselves killed but I would do it. I'd do it for Eric. I just couldn't bring myself to be happy about it. Or motivated.

Hearing the door, I sighed, "I don't want to argue anymore."

"Good." Claude said and sat next to me.

"Sorry, I thought you were Eric."

She nodded, "I figured."

Sighing again, I looked back at the wall, "So what's up?"

"They're meeting again. You asked me to go with you, only you weren't there." She replied.

I scoffed and shook my head. "No one told me we were meeting again."

"What are you and Eric fighting about?" She asked gently.

"Him and Four charging into Erudite to get Tris back." I replied.

"What?" She frowned. "Do they have a death wish?"

"They're trying to come up with a plan that doesn't involve martyrdom, but I have a feeling it'll be a necessity for this little mission." I felt her gaze, meeting her eyes as she frowned at me. "Four wants to join forces with the factionless. If we had them backing us up than I wouldn't care about going. But if it's just a handful I don't know how we're going to pull it off."

"We?" She frowned harder.

"You don't think I'm letting him go without me do you?" I frowned back.

"Pen." She said sadly.

I shook my head, "I can't stop him, Claude. And if he goes, I go."

"Then I'm going to." She replied matter-of-factly.

"Then that would mean Terra was coming."

"And you know Henry will come too." She stated.

"Fuck Henry." I stated coldly.

She nodded, "I agree. He deserves the worst for what he did to you. But he comes in handy in a fight."

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, bowing my head. "I wish everything could just go back to the way it was."

"Do you really want that?"

Meeting her eyes, I nodded, "Even if Eric and I weren't public, we'd still be together and those who have died would still be alive."

She looked at me sadly. "Yeah, I would like that. They deserve to be alive. But if what happened hadn't happened, than I wouldn't have Terra back. You and Eric wouldn't be officially together. You'd still be hiding who you really are." She told me and paused. "I think I like it better this way, even if we're in the middle of a war between the factions."

Nodding, I finally smiled at her. "Yeah, I guess I like it better this way too."

"You should go join the others." She said nudging me.

"No." I replied shortly. "I'll just wait for him to come to bed. I don't really feel much like arguing with them all over again. Eric can fill me in. It doesn't really matter what the plan is anyway, I'll still be at his side."

She sighed and nodded me, "Yeah, see, that's what has me worried."

"You don't have to worry about me." I told her. "Eric won't let anything happen to me."

"I know." She replied. "But you won't let anything happen to him either." I furrowed my brows at her. "I may like it better like this but I'm not stupid enough to believe that some things aren't for the better. You've risked your life for him. I don't want to see him take it from you."

"He won't." I stated. "And I thought you liked him."

"I do like him." She replied quickly. "I actually like him a lot. I just would rather have you."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around her, resting my head against her shoulder. She rested her head against mine and for a long while we just sat there. I got that she was worried, hell I was worried. But that wasn't going to stop me from going. Eric and I may not see eye to eye but I'd still follow him to the ends of the world. I knew the same was for him.

Waking late, Claude had left hours ago and I had doodled in bed, waiting for Eric to come home. When he didn't, I went to bed, taking forever to finally fall asleep. The room was still quiet, rolling over to find myself still alone. Getting up, I went to the bathroom, making sure he wasn't there. Running my fingers through my hair, I left the apartment, moving to Tori's office to see if they were still meeting. The office was empty, making fear start to creep into me. Turning, I raced to Four's apartment, letting myself inside to see Four lying on his bed. He was draped across the corner of it, bottles on the floor in front of him. Sighing, I stepped forward, picking them all up and setting them aside. Going to him, I ran my fingers through his hair, coaxing him up just enough to get him to the pillows. As soon as he was comfortable, I left, once again in search of Eric. Going to the Pit, the sound of the Chasm filled my ears. Moving toward it, I heard a yell from above me. My head shot up toward the Fear Landscape, darting toward it. It was Eric.

Rushing up the path, I burst through the door to the Fear Landscape. Eric was sitting on the floor against the wall. His knees were bent, his wrists sitting atop them and his head was bowed. Though it shot up when I came bursting through. Tears were wet upon his cheeks. He let out a short laugh, shaking his head at me as he smirked, looking away. Frowning, I didn't say a word. Stepping up to him, I took his head in my hands, making him look at me. His hand moved to my wrist and he pulled me closer to him, pressing his forehead against mine. Sighing, I sat next to him, pulling him into my arms, cradling him. His arms wrapped around mine that was across his chest, his head resting in the crook of my arm. Running my hand across his hair and down his arm, I let him cry.

When he quieted, I pressed a kiss against his temple, hearing his deep breathing. He'd fallen asleep. Sighing, I kissed his head, shifting just enough to hold him tighter, leaning my head back against the wall. Feeling the need to stay awake to watch over him, it took a long time before I too finally fell asleep.

Waking again, I was in the same spot, Eric still in my arms. By the sound of his breathing, he was still asleep. Rubbing the sleep from my face, my ass was killing me and my left leg was falling asleep. Attempting to shift without waking him, I failed, his hand squeezing my arm before he sat up. I hated to admit it but it felt so good to be able to move. Shifting onto my knees, I put my hand on his leg as he ran his hand down his face, clearing his throat. He looked like hell. He met my eyes, his brows furrowed. Smiling, I moved closer to him, putting my hand against the side of his head, kissing him slowly.

"I'm sorry." He told me softly.

Now my brows furrowed as I shook my head at him, "Don't be." He looked at me sadly, his hand running up and down my thigh. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He nodded but didn't look convinced. "Are you okay?" I asked him gently. "What were you doing up here?" He frowned and shook his head. "Baby, come on, talk to me."

"I had hoped it had changed." He finally told me, taking my hand tightly in his.

"But it hasn't?" I frowned at him.

"It has." He nodded. "Just not the way I had hoped."

Kissing him again, I rested my forehead against his again. "Tell me."

"No." He replied quickly.

"It can't be that bad." I teased, smirking at him.

He frowned at me, a shimmer entering his eyes. "It is, Pen."

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I nodded at him, "You don't shoot yourself anymore?" He shook his head. "You watch me die?" I asked next. He nodded. "Are you forced to do it?"

"No." He said softly. "I just have to watch it over and over and over again."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "I know what that feels like."

"I know." He nodded. "But it was…" He said and trailed off. "I can't."

"It's okay." I stated quickly, running my hand across his hair, letting it rest against his neck. "It's okay, baby. You don't have to tell me."

"I'll do whatever you want." He told me barely above a whisper.

Frowning, I shook my head, "Eric, I don't own you. I won't tell you what to do and I don't expect you to listen to everything I say. We're a team. We're in this together. You don't have to agree with everything I say and vice versa. I too will do whatever you want. But I don't want it to come to that. I am yours and you are mine. Whatever decision is made will be made together."

"Everything okay?" Four interrupted.

"It's fine." I told him, looking at the floor, taking my hand from Eric.

"Should I come back?"

"No." I stated getting to my feet. "We're done."

"What does that mean?" Four frowned.

"It means we've said enough."

Eric stood next to me, "I'm not done." He told me softly.

"What else is there to say?" I frowned at him. "You're going with Four, I get that. Just tell me what the plan is and I'll be at your side."

"Pen, I don't want this to cause a rift." Four stated.

"No rift is being formed. I'm worried and afraid. I'm a girl. It's my prerogative."

"I don't want you to be mad at me." Eric frowned at me.

I shook my head, attempting to sound kind, "I'm not mad at you, Eric. I'm mad at Tris and the situation. I'm mad that I'm Divergent and don't have the guts to do what she did."

"I wouldn't let you."

"I said that too and look where that got me." Four stated.

"Listen, we need to get Tris back, plain and simple. Let's just do that so we can move on." I said looking between them.

"Move on to what?" Four frowned.

"To end this fight." I told him. "Go to your mother and make a pact or a truce or whatever you have to do; but get their allegiance and let's kill Jeanine and end this."

There was a long pause before Four spoke again, "There's no time to go to my mother. We need to get Tris out sooner rather than later."

"Okay. Then what are you thinking?" I asked him.

"We're meeting at noon with Tori and the others."

"Okay." I nodded. "We'll be there."

For a long moment he just looked at me, then he stepped up to me, pulling me into his arms. "Thank you, Pen."

"You don't have to thank me. Thank Eric if you want to thank someone." I replied, smiling at him as I let him go.

He nodded, looking at Eric. "Thank you, Eric. But not for helping me. It's appreciated, but thank you for loving her. It means a lot to me that she's happy."

I smiled at him, but Eric stepped forward with a deep frown on his face. "Does she look very happy to you?" He shot at his new leader.

"Eric." I said putting my hand against his chest.

"And it's your woman's fault." He kept going, pushing against my hand as he pointed at Four.

"Stop." I told him putting my other hand against his chest. "Please." He looked down at me, breathing hard, before he stepped around us and left the room. Watching him go, I smiled at Four. "Sorry."

"He's not wrong." He told me sadly.

"No, he's not." I replied. "But he's not as angry as he seems. It was a long night."

"He was going through his fear landscape?"

I nodded, "And it was painful for him."

He nodded back, "He's second guessing coming with me?"

"I don't think so." I replied shaking my head. "But me dying is his worst fear. I was in his landscape before this started and it's changed since then, only not for the better." He nodded at me again. "That's why I know he's not second guessing it. He wants to get Tris back just as much as you do because he knows what you're going through. Not just from his landscape. He thought me dead after Amity. He doesn't want you to go through that. He'll follow you, Tobias. Don't let it be to his death." I finished and stepped around him, leaving as well.

Going back to my apartment, I heard the shower running. Walking to the bathroom, I sighed, slowly taking my clothes off, draping them over Eric's on the seat of the toilet. Sliding the door open, I stepped inside. He had his hands against the wall, his head under the stream. It left little room for me but I managed to slide the door shut without touching him. For a moment I took him in. His eyes were shut and it looked like he was fighting some internal battle. Reaching my hand up, I trailed my fingers down his side. He sighed, lifting his head and meeting my eyes. Offering him a small smile, he swiftly took my head in his hands, kissing me deeply. Wrapping my arms around him, I breathed him in, tasted him, quivered at the feel of him.

He buried his face in my neck, feeling him breathe me in as well. Then he was kissing me again. "I love you." He whispered, meeting my eyes.

"I love you." I told him, running my thumb across his bottom lip. "More than my own life." He frowned. "Hey, get used to it. It's not like the same doesn't go for you." He smirked and nodded at me. "You need some proper sleep."

"I'm okay." He replied.

"I know." I said starting to wash him. "I was using it as an excuse for me since I could use some proper sleep. My ass is killing me from sitting on the floor all night."

"Really?" He asked with a raised brow. "Killing you huh?"

"Yes." I smiled.

"I can help you with that." He stated, gripping my ass, massaging it in his hands.

"Ooo, that's nice." I smiled mischievously as I leaned into him.

In the next moment he had leaned down, biting my ass, making me shriek and laugh at him. Cleaning each other, we got out, drying off and putting sweats and a tank on before crawling into bed. There was still plenty of time to sleep before noon. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I stayed awake for a while longer, watching him, before shutting my eyes, letting sleep wash over me. I slept soundly with him next to me. Something I hoped would never change.

When noon arrived, we were all once again circled around Tori's desk. Eric was on one side of me and Claude was on the other. Everyone was looking a bit on edge, making me wonder what was talked about yesterday when I wasn't here.

"We've thought about what you proposed." Tori finally spoke.

I had to do a double-take when I realized she was talking to Eric. "What was proposed?" I asked.

"You didn't tell her?" Tori frowned at my boyfriend. He just looked at her, refusing to meet my eyes even though I tried. She sighed, "Eric and Four are going alone."

"What?" I frowned, feeling my pulse start to race. "No."

"It gives us all the best chance of getting out of there." Eric told me gently.

"No." I repeated. "I'm not letting you go without me."

"Fine." Tori spoke.

"Tori." Eric shot at her.

She just shrugged at him, "Are you going to stop her? She sure as hell isn't going to listen to me."

"You're a leader of Dauntless. You can order her to stay." Eric retorted.

"Really?" Tori said with raised brows. "Do you really think that will work?"

"It won't." I stated, looking up at Eric. "I'm with you, baby. Whether you like it or not." He clenched his jaw, gripping my wrist as he looked down at me. "It's gonna be okay." He just looked at me. Lacing my fingers with his, I looked at Tori. "So what's the plan?"

"Eric will return to Erudite with Four and you posing as prisoners. He'll tell anyone who asks that we've been holding him hostage and he finally managed to manipulate us enough to escape."

"Do you really think that she'll fall for that?" I asked and looked up at Eric again.

"I'll be convincing." He nodded. "She knows me. I can make her believe what I'm telling her. Besides, enough happened where I can tell her the truth, spinning it to sound worse than it is."

"And you think she'll believe that you caught both Four and Pen all on your own?" Claude frowned at him.

He nodded, "Yeah."

"How?" She asked.

"Pen's the easiest to explain. She knows we're in love. I'll tell her that you tried to bring me to your side and I let you think that I had only to turn against you. Four gave himself up to be with Tris." He explained.

He sounded like he was being honest. My stomach did a little flip and for a moment I entertained the thought that he really was just making me believe that he had switched sides. But I knew that he was with me.

"And we're not going just for Tris." He went on.

"What else are we doing?" I frowned.

"Scouting." Four answered for him. "Eric knows where all the control rooms are. But we need to make sure nothing has changed and to assess their numbers."

Sighing, I nodded, "Okay."

There was a long moment as everyone looked at each other. "You don't have to do this." Tori told me. "They can handle it."

"Sometimes a woman's touch is needed." I smirked at her.

"This isn't a situation to make light of, Pen." Claude frowned at me.

I looked at her, smirking, "You could always come with me."

"No." She replied. "I don't have a death wish."

"Neither do I." I stated with seriousness. "When do we leave?" I asked Tori.

"Tomorrow morning." She told me. "Go eat and have a drink. Get a good night's sleep. We don't know what will happen tomorrow."

"We'll succeed." Eric told her matter-of-factly.

The group dispersed, Eric walking away with Four, leaving me behind with Claude. "I don't like it." She told me.

"Neither do I, but I'm not letting him go without me." I replied. "I can't not know what's happening to him."

"I get it." She told me. "I just don't like it."

"I know." I nodded. "Me neither."

She hugged me before walking away. I knew she was angry about it but she wasn't about to attempt to stop me. If anyone did it would only fuel my stubbornness and make me want to go that much more. Turning back into the office, Tori was sitting at her desk, leaning back in her chair. Everyone else was gone so I didn't hesitate to sit in the chair across from her. It took a moment for me to relax. The last time I was in this chair I was covered with Edward's blood. Now he was Evelyn's right hand man and Tori was sitting in Max's chair since he was dead and would never sit in it again. It was weird thinking about how everything was then and how it was now. So much had changed. So much was going to change.

"You shouldn't go." She told me.

"I don't wanna go." I replied.

"Then why are you, Pen?" She asked leaning over the desk, a pained expression crossing her face. "Just let them go without you. Eric will just worry about you the entire time."

"And if I stay here all I will do is worry about him. I can't do that, Tori. I'm with him in all things. I will not turn from him."

"It's not turning from him to stay!" She yelled at me, making me jump. "Just stay here!"

"Tori, you don't understand, I –"

"I do understand, Pen!" She yelled, interrupting me, standing with her hands on the desk, leaning even closer to me. Then she sighed and sat back down, resting her forearms on the desk as she rubbed her hands together. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I told her, my eyes averted.

"I've already had to think you dead once. I don't want to do it again." She told me gently.

Nodding, I smiled at her, "I know. But I'll be fine. I'm tougher than you all think I am."

"I know you are." She frowned. "I know how tough you are and how brave. But the Erudite are smart and Jeanine wants you. You're playing right into her hands."

"No, I'm not. But I can't let Eric go without me. We're a team and his story is actually believable. If he can convince her than this plan of his might actually work."

"It could backfire a lot faster than you think, Pen." She told me with seriousness. "Even if she does believe him, what if she immediately calls for your death. Eric will stop her and the whole thing will fall apart. It's smarter if you just stay here."

"I'm going with him, Tori. End of story." I told her sternly.

An awkward silence fell between us, making me linger only a few minutes more. I loved Tori but I loved Eric more. I'd follow him to the ends of the world and back. Was it stupid? Probably. But I'd do it regardless.

Going to the Dining Hall, Eric was sitting with Four. They seemed to be in deep conversation about something. Moving to them, I put my hands on Eric's shoulders, sliding them down his chest before wrapping them around his neck. He sighed and leaned against me, his lips pressing against my cheek.

"I wish you'd reconsider." He told me.

"Everyone does. But I'm going whether you like it or not. And you won't argue with me because you love me." I told him nonchalantly before kissing him.

"Pen, I'm asking you to stay here." Four told me.

Straddling the bench, I looked at him. "Wasn't it yesterday that you were asking me to go?" I frowned.

"I know." He nodded. "But Eric's plan will work and we don't need to be distracted."

"Me being there will not be a distraction." I stated. "I'll be there to help. If anything, I can take care of Tris while you fight our way out. I can help, Four. You know I can."

"I do." He nodded. "I also know that both of us, Eric more than me, will be distracted with you there. Your safety means the world to him and if anything should happen –"

"Nothing will happen." I smiled at him. "I can take care of myself. Along with the both of you. If you're distracted than I won't be."

"You're such a pain in the ass." Eric stated with annoyance, picking his burger apart.

"Eat it. Stop playing with your food." I smirked at him.

He met my eyes, kissing me quickly before he started to eat again. Eating with them, for some reason I felt better. Just the three of us going on a mission to save Tris. We'd succeed and be back before we knew it. It was nice to know that we could trust each other. We'd be fine.

That night, I lay in Eric's arms, smiling as he ran his fingers up and down my back. Pressing a kiss against his bare chest, I sighed contentedly. We'd already showered, made love, and we should be sleeping but it wouldn't come to either of us. I was tired but if he couldn't sleep it made it nearly impossible for me as well.

"You need to relax." I told him.

"I can't." He replied.

"You're going to be fine. You can handle it."

"I know I can." He replied and I could hear the frown in his voice.

Frowning myself, I moved myself further onto his chest, looking down at him. "It's going to be hard to face them after everything that has happened. But you are more capable than all of us. You've come so far and you're doing a good thing."

"Just stay here, Pen. Please."

"Stop it." I told him. "You know I'm not going to listen to you, so why bother?"

"Maybe if I annoy you enough you'll change your mind." He replied, his fingers moving through my hair.

"Nope." I said, leaning down and kissing him. "I love you too much to let you go without me."

"I'll have Four."

"And you both will have me. It's going to be just fine. You'll spin an excellent story."

"What if she takes you?" He frowned.

"Then you'll get me back." I smiled and kissed him again.

His frown intensified, "It's not funny, Pen."

"And I'm not laughing." I replied kindly, tracing shapes across his chest. "But I'm not going to turn all cold and bitter and freak out about it. The plan is set and we'll see it through. If we have to improvise then so be it."

He sighed, nodding, before kissing me slowly and deeply. "I love you, Pen. With all of me."

"I know." I smiled and kissed him again. "But I love you more than that."

He gripped my sides, making me squirm as he rolled me underneath him. Fooling around for a while longer, he finally fell asleep lying on top of me. Smiling, I continuously ran my nails up and down his back, making sure he stayed asleep. Shutting my eyes, I focused on the sound of his breathing and the weight of him on top of me. Smiling, I finally let sleep take me, ready for what the morning would bring.


	15. Controlled Panic

**Chapter Fifteen: Controlled Panic**

Waking slowly, I smiled as the sun hit my face. Momentarily taking in the view from my home, I stretched before freezing. The room was too bright. Reaching out for Eric, I found the bed empty. Trying not to immediately panic, I sat up, calling out for him. Silence. Looking at the bench at the end of the bed, his clothes were gone. My heart started to race and I practically fell out of the bed. Running to the bathroom, hoping that for some reason he was just being really quiet, I found it empty. Spinning, I darted out again, calling out for him even though I knew he wasn't here. For a second my mind spun, only then my eyes moved to the balcony doors. Rushing toward them, I threw myself threw them. My bare feet slid as I spun round, launching myself up to the balcony above me.

Gripping the base of the rails, I pulled myself up and over onto Four's. Bursting through his doors, wood splintering, I looked to see his bed. It was made and there was no trace of him. Rushing through the apartment just to be sure, I stopped in the middle of his apartment. Breathing hard, I ran my fingers through my hair, gripping it as I turned in a circle. Panic started to flow and for a moment I let tears fill my eyes and my chest clenched as I tried to deal with it. Squatting down, I curled into myself, rocking back and forth before straightening. For a moment I held my breath, letting it out slowly. Looking at the door, my pulse was pounding in my ears. Then I was in motion. Rushing to the door, I threw it open, running from the room, and raced toward Tori's office. Slamming into her door, I struggled with the knob, my hand shaking, before I finally managed, letting myself in.

"Pen." She said standing. Harrison was there, as well as Claude.

For a moment I just frowned at them. They had clearly been expecting me. They looked guilty of something. "What are you doing here?" I asked Claude.

"Waiting for you." She replied.

"Why? What's going on?" I asked her. "Why do you all look so fucking guilty?" I practically yelled at them.

Tori came round the desk, her hands held up. "Pen, don't freak out."

Now the panic ebbed away and I was just pissed. She didn't make it to me before I punched her, sending her to her knees. Harrison stepped forward but Claude stopped him, a knife pointed at his groin.

"What the hell did you do?" I asked Tori as she looked up at me from the floor. "Did you help them plan this? How long have they been gone?"

"They came to me early this morning. I actually attempted to talk them out of it." She replied getting to her feet, wiping the blood from her lip. "I knew you'd be pissed. They knew you'd be pissed. But they both insisted. Eric dragged Claude in here so she would know what was going on. For some reason he thought she could control you."

Laughing, I crossed my arms, nodded and I looked at the floor, "Control me."

"I am the only one who can." Claude smirked at me.

Ignoring her, I glowered at Tori, speaking slowly, "How long?"

"A few hours." Tori replied.

Nodding, I started to pace. "Long enough from them to get there."

"The plan is in motion. You don't have a choice but to wait here." Harrison told me.

Glaring at him, I stepped forward, "You can't stop me from going."

"Pen." Tori said.

"You don't get a say anymore." I said pointing at her.

"Yes I do." She told me with certainty. "I am one of your leaders. You need to listen and to fall in line."

"Eric is gone!" I yelled at her, getting in her face. "You knew about it and you didn't tell me the second he was out of sight." Something flickered in her eyes and I knew she wasn't telling me everything. "What game are you playing?"

"I'm not playing any games, Pen!" She shot at me. "I told you that you should stay here. Eric agreed. He came here with a better plan and I approved of it."

"You said you tried to talk him out of it." I glowered at her, waiting for her to tell me everything.

"I did." She nodded. "But at the end there was no excuse for me not to approve. It's solid. They'll be okay. All they need is time to get it done."

"You shouldn't have let him go, Tori." I frowned at her, tears filling my eyes again. "You knew that I didn't want him to go without me."

"It's not all about you." She told me. Eric had told me that. How fucking selfish could I be? I knew I was being ridiculous and overprotective and everything else, but I couldn't help myself. "It is better this way." She added.

I wanted to ask her exactly what he said. Word for word so I knew what he was thinking or feeling right before he left. I needed to get a sense of what was going through his head. Then maybe I could start to believe that he would be okay and that me being left behind really was for the best. Only before I could say anything, Harrison broke the momentary silence.

"This whole thing is out of your control."

"You have no right to talk to me!" I yelled at him. "I don't know you. You don't know me. And you sure as hell don't know anything about Eric. Let alone Four."

"What did you say to me?" He shot angrily, charging toward me.

"Enough!" Tori yelled, making Harrison stop and look to her.

For a moment I looked between them, before scoffing and turning toward the door, all reason leaving me. "Whatever. I'm going after him." Before I could make it to the door I was hit from behind, everything falling away.

When I woke up, the sun was low in the sky. I was on my stomach, splayed out like someone had just tossed me onto it. Fucking Harrison. Wanting to dart out of bed, I found my arms would hardly support me, and my head was pounding so bad tears sprang to my eyes. Reaching my hand behind my head, I felt stickiness. Blood. Keeping my eyes shut, I slowly lifted myself to my hands and knees. My world was spinning in the blackness, intensifying when I opened my eyes. Nausea filled me; my hands unsteady on the mattress, making me lower myself to the bed. Writhing as I tightly shut my eyes, I pressed my forehead into the bed as my jaw clenched, waiting for the world to right itself.

"Pen." Claude said with worry, her hand moving to my back.

"Don't." I shot at her, shoving her arm away from me, still feeling like I was going to vomit. Rolling out of bed, I pushed myself onto my feet only to fall to my knees. The pounding worse and I was shaking so bad I felt like I couldn't even make a fist.

She was there a second later, her hands on my arms. "Just stop, Pen. You're hurt."

"The next time I see Harrison, I'm going to kill him." I mumbled, shutting my eyes.

"Pen, please let me help you."

"Claude." I said coldly, furrowing my brows. I started to rock in unison with the spinning of my head. "Just shut up for five goddamn seconds."

"Pen." She said with venom. "I didn't do this. And I know this sucks but you don't know everything that's going on."

Opening my eyes, I looked up at her. There was three of her, all moving in and out of each other. Shutting my eyes again, I frowned, putting my head in my hand. "What are you talking about?"

"Let's get you back into bed." She told me gently yet firmly.

"No!" I yelled, shoving her away from me. In the next second all the bile from my stomach was on the floor.

"Pen." She said sadly.

Tears were effortlessly falling down my cheeks. God I felt like crap. "Eric is gone, Claude. He's been gone for hours now. I need to find him." I told her from my hands and knees, my hands moving in and out of each other just as Claude was.

"What you need is to get back into bed." She stated, cleaning up the bile before inching toward me.

"Get away from me." I shot at her.

"Don't take your anger out on me." She shot back. "I'm only trying to help you."

Looking up at her again, she was more or less in focus. "I'm sorry."

"You're scared, I get that, but you need to calm down and you need to take care of yourself. Eric will be fine."

I shook my head and laughed. "You don't know that. You couldn't possibly know that. He marched into Erudite to save a girl he doesn't even like. He left me behind. I'm way past scared." I frowned at her. "I just got him back and now I may lose him all over again. Only this time it will be permanent."

"You don't know that. You couldn't possibly know that." She said throwing my words back at me.

Glaring, I scoffed and shook my head. She just sighed, watching me sadly. I didn't stop her the next time she moved to help me up. Keeping my eyes shut to make the world spin less, I let her help me back into bed.

"Okay, just listen to me before you say anything." I nodded, keeping my eyes shut. "Roll onto your side."

I did as I was told. She remained quiet, hearing as she went to the bathroom, water being run before her steps sounded again in the room. Even the soft sound of them made the pounding in my head intensify. Feeling a warm wet washcloth on the back of my head, she gently started to clean the blood. The warmth and pain felt amazing.

"Four did meet with Evelyn." She started softly. "One of our insiders came with information. Tris is set to be executed in two weeks. Four needed to have a better plan in place before he left to get her. He and Eric were up most of the night figuring out the best plan of action."

"Eric was with me last night." I frowned, not understanding.

"And as soon as you were asleep he left you and went with Four to see Evelyn."

Opening my eyes, the spinning was less but the nausea was still present. "What does that mean?"

"It means that we will storm Erudite to get Tris and Four out of there. We're going with the Factionless and the loyal Dauntless and everything will be okay."

"What about Eric?" I asked, my stomach turning and my throat clenching. She didn't say anything. Rolling over, I met her eyes, focusing so hard to hold her eyes that the pounding in my head intensified to the point where I could hardly hear her when she replied.

"It depends on how it goes down." She replied. "Eric may be more useful remaining in Erudite if something goes wrong."

"Claude." I said more air than sound.

"I know, sweetie." She nodded. "I know."

"Did he?"

She nodded again. "Yeah, he knew. That's why he was adamant that you stay here. He made me promise to keep you close and to keep you safe." Tears ran from my eyes and I turned my face into the comforter. She sighed and I heard her set the bowl aside, moving around to the other side of the bed. "Pen, he's doing this for all of us. You should be proud of him."

"Proud?!" I yelled, shoving her yet again. Rolling over, I once again tried to get out of bed. Making it only a few steps before I was on my knees again. Only now I was in front of the wall, Eric's face in focus while the edges of my vision were still spinning. "I should be proud of him for leaving me? Proud that if something goes wrong I will never see him again?" Turning my head, I frowned at her. "I'm supposed to be proud of that?"

She moved to me, kneeling next to me, "Yeah, you should be proud. This is a big step for him. Four will appreciate his help. Eric needs this, Pen. He needs to show that he can be trusted and that he'll do what he has to do to help out his leader."

I shook my head, "No."

"Pen, you are too involved." She told me gently. "You love him so much that you can't see straight. Pen, you need to let him do this. You need to let Four do this."

Shaking my head, I started to rock back and forth. "Why didn't he just tell me? Why didn't I know about this? Why am I not being kept in the loop?"

"Because you're not a leader of Dauntless." She replied getting a glare from me.

"Four will tell Tris." I stated with disdain.

"He doesn't fully trust Eric. But he's trying to." Nodding, I fought tears again. "Pen, you just need to wait it out. Please."

Looking at her, I put my fingertips against my forehead, trying not to breakdown. She sighed again, running her hand down my hair. The more she sighed, the worse I felt. Letting her help me to my feet, once again leading me to the bed, I crawled back into it. Pulling Eric's pillow to me, I hugged it against my chest, buying my face into it. Claude laid with me, running her hand up and down my back. I felt so much like crap it was ridiculous. This wasn't what we had agreed to. I was supposed to be with him. Starting to cry, I wanted the throbbing in my head to stop and the weight on my chest to be lifted. But the only way I'd feel any relief would be if Eric was once again in my arms.

At some point I fell asleep again, waking to see the sun just a line on the horizon. Claude was still there, sleeping soundly next to me. Slowly rolling out of bed, I sat on the edge of it, waiting to see how my head was. There was still a dull throb but everything stayed in focus. Getting to my feet, for a moment I felt like my legs wouldn't support me. Thankfully it passed and I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Reaching for the sink, I gripped the edges of it, bowing my head as a small wave of nausea hit me. Taking several deep breaths, I swallowed, waiting for it to pass. When it finally did, I slowly got undressed, stepping into the shower. For several long moments, I just stood under the stream of water, taking slow deep breaths. Finally straightening, I took one more deep breath before starting to wash, taking special care with the back of my head. When I was done, I crept back into the main room, glancing at the still sleeping Claude. Getting dressed, black from head to toe, I sat on the bench, pulling on my boots. I felt sluggish but I wasn't going to let it stop me. I needed to go after Eric whether they wanted me to or not. They'd have to lock me up to keep me in Dauntless.

Making my way to the door, I reached for the knob only to have a hand slam against it, Claude frowning down at me. "Let me go." I told her. "Please."

She just stared at me, the wheels in her head turning. Then she finally replied, "Wait for me."

"Thank you." I told her as she started to change.

Gearing up with guns and knives, we made our way through the Pit and up to the glass ceiling. We would make good time once we were on the pavement. We didn't have much of a plan but I didn't really care anymore. All I cared about was getting to Eric. I didn't want to think about what was happening to him, or to Four or even Tris. All I knew was that I needed Eric. And if anything happened to him, it wouldn't matter if I came back or not.

We were nearly through the doors when Dauntless soldiers surrounded us, blocking us from the door. Stopping, immediately bringing my gun up, I stepped toward them. "Move."

"Pen, stop." Tori said appearing and moving toward me. "You can't go after them."

"I can and I will." I stated, my aim moving to her.

She frowned at me, "Are you really going to shoot me?"

"You're standing between me and what I want most. So yes, I will shoot you." I replied with an even tone.

"Did Harrison knock something loose when he hit you?" She frowned at me. I glared at her, my eyes moving to Harrison who was lingering behind the soldiers. Smart. "I am commanding that you give them one more day."

"What will one more day bring?" I shot at her. "Tris is to be executed in two weeks. That would give us a week and a half before they are expecting us."

"Yes, but if you insist on going after them then just give them one more day before you implode their plan by barging into Erudite." She replied gently but sternly.

Glaring at her, I couldn't deny that she was right. If we charged in there, they would be exposed and everything would fall apart. As soon as that happened, the likelihood of them being killed on sight would increase dramatically. I'd never forgive myself if I got him killed just for going after him. But I needed him. I needed to be with him. Even if it was the end. It just couldn't be my fault. Lowering my gun, I nodded at her.

"I know this sucks, Pen. I really do. You're worried about him and you should be, but you need to give them time."

"Okay." I replied softly.

"Okay?" She frowned.

"One more day." I told her with a hard tone. "But I will go after him, Tori. I will give myself up to Jeanine if I have to, but I will get him back."

"What about Four and Tris?" Harrison asked, now stepping forward. "Would you leave them there?"

"I don't have to answer to you." I told him. "There may be three leaders of Dauntless, but I answer to one. Tori."

Harrison frowned and stepped toward me. I was looking for a fight, silently asking for him to try and hit me. I would break him. But Tori ruined it by quickly putting her hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. He looked at her, nodding before shooting me a glare as he walked away.

Tori sighed, the sound more depressing than anything else, as she moved to my side. She raised her brow at me as she wrapped her arm around my waist. Crossing my arms, I clenched my jaw, letting her lead me back down the path, through the Pit, and to the Tattoo Parlor. She sat in her usual chair while I paced in front of her. I needed to go. I needed to run and to find Eric. I couldn't just sit around here and wait to hear if he was dead or alive. I couldn't stand not knowing what was happening to him.

"I need him, Tori." I told her, hoping she'd hear the desperation in my voice and just tell me to go. But she didn't. Instead she was practical about it.

"Be smart, Pen. I know you need him. I _know_ that. But charging into Erudite is not smart."

"I can't wait two weeks." I told her as I shook my head. "I can't do it."

"He's smart and capable. They'll figure it out and get back here."

"Will they?" I frowned. She sighed, watching me. "Stop sighing at me like that!" I yelled at her. "Jesus! Everyone needs to stop looking at me like I am the most unstable person in our faction!"

She flew out of the chair, bellowing at me, "Then stop acting like the most unstable person in our faction!"

Deflating slightly, I curled my hands into fists, both of us breathing hard as we squared off. "I'm not."

"Then calm the fuck down and think about this rationally. You're too worried about him. You know he's more than capable of doing this. You're just pissed because he left you behind. He was right, by the way. You may not be the most unstable but you're definitely not the most put together either. You're crumbling and you need to just slow down, back off, and take care of yourself for five goddamn seconds."

She sounded like me. Or maybe I sounded like her.

"I'm trying to."

"Not very hard." She replied quickly.

Sighing, I slouched down into one of the lounge chairs. "Okay. Fine. Maybe I could use a little help."

"Penelope Farrier is actually admitting that she needs help?" Tori retorted with a raised brow.

Frowning, I shook my head at her, "Things haven't gone down the way I'd planned, Tori. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that everything feels more possible and not as scary when Eric is here. I didn't know I could care so much about a person and the thought of him being ripped away from me is terrifying."

She slowly stepped up to me, lowering herself onto the lounge next to me. "If the situation was reversed, what would you have done differently?"

There was a long moment where I thought about it, though I knew the answer before she even finished her sentence. Smiling, I looked at her, "Nothing."

"Exactly." She told me softly. "You wouldn't think twice to leave him behind to protect him. And he's a man, Pen. He is the one who's supposed to take care of you."

"We take care of each other." I retorted.

"You do." She nodded. "And you've done a good job of it. But you have to realize that there are fights where you can't be with him."

Nodding, I sighed, "I know. I just don't like it."

"Me neither. But I've had to fight without you. Claude and Terra have fought without you. Four and Tris. Henry. They've all fought their own battles and you don't worry about them."

"That's because they can handle it."

"So can Eric."

Meeting her eyes, I knew she was right. "I want to say that's it's different because it's him, but you're not wrong."

"I know." She smirked. "And it is different because it's him. You just need to get over it and let him do what he has to. You'd want the same in return. If you had some secret mission to save your family and needed to do it without him, you would want him to trust you enough to let you do it."

"I would."

"So let him do this. And if you can't, just give him one more day."

"I'll give you one more day." I told her. "My only problem with that is once that day is over, you're going to do something that keeps me here for another day and then another and another. You'll keep manipulating me until the two weeks are up or until they come back."

For a long moment she just looked at me. "I need your help." She finally told me.

"See?" I told her, feeling my chest start to clench again.

Getting to my feet, I crossed my arms, pacing in front of her as I took deep calming breaths. It wasn't working. I wanted to give Eric and Four enough time to do what they had to. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Breathing felt like too much work as I wrapped my head around everything. Then I finally looked at her.

"Fine." I shot at her. "With what?"

"We're leaving Dauntless and returning to Abnegation."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Why?"

"Because of Marlene. Because Erudite is watching us. We don't know what they've seen of our people. The Factionless will be joining us there. We need to make a plan with Evelyn to destroy Erudite. We can't do that here."

"When?" I asked.

Anger was starting to build up again, wanting to take it out on her, yelling until I was hoarse. She knew I'd stay and help her. She had her manipulation ammunition before today to keep me in line. Eric had probably helped her come up with what to tell me to keep me distracted. When I got him back he was in so much trouble.

"Today."

"What about Eric and Four?" I asked next with a deep frown on my face. "Did they know about this? Did they help you plan this before they decided to leave without me?"

"They know." She nodded. "They will meet us there if they need to escape before we invade Erudite."

"If they need to escape." I repeated and laughed lightly, scratching my brow.

"Pen, stop. I get you're pissed. You should be pissed. But taking it out on me is not going to do either of us any favors. I'm asking for your help here. Are you going to give it to me or not?"

"Fine." I told her nodding, knowing she was going to do anything to distract me for as long as possible. Even if I said 'no' she wasn't going to let me go anywhere. "What do you need?"

"I need you to make sure everyone is ready to go. Check all the corners of Dauntless. No one can be left behind."

"And then?"

"And then we move for Abnegation. Whoever is packed can leave. We all need to be gone by tomorrow."

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked, once again feeling like she was holding back.

"I'm being honest with you, Pen. I'm telling you everything."

She was lying. Her expression and the tone of her voice was screaming that she wasn't telling me everything.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Yes."

For a long moment I just looked at her, finally nodding and moving toward the door, "Fine."

Claude was waiting for me outside. "What's the plan?"

"We're sticking around till at least tomorrow." I replied.

"We can slip out when the sun sets. We can hide in the shadows."

"Tori is moving us all to Abnegation to join with the Factionless." I stated.

She frowned. "What does that have to do with us?"

"She's asked that I see no one remain in Dauntless."

She sighed and nodded. "She's placating you."

Laughing, I nodded back, "Yes, she is."

"She's smart."

"And she knows me too well."

"Just let me know when you want to make your move. I've got your back." She replied putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you." I told her. Though I was suddenly guilty for dragging her through this with me. Terra needed her. Eric was right when he accused me of being selfish. I was being selfish. "But you don't have to come with me."

She frowned, "Um, yes I do."

"No, Claude. Think of Terra. Think of Henry. You shouldn't go with me. If something goes wrong, you need to look out for them."

Her frown intensified, "You're my family. Eric and Four and even Tris is my family. If something goes wrong over half my family is gone. So I will go with you so nothing goes wrong."

Smiling, I hugged her tightly. "Okay. Now find Terra and help me get everyone packed and moving."

"Okay." She nodded and jogged away from me.

Taking a deep breath, I went to my apartment, packing what was important to me in my shoulder bag, throwing it over my head and adjusting the strap on my shoulder and across my chest. Gripping the strap, I left, leaving it in Tori's office before starting my sweep of Dauntless. Waking those who hadn't yet, I yelled and demanded and directed for hours, standing at the entrance of the Pit, watching everyone move through and make their way up the path to the Dauntless entrance.

"How are you holding up?" Christina asked as she stepped next to me, her pack over her shoulder.

"Not well." I replied.

"Me neither." She sighed. "I should have stopped her."

"Yes, you should have." I frowned down at her. "Tris is reckless. We all know this but no one is stopping her from making stupid decisions."

"And Eric isn't reckless?" She frowned back.

"He is, but if I begged him to stay, he would have stayed."

"And that's why he left without telling you." She stated.

My jaw clenched and I took a slow deep breath. "You should probably keep moving."

"I didn't mean to piss you off." She replied.

"You didn't." I replied. "You're right. But he still wouldn't do what Tris did. I wouldn't do what Tris did."

"That makes her the bravest of us." She retorted softly.

Looking down at her, I sighed, "Or the dumbest."

She didn't stay long. By the end of midday, the majority of Dauntless was already on the move to Abnegation. Moving in waves to the train, we boarded and leapt out to join our brothers in arms. The brave Dauntless and the ruthless Factionless. This whole fight would be interesting. I doubted Evelyn was doing this out of the kindness of her heart. She wanted something. I was sure she'd declare herself leader of the city. That was going to be her endgame. The question was whether or not she was going to be allowed to pursue it.

"Pen."

For a moment I thought it was Eric. My head jerked toward the sound. Henry stood just out of arms reach. I felt myself deflate, avoiding eye contact with him. "Keep moving."

"Pen, please."

Meeting his eyes, I held them, glaring as I spoke slowly, "Keep moving."

He looked at me for a long moment before nodding, walking away. Sighing, I tried to stay focused on the task at hand and not entirely on Eric. What was happening? Had Jeanine believed him? Were Four and Tris still alive? Was he still alive? If he was, was he safe? For a moment my mind got the better of me, making me duck into a hallway and punch the wall a few times, screaming into my shirt as tears streamed. Getting myself back under control, I returned to my post, rubbing my now bleeding knuckles.

"It's gonna be okay." Claude told me as she stepped next to me, her arm touching mine. I nodded at her, clenching my jaw. "Everyone is nearly out."

Nodding again, I took a slow deep breath. "Take off. I'll do a final sweep of our home and then I'll follow you."

"No. I'll wait." She told me with furrowed brows.

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around her neck. "I'm okay. Get Terra and take off."

"Your knuckles." She frowned letting me go and taking my hand.

"A moment of weakness." I said pulling it free, crossing my arms. I had to hide a grimace as the open skin caught on the fabric of my shirt. "I'd really like to have just a few minutes alone here before I follow you."

"I thought you were making sure everyone was out?" Claude smiled.

Smiling, I nodded, "That too."

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" She asked, gently touching my hair, rubbing the strands together, the colors showing themselves.

My mind immediately went through the memories of the times Eric had done just that. Frowning, I took my hair from her hand, clearing my throat as I took a step away from her. "I'm sure."

She almost looked a little hurt by it, but didn't let it get to her. "You're not going to take off after him or anything?"

"No." I told her. "You'd never forgive me if I did. And I'm gonna need you, so it's actually smarter for me to rejoin you in Abnegation before I take off for Erudite."

"Good." She smiled. "You're starting to think again."

Smiling, I laughed lightly, "I'm trying to."

"I love you." She told me with a serious tone. "I'll see you soon."

"Love you too." I smiled, forcing it to stay on my face until she was out of sight.

The sun was setting when the final Dauntless passed me by, the train leaving with the last of them. As soon as they were out of sight, I started to make my final sweep of our home. I hoped we'd be able to come back here one day. I loved Dauntless. I didn't want to make a new home. Mine was fine just the way it was.

Walking the halls, my steps echoed, not finding anyone lingering. Only the loyal were among us. I wasn't expecting anyone to be lurking in the shadows. But to be on the safe side, I checked every nook and cranny, from the storage rooms to the Chasm. As soon as it was done, I started to follow the same halls I'd taken every day for the past five years. Over five years. I Touched the walls, my feet touched the familiar cracks and unevenness, making me already miss it. Walking to my apartment, I went in, going to the many faces of Eric. This could be the last time I looked at it. For all I knew it was the last I'd see of Eric.

Hearing steps, I knew who they belonged to. It seemed to take her ages to finally make it to the room. I'd left the door open and part of me thought she was attempting to give me as long as she could before interrupting. Sighing, letting her know that I knew she was there, her steps grew loud as she moved next to me.

"He's gonna be okay." Tori told me.

"I'm afraid for him." I replied without looking at her.

She sighed, her arm moving around me. "I know you are."

"Why would he leave without telling me? He didn't even say goodbye." I told her, emotion coating my words.

"He believes that he and Four can handle it. He wants to protect you." She replied. There was a long pause before she added, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Gonna finally come clean with what he really told you?" I asked with a raised brow.

"Should have known better than to try and hide it." She replied.

"I've been with you nearly every day for the past five years." I smiled at her. "There is little about you I don't know."

She smiled and nodded, "Likewise."

"What did he tell you?" I asked.

"He's sorry for not telling you. He knows how angry you are. But this is something that he had to do. Something he had to do without you." She paused, her voice soft and sad when she went on. "He loves you more than anything. More than words can describe. I added that part." She smiled and paused again before growing serious. "But he's doing what's right and he needs you to trust him. Trust him and don't do anything stupid." She paused again, watching me smile and nod as I stared at his face. "He also told me to keep you close and to protect you. He made me promise to keep you here. And that if something happened to him that I had to make sure you survived and were okay."

"I thought it would be something like that." I replied as I reached out and touched his smiling face. "But if anything happens to him I will never be okay again."

"I know." She said softly. Then her hand was against the wall, touching his intimidating expression. "I'd hate to think what he'd do to me if I let you just waltz into Erudite."

"You can't stop me." I frowned, meeting her eyes. Though if she really wanted to she could; all she had to do was order me captured and restrained and I'd be helpless against her. "Please, Tori. Don't stop me."

"I won't." She replied. "But I owe him a few days to try and figure things out before you slide in and expose yourself to them. They'll capture you and probably torture you. The whole plan will go up in smoke and if he hasn't succeeded before then, then he never will. Four will never get Tris back and you all will more than likely die."

"I know." I nodded. "But I would be near him."

"Don't be a martyr, Pen." She told me.

Frowning, I wrapped my arms around myself, "I'm not trying to be. But despite how much I love you and Claude and everyone else, I love Eric more than anything."

"And Four and Tris?"

"Four is definitely top five." I nodded at her.

For a moment there was silence before we both laughed, releasing some of the tension. Sighing, I took a step closer to the wall, rememorizing his face just in case.

"I know I asked for one day. But hold off for as long as you can." She told me sadly. "Give them a chance to succeed. You need to be smart about this. Think with your head and not your heart. I will beg you if I have to."

Keeping her eyes, I saw the truth in them, they were pleading to keep me close. "I'll try." I finally told her. "No promises, Tori. But I'll try."

"That's all I ask." She smiled. "Now come on. We're the last. Let's catch a train and go meet our comrades."

"What do you really think about this alliance with the factionless?" I asked her.

"I think them necessary." She replied.

"What do you want to happen after Erudite is gone?" I asked next.

"I don't think Evelyn deserves to be the leader of this city. A leader is something that is agreed upon, not claimed."

I nodded at her, "I agree. So you're going to volunteer and see if they pick you?"

"Maybe." She said softly.

"You deserve it more than Evelyn or Marcus or Harrison or anyone else for that matter." I told her, feeling passionate about it.

"What about Four or Eric?"

"No." I said shaking my head. "Neither of them should be a leader. Not for the whole city."

"Why not?"

"Because both are too distracted. Four has Tris. Eric has me. When this fight is over I don't think leading is going to be high on their lists."

"Good." She smiled. "Less competition."

Laughing, feeling better, we were the last to leave our headquarters, jogging down the tracks until the next train arrived. It was quiet. Almost too quiet. When the train arrived, we pulled ourselves inside, sitting in the shadows to make sure no one would see us. The ride was quiet, both of us on edge. We'd – I'd – lingered in Dauntless too long and now we were the final two to make the trip to Abnegation, making danger lurk in every corner.

When it came to jump, we both launched ourselves out of the train car, staying on our feet, and jogged away from it. My hand momentarily found my side before I pulled my gun from the back of my pants. Holding it tightly until we were on the main streets of Abnegation, the sound of our people's laughter filled our ears. Slowing to a walk, we rounded a corner, seeing barrel fires every few yards, people surrounding them laughing and drinking.

"Home sweet home." Tori smiled at me.

Smiling, I nodded, following her down the sidewalk. She was told where the other leaders were, following her to the house, hearing their voices inside. Following them into the dining room, Harrison was sitting at a table with Evelyn. Edward stood behind her, some guy behind Harrison I didn't know. Tori took a seat and I stood behind her. It would seem that each leader had a confidant. I was surprised Marcus wasn't here but it didn't seem like Evelyn wanted him anywhere near her, let alone a part of any decision making.

"It's about time." Harrison told Tori.

"Welcome." Evelyn smiled at Tori, and then her eyes were upon me. "It's nice to see you again, Pen."

"Evelyn." I told her with an even tone. I couldn't say the same was for me.

"How are you holding up?" She asked.

Smiling, I kept her eyes, "I don't really think we're all here to talk about me."

She smiled, "No, I suppose not."

"Any word from Four or Eric?" Tori asked.

"Nothing." Harrison stated.

"The plan is still in motion." Evelyn stated. "It doesn't appear that anything has changed. We're down to eleven days to get our people to get along and prepared to storm Erudite."

"Our people are ready." Tori told her. "It's yours that will need to work with us. We have the fighting skills."

"Just because my people weren't brought up to fight or shoot doesn't make us any less prepared." Evelyn replied.

Tori countered with a stern tone, "Doesn't it? Dauntless are raised to protect the city. We have impeccable fighting skills and can shoot and throw knives better than anyone. I believe that you and the factionless have been preparing for war. But unless you've had months and years of training, you're not nearly as experienced as us."

Evelyn smiled but finally nodded. "You have a point."

"Of course I do." Tori shot at her. "We need you, I won't deny that, but I will not let you demean my people. You want this as much as we do."

"Yes, I do." Evelyn said with a smile still on her face. "And I'm sure you're aware that my intentions are not simply to help Dauntless eradicate Erudite."

"I am." Tori replied. "We both have an endgame, Evelyn."

They had a stare down that felt as if it lasted forever. The room was starting to get uncomfortable. All the while I wondered what the hell Harrison was doing here. What did he really contribute as a leader of Dauntless? Four and Tori made sense but Harrison was literally just one more so there would never be a tie. Other than that I couldn't decide what the hell he was doing here.

"Training begins at dawn." Evelyn stated, stood, and left the room.

The rest of us stood and made our way from the house. "Well that was fun." I told Tori.

"Pen!" My name was called, making me sigh and turn to see Evelyn standing in the doorway.

"What?" I shot at her.

A warm smile crossed her face. "May I have a word?"

Harrison passed her by, glaring at me all the while. Looking at Tori, she shrugged, meaning that she was leaving the decision up to me. Sighing again, I bowed my head before turning back to the house. I was curious. That was the only reason I was willingly prolonging my company with her.

Following her back into the kitchen, she pulled out a bottle of liquor and filled two glasses. Normally it would be an inch or two but she filled them nearly to the top. "Trying to get me drunk?"

"I think you could use the drink more than anyone else here." She replied.

"What makes you say that?" I shot at her, taking a good drink of the amber liquid. It burned so good, feeling it from the back of my throat all the way to my stomach.

She just looked at me, "I think you know." Sighing, I finished it off and pushed it toward her again. She smiled and refilled it. This time I just took a sip and looked at her expectantly. "How are you really doing?"

"Why do you care?" I countered.

"Because whether I like it or not you mean something to Tobias and I know for a fact that you mean the world to Eric and vice versa."

"And?" I shot at her. "What does that have to do with you and what you're trying to accomplish?"

For a long moment she just looked at me. "Because I don't want to see Tobias hurt because of you. I don't want Eric's cover to be blown because of you. I don't want you hurt because you're letting your emotions get in the way."

"And Tris?" I asked, though she sounded like she was genuinely concerned.

She smiled at me, a happy smile that was making me uncomfortable. "I honestly don't care much about what happens to her."

Laughing, harder than was probably necessary, I nodded at her. "She has that effect on people."

"You don't like her either?" She asked.

"I do actually." I nodded at her. "Not that I'll ever admit to that. Especially to Four."

"Why do you call him Four?"

Taking a sip, I swallowed it slowly. "Because he prefers that Tris be the only one who uses Tobias on a regular basis. And that's just fine with me. When I use his full name he knows I'm being serious. The same can be said when he uses mine. If he's not calling me Opie than something is either wrong or he needs me to pay attention to what he's telling me."

There was a long moment of silence before she spoke again, her smile gone. "Do I stand a chance with him?" She asked, her tone turning anxious.

Holding her eyes for a long moment, I spoke softly, "I don't know, Evelyn. I guess that depends on the decisions you make from here on out. If you really plan on taking over the city, I think you should take into consideration how that might affect him."

"What does he want to happen?"

"I don't know." I replied. "His main concern is getting Tris back. My main concern has been getting Eric back. There hasn't been a lot of time for me and him to get caught up on everything." She nodded, looking upset. "I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I don't know much more than you, not right now. And if something goes wrong…" I said and trailed off.

"Don't you think they can do it?"

"I think they can do anything they put their minds too. If they really want this to work then it'll work." I replied.

"Then why are you so worried?"

"Because my mind isn't thinking about this rationally." I stated. "I've officially moved from rational thought to worst case scenarios. In my mind they're already dead and I should have just thrown myself into the Chasm when Dauntless was empty."

"No." She smiled. "Neither of them would want you to do that."

"I know." I nodded. "I need them to be okay, Evelyn. They need to come home."

She covered my hand with hers and for the first time, I found myself gripping it back. She smiled, and I suddenly needed a hug. The kind only a mother can give. She seemed to sense it, slowly putting her arms around me, not hugging me tighter until I'd reciprocated, which I did. I needed it and she was here. She may not be the mother I wanted but she was a mother and it felt so good to be hugged.

Smiling as a goodbye, I left the house, needing to find Claude. Going to the house next door, I found Tori with Harrison. They had already been put up and would have the house to themselves. She offered me a room but I declined. I wanted to find Claude and Terra. As long as they didn't attempt to put me under the same roof as Henry, I'd want to stay with them. When the moment came to go after Eric, I wanted Claude with me. I wanted her near.

"Hey, wanna get a bite to eat?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, but I want to find Claude first." I told him.

He smiled, his hand finding my lower back. I smiled and moved away from him. He just laughed and motioned to a house down the street. "I know where she is."

Every house looked the same. I couldn't figure how the hell they kept any of them straight. As we passed through the doorway, I saw an X carved into the doorframe, touching it as I stepped inside. It was a simple house. The stairs were ahead, living room to the left, dining room to the right with the kitchen after that, and I was sure that the bedrooms and bathroom were upstairs. No mirror in sight and everything was grey, giving everything an almost haze-like feel to it.

"Claude!" I called to what appeared to be an empty house.

"Pen." Henry said appearing from the kitchen holding a can of food.

I felt some color leave my face and my throat tightened. I didn't want to see him and being this close without being surrounded by people was making me anxious. But I couldn't stop myself from looking at him. He just looked back. His blond hair was longer than it had ever been. The blueness of his eyes as gentle as always. He wasn't a bad person. He just did a bad thing. Jealousy could drive the most gentle of men mad. I knew it to be true. Tears filled my eyes and yet I couldn't look away from him.

"Pen." He said again, taking a partial step toward me.

Edward looked from me to Henry before putting himself in between us, "Move around." Henry looked at him, nodding before moving from sight. "You okay?" He asked turning to look at me again.

I nodded, clearing my throat, "Sure."

"Pen?" Claude's voice came from upstairs.

Swiftly moving up them, I entered the bedroom I thought she was in, seeing her and Terra straightening their clothes out. "Sorry." I told her as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Don't be." Terra smiled, moving to me first, her arms wrapping around me comfortingly. Hugging her tightly, I tried to hide the slight shaking that was starting to take me over. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I frowned shaking it off. "I'm just…" I said trailing off. "And then with Henry here…"

"He can go somewhere else." Terra told me quickly, looking over her shoulder at Claude.

"No. It's fine." I told her. "I can go stay with Tori."

"No." Claude stated sternly. "If anyone gets to stay here it's you. He can find somewhere else to go."

"That's not fair, Claude." I told her shaking my head. "He didn't wrong you."

"He wronged me by wronging you." She frowned back.

"He's still one of your best friends. Mine too. But things are tense right now and with Eric not being here it's just making things…difficult."

"Say the word and we're gone." Claude stated matter-of-factly.

Smiling, it quickly faded when I watched a look cross Terra's face. It lasted for just a second but it had been there. "Claude, I can go alone. It's better if I go alone." I told her, getting Terra to look at me questioningly. "Terra needs you, Claude. I can't be selfish enough to ask you to run into the lion's den with me. I'm Divergent. That'll save me for a little while."

"Terra will be fine." Claude frowned. "It's not any different than sending her to be with the factionless."

"It is, Claude." Terra frowned at her. "They are killing people in Erudite. The factionless don't kill people."

"I'm not letting her go alone." Claude stated. "And I'm sorry, but you're not going to change my mind."

Terra frowned at her before glaring at me, swiftly leaving the room. "I'm not going to ask you to piss her off just to fight with me."

"And what are you gonna do, Pen?" Claude frowned. "Give yourself up to Jeanine?"

"For starters. If I have to." I replied.

"Then you're as stupid as Tris is!" She yelled at me. "Jeanine doesn't get to decide who lives and who dies. She doesn't get to decide if _you_ live or die."

"Why not?" I frowned. "If Eric and Four's plan doesn't work than I'm as good as dead anyway."

"Penelope Farrier." She told me with clenched teeth. "I may have grown to like Eric but he is not worth dying for."

"Yes he is." I smiled at her. "He's the only thing I would knowingly and willingly give my life for."

Tears filled her eyes and if looks could kill than I'd be dead. "You are such an idiot."

Laughing, I nodded at her, "Yeah, I really am. But I'm okay with that."

"Well, I'm not. I need you more than I need him."

Smiling wider, I embraced her, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Skipping any sort of dinner, I made myself comfortable in one of the bedrooms. Sitting in the center of the bed, my legs against my chest, I stared at the wall in front of me. Letting my mind paint it with what I wanted to see, and for the briefest of moments I was content. I knew what I wanted to do shouldn't outweigh the mission that Eric and Four were on. But something inside of me knew that something wasn't right. Whatever was happening to them wasn't good. They may have succeeded but they couldn't get out. If they found an opening, Four wouldn't hesitate to get Tris out if he thought her life was in danger. If Eric thought that it wasn't going well, he'd get himself out of there. Wouldn't he? I honestly wasn't sure. All I knew was that I couldn't stand idle and just wait for them either to come back or for the Erudite to throw their bodies at our feet. I told Tori I would try. I tried. I just couldn't stay. Four hadn't hesitated to go after Tris and I sure as hell wasn't going to hesitate to go after Eric. I'd already hesitated too long.

Having made my decision, I found some paper and a pen. Thinking a moment, I spent the next several hours creating a picture out of words. It was actually quite brilliant. And it bought everyone a little more time. An ink jar with a quill sticking out of it. I may have just outdone myself. It was my explanation and goodbye to Tori. She would understand. She would read it and know exactly what I was saying. It was for her and her alone. Then all there was to do was wait for everyone to go to bed. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't keep my eyes shut for more than a few minutes. Laying and staring at the ceiling, I listened to the street grow quiet, and when the time came, I left the paper on the corner of the bed. Grabbing all my weapons, I made my way down the hall to where Claude was.

Letting myself in, I stepped to Claude, putting my hand against her shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "It's time." I told her softly.

She quickly got up, changing and pulling an envelope from her bag. Sighing, I nodded as she met my eyes, holding it in her hands. She smiled, momentarily staring at Terra before she set it on her pillow, grabbed all her weapons, and turned to me. "Let's go."

Quietly leaving the house, we slipped between houses and through shadows, making our way out of Abnegation. Starting to jog, we kept an eye out for anyone lurking, making as straight a line as we could leading to Erudite. It was still early when we were close, and I had hoped that few would be patrolling their headquarters. We could get in, find our family, and get the fuck out. It was a simple plan. Maybe even a stupid plan. Either way, I was going in.

When we reached their headquarters, we stopped about a block away, staring at the building. Taking a deep breath, Claude nudged me, "So we go in guns blazing?"

"Basically." I smirked at her.

"Alright then." She smirked back.


	16. The Meaning of Fear

**Chapter Sixteen: The Meaning of Fear**

Moving forward, attempting to be as quiet as possible, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Our eyes darted back and forth as we made sure we hadn't been stopped yet. Reaching the doors, we pushed through them, ready for anything. There was a reception type desk with one person sitting behind it. She barely had enough to look up before I put a bullet in her head. Jogging toward the stairs, we moved up them in an attempt to find the cells. Four and Tris would more than likely be there and I just hoped that Four would know where Eric was.

Moving through the floors, we took down several Dauntless traitors, not finding anything. Looking at Claude, her muscles were taught, her expression focused and yet I could see the regret. She shouldn't be here. I told her to stay with Terra. We'd been together since the beginning of our time in Dauntless, but her loyalties should have shifted, just as mine had. She was family, but I had willingly left her to find Eric. She had stayed behind in Dauntless when Terra failed initiation. I should have let her go with her. So many things could be different and yet here we were, marching into the one place that we shouldn't be. Now my own regret was starting to fill me. We shouldn't be here. I should have given him more time. I should have given Four more time. But it was too late to turn back now. We were here. We'd already let our presence be known. We were screwed.

Claude turned her head and met my eyes. Both of us furrowed our brows, sighing, before nodding. We needed to get it done. Forcing a look of determination, I nodded at her again. She smirked, checked the clip in her gun, and then we picked up the pace. Though I felt my determination faltering just slightly when we had still come up empty. Only then there was a sound. Someone was banging against a door. Stopping, we listened before exchanging another look before we darted toward the sound. If it was Four or Tris than our luck just changed. For all we knew, Eric had been found out and he was in one of these cells too. Though the thought made my stomach drop and my feet move faster.

Turning down a hall, we both stopped as we took in rows of cells. There was whispering and soft muttering. Coughs and crying and whimpering. Wanting to call out, I knew it would be too risky, rushing forward, looking into the cells. I didn't know any of them. None of them were my family.

"Eric." I called softly. "Four." Nothing. "Tris."

"Hey. Hey!" A voice yelled.

Moving toward the sound, there was a timid looking girl staring at me through the window.

"Please help me." She said softly. "Please."

"Pen." Claude said sadly, looking to see her in front of the cell of a young man. He was pleading for her to open the door.

"Which faction are you from?" I asked the girl in front of me.

"Dauntless."

Sighing with relief, I nodded at her, "Where is Four? Have you seen Eric?"

"I don't know where Four is." She told me. "I heard him briefly earlier but…" She added and trailed off. "And I did see Eric. He was with Jeanine. She was talking very…animatedly with him."

What did that mean?

"Pen." Claude repeated. "They're not here and we don't have time."

Nodding at her, I turned back to the girl. She was starting to cry. Nodding, I gave her the best smile I could. "I'll be back for you." I told her.

"No!" She cried, looking terrified. "Please don't go!"

"I have to." I replied gently, pressing my hand against the glass. "But I _will_ be back for you. I promise."

"No!"

"Pen." Claude said again and started to move.

Swiftly following her, we kept moving, checking each cell that we passed. There was far more than I thought there would be. Hallways of cells. Not sure where to even begin, we moved down them, still searching for our missing family. The longer it took the more I felt like we were going to be found and shot down before we saw them again. Before I saw Eric again. Fear started to seep into me. Only not only for Eric, or Four, or Tris, but for me and Claude as well. This was a stupid plan. I wanted to be with him. I did. Only now it seemed like the weight of what that really meant was starting to sink in.

Shaking my head, I looked at Claude, "I'm sorry."

"Don't, Pen. Not right now."

"We shouldn't be here. I should never have asked you to do this." I told her.

"Enough." She shot at me. "I'm going to see Terra again. I left her behind to do this with you. You're my family. You have been since day one. That's why I'm here. I don't want you to all of a sudden start doubting us. Or to doubt them. We're here. We'll find them. Then we're getting the hell out of here. Understand me?"

Smiling, I nodded at her, "Yeah. I understand."

She smiled back, only then we heard a gunshot. It was swiftly followed by a voice I recognized. Peter. My stomach dropped as my head shot toward the sound. Then I was running. Pushing myself as fast as was humanly possible, I felt like my feet were barely touching the floor. Then another voice reached my ears. Four. He was saying Eric's name. Panic started to course through me and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"No." I whispered as I rounded a corner and they all came into sight. Eric was on the floor, Peter standing over him with Four kneeling at his shoulder, and there was red moving out from underneath him. Nearly falling as I raced toward him, the gun fell from my hands as I screamed his name. It felt like it took forever to reach him, feeling like everything was in slow motion. The panicked look on Peter's face. Four looking up at me, worry and pain in his expression. "Eric!" I yelled sliding onto my knees, taking his head in my hands. "Eric." He wasn't breathing. "No, no, no, no. Eric!" I screamed, shaking his shoulders.

"You shouldn't be here." Four stated.

"He's not dead." Peter told me.

"Eric! Wake up!" I yelled in a panic, his head once again in my hands. "He's not breathing! Eric, you have to breathe!"

"Pen, he's not dead." Peter repeated. I frowned up at him, tears hot on my cheeks. "I used the same thing on Tris. It's a paralytic."

Looking at Tris, she was breathing hard, looking like hell. Four now had her in his arms, looking at me sadly. Shaking my head, I lifted Eric into my arms, rocking as I put my hand against his face. Running my thumb across his cheek, I stared at him. I thought I'd never see him again, only now he was back in my arms. I could feel his blood sliding down my arm. His face was relaxed but just as beautiful as ever. I loved him. My heart felt like it was shattering at the possibility that I was going to have to say goodbye to him. I hadn't come here to let him die. I had come to save him. To save them all. And now he wasn't breathing.

"Wake up." I told him. "Baby, please, wake up. Eric, you can't do this to me. Open your eyes. Just breathe, Eric. Breathe!" Shaking him again, I pressed my forehead against his as I continued to rock, sobbing, my tears falling against his face.

"It'll wear off." Peter told me, though his tone wasn't nearly as confident.

"Pen." Four said helping Tris off the gurney she had been on.

"He'll wake up." I said staring at Eric, my voice shaking. "He'll wake up."

"I had to use a higher dose to make him go down faster. I shot him to keep up appearances." Peter explained. "He – he was going to stay behind to cover our tracks before he took off."

"He'll wake up." I repeated as tears streamed down my face. Time seemed stand still and speed up at the same time. Minutes passed and we couldn't afford to stay in one place for long. They would know we're here and they would be looking for us. We needed to get out of here. We needed to get Eric out of here. Even if he was dead I wasn't going to leave him here. I would never leave him.

"Opie." Four said kneeling next to me. "We have to go."

"I'm not leaving him. He'll wake up."

"If he was, he would have by now." Four told me gently. "We have to go. I'm so sorry."

"No you're not." I shot at him. "You wanted this. You never wanted him to live anyway. Then he offers to help you and you led him to his death."

"He was brave, Opie. He knew what he was doing."

"And you didn't think to have his back?" I glared at him. "All you care about is your precious Tris. You didn't stop to consider what would happen if he died. After everything, you knew what he meant me. You knew, Four, and you didn't care." I told him as sobs started spill from me. "You knew and you led him here and now he's gone. Tris is not the only thing that matters. Eric matters to me, Four. He matters to me and you let him die you son of a bitch!"

"Pen, I didn't mean for this. This was not my plan."

"He trusted you!" I yelled. "He wanted to make amends so badly and now he's dead! Because of you!" Shaking started to take over as the tears came faster. I pulled Eric tightly against me, his head falling to the side. Taking a deep breath, getting myself as under control as I could muster, I looked at Four, nodding. "You should go."

"Not without you." He frowned.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I told him.

"Pen." Claude said sadly. "Don't do this."

Scoffing, I looked up at her. "Go with them. Go back to Terra. Tell Tori I'm sorry. But I'm not going anywhere without Eric. If he's dead so be it. But I'm not leaving him."

"You don't have to die for him." Tris told me.

"Shut your fucking mouth." I shot at her through clenched teeth. "You have no right to speak to me. This is all your goddamn fault. You fucking bitch. You just had to play martyr and because of that I just lost the one thing that mattered most to me."

"Pen." Four said with a clenched jaw.

"No!" I yelled at him, my eyes on Tris again. "You and Four would die for each other. The same was for me. It's my life and it's my choice. Now get the fuck away from us."

"I didn't mean to." Peter said sadly.

Looking back down at Eric, I ran my hand down his face. "I don't blame you."

"Get up." Four said gripping my arm.

I pulled away from him, punching him as hard as I could across the cheek while still holding tight to Eric. "I told you to go."

"Pen." Tris said looking down at me.

"Go be the savior everyone thinks you are." I glared up at her. "While I die knowing the truth."

"Fine." Four nodded. "Live. Die. I don't give a shit anymore."

"I'm not asking you to."

"Pen, please." Claude pleaded, kneeling next to me. "Please, let's – let's just go, and then we'll figure out what to do."

"I'm not leaving him here." I smiled at her. "I'll be fine, Claude. You need to go. Get back to Terra and love her like she's never been loved before. You never know when it'll be the last time you see her, or hold her, or hear her voice." Looking back down at Eric, the last thing he'd said to me was that he loved me. But if he loved me then how could he just leave me like this? Sobbing, I looking up at Claude again. "Go, Claude. Please. I am begging you to just go. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."

"You're going to die." She frowned at me. Smiling, I nodded. "You just called Tris the martyr but it's really you."

Laughing, I nodded again, "So be it."

"I hate you so much right now." Claude told me harshly. "You are such an idiot, Pen. What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Claude, we need to move." Four told her. "Now are you coming with us or not?"

She looked at me for a long moment before nodding, getting to her feet, "Goodbye, Pen."

Four looked at me before nodding, once again taking Tris' waist. Nodding at Claude, she almost moved toward me again before she stopped. Smiling, I nodded again. She paused, looking at my gun that she still held, having picked it up when I dropped it. She sighed, slowly putting it next to me. She looked at me for another long moment before she turned and stormed off. So the last moment I'd probably see her and she was going to hate me for it. She'd regret that when the anger wore off. But I didn't deserve any nice words right now. No love or good luck. This was as stupid a move as any of them. But I wasn't going to leave Eric. No way in hell.

Still rocking, I watched them leaving, staring in their direction until their steps were gone. Then I looked back at Eric, running my hand down his face, trailing my fingers down his neck, resting it against his chest. Nothing beating against my hand. The tears came faster as I turned him into me, his face against my neck.

"I love you." I told him. "Come back to me. Eric, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you."

Sobbing, nothing happening, I picked up my gun and pressed it against my temple. I had decided a long time ago that if he died, I died. If he was gone than I was already gone too. Taking a deep breath, I was just about to pull the trigger when there were steps and I was suddenly grabbed from behind. My eyes grew wide as the gun was ripped from my hand, and I was pulled from Eric's side. Looking around me, Dauntless traitors were surrounding us.

"NO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, struggling against those who held me, reaching for Eric. "PLEASE!" I screamed. "ERIC!"

A blue-banded traitor took a knee at Eric's side, his fingers moving to his neck. My breath caught in my throat and for the briefest of moments, my mind imagined him suddenly coughing and coming to. The paralytic wearing off. He wasn't dead. He was alive and we'd fight our way out of here and return to the others. For the briefest of moments I saw a happily ever after. For the briefest of moments I held on to hope.

Then he looked up, "He's dead."

"No, please! Help him!" I sobbed, my legs giving out, though the Dauntless who held me kept me firmly against his chest. "Please! Please don't let him die!"

"Take her to a cell." The one on the floor commanded.

"No!" I yelled struggling against him.

"Pen, stop." A voice said in my ear.

Freezing, I stopped out of shock, turned my head, and met Nathan's eyes. "No." I said pulling from him, scrambling over to Eric's side, swiftly taking him back into my arms.

Looking up at Nathan with a hard glare, I felt empty. He looked at me with as blank an expression as he could. Crying, I pressed my face against Eric's. He still felt warm. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be.

"Nate." The one crouched next to me said with authority. "Are we going to have a problem?"

"No." Nathan replied, stepping forward and gripping my arm.

"Please, Nathan." I said as he yanked me to my feet, Eric's head making an audible thud against the ground. "What are you going to do with him?" No one said anything. "Just tell what you're going to do with him!" They didn't answer and Nathan quickly pulled me down the hall, turning down several of them. I tried to keep track but my mind was overwhelmed with the grief that was filling me. "Please, Nathan." I cried. "Please tell me what they're going to do with him." He clenched his jaw, emotion clear in his eyes. "Please. Please, Nathan."

"Maybe you should be asking what's going to happen to you." He finally replied.

"Answer my question." I retorted. "What are they going to do with him?"

We stopped in front of a cell, the door was opened and I fell to the floor as he threw me into it, slamming the door before his steps quickly retreated. Moving to the wall, I brought my knees up, rocking violently as I sobbed, screams erupting from me without permission. It was almost as if I was having an out of body experience. As if someone else was making the sound and I had to remind myself that it was coming from me. Looking at his blood on my hands only intensified the feeling, if that were even possible.

I had no idea how long I sat there, crying until I couldn't breathe. Because I couldn't breathe. Eric was dead and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. He left without telling me and now he was dead. How did this happen? How had we come so far only to have it end like this?

When the door opened sometime later, I didn't even register that someone had entered. I sat in the same spot, rocking slowly and rhythmically as I stared at nothing, my hand running along the dried blood on my arm. I wasn't seeing anything. The only thing I could think of was Eric lying on the floor. Peter's words telling me that he wasn't dead but he never woke up. Then the traitors confirming him dead and I was taken from him. He was taken from me. The memories were on a loop and my mind kept going over it over and over again. I'd failed him. I had saved him only to lose him. He left me. What the hell was he thinking? Why would he leave without telling me? Why would he risk himself? I never got to say goodbye...

The lighted panels that made up the walls and floor intensified, forcing me to squint. Before now they had been dimmed, and I had appreciated the darkness.

"I'd ask how you're doing but I think I can assume you aren't well." Jeanine's voice reached my ears.

Slowly lifting my eyes, I met hers with as hard a glare as I could muster. "Get out." I told her with a scratchy voice. She just smiled as she started to pace the six by six room. "I have nothing to say to you."

"I'd say I was sorry for Eric, but the traitor got what he deserved."

"He didn't deserve to die!" I yelled at her, my voice now strong, standing in one fluid movement. I felt weaker than I'd ever been, but I couldn't show her that. Not if I could help it. "He deserved to be happy! He deserved the chance to make amends for the crimes that you forced him to commit!"

She just looked at me calmly. "I didn't force him to do anything, Penelope. He was a pawn and when pushed he did as he was told."

"Where is he? What are you doing to him?"

"You mean his body?" She countered. The word made ice run through my veins and I felt the heat that had entered my cheeks ebb away. "I don't feel the need to provide that information." I furrowed my brows at her, feeling anger start to rise despite the tears in my eyes. "You'll have to give me something first."

"What do you want?" I asked, ready to do just about anything to know where he was.

"Since Beatrice escaped, you will replace her as the subject of my study."

"What kind of study?"

She smiled and stepped toward me. "Is that something you really need to know?"

Thinking a moment, I shook my head, "No."

"You're not nearly as curious as Beatrice was." She commented.

"I just lost what mattered most to me. My curiosity isn't really a concern right now." I retorted.

"But you want his body." She stated. It wasn't a question. She knew that was what I wanted. She was just trying to figure out why.

"Please, just give him to me." I pleaded. I should have been strong but I just didn't have it in me to keep up the façade. I wasn't Tris. I wasn't Four. I was simply the shell of the person I was this morning. He was everything to me and now he was gone. "You don't need him anymore."

"If I let you see him will you do what I ask without putting up a fight?"

"Yes." I replied quickly.

"First, you will show good faith by running one test beforehand."

"Fine." I stated.

"Just like that?" She asked.

"I don't think you understand what he means to me." I told her with a menacing tone. "You will keep your word or you will see a side of me you never have before." She just smirked at me.

Stepping toward the door, she knocked on it and Nathan swiftly appeared, punching the number on the pad and stepped through. Jeanine nodded at him and he swiftly took my arm, gripping it painfully. Leading me to the end of a long hall, Nathan turned me left into a dim room. For a moment I was back in the tank in B13. I didn't like the feeling. I took in my reflection in the glass along one wall, sure that someone was watching me on the other side of it. In front of me stood a large machine. An MRI machine. I had tried to convince Max to upgrade the med area with the latest technology. The only time I ever wanted anything to do with Erudite. Max had turned me down though, telling me that I couldn't justify the needs for any high-tech imaging when they'd be shipped off to the city anyway. My justification had been just fine. With all the beatings we take it would help me assess any damaged organs and internal bleeding to decide whether a trip to the hospital was necessary or not. It would have been helpful in both Neely's case and my own.

"Lie down, Penelope." Jeanine's voice commanded over an intercom.

The abrupt sound made me jump, but I did as I was told. Hoping it didn't take too long, I wanted Eric in my arms again as soon as possible. Laying back, the cold metal felt nice against my heated skin, taking a deep breath as the machine immediately started to swallow me. Shutting my eyes, I tuned out the noise of the machine, thinking of Eric. Remembering the feeling of his arms around me. His fingers moving up and down my skin. The warmth of his breath as it wafted over me. The smell of him. The taste of him. The feeling of him inside of me.

The sound of his heartbeat…

…the feeling of his lips against mine.

His lips.

God how I loved his lips. They were the first thing about him that I fell in love with. Then everything else followed. I loved him. I loved him more than anything. And now he was gone. He was gone and I was forced to grieve for him in this hell hole.

Greif.

It was like a giant wave that hit me. Filled me. I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating against this metal table and in this machine that was clanking noisily around me. I was alive and unharmed and yet…I was dying. Suffocating in knowing that the person I loved most - that I cherished most - was no longer a part of this world.

He was gone.

Tears ran from the corners of my eyes, no longer suffocating, now feeling the pain of my loss. An overwhelming pain that started in my chest, spreading, filling me from head to toe. Shaking started to take me over, making me grip the edge of the table, rubbing my feet against each other as I tried to hold still.

"Don't move, Penelope." Jeanine warned.

"Sorry." I whispered, attempting to hold still. I just wanted to writhe and now I was being forced to hold still. But I would do it for him. As long as I got to hold him again.

Keeping my mind as blank as possible, when the machine shut down and I was pulled from the tight space, I rolled, vomiting onto the floor. Sobs broke from me again as I rolled back and forth, unable to hold in my grief. Then the door opened and Nathan strode in, yanking me from the table and practically dragging me from the room. Jeanine was waiting for us in the hall, her face expressionless toward my pain.

"Beatrice demanded that I show her the scans. Will you demand the same?" She asked.

"What is it going to tell me Jeanine?" I asked taking a shuddering breath, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "That parts of my brain are abnormally large or small, labeling me Divergent, where other areas are either larger or smaller based on the actions I've made?"

Her brows furrowed and she gave me a subtle nod. "Something like that."

"I don't give a fuck about why I'm Divergent. I love being Divergent and that's enough for me. The only thing I will demand of you is Eric."

She raised a brow at me. "Take her back to her cell." She stated nonchalantly.

"What about Eric?!" I yelled at her.

"You have not completed your test yet."

"Then let's do it now, Jeanine." I shot at her. "You agreed to give him to me when I'd completed a test. Do it now so I can have him."

She smiled at me, "I did agree. However, there was no mention of when the test would be completed."

"You manipulative bitch!" I yelled, charging at her. I managed to claw her at the base of her neck, feeling her skin underneath my fingernails before Nathan had me round my waist, pulling me away from her. "Give him to me!"

Jeanine righted her collar, looking at the red on her fingers from the marks I had made. "Take her to her cell."

Nathan's grip tightened and he was once again dragging me down the hall. "I'm going to kill you!" I screamed as I struggled against him.

Struggling all the way to the cell, Nathan threw me into it, once against slamming the door. Throwing myself against it, I slammed my fists against the metal, screaming until I tasted blood at the back of my throat. By the time I finally stopped, I lay curled up in the corner, my throat and hands raw. Staring at the floor, I wanted to sleep but I just couldn't. I couldn't find rest in a world where Eric wasn't in it. I couldn't _live_ in a world where he wasn't in it. I needed him. Tears returned and fell, a small pool starting to form underneath my head.

* * *

Time was irrelevant, so when the door opened I had no idea how long I had been lying there. Not that it mattered. Hearing steps, Nathan sat against the wall, far enough away so I couldn't reach him. My eyes moved to him briefly before I once again stared at the floor.

"When?" I asked him, the word broken, my throat on fire from trying to speak.

"You don't understand." He whispered.

"When?" I repeated.

"They took Kendra." He replied. His girlfriend.

"Where is she?" I asked, the words barely coming out.

"She's alive and well." He stated. "She'll stay that way if I do what Jeanine asks of me." I frowned at him, wanting him to elaborate. "She's Divergent." He added. "But just barely. Jeanine doesn't think she's worth anything but is keeping her just in case." He sighed, meeting my eyes. "I'm so sorry about Eric, Pen. I've imagined what it would be like to lose Kendra and even the thought is unbearable. Eric's dead and now you're stuck here."

"Where is he?" I asked.

"I don't know." He replied sadly.

Propping myself up on my hand, I met his eyes with a fierce gaze. "Kill me."

"What?" He frowned. "No."

"Nathan, you have to kill me. Jeanine does not get to win. Eric is dead. I'm done with this war. I'm done and I'm ready to die. So, please, I am begging you, kill me."

"No." He repeated.

"Why not?" I asked with more air than sound.

He met my eyes, a pained expression crossing his face. "Because as sorry as I am for Eric, I won't risk Kendra's life."

Laying back down, I started to sob again. I just wanted to die. I wanted to be with him. Living just a moment without him was too long. Running my hand along the empty space in front of me, I wanted to feel the heat that Eric left behind. I wanted to feel like he was still with me. But all I was met with was the cold floor.

* * *

Sleep must have finally taken me, shooting awake when the dimmed lights intensified. Sitting up, I wiped my eyes, pain moving through them at every touch. Looking up, Nathan was standing there with a sad expression on his face. Sighing, I nodded and slowly got to my feet. My body was sore and my chest and head had a pulsating throb that made tears spring to my eyes. I was so sick of crying. It was weak and I was showing far too much weakness as it was. Jeanine could not win. But I would still do anything to have Eric returned to me. No matter the state he was in.

"You need to take better care of yourself." Jeanine scolded as she took me in.

We'd veered down several hallways until we were in a different room. The scans had been taken and now was the fun part. There's a medical chair, partially reclined, with a desk and screen in one corner. She's standing in front of it with that holier-than-thou expression. I wanted to slap it off of her fucking face. But I couldn't help but smile at the marks on her neck. A small victory. And there would be more where that came from.

"I'm tougher than you think." I stated with a raspy throat.

"Are you?" She asked with a raised brow. "All I've seen is you falling apart over the death of a worthless man."

I felt my face contort and I lunged at her, my fist meeting her face, gripping her neck and digging my knee into her abdomen. Then I was grabbed and thrown across the other side of the room. More Dauntless traitors entered, their guns aimed at me as I slowly got to my feet. I'd be able to kill at least a couple of them before I was killed myself. The thought crossed my mind, only then Jeanine opened her mouth.

"There she is." She told me. Jerking my head toward her, she was still slightly hunched, catching her breath, but she had a wicked smirk on her face. "That's the Penelope I've been looking for." Laughing, I started to pace the circle I was in, the guns still aimed at me, glaring at her all the while. "Eric is your trigger. Even in death you revolve around him." My smile disappeared and I stopped, keeping my eyes trained on hers. "Since he was a boy he'd never connected with anyone. That's why he was picked. He had no ties. He would do anything I asked of him because I was all that he had." My brows furrowed and she slowly stepped up to me. Nathan quickly put his hand against my shoulder. "Then he met you." She smiled. "He met you and you excited him and made him feel things he never had before. Despite everything he's done you loved him unconditionally. He killed your sister and you forgave him because you couldn't live without him." I tried to stop them but a tear slid down my cheek as I started to shake. "But now he's dead and you're still alive. Left to roam the world alone." Another tear fell. "I will remedy that if you'd like. But first, there are tests you must complete."

"Remember our agreement." I told her with a hard tone. She just smiled and gave me a curt nod. "Jeanine, you will return him to me." I added with disdain. Something told me she was going to find a way out of our agreement.

"Sit down." She told me. "If I remember correctly - and I do - you agreed to one test before then."

"Fine." I said and sat down. Staring at the ceiling, I waited for the serum to be injected. "One test."

As soon as the serum was in, I hear her hit a button and everything went dark. Only then I was standing in Dauntless, screaming being heard and people were running in every direction. Moving through the Pit, a body dropped next to me as people scrambled up the path to the glass ceiling and out of Dauntless. Spinning, I took in the chaos around me, trying to figure out what was going on. Then the blue-banded traitors appeared, forcing people into the Pit, several being shot. It wasn't just about the Divergent anymore. They were cleansing each faction.

Turning, I darted toward the nearest path, wanting to move further into the compound. If I could make it to my home then I could scale the building from the outside. But before I could get there, Claude stumbled into view. Blood was trailing down the side of her head, her hair down and flowing over her shoulder, mixing with blood as it moved down her arm as well.

"Claude!" I yelled rushing to her. "What happened?" I asked, catching her in my arms.

"They found us. They came and now we're all dead."

"Where's Four?" I asked her.

"Don't you mean Eric?" She countered.

"He's dead." I frowned at her.

"Is he?" She replied. Looking at the blue in her hair, I let her fall to the floor. "What the hell, Pen?" She frowned up at me. "We need to move. We need to get out of here."

"I am getting out of here." I told her, taking the gun she had held and put it too my temple.

Opening my eyes, I saw the ceiling of the room, Jeanine standing up from the desk. She slowly stepped toward me as I sat up.

"That was faster than Beatrice." She stated.

"One test." I told her. "Now give me Eric."

"Your determination will prove useful in perfecting the serum. Thank you." She told me and left the room.

"Jeanine!" I called after her.

Nathan gripped my arm and started to pull me back down the halls. When we reached my cell, he threw me in and shut the door. Rushing to it, I slammed my hands against it. Screaming for Jeanine to keep her word. It took less time than before for my throat to feel like it was going to rip in two. Finally moving to the wall, sliding down it, my ass slammed against the floor. Bringing my knees to my chest, I put my elbows on top of them, my hands in my hair. She wasn't going to return him to me. She was just manipulating me like she had everyone else. I was never going to see him again.

Tears had come and gone when the door finally opened. I expected Nathan or Jeanine, but instead my mouth fell open as I took in my sister. "Hazel." I said breathlessly. She was wearing Erudite blue. "What the hell?"

"Hello, Penelope." She smiled at me.

Getting to my feet, I attempted to wrap my head around what I was seeing. "Is this real?" I asked her. Looking at the wall, I willed it to explode. Only nothing happened. Looking at Hazel, in the next second I had her pinned against the wall, my arm across her throat. "What are you doing here?!" I screamed at her.

"Penelope! Penelope, stop!" She bellowed with terror in her eyes.

"You betrayed our family." I stated. "You put yourself into the hands of Erudite? Why?"

I let her shove me away, her hand moving to her throat. "Because this is where I belong."

"Hazel." I said as tears returned to my eyes. "How could you do this?"

"Maggie is dead. You were dead. You are supposed to be dead." She stated.

"Well, I'm not. Sorry to disappoint you." I frowned at her.

"Did you know about Maggie?" She asked.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Did you know that it was because of the man you love?" She shot at me.

"Yes." I nodded.

"And now he's dead too." She told me with an even tone. "Everyone dies around you."

"No." I frowned. "Everyone dies around Tris. This isn't my fault."

"Seems you two have more in common than you think."

Shaking my head, I just frowned at her. "Tell me why, Hazel. Why did you betray everyone?"

"Mom and Dad couldn't handle two of their daughters being dead. I took my opportunity and I left. We both know that I didn't belong there."

Shaking my head again, I paced in front of her. "Something else is going on." I told her. "Why are you here? Why would Jeanine bring you to me now when you've been here the whole time?"

"Because she needed to give you something in return for your cooperation." She replied nonchalantly.

My heart felt like it was breaking all over again. "She agreed to give Eric back to me." I told her sadly.

"He's dead, Penelope! Let him go!" She yelled.

Feeling my whole demeanor deflate, I wrapped my arms around myself. "And she thinks bringing me my traitor sister will even come close to satisfying her end of the agreement?" I frowned at her. "Because I'd rather have my dead boyfriend."

"Well, too bad, Penelope." She shot at me. "I'm here and if you don't do what she asks then I'm going to be killed as well. Can your conscience handle another death being added to it?"

Scoffing, I nodded. "Yeah, yours I can handle."

Her confidence finally faltered and she looked at me with shock. "You'd let me die?" She asked.

"You're a traitor." I told her nonchalantly. "I'm already going down. I might as well take you with me."

For a long moment she just stared at me, then she went to the door and pounded on it. They let her out, once again locking the door. Smiling, for the first time since Eric died I felt a sliver of hope. She betrayed her family. I understood why, but there was no way in hell I was going to accept it. Though I should have known it was going to happen. The way she was talking to me when I was home. The questions she had asked. She was curious about Erudite and it should have been a red flag. This shouldn't be a surprise. But it hurt just as much.


	17. Immeasurable Grief

**Chapter Seventeen: Immeasurable Grief**

My hand was held tightly as we raced along the edge of Amity, the ground giving way under our feet. It was an odd sensation to feel ground, propelling yourself forward, only to look over your shoulder to see nothing behind you. For a moment I stared at the back of Eric's head, my eyes trailing down his neck to his shoulders. I followed his arm until I took in our linked hands. For a moment there was a sense of calm, only then my feet felt nothing but air and I found myself falling. Calling out, I slammed against the side of the earth, pain erupting through my body. Looking down, I could see something there but it was too far to make out. Now looking up, I met Eric's eyes.

"Don't let go!" I told him.

"You are stronger than you think." He stated.

"Don't leave me!" I yelled as tears fell from the corners of my eyes, my hand slipping. "I love you, Eric. I will always love you."

Then my hand slipped from his, and I was free falling. Hitting a mound that was jutting out of the side of the earth, I was sent tumbling down, hitting more until I landed hard on my stomach. The dirt seemed to disappear and I was standing in Dauntless, my family surrounding me.

"Maggie." I said rushing to her hugging her tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for anything to happen to you. I love you so much."

"Everything happens for a reason." She told me, her hand running down my hair. "Everything will be okay. You're stronger than you think."

"What?" I frowned, pulling her away from me. "Eric just told me that."

"Then believe it." She told me.

Opening my eyes, I was once again looking at the ceiling in the small room. Jeanine's jaw was set as she stood and walked over to me. "Is this serum working on you at all? Do the simulations have any affect?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "Am I not seeing what you want me to see? Am I not showing you what you want me to show you? Maybe if you told me I could just tell you and we can get this over with."

"What clues you in that it's a simulation?" She asked. "And how do you get out of it? It's like it's molding around you."

Sitting up, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, gripping the edge of it. "It's the little things that clue me in. Shit that I know isn't true. In the first one Claude's hair was blue."

"And?" She snapped at me.

"And Claude changed her hair to purple." I replied.

"And in the second?"

"My sister is dead. Eric is dead." I frowned at her. "My brain knows this. If I'm seeing them than I know it's not real."

"But how do you get out of it?" She asked.

"Mind over matter." I stated and shrugged.

She sighed and nodded, leaving the room. Nathan reached for me, but I shifted away from him. Standing, I moved to the door, crossing my arms and waited for him. He scoffed, smirking at me but led me from the room. Staring at the floor, I followed him, knowing that escape wasn't an option. Even if it was, I didn't care if I made it back to the others. I knew that Claude and Henry and Four and Tori would all be pissed and that they would miss me, but I no longer had purpose. Let her study me. Let her kill me. I didn't care.

When Nathan opened a door and motioned me in, I was once again in the MRI room. Frowning, I looked at him, wondering what the hell we were doing here. He simply nodded and motioned toward the machine. Sighing, it took a long moment for me to move, stepping up to the machine slowly. Looking at the mirror, seeing a shadow of myself looked back at me, I knew that Jeanine was watching me. Holding myself high, I glared at her, only not just at her but at myself as well. I let everyone down. I let myself down. If the last thing I did was give Jeanine exactly what she wanted then I had turned out to be pretty damn pathetic. But in my mind I was still doing it all for Eric. She would return him to me. If that meant she won a few rounds, then fine. But I'd find a way to end myself before she figured out the serum. I had to do something. As soon as I got Eric back then I could plan my next move. But even in death he was still my top priority.

"Lay down, Penelope." She told me through a mic.

"And if I don't?" I glared as I tapped my fingers on top of the table.

There was a moment's pause before pain seared through my back, making me drop to my knees. My vision speckled as I gripped the edge of the table, looking over my shoulder at Nathan. He had a pained expression on his face, but he would do whatever she wanted.

"Don't make me do this." He told me quietly. "Please, Pen, just lay the fuck down."

Getting back onto my feet, I turned to him, dipping my chin as I glared. In the next moment I'd lunged at him, snatching the gun from his hands and tossing it across the room. Punching him hard and repeatedly, he went to the floor, scrambling toward the gun instead of just fighting me. Following him, I kicked his side as many times as I could, watching him reach for his gun. When his fingers were just inches away, I gripped his should, ready to stop him, only I faltered. I didn't want to stop him. I wanted this. Having paused just long enough for him to reach the gun, he flipped himself onto his back, aiming the gun at my forehead.

"Do it." I told him, blood dripping from his nose and mouth.

"Penelope." Jeanine said exasperatingly.

"Do it, Nathan. Kill me." I told him, lunging toward him again.

The gun went off, making me drop to my knees, only it was never meant to hit me. My ear was ringing, making me clasp my hand over it as the pain of it reverberated through my head. Hearing the door, I looked up to see two Dauntless traitors step in and move toward me. Looking at Nathan, we frowned at each other before I was being dragged to my feet and led to the table.

"Just lay down, Penelope. No need to make this any harder than it needs to be." Jeanine told me through the glass.

"Bullshit." I shot back. Only it was my reflection I was speaking to.

"If you want Eric, you need to cooperate."

"You already went back on your word. It's only fair that I do the same."

I was met with silence, only then the door opened and Jeanine strode in on her high horse. She stepped up to me and swiftly held her hand out to me. Jerking away from her, I glanced between her face and her hand, curious and almost afraid of what might be inside of it. When she opened her palm, she revealed a white stone with the infinity symbol etched into it. Maggie had given me it the morning of the Choosing Ceremony. I managed to keep it until the night of initiation and then I'd lost it. I hadn't even thought about it since then.

"Where did you get this?" I asked her airily.

"Eric's pocket." She replied nonchalantly.

Starting to shake, I reached out for it only to have her take her hand back. Meeting her eyes with a hard glare, I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You're lying."

"Am I?" She smirked. Shaking my head, I didn't know what to think. "Maybe he wasn't completely honest with you."

Shaking my head, I paced away from her. He wouldn't have kept it from me. Maybe he had no idea that it had once belonged to me. Maybe he just…

"It doesn't matter." I spat at her.

"Hazel told me that your sister Maggie gave this to you. That it would hold meaning now that both of them were dead."

"It doesn't matter." I told her again. "Even if Eric knew what that was. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why would he keep it from you?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter." I repeated as I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Because he's dead!" I yelled at her. "Eric is dead! Maggie is dead! Nothing matter's anymore!"

"And the rest of your little family?" She asked. "They don't matter anymore either?"

For a long moment I just looked at her. "They aren't here. They are out there and they are safe. You can't hurt them anymore."

She laughed lightly. "I have you don't I?"

Stopping my pacing, I looked at her, momentarily holding my breath. She just smirked at me, keeping my eyes before she turned heel and left the room.

"Lay down, Penelope." She told me before she was out of the room.

Turning back to the table, I felt tears prickling my eyes. Looking at Nathan, he sighed and nodded at me. Nodding back, I laid down, shutting my eyes as it started to slide into the machine. Keeping a blank expression, letting a few stray tears slip from the corners of my eyes, I endured the clanking of the machine. I didn't know what she was looking for but there must have been something she wanted to revisit. I tried to focus on that and not my lost love or my cherished sister. If I thought about them then I knew I wouldn't be able to keep an ounce of stoicism. Despite how completely defeated I felt. Despite how badly I wanted to breakdown. I'd save that for when I was alone. I still wanted to attempt to keep myself put together in Jeanine's presence.

Afterward, Nathan took my back to my cell, stepping in to see Hazel standing there. "You don't want to be here." I told her coldly.

"I'm here for you, Penelope. You're still my sister."

"Bullshit!" I yelled at her. "You stopped being my sister the moment you aligned yourself with Jeanine and her dogs! They are going to kill me, Hazel. They are going to kill me and there is nothing you can do about it."

"She said she would try and keep you alive." She replied. "I pleaded for your life and she said she'll give it to me."

"Just like she told me that she would return Eric to me?" I retorted.

"I am sorry about him."

"Where is he?"

"He was disposed of." She replied with indifference.

My breath caught as my chest clenched. Dropping to my knees, sitting back on my heels, the room started to spin. Throwing up onto the floor, I fell back against the wall, falling to the side as I curled myself into a ball. Sobs broke from me again, realizing that I would never see him again. I just wanted to see him once more and they'd disposed of him.

"Thrown out like the trash he was."

For a moment I just looked at her. Then I was on my feet, lunging forward, punching her to the ground. I don't think my fists had ever moved so fast in my life. The door burst open and Nathan appeared. Darting to my feet, I quickly disarmed him, shooting him in the abdomen before turning and shooting Hazel in the head. Running from the room, I saw Caleb standing there dressed in Erudite as well. I raised the gun, hearing him scream; only my finger was already squeezing the trigger. Watching him slump to the floor, a hole in the middle of his forehead, I leapt over his body, charging down the hall as fast as I could. My bare feet were loud against the floor, echoing against the walls as I attempted to find a way out. Then the halls filled with the sound of running feet. Looking behind me, I caught a glimpse of at least six before I veered down another hall.

Somehow I stumbled across the elevators, darting through the door to the stairs. I practically slid all the way down them, pain in my heel. I knew it was bleeding when every step I took felt slick. Without stopping, I charged out the side door, racing across the wood floor to the entrance, seeing the sun shining outside. Before I made it to the door, soldiers came from both directions, sliding in front of me. Raising the gun, I shot three before they started to fire on me. Feeling a bullet hit my shoulder, another in my side, I attempted to keep momentum, but I was slowing quickly. Falling to my knees, I was going to accept my fate when more shots rang and Four slid into view.

"Tobias!" I screamed.

Tris appeared behind him, and then Tori, and then Claude and Henry. They all shot at the soldiers that were coming into view. Scrambling forward, I was moved behind my family, looking up as Eric slid into view, the sun hitting his back, giving him a glowing aura. He rushed forward gripping me and yanked me to my feet. Soon my legs were scooped from underneath me and he was running as I gripped him tightly. He put me in the back of a truck, hitting the top of it, making it speed off.

We drove out of the city, Amity fields coming into view, the fence towering above us. When we finally stopped, I took Eric's head in my hands, looking at him. He wasn't dead. He was right here in front of me. Before he could say anything, my lips crashed against his. Running my tongue along his, I needed to taste him. I needed him to breathe the life back into me. I needed him inside of me.

"I thought you were dead." I told him. "I believed you were dead."

"I know." He nodded, kissing me again. "I don't know how long I was out but when I woke up I was in some alley. I thought everyone escaped so I went back to meet up with everyone at Dauntless. I'd never leave you." He smiled down at me.

My smile faltered as I stared at him. My mind wanted to give in and accept this world. The world where Eric was still alive. "You were going to meet us at Dauntless?" I asked him.

"That was the plan. Regroup at home. I had to get back to you." He replied, his lips finding mine again.

They felt like his lips. His chest was his chest. His voice was like chocolate and his hands against me had never felt so good. "I wish this was real." I told him, running my hand down his face, my thumb across his lips.

"Pen." He frowned. "I'm right in front of you. I am real."

"No. You're not." I replied, wrapping my arms around him.

In the next second he was gone, and I slowly opened my eyes, my temples drenched with tears, my hair with sweat. Sitting up, I looked at Jeanine, her expression frustrated. "You're getting closer." Standing, I went to the door. "Take me back to my cell now."

For a long moment she just looked at me. "You and Beatrice have more in common than you think." She told me.

"Stop it." I told her with furrowed brows, shutting my eyes. "I don't want to be compared to her."

"Four was her trigger just as Eric is yours." She said ignoring my words. "I'm actually starting to feel a little sympathy for you. You truly do love him."

Turning my head to meet her eyes, I nodded, "More than my own life."

"You were good for him, Penelope." She said standing and slowly stepped toward me. "He could have been a great man, with you at his side."

"I know." I nodded.

"It's almost a shame that we'll never know."

Frowning, I wanted to attack her, but managed to refrain. Instead, I needed to know what was real. "Is it true?" I asked her.

"Be more specific, Penelope." She retorted with annoyance.

I thought a moment, trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't. It was all starting to blur together. "Did you throw him out?"

For a long moment she just looked at me, her reply coming as easy as breathing, "An example had to be made."

Tears filled my eyes as I nodded. I felt dazed as I moved toward the door. Looking at Nathan but not really seeing him. Feeling his hand grip my arm, I let him lead me down the halls and back to my cell. Stepping into it, the door closed behind me, leaving me there alone to stare at nothing. It was over. It was all over.

"He's gone." I told myself. "He's really gone."

For a long while I paced and cried, once again writhing inside myself. I shuddered with the need to just explode. The grief was killing me slowly and all I wanted was for it to be over as soon as possible. I was never going to see him again. I was never…he was gone…and I was never…

Screaming until it hurt, I threw myself onto my knees, sobbing as I doubled over, pressing my forehead into my hands. When the tears slowed, I sat on my heels, finally looking up at the bed. Sighing, I stood and moved toward it. Giving in as I lay down, curling into myself. The tears came back with a vengeance, crying until sleep finally took me. I couldn't take any more. I didn't want to. I just wished she'd kill me already.

* * *

Sitting against the wall, staring at the one opposite of me, I prayed for death. I had no idea how much time had gone by. It didn't matter. I would die here just like the rest of the Divergent. Alone. I just wanted this to be over. My body hurt. It felt like it had been abused for weeks. I ached and my head throbbed. The simulations were becoming more and more complex. Their intensity growing as well, making my body shake nearly constantly, and I was finding it harder and harder to find a way out of them. There was a brief moment where I thought I'd finally lost. Where she had finally beaten me and the complexity that was my mind. The simulation had once again returned Eric to me. For the first time we were happy. Which made it that much more terrifying. We were happy and in Dauntless and there was peace. But I knew I couldn't stay. Even though I wanted to so badly. I couldn't hide from the truth. It kept finding me, reminding me of everything I'd lost.

For I had truly lost everything.

I started to pray for Four to come to my rescue. For Claude and Henry to kill every traitor in Erudite. For Tris to have her revenge against Jeanine. The worst part about everything was that the simulations held a level of truth to them. Caleb really had returned to Erudite. He and Hazel would visit and try and convince me to just give in. Rather, Hazel tried to convince me, deluded enough to believe that Jeanine was actually going to spare my life. Caleb just stood there. He never asked about Tris. He never said a word. He was silent while Hazel kept talking and talking. I wished she would just shut up. But she never did. She kept going on and on about how Jeanine was learning so much, all I had to do was give in. Give in and then what? If she did let me live it would be in a cell where she could continue to monitor me, using me as her own personal lab rat until my body or mind gave out and I finally died. I didn't want to live like that. I didn't want to live at all.

But I couldn't give in either.

Nathan stopped coming to see me, and when the traitors weren't in my midst, I sat alone. Not that I cared. I just sat and stared and cried. There were moments where I didn't even feel like a person anymore. I couldn't feel anything past my grief. My mind and body more exhausted then it'd ever been, making me look at the bed, part of me wanted to just lay down and feel the slightest bit of comfort. But having used it once was too much. I didn't want to feel comforted. I didn't want to ease my pain. I didn't deserve it, and they didn't deserve the satisfaction. Not that it mattered. No one really cared if I used the damn thing or not.

Having fallen asleep, I knew it was a dream, but I let it envelope me. Eric and I were in my apartment, standing at the edge of the bed, staring at each other. Then he stepped up to me, reaching for my hands. He took them in his, bringing them to his lips, trailing them across my fingers. Then he took my index and ring finger into his mouth, gently sucking them in turn. A shiver ran through me, making me close my eyes to cherish the feeling. Then I was against his chest, his arms wrapping around me tightly as he turned my back to the bed. Pushing me down, I crawled backward as he crawled with me, our lips never separating. Pulling the clothes from our bodies, I laid back against the pillows. He ran his hand down my body, moving it between my legs, massaging me until I dripped with wanting for him. Shuddering beneath him, I ran my hand along his muscles, trailing kisses down his neck to his chest. Reaching for his penis, I gripped it, massaging him gently until he was hard in my grasp. Arching against him, I took a sharp intake of breath as he pushed inside.

I was whole once more.

Making love passionately, we rolled beneath the sheets, our bodies slipping back and forth across each other as if no other two had ever fit so perfectly. His breath moved across my face and I breathed him in, licking his lip before once again pressing mine against his. Wrapping my arm around his neck, I ran my hand along his shoulders before his neck and the back of his head, loving the feel of him. When we finally lay still, his weight was still on top of me. I rested my hand against his cheek, my thumb running along his lips. He smiled down at me, running his fingers through my hair.

"I am so in love with you." He told me softly.

Smiling, he kissed me deeply, leaving me breathless. "I don't think I could ever love anything as much as I love you." I told him.

He rolled off of me, pressing against my side, his arm bent with his hand against his temple. "Will you do something for me?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"Anything." I replied, running my hand up and down his forearm.

"If anything happens to me, you need to be okay. You need to fight." He told me softly. "Don't let me ruin you, Pen."

"You could never ruin me." I frowned at him. "But nothing is going to happen to you. You promised me that nothing would happen to you. You told me that you were safe."

"I know." He nodded, running his fingers through my hair, twisting a strand to see all the colors. "I love your hair."

"Eric." I said mirroring him. "I promise you that I will fight. But I can't promise you that I'll survive."

"What if I get you pregnant?" He smirked. "Right now, in this moment, what if you were carrying my child?"

Laughing, shaking my head, I pressed closer against him, wrapping my arm around him. "Then I would fight, Eric." I told him, putting my hand against my flat stomach. "I would fight for our child. It would be a part of you." He smiled and kissed me sweetly. "Will you promise me the same?" I asked him.

"Carry our child?" He asked with furrowed brows and a smirk still on his lips.

"No!" I said lightly hitting his chest and laughed. "Promise me that you'll be okay if something happens to me."

"Never." He replied quickly. "You know I'm the weaker one. If anything happened to you I'd never come back from it. I already had a glimpse of what life would be without you and I refuse."

"You're a better man now. You are worthy of a better future. Wherever this war takes us. You deserve to find happiness."

"Then I suggest you don't let anything happen to you." He smiled.

Lightly shaking my head, I rested my hand against his face. "You're impossible."

"No, I'm in love." He replied, wrapping his arms around me.

His lips met mine as he rolled on top of me, once again making love, part of me hoping I'd get pregnant. A family - a life - with him would be amazing. If only such a thing was possible.

A bang on the door scared me awake, my head flying up, my sister coming in. My brows furrowed and I blinked tears from my eyes. I had been perfectly happy dreaming of Eric. My mind giving me the closure that I desperately needed. Hazel stepped up to me, sitting at my side. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I wrapped my arms around my legs, averting my eyes. They felt puffy, sore, and heavy. It was too much work to try and look at her anyway.

Without saying a word, she put her hand on my knee, scooting closer before she hugged my leg to her side. Putting my hand on her arm, I gently squeezed it, running my thumb back and forth across it. I hated her, but she was still my sister. I remembered her comforting me after I fell. Holding me when I was sick. Helping me learn how to cook and to write and to read. For sixteen years she had been there for me. Helping me. Then I defected and now we were strangers. I was a Divergent Rebel and she was an Erudite Traitor.

"How did we get here?" I asked her.

"I don't know." She replied.

"We used to be so close. I never thought that our family bonds would ever be broken. And now look at us." I frowned, meeting her eyes. "I'm Divergent and a test subject. I lost Eric. You are a traitor. Maggie is dead. And we have no idea where Mom and Dad are."

"I'm sure they're safe in Amity." She told me.

"What are they doing?" I asked.

"I don't know." She replied. "All I know is that I agree with Jeanine."

Nodding, I sighed, "You're such an idiot."

She frowned at me before we both smiled and laughed. Probably harder than was necessary since we were basically enemies now. "I was going to say the same thing about you." Laughing again, I nodded. "But I'm still your sister. And I still love you."

For the first time in a long time, I watched as tears came to her eyes. Her brows furrowed as sadness crossed her face. Sighing, I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her tight against my side. She turned her head into me, her tears drenching the front of my dirty shirt. Unable to find the tears for her, I let her cry. I hoped she was finally letting what was happening sink in. Maybe I hadn't completely lost my sister.

When she finally stopped, we sat in silence for a long while before the door opened and Nathan stepped in. "I didn't think you were going to come see me anymore." I stated.

"It's time for a shower." He told me.

Nodding I got to my feet. Hazel followed behind me as Nathan led the way. "How long has it even been?" I asked.

"A few days." Hazel told me. Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. God it felt like an eternity. "Do you want me to help you?" She asked.

"No." I replied. "I'd like to do it alone."

Stepping into the bathroom, I moved to the shower, turning it on until it ran hot. Undressing, I put my ripped, dirty, and bloodied clothes on a bench, catching my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognized myself. I couldn't decide if it was my red and sunken eyes, rimmed with dark circles, or the grease trap that was my hair that made me look so horrible. Or the fact that I was still healing from my wounds that never seemed to get the opportunity to heal properly.

Either way, I looked like shit, and I was happy about it. I looked exactly how I felt.

Turning to the water, I slowly stepped under the stream, letting it flow over me. It felt amazing. Shutting my eyes, tilting my head back, memories of Eric flashed through my mind, making me gasp and jerk, my eyes flying open. Putting my hands against the wall behind the water, I bowed my head. Shaking horribly, I shut my eyes again, seeing him. I held my control for only a moment before I was sobbing, the hot water running over me. Falling to my knees, I sobbed as if he had died just moments ago.

When the sobs had stopped, my arm was on top of my knees, my hand in my hair. My chest ached, paining me every time I took a breath, making each one unbearable and short. I felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, making my head start to fog over and my heartbeat loud in my ears. Hearing the door open, I held my breath as I looked up, seeing my sister's silhouette through the curtain. For a split second my mind had given me hope. Maybe this was all as real as the simulations and I just hadn't realized it yet. But I knew it wasn't. This was real. Staring at the floor again, I could see her out of the corner of my eye, blurry from the tears still in them and the certain. She lingered for a long while and I wasn't sure if she could see me sitting on the floor or what, but I didn't need her sympathy right now. I didn't want it.

"I'm leaving some clean clothes for you." She told me.

"Thank you." I replied with a raspy throat.

She set them down on the bench, turned heel, and swiftly left the room. Getting to my feet, starting to clean myself, I had to hold back a sob as I washed what was left of Eric's blood off my arm. The last thing I had of him. As soon as it was gone, I let the sob break from me before taking several deep breaths, attempting to keep myself together. Something was happening. I felt like this small kindness was only to prepare me for the end. Might as well look nice when I'm killed.

Stepping out, I dried myself off, looking at the clothes she had left. I was surprised to find color amongst them. Another small kindness, more than likely from Hazel. Though I couldn't think of a reason that made sense to why she would be kind to me. She was going to let Jeanine kill me. So what was the point? Nevertheless, I picked up the overly fancy orange bra and laced underwear, a black long-sleeved V-neck, a pair of dark blue jeans and a pair of lightly used black boots. Putting them on, I couldn't deny that I felt better. The all black I had been wearing was Dauntless and I was never going back there. This was both Dauntless and Amity. Both were a part of me. I was okay representing them at the end. Looking at my hand, I ran my fingers along the quill, lightly smiling as I allowed happy memories to fill my mind. Running my fingers through my hair, I tucked it and my bangs behind my ears.

When I lingered as long as I felt I could, I stepped back out and faced my sister and Nathan. "Is it happening?" I asked them. Both of them looked at me sadly, and then Hazel burst into tears, throwing her arms around my neck. "It's okay." I told her. "I should've died a long time ago."

"One more simulation first." Nathan stated. "If it goes the way she expects, then she's going to have you executed."

Nodding, I let go of Hazel, taking a deep steadying breath. "Alright then. Let's get it done."

"I love you, Pen." Hazel told me.

"You wait till the day I'm gonna die to get my name right?" I smirked at her.

She laughed and hugged me again. "I'm sorry about all this."

"I'm not." I replied. "Not anymore. I'll get to see Eric again."

Following Nathan, I held myself high. If this was the end, I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of me being weak. I'd die with dignity and then I'd be reunited with Eric. Not only him but Maggie as well. I believed that I would see them again. So I would die and it would all be over.

Stopping in front of the door, the hallway was quieter than it usually was. Not really thinking about it past the observation, Nathan pushed the door open and my jaw dropped, feeling as if it would hit the floor. Sitting in the chair, a shit-grin on his face, was Eric.

"Am I in a simulation?" I asked them as I stared at him.

"Nope." Eric said pushing himself out of the chair. "I've been resurrected."

"If this isn't real I'm going to go on a killing spree." I said still staring at him.

"I'm back, baby." He said excitedly, opening his arms to me. Tears filled my eyes and I just stood there, my brows furrowed and a frown on my face. "Pen." He said, his happy demeanor deflating.

"Tell Jeanine that her serum works." I said aloud. This was so surreal. "Now let's just get the execution over with." I added still staring at him.

"Execution?" Eric stated, shock running across his face.

Then Nathan was moving, his gun raised. Only Eric easily disarmed him, punching him to the floor where he lay unconscious. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to believe that this was real. His movements were his. His voice was his. His expressions were just as they should be. But I'd seen him too many times in simulations to actually allow myself to fully believe. I'd seen him dead. He was dead. This couldn't be real.

"I don't understand." I said taking a step back.

"Pen." Eric said with a hard tone stepping toward me. "I'm alive. I came for you."

The more he stepped toward me the more I stepped back. My chest started to feel tight, panic starting to fill me. Feeling the wall, I slid down it, my knees bent against my chest, my hands over my ears, my eyes tightly shut as I pressed my forehead against them. "Make it stop." I said rocking. "I can't take it anymore. Please, just make it stop."

"Pen." He said, feeling his hands on my knees.

"No!" I yelled scrambling away from him. "You're dead!"

"Pen, calm down." He said holding his hands up. His voice was soft and calming.

"I watched them confirm you dead!" I yelled, getting to my feet and paced the hall. Looking at Hazel, she had a shocked look on her face. "Did you do this?" I shot at her.

"No." She said shaking her head, her expression fearful. "I don't know how..." She added, trailing off.

"I don't understand." I repeated, my fingers in my hair. I felt like I was going mad. Jeanine had finally won. "I don't understand." My voice felt small and weak. What was I supposed to do?

Eric stepped forward, a pained expression on his face. "Baby, what did they do to you?"

I met his eyes, keeping them as I paced. "I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand!" I yelled at him, before a manic laugh escaped me, quickly followed by a wave of depression. "She won." I told him, my eyes filling with tears as I met his eyes again. "I can't do this anymore. I can't. I just…I can't."

"Pen, please. It's me. I swear to you that I'm real." He said still slowly moving toward me. "I will explain everything to you, but you need to come with me. We need to get you out of here." Rocking from side to side, I stayed in place as he finally reached me. He put his hands on my arms and for a moment I tensed, wanting to move away from him but found that I couldn't. "I'm real."

For a long moment I just stared at him. I wanted to believe him. I wanted him to be real. But I'd spent the last seventy-two hours with his blood on me. I'd listened to the traitors tell me he was dead. He was dead. Jeanine had finally figured out how to control the Divergent. This war was over. I just wanted to get this over with. I was ready to die. Death was better than this.

"Baby." He said softly. "Pen."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I slowly put my hands against his chest. For a moment I shut my eyes, reveling the feeling of him. Sliding my hands up to his neck, I met his eyes, staring into them. He wiped a tear from my cheek, offering me a smile. His smile alone made every one of my muscles relax, relief washing over me. His smile grew and in the next moment I had thrown my arms around his neck. Sobbing as I continuously ran my hand down the back of his head, I buried my face in his neck. His arms were painfully tight around me, feeling him start to shake ever so slightly.

"Baby, it's okay. I'm right here."

Then I was kissing him, not caring that my snot and tears were smearing across him. When I needed a breath, my lips were still parted, breathing in his every exhale. "I don't understand." I whispered to him.

"We gotta go!" A voice yelled behind us, Henry running into view. "Come on, come on, come on!"

Eric looked at me before he turned to Hazel. Anger crossed his face, hitting her, hard, leaving her unconscious on the floor. "Time's up." He said gripping my hand.

Running down hall after hall, I wasn't paying an ounce of attention as to where we were going. All I could see was Eric. Staring at the back of his head, the way his muscles moved, the warmth of his hand around mine. I still didn't really believe that this was happening. Jeanine had outdone herself. She had perfected her serum and now I was going to be with Eric before I died. Maybe the simulation would have me get shot and I could die in his arms. Maybe the scene would just fade away as I died. But in this moment, all I cared about was the fact that I got to touch him. Even if it was just one last time.

"Do you have her?" Claude's voice called out. Shifting from behind Eric, I looked at her, purple hair and all, watching as her shoulders slumped. "Thank god."

"They're coming." Another voice said from behind her.

"Terra?" I frowned. She was garbed in black, her voice stronger than I'd ever heard it, Claude's chains still wrapped around her neck.

"What's wrong with her?" Claude said as we reached her.

"She's fine!" Eric yelled at her. "Let's just get the hell out of here."

In the next moment we were being fired upon. Turning round a corner, I felt pain, slamming into the wall and going down. My eyes fell shut and I couldn't get them to open again. I couldn't get my body to move. It hurt like hell. The simulations never usually hurt this much. But maybe it was finally happening and this was how my mind was going to rationalize it for me.

Only then I was scooped up, recognizing Eric's strong arms around me. "Henry!" He yelled and I heard rapid fire close to my head. "Claude! Clear the entryway!" He yelled. "Baby you're going to be fine." He told me softly. "I've got you. I'll never let anything happen to you again. Just hold on a little bit longer."

My last thought was 'Please be real' before everything fell away.


	18. Relief

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One**

 **A/N: Yay! The next chapter! I just wanted thank everyone for all the support and love and enjoyment of this story! I love every review and have appreciated you all so much!**

 **And I hope you like that last few chapters! For I am sorry to say that this one is winding down. But the next will hopefully be ready without too much of a gap between them! It's not over yet!**

 **Without further delay, and with much love, we continue...**

* * *

 **Chapter Eighteen: Relief**

Waking slowly, I opened my eyes to see the plain walls of Abnegation. I found myself against a chest, a strong arm draped across me. Tilting my head, I saw a raven breaking through a maze. Eric. For a moment my breath caught, wanting to believe that he was really here but too afraid to turn around. Shifting as lightly as possible, I removed myself from his arms, turning to look at him. Getting off the bed, I rolled my shoulder, feeling pain running across my back. I'd been shot. Again. But did that really happen? Wrapping my arms around myself, I stared down at him, wanting so much to believe. His brows were furrowed, shifting uneasily, but didn't wake. Taking a slow breath, I bit the corner of my bottom lip as tears came to my eyes.

Was this real?

Was he really alive?

Wiping a tear that had slipped from my eye, I looked at the wall, at anything, willing for something to happen. Nothing did. Nothing changed. Then Eric took a deep intake of breath, shooting awake. He looked at the empty space where I had been, then his eyes shot up to me.

"Pen." He said and started to move toward me.

"Wait." I said holding up my hand.

"Pen." He repeated sadly.

Shaking my head, tears brimmed in my eyes, "How do I know you're real?"

"I'm real." He told me sternly, his hands moving to his chest.

"How do I know?" I asked. Shaking my head, I attempted to wrap my head around this. "I've seen you so many times in simulations. So far, this one isn't any different."

"Pen, this isn't a simulation. I'm real."

"Simulation Eric would tell me that." I frowned at him.

"Baby, please." He said pleadingly.

Tears filled his eyes. That was new.

"Please, baby, I am real."

"Tell me something I don't know." I told him. "Tell me something I couldn't possibly make up. Something I couldn't create in my simulations."

He just looked at me for a moment, then he scoffed lightly, smirking at me, "I love you."

Smiling, laughing lightly, I shifted back and forth on my feet, "I know that, you idiot."

He laughed lightly, staring at me, before his brows furrowed and he looked at his hands. "They threw me out."

"I know that too." I replied quickly.

"If you're going to ask me a question you might want to let me answer it." He shot at me with annoyance.

That was new too. He was never annoyed with me when I was lost in my mind.

"Sorry." I told him, bowing my head.

He sighed and stepped toward me only to have me step away from him. He looked hurt by that, but I needed to make sure, and if he touched me I would fall apart, believing him without the proof I needed.

"They threw me out as an example to anyone who was thinking about acting against them. Anyone who was going to try would see what happens, even to a formerly favored soldier." He told me. "The paralytic took forever to wear off and I woke up here in Abnegation. The first thing I said was your name. But you weren't here." He met my eyes with a hard look. "You weren't here, Pen. You'd gone after me after I specifically told Tori to keep you close. You came after me and nearly got yourself killed." Now he was mad. "You're always spouting shit about what would happen to you if something happened to me. Did you ever stop to think of what would happen to me if something happened to you?"

"You're dead." I frowned at him.

"I am not dead, Pen!" He yelled at me. "I am standing right in front of you! There was a plan and it would have worked if you had managed to be just a little less selfish! You should have let me handle it! Let Four handle it! Jesus, Pen!" He finished and started to pace. His muscles were tense, rippling as he moved. He was such a beautiful man. He stopped and faced me again, his voice lowered, "You should have waited."

"You should have told me what you were going to do." I replied softly.

"You wouldn't have let me go."

"I'll never let you go." I stated. "You're everything to me. You're my world, Eric."

He slowly stepped toward me. This time I didn't move. "And you're mine."

One more question. Something I knew nothing about but he would. If this was real, he could tell me. "Where did you get the rock?" I asked. His faced smoothed out and he nodded at me, but didn't say anything. "Eric, where did you get it?"

"I, uh, stole it from your things." He replied. "The night of your initiation. I'd seen you with it and…"

"And?" I asked.

"And I needed to have a piece of you." He finished. "Something to hold on to."

"Hold on to? What?" I frowned at him.

I wanted to question him more on what the hell he was talking about, only then it finally hit me that this was real. This was happening. I was going to acknowledge it, opening my mouth to tell him that I believed him. Only then a tear slid down his cheek and he stepped backward and sat on the edge of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees, bowing his head, rubbing his hands together in front of him.

"Pen…" He said and looked up at me. He opened his mouth to say something only a sob escaped him instead. He bowed his head again, putting his hand over his eyes as the sobs just rolled out of him. My heart ached for him, rushing forward and swiftly embraced him. "Pen." He repeated as he wrapped his arms around me, his head pressed against me as he continued to sob. "Never leave me again."

"I promise, Eric." I told him. I'd never heard him sob like this before. I'd seen him cry but this was a thousand times worse. "Baby, I promise you, I'll never leave you."

"I was scared, Pen." He told me, still sobbing, his grip painfully tight around me. "I was so scared."

"I'm okay." I told him, my own tears falling now. "You're alive, Eric. You're alive and are back in my arms. I love you so much. I'm never going to let you go again and I'm never leaving you. But you can't leave me either. You were dead to me and nothing has hurt more."

He nodded, letting me go, seeming to regain some control. "I know the feeling."

"I know." I told him, sitting next to him.

He shook his head. "I'm not talking about Amity."

Lifting my hand, I gently ran my fingers through the hair at his temple, "Then what are you talking about, baby?"

He shut his eyes, relishing the feeling of my touch. Smiling, I leaned in and kissed him. In the next second he had me pinned to the bed, his mouth urgent against mine. My body felt like it was on fire. Breathing in his every exhale, I felt like my life was flowing back into me. He tasted amazing. He felt amazing. Running my hands down his chest to his sides, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, hugging him to me.

Only as quick as he started it, he ended it, his face falling into my neck as sobs once again broke from him. Holding him tightly, I couldn't help but cry with him. I didn't know everything that happened but it affected him more than I'd imagined. The sound of him was agonizing, yet with each one I felt like I was regaining a little bit of myself. He was alive. He was alive and in my arms. I never thought this would be possible.

Holding him tightly, my grip on him never loosened. Pressing soft kisses against his temple, against his cheek and in his hair, I spoke as comforting words to him as I could. My tears stopped before his, burying my face in his neck as I ran my nails up and down his back. Feeling him shudder, it was still several minutes before his tears stopped, a calm slowly washing over him. All the while I held him, his arms tight around me, his lips finding my neck.

"I love you, Eric." I told him. "I am so in love with you. I can't even begin to describe what the past few days have been like. Thinking you were gone. But you're alive and you're in my arms."

"I love you, Pen." He replied softly. "I've never loved anything. Before you I didn't think I was capable of it. But I love you more than I ever imagined I would. You're everything to me."

Feeling his tears against my neck again, I gently pushed against his chest, making him lean away from me. He kept his eyes shut, his brows furrowed as I took his head in my hands. Kissing the tears from his cheeks, I moved my thumbs back and for across his skin, feeling stubble beneath them. "And you're everything to me." I told him, kissing him slow and deep. "You're my most favorite person."

He chuckled softly, "And you're mine."

Staring at each other, I couldn't get enough of him. He was too beautiful to look away from. He was alive. I was alive. We were out of Erudite and we were safe. Even if that meant just for now, we were safe, and we were together. God I loved him. I loved him so much and to have him back in my arms was the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. Kissing him again, I let my lips linger against his, loving the feel and the taste of them. They were perfect.

Only then I couldn't help but remember why we were here. The reason he had gone to Erudite. I felt exhausted just thinking about all the things that still needed to be done. I could stare at him forever and it wouldn't be long enough. I had never been more grateful in my life than in this moment. I knew that this was just a small reprieve from the fight. There were still plenty of things that needed to happen before this could all be over. I hated to admit to that or ruin this moment because of it. But we both knew it was true. Whether we liked it or not.

"We should talk." I told him running my hand across his hair.

"Yeah." He said still staring at me.

Smiling, I kissed him again, "How are you alive, Eric?"

He smirked, putting one hand against my face. "You're so beautiful."

Leaning into his touch, wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him back down on top of me, kissing him passionately and repeatedly. "You are too."

Leaning away from him, I gently pushed against his chest again, feeling pain before a dull throb as I sat up. Facing each other, one leg bent, pressed to each other's, our other foot was on the floor. He sighed and took my hand, playing with my fingers as he ran his other thumb against my palm.

"What's going on? What's the plan? Just because we both managed to survive, doesn't mean that this is over."

"Just like that you're going to fall right back into the fight?" He asked softly.

"You're alive, Eric. You're alive and right in front of me." I replied and paused. "My life has been hell since I woke up and found you gone. But I can't change what happened. I just want to forget everything since the moment you were taken from me. I don't want to dwell on what happened. Somehow it turned out okay and you're here. You're alive and I want to ravage you but I feel like crap and there is wicked pain through my back." I replied smirking back at him. His face fell and he averted his eyes. My stomach dropped and my smile disappeared. "What happened?" I asked. "After you came for me."

"Can we…not…talk about that right now?" He asked, moving his hand to the side of my head, still not looking at me.

"Eric." I said softly. I felt a shudder move through his hand, making me shudder as well. "Baby, I'm okay. Just tell me what happened."

"I don't want to tell you what happened!" He yelled at me, standing up.

"Eric." I said again, slowly getting to my feet.

Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. His arms moved around me as well, careful not to press against the wound across my back. He stepped me backward to the bed, letting me go just long enough to sit down, pressing his back against the wall. Holding his hand out to me, I took it, straddling his lap as I brought my hands to his neck, running my thumbs back and forth across his jawline.

"Just tell me, baby." I told him softly. "The whole thing, it just – it feels – I don't know how to explain it. I don't know what was real, Eric. I need you to help me figure out what was real."

He took a deep breath, staring at me before nodding. "You were hit. A bullet grazed your back. It wasn't bad, but you went down and didn't get back up." He told me, once again averting his eyes. Instead he picked up a strand of my hair, rubbing it between his fingers. "We got you into a truck but before we got back here you stopped breathing." He took my hands in his, gripping them painfully, his thumbs running along the tops of them. "I, uh, I breathed for you for as long as I could. Only the longer you went without breathing, the more terrified I became. I couldn't handle it. I started to break down. Seeing you that still…" He trailed off. Tears brimmed in my eyes again, my throat tightening. I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat as I waited for him to go on. "Henry had to take over. The whole time I held your hand, waiting for you to wake up. We tried to get you to breathe again but it wasn't working. Simmy was waiting for us when we got back. She looked you over and started to freak out. Her panicking only made mine intensify, and before I knew it they'd taken you away."

"Eric." I said sadly, putting my hand against his face, though he still wouldn't meet my eyes.

His brows furrowed and his eyes were distant. "When they wouldn't tell me what was going on, I – I reverted, attacking anyone who tried to stop me or even talk to me. I pushed through the guards, injuring two. There was commotion ahead and I knew that something was wrong. More people came to stop me but I dropped every one of them so I could get to you. Then Four appeared." He scoffed and shook his head. "The fucking knight in shining armor." Then he sighed, looking up at the wall. "He knocked me out. He had to, I know he did. I just couldn't handle it. I was terrified of what was happening to you." He paused again, sighing as he ran his fingers through my hair. "When I came to I was told that you were fine, resting in Four's old house. I came to you, held you, and now we're here."

"I'm so sorry." I told him, and he finally met my eyes.

"I know things have happened to me and you've told me you were afraid for me. I understood but having to feel what you must have felt I - I never want to feel that way again."

Nodding, I held his head in my hands before I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my hand on the back of it, kissing him deeply. "You never will."

"And I'll be more careful." He told me. "I promise."

Tears filled my eyes again as I stared into his. "I was so mad at you. I fell apart time and time again because you'd left me. You didn't even say goodbye. I woke up and you were gone. If you ever do that to me again..." I said trailing off, anger starting to boil.

"I won't. I promise you, Pen. I won't."

"Good." I said and kissed him again.

He ran his fingers through my hair again, resting his forehead against mine. "What did she do to you?"

Leaning away from him, I took his head in my hands, my thumbs running back and forth across his cheeks. "She took some pictures of my brain before she started to inject me with serum." I started. "She kept doing it over and over again, trying to mix the perfect concoction that is affective against the Divergent. I kept being thrust into simulations and they were always about you. Always." I said and paused, taking a deep breath. "I fought it." I nodded at him. "I fought for a long time but then she got closer and I felt myself giving into them. Living in a world where you were alive, even if I knew it wasn't real, I wanted to stay. As soon as I gave in, she'd be able to re-configure them to control us. She nearly has it."

"I never meant for what happened to happen." He told me.

"How are you alive?" I asked. "I held you. I was there. Your blood was on my hands. You were dead. They confirmed that you were dead."

"Nah." He smirked nonchalantly. "I was just mostly dead. And the shoulder wound was hardly a scratch."

"Please do not make light of this." I frowned at him, running my hands down his chest. "You have no idea what it was like. You didn't see me, Eric. You don't know how low I got. I begged for them to kill me. I begged them."

His smile disappeared as he frowned at me. "Never beg for death, Pen. Don't you ever."

"You were dead." I repeated, running my hands up to his neck. "I wanted to be where you were."

He nodded, "I know the feeling."

"What happened to you, Eric? How did it end up like it did?"

"I marched Four up to the main doors, my gun digging into his ribs." He told me. Scoffing, he offered me a small smile, "I can't tell you how many times I had imagined finally capturing him. Taking him to Jeanine and being the favored son." Running my hands down his chest, I took both of his in mine, holding them tightly. His smile slowly fell from his face. "But things are different now. I hated acting like he was just another Divergent. That he was nothing and that I was willingly going to hand him over and let her kill him. I hated it, Pen. I never thought I would hate it but…I hated it. Every last moment of it."

Smiling, I leaned in and kissed him. "That's because you're a good man."

He returned it, "I'm trying to be, baby."

"You don't have to try. You are a good man." I stated matter-of-factly.

He nodded, "I am because of you."

Laughing lightly, I kissed him again, wrapping an arm around his neck. "I accept that."

He ran his fingers through my hair, resting it against my neck, his other hand moving to my thigh. "Jeanine met us in the lobby. She wanted to see it for herself. I thought I might feel something toward her when she stood in front of me. But I didn't. All I felt was resentment and hate. I thought of you and what she would do to you. I thought of her taking you from me and it helped me play my part. I smiled and let her hug me. She put her arm around me and I watched as soldiers took Four away.

We went to her office and she asked me what happened. I told her the gist of it, how I escaped after Tris left and Four gave himself up to be with her. At the same time it would be a sign of good faith for me to bring him in. Four thought it was a pretty concrete plan. Only Tris had already, somehow, won over Peter and he already had a plan in motion. I didn't have a choice but to go along with it. I was never alone for more than a few minutes and when I did finally get Peter alone it was too late to change anything. Going to Four, we decided that I would need to play my part just a little while longer. I'd get them out, let Peter shoot me, inject me with the paralytic, and then leave me behind."

I nodded, feeling guilty again for my actions. "Then I barged in. I dragged Claude with me and nearly got all of us killed."

"I told you to stay behind." He frowned at me.

"We're a team, Eric. It's you and it's me. We're in this together. You're not supposed to run off and do something that could cost your life without me."

"Neither are you." He told me, anger once again in voice. "You nearly died, Pen. I nearly lost you all because you couldn't just wait for me. Things happen that neither of us can control but I thought you trusted me enough to do what I ask."

"It's not about trust." I frowned at him, dropping my hands in my lap. "I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone."

"Then what is it?" He shot back at me.

"It's about obsession and recklessness and not wanting either of us to die without the other. It's about feeling like half a person when I'm not with you. But more than anything it's about fear. Fear is motivating. Fear makes you do things that you normally wouldn't."

"So I scare you, you scare me. Is that how you want to play it?"

Anger was bubbling and I couldn't stop the shaking that started to take me over or the deep frown on my face. Getting off of him, I paced in front of the bed.

"Well?" He asked, still sitting there.

"That's not fair." I told him.

"Life isn't fair, Pen!" He yelled and got off the bed.

"Stop yelling at me!" I yelled back, stepping closer to him. "You don't get to yell at me because I went after you. I shouldn't have gone, I realize that, but you left me after you agreed to let me go. You left me without a word. You. Left. Me. So you don't get to be mad. Not only did you leave me behind you also died. Remember that, Eric. As far as I knew you were dead. You were dead and I was never going to see you again. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait!" He yelled before lowering his voice. "You were supposed to wait for me."

"I waited as long as I could." I replied. "But I couldn't breathe without you. I can't live without you, Eric, and you just left me behind." Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't help the shaking that started to move through me. "I'm sorry." I told him, wiping one from my cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't wait, but I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to be with you and I would do anything to be with you. Then you died and they threw you out."

Trying to hold in my tears, he stepped up to me, pulling me against his chest. Burying my face in his shoulder, I started to sob. Clutching his shoulders, I sobbed into him, his hand against my head as the other held me in a vice grip against him.

"I thought I'd lost you." I mumbled through his shirt. "I really thought you were dead."

"Shhh, I know." He told me softly, his voice like chocolate, making me relax even further into him. "I know, baby."

"I was so scared."

"Me too."

I wasn't wrong when I said fear makes you do things you normally wouldn't. And I'd never been more scared than I was the past few days. I didn't want to fight with him. I didn't want to taint this reunion, making it something we'd regret. I was alive. He was alive. That's all that mattered. Everything that happened was in the past and there was nothing we could do to change it. We just had to keep moving forward and do better in the future. I was sure moments like this would happen again. Faced with opposition and situations that would separate us. But we couldn't let fear win. It almost had and that couldn't happen again. It wouldn't. Neither of us would let it. Not after this.

"I love you, Pen." He whispered in my ear.

Calming, I laughed lightly, looking up at him, "I love you more."

He smirked at me, "Not possible."

Kissing me deeply, he leaned me into the crook of his arm, heat rising between us as our tongues danced and our lips refused to part. Moving my hand to his face, I never wanted to move. If I could simply kiss him for the rest of eternity, I would. Only then his hand moved up and pressed against my wound, making me involuntarily cry out.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly releasing me.

"It's okay." I told him, shaking my head, smiling up at him. "Can we not fight anymore?"

He nodded, cupping my face in his hands, wiping the last of the tears from my cheeks, "Yeah."

"Finish telling me what happened."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist. Resting my arms on top of his, I ran my thumbs back and forth across his biceps, loving the feel of him.

"Um, yeah, so, after we realized what we had to do, Peter put the plan in motion. But Jeanine was already on to us. She complicated things so we escalated the plan. You pretty much know the rest. Tris appeared to die, Four didn't know so he freaked out, but then Peter explained it and then I was injected, shot, and…I woke up here."

"How though?" I asked him. "How did you survive it? Peter said he used a higher does. He basically overdosed you on a paralytic without knowing what it would do."

"Basically." He smirked.

"Don't." I frowned at him.

"Sorry." He replied and kissed me. "I don't know really. All I know is that I came out of it. It just took a lot longer than anyone thought it would. But Simmy took good care of me." I nodded at him. "As soon as I was awake and able to move, I made a plan to come get you. Claude, Henry, and Terra volunteered and we made it happen."

"Four didn't volunteer?" I asked with a raised brow. I couldn't help but still feel a little anger toward him.

"Don't be mad at him." He scolded. "He did. I shot him down. He needed to be with Tris."

Scoffing, I paced away from him, "Tris."

"She's been through the same hell that you have." He told me.

"You're right." I stated, wrapping my arms around myself. "We have a lot more in common than I'm willing to admit."

"It didn't have to be that way." He told me sadly.

"Please don't, Eric." I replied just as sadly.

He nodded at me but went on anyway, "You were never supposed to come after me."

Nodding, a wave of depression fell over me. "I should have been with you."

"No." He frowned taking my hands. "I didn't want you there. Seeing what Four was going through when Tris took off..." He frowned, shaking his head. "I didn't want to go through that."

"So you made me go through it?" I frowned at him. "He woke up to find her gone and you made me wake up to find you gone."

"I know." He nodded.

"That's not okay, Eric." I shot at him. "That is so not okay I don't even know where to start with the bad."

"Baby, I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

Shaking my head at him, I knew we were starting to talk in circles, but we needed to get everything out. Tears once again brimmed in my eyes, "You nearly died, Eric."

"So did you." He said softly.

"Then you can understand how not okay all of this was." I stated, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I cannot lose you, Eric." I told him. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are what matters most to me."

His hands moved to my face, "And you're what matters most to me. The same is for Four and Tris. I needed to help him. I was going to help him get her back and then I was coming back to you."

I nodded, sighing as I gripped his shirt, "But it didn't happen that way, Eric. And it nearly cost us both our lives."

"I know. But we're alive. We're both alive and I'm never leaving you again."

Smiling, I stepped closer to him, "Good. Because I'm never going to let you."

He stared at me with a sad expression. "I've never been more afraid in my life than in the moment you stopped breathing."

Sighing, I nodded at him, "I know the feeling."

"Simmy and the others think it was like a mental overload. Physically you were okay, but your mind was completely overwhelmed."

I nodded again, "It was like a constant nightmare. The fear and the overwhelming depression. And since you were gone all I wanted to do was die to be with you."

"Pen." He frowned.

"Hey, you were dead. You can't be mad at me when there was no reason to believe that you were still alive."

"I know." He said pulling me against his chest.

"I was so broken down that the only reason I agreed to cooperate with her was because she promised me you."

"What?" He frowned.

"Yup." I told him, finding a smile creep across my face. "I was so broken that I had agreed to do her tests if she gave you back to me. I didn't care that you were dead. I just wanted you back."

"That's a little creepy, babe." He told me with furrowed brows, but a small smile was on his lips.

"They'd already tossed you out though, bringing me my traitor sister instead."

"Yeah, I saw that." He nodded. "What the hell?"

"She said she belongs in Erudite."

"Jeanine was going to have you killed." He stated, getting a shrug in response. "She would let you die?"

"Probably." I stated. "But I'd already decided that if I was going to go down then she was going down with me."

"Good." He spat with venom. "If she didn't she'd have me to deal with."

"Who we both thought was dead until you showed up in the simulation room." I reminded him with a raised brow.

"Can we be done with all this death talk? I'd like to never remember you nearly dying and I'm sure you're more than happy forgetting that for you I did die."

Wrapping my arms around him, I kissed him passionately and repeatedly. "I love you, Eric."

He kissed me slowly, letting me take him in, "And I'll never love anything more than I love you."

"Funny story." I told him, grinning. "I had a dream with you in it and you planned on getting me pregnant. It was your ploy to keep me alive."

A mischievous smirk crossed his face. "If that would work then we should probably get started." Laughing, really laughing, it felt so good to laugh. He laughed with me, silencing me with his lips.

"I love you so much, Eric." I told him softly.

He kissed me again, "I'll never get sick of hearing that."

Grinning, I was kissing him again, wrapping my arms around his neck so I could be as close to him as I could get.

Then there was knocking on the door. "Pen?"

Stopping, I turned to the door, my hands sliding down his chest. "Claude." I said before rushing to the door. Gripping the knob, I threw the door open. In the next moment her arms were around me. "I'm so happy to see you. I'm so sorry, Claude."

Her shoulders bounced as she cried into me. "I'm sorry I left you behind."

"Don't be." I told her. "It was what I wanted."

"I thought I was gonna lose you."

"Never." I said running my hand down her hair. "It was just a bump in the road."

She laughed and let me go. "This is what you get for falling in love with Eric."

Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah, but he's worth it."

"Nearly dying for?" Another voice entered, both of us looking to Henty who was standing in the doorway.

"He's worth everything." I replied matter-of-factly.

For a long moment we just looked at each other. Things had been weird and I let them stay that way. I had good reason to, but after everything, it didn't matter as much as it used to. It was no longer the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Sighing, I slowly stepped toward him. Gripping his hand, I gently pulled him toward me, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I love you." I told him softly. "That's never changed."

"I love you, Pen." He said before he was crying into my neck as well.

Feeling my own resurface, I pulled Claude to us, all of us crying and embracing each other. Our little family feeling like it was whole again.

"Pen." Another small voice said from the doorway.

Taking my face from Henry's neck, I looked between them to see Simmy, tears already upon her cheeks. Letting them go I swiftly embraced the girl. She cried into my shoulder, her fingers digging into the graze wound across my shoulder blades. But I didn't dare say anything. She was shaking like a leaf and I didn't have the heart to make her feel guilty for hugging me.

"I thought I'd lost you." She whispered.

"I'm okay." I told her, rubbing her back.

Her sobs intensified, "It was too close, Pen. It was too close."

"I'm good." I replied reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

She laughed and let me go, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "I was terrified to face Eric. You should've seen me flipping out. It was pretty epic."

Smiling, I took her head in my hands. "I'm sure you kept it together. Otherwise I wouldn't be here."

Her smile disappeared and she threw her arms around me again. Sighing, I ran my hand down the back of her head, letting her get it out. The poor girl was far more traumatized than I was. But I couldn't blame her. I'd been there. In fact it was just yesterday when I'd been there. Looking over my shoulder, I met Eric's eyes, smiling at him.

"Okay." Simmy said letting me go. "I'm good. I'm done. No more tears." She said wiping them away. Only as soon as her cheeks were dry, tears welled in her eyes again. "Okay, just a few more."

"Oh, Simmy. Enough. I am fine. We should all be more worried about Eric. He's the one who died." She started to sob again. "Simmy." I frowned.

"You did die." An all too familiar voice chimed in.

Looking up, Four was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. For a long moment I just looked at him, letting those words sink in. Then I frowned at him, "I'm fine." Pausing, I took a deep breath, looking at Eric before smiling at my brother. "I'm better than fine. Eric is alive. You're okay. You got Tris back. Everything is good." He nodded, bowing his head. When he didn't move, I watched him tightly shut his eyes, rubbing them with his thumb and finger. My shoulders slumped as I looked at him, sighing as I stepped up to him. "Tobias, not you too."

In the next moment his arms were around me. Hugging his shoulders tightly, I let him cry into me as well. This was ridiculous. We're not criers. We're Dauntless. Ruthless, strong, and brave. Now we were all blubbering messes just because I may or may not have had a close call with death. So had Eric. Where were all his hugs and tears?

Giving him at much time as I could, I pulled Four away from me. "Okay, I can't take it anymore." Taking his head in my hands, I pressed a kiss against his forehead. "No more tears. No more talk of death. I'm fine. Eric is fine. You are fine. Tris is fine. Everything is going to be fine."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "It was close, Pen."

"Simmy said as much. I appreciate the support and love and god knows I love all of you. But dwelling on what could have been isn't doing any of us any favors. It's time to move forward. There is still a lot that needs to be done. This fight is far from over."

"Pen is back." Claude said making me look at her, a broad smile on her face.

Henry was looking at me with the same sentiment as she was, "Yes she is."

Eric stepped forward and wrapped his arm around me possessively. "And she's never going anywhere again."

Laughing, I shook my head, "Are you all going to be watching me now?"

"Yes." Claude and Henry said in unison.

Four wrapped his arm around me as well, his lips in my hair, "I love you."

"I love you too." I said pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Speaking of your girlfriend, where is Tris?"

"Around." He smiled. I raised a brow at him. "Everything is fine. Just like you said."

"Okay." I replied but didn't fully believe him.

"Alright." Eric called, louder than was necessary. "She still needs rest, so let's give her a break."

"What I need is a shower." I smirked up at him.

He returned it, "That can be arranged."

My family all cleared their throats and started to move to the door. Four put his hand on Eric's shoulder. "Take care of her."

"Always." Eric nodded at him.

Four pressed another kiss against my cheek, before he pulled me into him, his lips against my ear, "Be proud of him. He really showed how much he loves you. With it he gained a lot of respect. And he's done more than redeem himself in my eyes."

Smiling, I gripped him tightly, "Then I'm proud of you too."

"I'm glad you're okay." He told me, putting his hand against my face.

"Me too." I smiled. As soon they were gone, I felt myself deflate, going to the bed and sitting on the edge of it. Eric was instantly in front of me, kneeling so he could meet my eyes. "Was it that bad?" I asked him, my hand finding his face, running my fingers of the other through his hair. His jaw clenched and he nodded at me as he moved between my legs. "Okay." I nodded, feeling emotion in my throat. Running my hand slowly down the back of his head, I felt a large bump. "Is that where Four hit you?" He nodded. Then I frowned as I felt a second. "There are two."

He nodded again. "It took two to take me down. But it was necessary. For my own safety and for those around me." He paused and met my eyes, staring at me. "I wasn't lying when I said I was scared, Pen. I was terrified. Not only me but them as well. I've never seen any of them so angry and worried and afraid. Even Four was on the verge of a breakdown. Tori has been a mess. You need to see her once we get you cleaned up. And Simmy..." He said shaking his head. "She wasn't wrong to be terrified of me. If she told me you were dead, I don't know what I would've done. But I wouldn't be aware of it. I would've blacked out and went after everyone."

"You would've been okay." I smiled, taking his head in my hands.

"Like you were when you were begging for death?" He frowned.

"I was in a cell. If I was with the rest of our family, I might have been different."

He smirked at me. "Do you really believe that?"

Smiling, I shook my head, "No. I really don't." Leaning forward I kissed him before resting my forehead against his. "I am where you are."

"And I'm where you are." He replied sweetly.

Kissing him deeply, I grinned, trailing my fingers from one side of his face to the other. "Did you ever think we'd end up here?" I asked him. "Considering how this whole thing started."

For a long moment he just looked at me, then he nodded, "Yeah."

"What?" I said and laughed lightly. "You did not."

"I did, Pen." He nodded running his hands up and down my thighs, a cocky smirk moving across his lips. "I've kept a few things from you."

"No you haven't." I frowned at him.

He leaned up and gently kissed me. "The Chasm wasn't the beginning for me."

"What are you talking about?" I asked putting my hands against his chest.

"What you don't know is that I'd had my eye on you for a long time."

"Liar." I told him genuinely shocked.

"I'm not." He said with a small smile. "Ever since you transferred, there was something about you that drew me to you."

"We hated each other." I stated with furrowed brows.

"We both have tempers which has not done us any favors. But I came to you for tattoos. We passed each other all the time in the training room or on the roof."

"Yeah, but we fought all the time. And I hated you."

"I had an image to uphold and I don't connect with people. Ever. So I let you believe what you wanted to believe."

"Why didn't you ever tell me? Or talk to me for that matter?"

"Because you were so full of life. I wasn't the good guy. I'm the type of guy you hide from your mother." He replied.

"Stop." I smiled at him, trying not to laugh.

He sighed and looked at me with seriousness. "I didn't want to take that light away from you. You were the light and I was the dark. I'd watch you with Claude and Henry and even Four and I'd find myself staring. Even then Max would ask me if I was distracted by something."

"Is that why you took my rock?" I asked him. "Is that what you meant when you said you wanted something to hold on to?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Maggie gave me that rock." I told him, feeling him tense as his brows furrowed. "She etched that symbol into it to remind me that it didn't matter where I was. We were sisters. Bonded for life."

"Pen." He said softly, his hand finding my face. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." I smiled at him. "I'm not mad that you took it. That was a long time ago. And I've forgiven you for what happened to Maggie. I just never thought I'd see it again and then Jeanine shows it to me, telling me she got it from your pocket."

He nodded again, his hand sliding down my arm to mine. "I kept it on me nearly constantly until the Chasm happened. Then I had you, so I didn't need the rock anymore. But I went and got it before Four and I left for Erudite."

Nodding, I sighed, taking his head in my hands and kissed him sweetly. "You should have told me. Even though I probably wouldn't have believed you."

He moved to the bed, mirroring each other as he took my hands in his. "You wouldn't have. And I deserved to be hated. But I saw my opening after Neely. I knew I had a lot of ground to make up but then, after what happened at the Chasm, I decided that it was something I wanted to pursue."

Frowning at him, I didn't know what to think. "But it was so back and forth. You didn't seem to want anything other than sex."

"No." He stated. "You didn't want anything other than sex."

"So you falling asleep in my bed and everything was just a manipulation. Just like the rooftop." I replied, a smile creeping across my face.

He nodded. "I had to get to know you."

"Even though you'd been basically stalking me for years." I teased.

"I've always thought that you were amazing. The work you've done in the Parlor and Med Area are admirable. You were always kind until you had to be hard. It was hard not to watch you. A lot of guys did. Henry was the lucky one."

"Until he wasn't." I said and laughed lightly. "Eric, why are you telling me all this now?"

"Recent events." He stated. "And I want you to know these things. So stop interrupting me."

"Sorry." I smiled, leaning forward and kissing him.

"You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You're capable and smart. Not to mention beautiful as all hell. Strong. Sensitive. Great hair." Laughing, I felt a blush rise in my cheeks. A serious expression crossed his face, making me stare at him, wondering what he was going to say next. "You are unlike any woman I've met before. I don't think I'll ever fully know you and that's exciting and I accept the challenge. I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure you out and I am ready and willing to do that. I look at you and I see the woman who I was made for. I see a home and a family and a love I never thought I would get to experience. Because home to me is no longer a place. It's a person and that person is you." My cheeks hurt from the smile I couldn't erase, tears hot against my blushed cheeks. "This may not be the place I thought we'd end up but I always knew that I wanted to be with you. You're the one for me. You're mine. And if you feel the same way, which I know you do, I will give you all of me. I will give you everything you want. I will never falter in the way I feel for you. If anything, it will grow, taking me to heights I'd never be able to dream of. But with you I can reach those heights. With you I can do anything." He stopped, taking a slow deep breath, just staring at me.

"I don't like heights." I told him teasingly.

He smirked and lowered his head, "Is that all you have to say?"

"Are you done?" I asked him with just the hint of a smile.

He nodded, "Yeah, I think I'm done."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked next, my expression serious.

"Anything." He told me with a slight furrow in his brows. He was nervous. He wasn't nervous often. Straddling his lap, one hand against his face, the other on the back of his neck, I sighed, keeping his eyes. His arms wrapped around me and I could feel the tenseness in them. "Ask me." He said softly.

For a moment I just looked at him, listening to him take a deep breath. Then I smiled, slightly cocking my head, "Will you marry me?"

All his tenseness disappeared and he laughed harder than I'd ever heard him. It filled me, sending warmth all through my body. "Is that really what you were going to ask?" He told me with a knee weakening half smile.

"Yeah." I told him. Now I was feeling nervous. But I figured after that speech there was only one question to ask, and that was it.

He nodded, his hands moving up and down my back. "You took the words right out of my mouth." He told me. "So, yes, Penelope Farrier. I will marry you."

Grinning, I took his mouth in mine, kissing him until I couldn't breathe. "I love you."

"I love you."

"And my way was so much quicker." I teased and laughed as he gripped my sides.

Pulling me onto my back, he gripped behind my knees, making me shriek and fight against him. Only then a cry escaped me without permission and I swiftly rolled off the bed, pacing as I waited for the pain to subside in my back.

"Baby, I'm sorry." Eric said with worry.

Putting my hand against his chest, I shook my head, even though a slight grimace remained on my face. "Don't be. It's a reminder that it wasn't all just a bad dream."

He sighed, taking my head in his hands, pressing a long kiss against my forehead. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Nodding, I sighed, wrapping my arm around him as we made our way to the bathroom. Once the door was closed, he stared down at me, a smile on his face as he locked the door. Grinning, I let him undress me, his lips running along my shoulder and neck as he reached behind me and unlatched my bra. Letting it fall to the floor, I pulled his shirt up and over his head, seeing a bandage on his shoulder.

"For a moment I almost forgot you were shot." I frowned, gently taking the bandage off, grazing my fingers across the wound.

"It doesn't hurt. It was planned. No permanent damage or anything."

"This should be a sexy, steamy moment but now all I can think of is you lying on the floor."

"Hey." He said making me meet his eyes. "I'm fine. You're fine. Everything is going to be fine." He smirked, repeating my words back to me.

Laughing lightly, I nodded, pressing a kiss against the middle of his chest. Gently sucking the skin, I breathed in the smell of him, my hands moving to his sides. "I love you." I said looking up at him.

He smiled, wrapping his arm around me, dipping me as he kissed me passionately. The rest of our clothes were lost and we stepped into the shower. He turned on the water, coldness hitting my back, making me leap against him.

"You did that on purpose." I said as I clung to him.

He laughed with his face against my neck. The warmth of his breath wafted over me, a shudder following. "It'll warm up in a second." He told me.

Turning in his arms, the water was already warm. "The water has nothing to do with it." I told him, reaching down and gripping his member as I met his eyes.

In the next second I was against the wall, ignoring the pain in my back. Our lips locked and my arms were firmly around him as steam started to rise around us. He held me in place with one arm, the other against the wall. Gripping me under my arms, he lifted me, thrusting his groin against me as I wrapped my leg around him, my toes of the other barely grazing the floor. Panting as his lips moved to my neck, then to my shoulder, I gripped his hair, pulling his face away from me so I could kiss him again. Both of us groaning as he pushed up inside of me, vigorously rocking as he held me in place. Slamming my hand against the wall, I tipped my head back, letting my mind fog over. My desire for him flowed off of me in waves as I brought my lips to his neck, breathing hard against his ear. Feeling my back scrape against the wall, the scabbing breaking open, red mixed with the water. Eric met my eyes, a question in them, only then I was kissing him again. He picked up his pace, climaxing, we happily moaned, our mouths open against each other.

Pulling from me, he set me back onto my feet, turning me to look at my back. "Jesus." He said softly.

"It was well worth it." I smirked up at him, reaching around and grabbing his ass.

He pulled me against him, one arm around my front and the other around my hips. Leaning my head against his shoulder, he leaned his around me, his mouth once again invading mine. Then his hand dipped down, rubbing me until I shuddered against him, pushing his fingers inside of me, slowly rubbing me. I quivered against him, unable to catch my breath. Shutting my eyes, I kept my hand on the back of his head, pressing my forehead against the side of his as he buried his face in my neck, sucking my skin. Climaxing again, I gripped him tightly, feeling unstable on my feet, my head swimming with pleasure.

"God I love you." I whispered as I turned in his arms, kissing him passionately.

He pulled away, breathing hard, "I can't get enough of you."

"Good thing you're stuck with me forever." I smiled, laughing lightly before I was kissing him again. "I can't get enough of your lips." I told him between kisses. "Everything else is just a bonus."

"Stop talking." He complained, pushing me against wall again.

Pain seared through my back and I couldn't hide it this time, crying out. I pushed against him, feeling the prickle of tears in my eyes. "Sorry." I told him. Furrowing my brows, I shut my eyes, a tear sliding down it as I waited for the pain to ebb away.

"You're shaking." He commented.

"Just give me a sec." I told him, bowing my head, trying not to move my shoulders.

It had been one hit too many. I didn't care about the pain while making love to him. I didn't care when everyone was hugging me. But now I felt like someone with saws for fingernails were digging into my back. Pressing my forehead against his chest, I took a slow deep breath, holding it momentarily before slowly releasing it.

"Pen?" He said with his hands on my arms, gently rubbing them.

"I'm okay." I told him but didn't move. "It just hurts."

His hands slid to my neck as he pressed his lips against my hair. "Turn around." He told me softly.

Doing as I was told, I put my hands against the wall, my forehead against it as he ran his fingers across my back before the graze wound. Then his hands were gone, feeling a cloth the next time he touched me, gently cleaning the wound from shoulder to shoulder. It hurt, but I knew it was necessary. Just when my other wounds had felt like they were healed, another was inflicted upon me. I was ready for this war to be over. I didn't want anyone else I cared about to die. I didn't want them even hurt. I wanted to be able to live my life and not worry about anyone coming after me. I wanted my life with Eric.

Pain pulsed across my back as we made our way back to the room. Eric dried my skin, putting an antibiotic ointment across the wound before bandaging it up. It was tedious since we had to basically cut and paste several large bandages together to keep any adhesive from touching it. When he was done, I felt his lips against my skin, making me smile, sighing contentedly as he trailed them across me. Turning around, I put my hand on the back of his neck, kissing him deeply. Folding my arms against myself, I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest.

"You'll feel better once we get some food into you."

"I'm starving." I told him, stepping away from him, going to the pile of clothes on the bed. "Jeanine didn't exactly spoil me when I was there." I added, letting the towel drop from around me.

Reaching for the black bra and underwear, I stopped when I felt Eric's hand against the back of my head. He started to comb his fingers through my hair, making me sigh and relax, taking in the feeling of his fingers. He gently pressed himself against my back as he wrapped his arms around me, his head resting on my shoulder. His breath sent goosebumps across my skin. All the while I kept my eyes shut, smiling, knowing that I would be with him for the rest of my life. And after everything that had happened, I knew that I wanted that to be many years from now. I would fight. But more than anything I wanted to survive, and I'd do just about anything to make it happen.


	19. Vengeance

**Chapter Nineteen: Vengeance**

As soon as I was finally dressed and ready, the clean, dark blue jeans felt amazing and the black long-sleeve shirt was just tight enough to not make me uncomfortable. If anything it offered just enough support to my sore body. Eric was wearing a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans that matched mine. We probably were matching too much. Though I wasn't going to complain about it. In fact, I kind of enjoyed it.

Leaving the room, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I was suddenly extremely anxious to go downstairs. They were my friends and family and yet, I didn't want to face them. I knew I had to, and I wanted to see them, but I just wished we could skip the hugging and awkward reconciliations and all the pain and fear and sadness. I just want everyone to be normal. But after all the others reaction I knew that facing Tori and those I hadn't seen yet was going to be uncomfortable.

When we got to the top of the stairs, I gently pulled on his arm, "Baby."

He looked at me with furrowed brows, gripping my hand tightly. "What do you want to do?"

Pressing myself against his chest, for a moment I listened to his heartbeat in my ear. "I want to just stay with you."

"Then let's go back to the room and lock ourselves away." He replied.

I looked up at him, my chin against his chest, "We can't."

"Yes we can." He stated and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "We can do whatever you want to do."

"You told me I had to see Tori."

He sighed and nodded, "Yeah, we should probably do that."

"Then I guess we go downstairs." I told him as I let him go.

He kept his arms around me, "I can be selfish enough for the both of us. Drag you back to the room and keep you there against your will."

Laughing, I shook my head at him, once again leaning against his chest. "I don't think I'd fight you."

"Even if you did that would just excite me." He replied, making me laugh harder as his teeth grazed my neck.

The voices that we could hear were suddenly gone. Sighing, we looked at each other, nodding before we started the slow decent downstairs. Now that they knew we were here, it was time. Eric led the way, his large form blocking me from view as we walked into the kitchen. It was eerily quiet and I didn't want to come out from behind him. Taking a deep breath, I put my hands against his shoulders, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before I stepped from around him. Looking around the room, Claude and Terra were there, Henry as well, Harrison and a few people I didn't recognize. I offered them all a small smile, hearing their collective sigh of relief from my family and friends. Tori rushed to me, wrapping me in her arms as she cried into my shoulder. I was so sick of tears, but I hadn't seen her yet, making her entitled to at least a few of them.

"I was so worried." She whispered with her hand against the back of my head. "Pen, I was so worried about you."

"So I heard." I smiled, making light of it.

She let me go, giving me a hard look. "Pen."

"I'm sorry." I told her. "We've all thought each other dead at least once. This was scary, I get that, but I'm not going to let it overwhelm me. I'm fine. I mean, I wanted to die so it kind of sucks that it almost happened. But Eric was dead. I didn't care anymore." Then anger started to boil and I found myself losing my patience with them. "And how long are we going to dwell on this? Ballpark figure. Because it has all worked out so let's just put it behind us. I am begging you all to just put it behind you."

"Fine." Tori said with a hint of annoyance.

"I don't mean to be so blasé about it, but I feel good. I've been shot for – what feels like – the umpteenth time since this all started, but otherwise I am right as rain. Sound of mind even. Despite what I went through."

"What did you go through?" Harrison asked.

"Enough." I replied with a frown. I still didn't like him. "I went through enough."

"You should have told me." Tori stated.

"Told you what?" I asked her. "I already told you that I was going to leave. I told you I was going after him. I just didn't tell you when. At least I left a note."

She nodded and pulled it out of her pocket, opening it and held it in front of her. "You did. It's a beautiful letter. And I understood everything in it. Even the shape you put it in. But it doesn't change the fact that you ran off to your death."

"I'm not dead." I told her.

"Thanks to him." She said pointing at Eric.

"He's also the reason I was willing to die." I shot back at her.

She sighed and nodded at me sadly, "Exactly."

"Exactly what?" I asked her angrily. "I'm sorry but he means more to me than anyone. I get that you wanted to protect me. I get that you don't want me to die. But I'd rather die than live without him." They all looked at me like I was crazy. "And I know that that must sound crazy to a lot of you." I said looking around the room. "He's one person in the grand scheme of things. But he's my person. He's the love of my life and if that's not worth fighting for than this war is already over. What are we saving if it's not for the people we love? Freedom? We already have that. We could leave and just be done with this whole thing. But we fight. I'm fighting. I'm fighting for him." I said and pointed at Eric. "But I'm also fighting for you." I added and pointed at Tori. "I'm fighting because it's the right thing to do. Because as free as we are, there are those who aren't. Those who can't fight for themselves. Men, women, and children. Divergent." Pausing, I attempted to bring myself round to how this whole conversation started. I'd definitely gone off topic. "So you can be mad at me all you want. Be mad that I left and didn't tell you the moment it happened. Be mad that I nearly got myself killed. Be mad that I love him more than the rest of you. Be as mad as you fucking want. I don't care. But you don't get to look down on me for following my heart over my head. Because without my heart there is no head. And he's my heart. He's it. He's everything. So be mad. Be worried. But it won't change anything. So I suggest letting it go and moving on. Because we're all alive and there are other things we need to worry about. Things way more important than me." Finally done, my breathing was heavy, making me start to pace to try and release some of the tension that had built up.

"That would depend on the person." Tori told me.

"Seriously?" I frowned at her.

She shrugged one shoulder, "To Eric you mean everything. I'm not far behind him in that category. So you're right, I can be mad. I am mad. But that's just because I love you so god damned much. You're the only family I have left, Pen. I don't have Georgie or anyone else. You're it. So stop risking yourself."

Keeping her eyes, feeling emotion take hold, I nodded, "Okay."

She smiled, "Okay."

A small smile started to creep across my face, "We should probably hug it out."

She laughed and pulled me into her arms, hugging me tightly as I buried my face against her shoulder. "I love you, Pen."

"I love you too." I replied. Letting her go, I looked at her with furrowed brows. "And I'm okay. I'm just happy everyone else is too."

"We are. We're good." She smiled. "Even better now."

Smiling, we finally acknowledged the rest of the people in the room. Feeling Eric step up behind me, Tori took a step back, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Okay." She said and nodded at me. "Now that we got all the touchy feeling crap out of the way. Back to business."

"Let me have it." I told her.

"I haven't talked to Tris, so, since you're the next best thing, what is Jeanine's end game?" She asked.

"To create a serum that works against the Divergent. To keep us controlled." I replied. "And she's getting closer. After Tris escaped and I replaced her, I wasn't too hard to figure out. I was driven by one thing and one thing alone. Eric. She knew that and exploited it. She knew how to manipulate me and it was working. But all she needs is one success and she can manufacture a serum that will work on all of us. And I'm afraid that I gave her just enough to make a good effort with it." They all looked at each other nervously. "Have you figured out how to get the transmitters out of our people yet?" I asked. Tori's jaw went tight briefly. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Yeah." Eric frowned from next to me.

Tori sighed and slowly stepped up to me. "We know that you just got out of there and that things were a bit dicey, but..." She said trailing off, glancing at Eric. "We're going to infiltrate Erudite tomorrow and we want you to come with us. You've seen some of the people working for her. You know the halls better than we do."

"No, I don't." I stated harshly, frowning at her. "I didn't give a shit about learning the layout. Eric knows it forward and backward. Not me. Why are you asking me to go? What is this really about?"

Tori took my hand, holding it tightly. "Because…" She started and glanced up at Eric. "Because if you go, then Eric will go."

"So ask him to go." I shot back at her. "I do not control him. He can make up his own mind about this fight and the role he has to play."

"And this is the first I'm hearing about it." He frowned at her.

Scoffing, pulling my hand from hers, I paced back and forth a few steps. "I just got out of there, Tori." I shot at her. "I just got out and after everything I went through –" Cutting myself off, tears started to prickle in my eyes, making me avert them as I chewed at the corner of my mouth. Meeting her eyes again, I shook my head, talking calmly, "You have no idea what I had to go through. You had no idea what they made me think and feel. You have no idea what how much you're asking of me, and now you're asking me to just jump right back in?"

"I know, Pen. But we need his help. We need your help."

Looking at her, my chest suddenly went tight and I couldn't stop the shaking that took me over. What if Jeanine had won after all? What if this really was just a simulation and I was stuck in it? What if none of this was real? What if –?

Spinning toward Eric, I looked at him with wide eyes, "Is this real?" I asked him, getting a sympathetic look from him. "Eric, is this real?"

"Pen." He said sadly, sensing my panic. "It's okay."

"Is this real?" I asked him again. "Or am I still stuck in a simulation that's about to turn bad and end up with all of us dead?"

"Baby, it's okay." He said as he put his hand against my face. Quickly, covering it with my own, I stared into his eyes. "It's okay." He said stepping closer to me.

"How do I know?" I whispered to him.

"Pen." Tori said reaching out for me.

Eric gripped me, pulling me against his chest, "Just give her a minute."

"What's wrong with her?" Harrison asked.

In the next second Claude was across the room, punching him hard. "Shut your fucking mouth. She's fine."

"She doesn't look fine." A voice I didn't know replied.

"Shut the fuck up." Terra shot at them defensively.

Still staring at Eric, he took my head in his hands, bringing his face closer to mine. I gripped his forearms, wringing them as I attempted to hold on to reality. "Baby, listen to me. This is real. This is happening. It's just something that we weren't expecting. But we knew that there was still a fight in our future and we knew that it would be us against Erudite."

"But tomorrow?" I frowned at him.

"We thought you'd want to jump back in." Henry interrupted us.

Taking Eric's hands from me, I spun back toward them, feeling Eric press against the back of my arm, feeling every one of my muscles tense. "You thought – you thought I'd want to go back?" I frowned at him.

"Pen." Tori said softly.

"Don't." I told her.

"We need him." She added softly.

I nodded at her, "I get that."

"What should be do then, Pen? Hmm?" She shot back. "What do you think we should do?"

Shaking my head, I lowered my eyes, trying to wrap my head around this. "I don't know." I finally told her."

"Then this is the plan. Are you in or out?"

"It's not that simple." Claude shot at her.

"It is." Tori replied quickly. "She knows as well as the rest of us – even better than us – that something needs to be done. Erudite needs to be destroyed and it's time to do it."

"I understand." I told her trying to sound strong. "And it's not that I don't want to jump right in. Because I do." I stated slowly. "It's just –" I said but stopped.

Continuing to shake my head, I ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't know how I should feel about this. All I knew was that anger and fear were starting to drown my senses. Everyone in the room seemed to blur as I took deep breaths to try and calm myself. Then I focused on them again, knowing that it didn't matter. They would still ask Eric to go and I was going to end up exactly where I was.

"You know what?" I finally told them. "It doesn't matter. I'll be ready." I stated and left the room as quickly as possible.

Eyes were immediately on me as I passed the living room, several people stood up, but I didn't stop or even slow down. Leaving the house, I looked up and down the street, everything looking the same. There were less people to the left, making me quickly move down the sidewalk, needing to get away from everyone. I knew Eric would follow me, but something told me that he was going to lay into them. Something I didn't feel like hearing either.

Waiting till I couldn't hear anything around me, I crossed my arms, waiting for Eric. My mind was reeling. Erudite and now what happened in the kitchen kept running through my mind, spinning until I felt like I could just fall to the ground. I had just gotten out of there and within a few hours of waking up they were already asking me to go back with them. I got it. I understood it. But I…I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to go. I'd let Eric go. I'd learned my lesson. He could go if he wanted to. He could handle it. I trusted him enough to let him handle it. So if they asked, he could say yes and lead them back in there for the final fight. But me? I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see those walls. I didn't want to see Jeanine or Hazel or Caleb or Nathan. I didn't care anymore.

Only…I'd made a promise. I'd promised that girl that I would come back for her. I promised her that I would. Then Eric died and I was taken prisoner. But she didn't know that. For all she knew I was still coming back for her. Or dead. But what if she was still waiting for me? What if they all were? Claude and I had been there and we could have found a way to set them free. But we didn't. Eric was more important to me. He still was. But now that we were together again and we were okay, how could I not go back for them? How could I not save the people who were just like me?

Feeling tears, I tried to control myself, feeling anxious without Eric. Feeling anxious about everything. And it felt like forever when I finally saw Eric jogging toward me. When he reached me, his face was red and he was breathing hard. I knew it wasn't entirely from the short jog. Gently gripping his shirt, not saying a word, we started walking again, turning down a side road. Looking around, there was still blood on walls and the ground. There were items strewn between houses.

Randomly turning into one of the houses, it was almost identical to Four's. The layout was slightly different but otherwise the same. Going to the kitchen, I filled two glasses with water, putting one in front of Eric who was already sitting at the table, slouching in the chair. Sitting in the chair next to him, I put my hand against my forehead, sliding the other across the table to cover his. He gripped my hand tightly, his brows furrowed and his eyes distant. Scooting closer to him, I trailed my fingers up and down his arm, bending to place a kiss against his skin.

He sat straighter, before putting his elbows on his knees, meeting my eyes. "We don't have to go." He told me. "You shouldn't have to go."

"You can go without me." I told him. "To help them."

"No." He said shaking his head. "I'm staying with you."

"Eric, if I'm here I'll be safe. You won't have to worry about me."

"No." He repeated. "I am where you are. I mean that figuratively and literally. Until this is all over, I am not doing anything without you. We do it together or we don't do it at all."

"Okay." I nodded, feeling my chest clench. I knew what we had to do. "Then I guess we're going back to Erudite."

"Pen." He said softly.

"Eric, I am not a coward. I can handle it. It'll be different than before. We'll have the backing of Dauntless and the factionless. But you are the most valuable resource we have. You know where to go and what to look for." I told him. "I will not deny our people your help for my own selfish reasons. I can handle it, baby. I have to."

"Staying wouldn't make you a coward." He told me. "Part of being brave is admitting when you can't do something. Do not be brave for me. I will not feel bad about staying behind."

Standing, putting my hand on his shoulder, he leaned back, wrapping his arms around my ass as I straddled his lap. Taking his head in my hands, I smiled at him, "If I was ever going to be brave for someone, it would be for you. And right now I need to be brave. You can help end this conflict and then we can live a happy life. Together."

He sighed, relaxing. "Okay." He nodded.

"I'm gonna be okay." I told him. He nodded, sighing again. "And we'll have Claude and Henry with us."

"And Terra." He told me with a small smile. "Her time with the factionless has changed her."

"She seemed the same timid her when I first saw her." I commented.

He nodded, "But now she has Claude back. The pair of them make a pretty deadly combination. They're awesome together."

"Good." I nodded moving from his lap. Sitting in the chair, I downed half the water.

"You okay?" He asked.

Nodding, for a long moment I stared at the glass before meeting his eyes. "I'm just afraid." Then my stomach growled. "And hungry." I added with a small smile.

"We should go back." He sighed.

Frowning, I leaned back hard against the chair before quickly leaning forward again, flinching from the pain. "I don't wanna go back."

"Yes you do." He smirked.

"We've hardly been gone." I stated. "Is it enough time for them to cool off from whatever you said to them?"

"We do well at making them feel guilty." He replied. "They'll be fine."

"I don't want them to feel guilty." I told him with a hard tone. "I want them to understand that what happened did more than they realize. I want them to see it and not ask me to go back there. But I have to."

"You don't, Pen. You don't have to go back there."

"I do." I nodded. "I do, because just as you won't leave me, I won't leave you, and you need to do this. I'm not selfish enough to ask you not to."

He smiled, gently gripping my forearm, his fingers sliding back and forth, "But I'm selfish enough to stay."

Smiling, I gently tugged on his shirt, bringing him closer to me, kissing him sweetly, "I love you."

He just smiled and kissed me again, pulling the chair closer to him, his hand running up my thigh. "If you don't want to go back yet, we could always go upstairs and find a bed to have fun in. I'll even let you be on top."

Laughing louder than was necessary, I rubbed my nose against his, "You know I like you on top."

"Doggy style?" He asked and laughed. Laughing loudly again, I kissed him, standing and leading him toward the stairs.

It was almost two hours later when we finally left the house, leaving a very used bed behind us, as well as the shower and one of the recliners. In the right position with no friction against my back, it made it far too easy to keep saying 'once more'. Though the bandage had been ruined and the partial scabbing was now slightly rubbing against my shirt. Though I knew Simmy would provide me with all I needed when we got back.

Hand in hand, we were nearly back to Four's when I saw Tris walking alone. Looking up at Eric, he raised a brow but let go of my hand, walking ahead as I slowed and fell in step with Tris. She looked at me but didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say either but I felt like something needed to be said. I knew what she was going through. Which was becoming a very unwanted pattern. I was there when she shot Will. I was there when both her parents died. I went through what she went through with Jeanine. I hated being compared to her. I hated it. But I couldn't deny that we had more in common than I had ever wanted to.

"I'm sorry." She told me, breaking the silence.

"I'm not asking for you to be sorry." I told her. "I'm not asking anyone to apologize for what happened."

"But it's my fault. I know that. And after everything, I am truly sorry for putting you in that position. And for what happened to Eric. I had no idea what they were planning. All I knew was that they had Tobias and that Eric had returned to them." She replied, getting a nod from me. "And it was kind of crazy how mad at him I was. I was so mad at him for leaving you. Because even though we may not be that fond of each other, I do care about you."

Sighing, I nodded, "I care about you too. So why did you leave us?"

"No one else was going to die for me." She stated.

"What happened wasn't your fault." I frowned. "Jeanine is a manipulative bitch and you let her beat you. You're better than that."

"Yes, mom." She smirked at me.

Scoffing, letting out a chuckle, I shook my head, "I am nowhere near as amazing as your mother was." I could hear her swallow a lump in her throat. "She wouldn't want you to give your life for this cause. You deserve so much more than you've been given."

"You sound like you genuinely like me." She smirked.

"Well, as much as I hate to say it, you're kind of growing on me." I smirked back. "And despite how much I hate it, we have more in common than most around here."

"Yeah, I never thought that would happen." She said and laughed lightly. Then she grew serious. "When you were with Jeanine, were your simulations as terrifying as mine?"

Scoffing, I nodded, "They were. At the same time they were beautiful." I told her, getting a look from her. "Eric was alive in them and I wanted to stay there. It wasn't terror for me. Not the normal kind. She gave me what I desired most. The terrifying part was knowing it wasn't real and having to wake up in a world where he no longer existed. That was terrifying. I wanted to die and Jeanine was going to kill me after she was done with me. I welcomed it. And there was a couple times that I honestly didn't want to come out of them. I either wanted her to kill me or let me stay in a never-ending simulation so I could be with Eric."

She surprised me by putting her arm around me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I said returning the gesture. "And I know I said some choice words the last time I saw you. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't apologize." She smiled. "You were grieving and we all deserved those words. And Eric said some fun things to everyone today so I'd say we're even."

"He definitely does well at taking care of me. Even when I don't know it or ask for it."

"He loves you." She told me. "I never really understood that but after everything, I'm sorry I didn't tell Tobias earlier. And Eric has shown his true colors."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"He really has changed. If I met him now, after he's been with you, I'd never have hated him. He is devoted to you and loves you far more than anyone ever expected him to love anything. You should have seen him when Tobias told him what happened to you. I've never been more afraid of him or for him."

"Yeah, I was told he was a bit of a bear."

"No, he was completely mad with fear and worry. He needs you. He loves you."

Smiling, I nodded again, pulling her tighter against my side. "Just as Tobias loves you." I told her. "I've known him a long time and I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. He may not show it all the time but he's happy. As long as you're with him." She tensed and her eyes dropped to the ground. "What is it?"

She stopped, letting me go and turned to face me. "Can I tell you something that I haven't told anyone? And you have to promise me that you won't tell Tobias."

I nodded, "What's going on?"

"I think I have to team up with Marcus to get data from Erudite before everything is destroyed."

For a second I just looked at her, then I pushed her into the nearest house, closing the door and led her to the table. She sat down, looking extremely nervous. Feeling repetitive, I filled two glasses with water, setting one in front of her as I took a chair.

"Okay, explain everything to me." I told her.

"Evelyn and Tori's plan is simple. Storm Erudite and kill everyone. But I, along with Marcus and a handful of others, feel like the information kept there is too valuable to destroy."

"What does Tobias think?" I asked her.

"That eradicating Erudite is more important than saving the information." Nodding, I sighed. It wasn't a lot of information but I already knew what I thought was right. "What are you thinking?" She asked nervously.

"I think you're right." I told her. "After everything we went through we need to know what they've been hiding."

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." I nodded. "I didn't go through hell and back just to let everything go. And I don't believe that everyone in Erudite deserves to die, some of those who are working for Jeanine are captives, blackmailed to do what she wants."

"I know." She replied.

"My sister is there." I told her sadly. "Hazel."

"So is Caleb." She replied.

I nodded at her. "He and Hazel seemed to have buddied up. They both came to see me together until I became a bit unruly towards them."

"They deserve each other." She replied with a harsh tone.

"They do." I nodded. "At the same time, I want to get her out of there. I don't want her to die because she screwed up and showed up there. And the cells are filled with the Divergent. Nathan's girlfriend is one of them. The reason Nathan is working for her. We need to get them out of there." She nodded at me. "You do what you need to do." I told her. "Get the information you need. I'll take care of Tobias and I will get the Divergent out."

"So you're going back?" She asked.

"They need Eric. He won't go without me so that doesn't leave me with a lot of options." I replied. "And if I have to go back then freeing the Divergent is as good a reason as any to motivate me."

"You don't have to go." She told me.

"Do you want to go back?" I asked softly, feeling emotion start to creep to the surface.

"No." She told me, a glistening in her eyes. "I really don't. But I'm not a coward."

"Me neither." I nodded, my nose burning with the effort of keeping tears at bay, making a grimace cross my face.

Both of us gave in, sitting there silently as tears slid down our cheeks. They didn't last long and we were up and moving from the house. Looking down the street, I couldn't help but smile, Eric was standing in front of one of the barrel fires, shifting back and forth. The occasional Dauntless would pass him by, putting their hand on his shoulder, even a few offered their hands. He nodded and smiled at them, taking their hands. He was officially accepted now. Making me feel more at ease around my own people. Then he glanced up, seeing us, and he seemed to relax.

"Ever the protective one." Tris smiled.

"We've been through a lot. I don't think he'll ever fully relax until this is all over." I replied. "And Four is protective of you as well. Eric is just more obvious about it. He's not good at subtlety."

She laughed lightly, "No, he is not."

He wasn't even patient enough to wait for us to reach him. We were nearly halfway to him and he was moving toward us. "You okay?" He asked.

"I'm good, baby." I smiled up at him, leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Sorry." He replied. "It's been a long week."

"I know." I nodded. "But it's getting better."

"Thanks for letting me borrow her." Tris told him.

He nodded at her, "Yeah, of course." For a long moment she just stared at him. "What?" He finally asked.

"It's just amazing how changed you are." She replied, shocking both of us as she put her hand on his arm, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Don't ever change back."

"I won't." He replied, a small blush rising in his cheeks. Grinning, I wrapped my other arm around him, resting my head against his chest.

"Thank you." I told her.

"Thank you." She replied and walked off.

For a long moment we just stood there. I was perfectly happy in his arms. If I could stay there forever I would. But the moment had to end. We weren't done with this war and there was only a matter of hours before we would once again be on our way to Erudite. Once again charging through their doors to bring them down.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Eric asked softly.

"I am." I sighed. "Don't worry so much. The worst we'll ever go through is behind us."

"You don't know that." He stated with seriousness, his arms tightening around me.

"I don't, no. But we've learned from our mistakes and we will do better in the future." I replied as I slipped my hand into his. "Now let's go back to the room and make out for a while." I smirked up at him.

"You need to eat." He replied, his tone telling me there was no room for argument.

"Okay." I told him, tilting my head back so I could look at him. "Kiss me at least once and then we'll go eat." He smiled, running his fingers through my hair before gently pulling my face to his, kissing me deeply. Only once. "Once just isn't enough." I told him.

"Didn't think so." He said with a smooth voice that made me want to take him right then and there.

Wrapping my arm around his neck, running my hand up his chest to his face, I kissed him slow and deep as I rubbed my tongue against his. He pulled me tightly against him, leaving no room to move as he kissed me back. Everything else fell away and I felt like the heat between us was hotter than that of the fire nearby. When we finally parted, there was soft laughter and we realized that we were being watched. Not caring, I kissed him once more before taking his hand and finally made our way back to the house.

Stepping through the door, I nodded at everyone in the living room, seeing Edward, Simmy, Henry, and others sitting in a large circle. Some were playing games, others were just talking. There were many faces I didn't know, but didn't feel inclined enough to stop and say anything. I didn't care if they knew who I was or vice versa. Right now all I needed was food. Going to the kitchen, Eric and I weren't alone long. Henry appeared within a few minutes, looking a little anxious.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

I'd forgiven him upstairs. I'd forgiven him for what he did, wanting to move on and just forget it. I'd given him that inch and now I felt like he was going to take a mile. I let him back in and now he was going to open the floodgates and let out everything that had been building up inside of him. Everything he's been wanting to tell me that I'd never given him a chance to say.

"If you want to talk about what happened, I'm over it." I replied, opening up the can of mixed fruit that Eric had handed me.

"Here." He said handing me a small can of chicken next.

"Thank you, baby." I smiled up at him.

"Please?" Henry said. "We haven't talked since it happened."

"And I forgave you for it. What is there left to say? It's not exactly a happy moment I want to relive." I shot back at him, hoping the anger in my tone would make him stop.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Eric commented, gripping the edge of the counter, looking at Henry.

Anger crossed Henry's face. "Then leave. I'm not asking to talk to you. I want to talk to Pen who is one of my best friends."

"That you tried to rape!" Eric screamed at him.

The whole house went quiet and Edward stepped into the doorway. Then Four appeared, pushing past him and gripping Henry's shoulder, attempting to pull him back. Henry, of course, fought against him. Rushing from around the counter, I put myself in between them, shoving both of them apart from each other.

"Enough!" I yelled. "This isn't helping anything and it's not worth the fight." I told them. "Clear out." I told the people who'd gathered to watch. As soon as it was just the four of us, I sighed, crossing my arms. "Okay, fine." I said annoyed, my stomach turning from being so hungry. "Henry, if you want to talk, let's talk. What do you want to say?"

"I just -" He started but kept looking between Eric and Four.

Calming myself down, I grabbed the food and went to the table, sitting down. "Can I eat while we talk?"

"Yeah." He nodded, sitting across from me.

Eric moved behind me while Four sat in the chair between us, his forearms resting on the table as he rubbed his hands together. Looking from him to Henry, I glanced up at Eric before starting to eat the chicken. My stomach growled so much I felt like it was alive.

"Talk." I told him.

"I'm sorry." He replied.

"I know. And I forgive you." I replied.

Eric scoffed from behind me. "He doesn't deserve your forgiveness."

Smiling up at him, I reached out and gently tugged on his shirt, "Kinda like someone else I know."

"That was different." He frowned down at me. "I would never rape you. I might be rough but I'd never go that far. Never. And I wasn't one of your best friends when we started sleeping together. I wasn't a friend at all and I held more respect for you than he did."

"I know, baby." I said taking his hand. "Will you sit please? You're making me anxious." He pulled a chair right next to mine, sitting down and looking at Henry with an evil glare. "Thank you." I told him, pressing a kiss against his temple. His hand found my thigh and I could feel the anger flowing through him. "Okay, this is all I have to say about it." I told Henry. "It happened. It sucked. But worse things have happened since then and I know you didn't mean to take it that far. I don't think you would ever intentionally hurt me. Shit happens and we can move on from it and be better than we were." I finished before letting my tone grow dark. "And I'd like you to accept Eric and not antagonize him all the time. He's here for life so you have to get used to him."

Henry scoffed and nodded. "I will never like him as much as the others. It's just not going to happen. But I know where you stand and I will respect your choice."

"Even though you still think you're the better one?" I frowned at him.

"No." He replied shaking his head. "I don't think that anymore. I just don't want it to be him."

"Well too fucking bad." Eric shot at him. "You're lucky you're still breathing after what you did. If I had been there you would have been dead."

"If you had been there it would have never happened." Four interjected. "But Pen's right, shit happens and we have to move on from it."

"None of us are who we used to be." I stated softly. "But we're in this together. No matter what. I love you, Henry. I will always love you. But you need to get over this and just forget about what happened so we can move on."

"You weren't so quick to move on when you saw me in Candor." He stated.

"And then people died, Tris gave herself up, Eric died, I died. Too much has happened that shrinks your indiscretions. I don't care that it happened anymore. Everyone I care about is alive."

"Except for Maggie." Henry stated matter-of-factly.

I wasn't sure if he was trying to hurt me or Eric. But it hurt nonetheless. I couldn't stop the tears that immediately filled my eyes, jumping as Eric launched himself to his feet. He moved to lunge toward Henry but Four was on his feet, pushing against his chest. Staring at Henry, the rim of tears spilled over as I shook slightly. Finally blinking, I averted my eyes, wiping them away.

"Henry, I swear to god…" Eric started still pushing against Four.

"Sit down." Four told him calmly.

"Eric." I said softly, looking up at him.

He sat down, leaning over with his elbows on his knees. Putting my hand on his back, I hugged his arm against my chest.

"It's like you forgot that he killed your sister." Henry went on.

"You're brave to keep this conversation going." I frowned at him. "But you're not wrong." I added. "Maggie's dead." My throat felt tight. Eric was staring at the floor. Running my hand down the back of his head, I leaned forward, pressing a kiss against his shoulder. "I loved her most out of my family and it hurts every day." I said, feeling Eric tense. "It's okay, baby." I whispered to him before looking back at Henry. "But Eric is alive and that means everything to me. Everything. So I don't care what happened in the past. What's done is done. I can't change it. I know what I have in the present and what I hope for the future. That's all that matters."

For a long moment Henry just looked at me. I could see tears start to well and he nodded before leaving the room. Eric wrapped his arm around me, pressing his forehead against the side of my head. Four reached out to me and I slid my hand into his.

"That was nice." He smiled.

"Thank you." I replied.

He stood, putting his hand on Eric's shoulder as he leaned down and pressed a kiss against my forehead. Smiling at him, he left the room, leaving me and Eric alone. Meeting Eric's eyes as he leaned away from me, he kissed me sweetly, before pushing the food back toward me. Smiling, kissing him again, I finished it off.

* * *

When night was finally upon us, the streets were littered with Dauntless and Factionless, whooping and carrying on, readying themselves for what the morning would bring. Eric and I were not among them. Having gone to the room we were using, I told him what Tris had said. I wasn't about to keep secrets from him. He deserved to know, and if he could help than he would. We were a team and I couldn't keep anything from him even if I tried. He knew me too well. Which he showed me as we made good use of the night, experimenting in ways not to rub against my back while still making me feel like my skin was on fire. Those damn lips of his! Though it did end up being more of a fail than anything, but our laughter filled the room and there were few times that I'd felt this happy.

Thinking about how we had first started. I had been so worried about what everyone else thought. Was so concerned with my reputation and what my friends thought of me that I had pushed him away. Then he pushed me away to protect me. It was selfless of him while I was being selfish and overly concerned with things that shouldn't have mattered to me. Then I realized that he was worth more than what anyone thought. He was the love of my life. Once I let myself feel that than nothing else mattered. He was everything to me and somehow I became everything to him. Both of us would die for the other and we wouldn't think twice about it. It was terrifying and amazing all at the same time. To have earned his love and respect and devotion meant the world to me. I would never again take him for granted. I would never put myself in harm's way unless it was to protect him. I dreamed of a life with a home and babies and a society that didn't kill each other. I didn't know what the future would hold but I figured it had to be better than this.

When morning came, I was draped across Eric, our naked bodies perfectly formed around each other. Waking before him, I didn't dare move, wanting to stay there with him forever. My head rose and fell as he breathed and the sound of his beating heart filled my ear. Sighing contentedly, I slowly lifted my head, looking down at him. Putting my hand against his face, I ran my thumb back and forth across his cheek. Unable to help myself, I leaned down and kissed him softly, lightly licking his bottom lip. In the next second I was squirming underneath him, laughing uncontrollably as his hand gripped me behind my knee that he had pulled up to his side. But as quickly as it had started he stopped, gripping me hard against his chest as he rolled onto his back, taking me with him. His fingers gently moved across the scabbing wound, knowing that was why he had stopped. Sighing, I grinned down at him, lightly shaking my head before I was kissing him. Gripping his hair in one hand, I slid my other under him, wrapping it around his shoulder. His hand moved to the back of my neck, the other arm firmly around my waist as he devoured my mouth with his. Feeling him hardening against my leg that was between his, exciting me, we were interrupted by knocking against the door.

"Damn it." I complained, momentarily putting my forehead against his chest. "Who is it?" I called looking to the door.

"It's me." Claude said cracking the door open.

"No don't come in!" I exclaimed as I attempted to cover us up. But the door was already open and Claude was grinning at us with a blush in her cheeks. "Seriously?"

"I've seen both of you naked before. This isn't exactly surprising for me. But seeing you two naked together is kinda making me hot."

"Claude!" I yelled, tossing a pillow at her. She just caught it and continued to look at us. "Stop it!" I added but was having trouble not laughing. Then she rushed toward us, launching herself onto the small bed. "Oh good god." I said as she landed on top of us. Then both of us were squirming as Eric's hands gripped sides and knees and anything else he seemed able to reach. "Eric!" I laughed, out of breath. "Babe!"

"Okay, okay, I give up!" Claude said falling to the floor in a fit of laughter.

Trying to catch my breath, I was once again lying on top of Eric, a cocky smirk on his face as he buried his lips in my hair. "What do you need?" I asked Claude. "Other than to stop some amazing sex from happening."

"You did enough of that last night." Claude stated as she smacked my bare ass.

"Hey! That's mine." Eric told her playfully. We both laughed and I quickly kissed him before moving off of him, grabbing his shirt from the floor. It fell close to my knees, covering me just enough. "I didn't give you permission to get up." He added pulling me down next to him.

"Everyone is gearing up to go. So let's get a move on it." Claude stated from the floor.

"You first." I retorted and laughed, wrapping my arms around Eric.

She groaned as she pulled her legs from the bed and rolled onto her feet and made her way to the door. "I'm up. Let's go."

"Fine." I complained. Sitting up, I straddled Eric's waist, flinging my hair to the side as I leaned down and kissed him. "I love you more than anything." I whispered with my lips against his.

"I love you, Pen." He replied with a serious expression.

"You sound worried." I told him, running my finger from one side of his face to the other.

"I am worried. I don't want you to go back there." He replied.

"I'll have you with me." I smiled, kissing him. "Besides, with you we can get to the control rooms with ease and it'll be over before we know it." He nodded but didn't look convinced. "Baby, everything is going to be fine. I can handle it and nothing bad is going to happen. But I do have a request."

"Pen." He frowned, knowing that he wasn't going to like what I was going to say.

"Eric." I said kissing him. He hardly put any effort into it. "Baby, listen to me. Those cells are filled with Divergent. I need to get them out of there. That's why I'm okay with going back. I need to get them out. They don't deserve to die when we storm in. I need to protect them. Only that may mean I won't be at your side the entire time." He frowned and moved me off of him, getting to his feet. Swiftly doing the same, I reached for his hand but he paced away from me. "Don't be mad."

He turned and looked at me with such anger, my heart started to race. "You nearly died because of what they did to you. I nearly died. I have you back and now you want to run off and do your own thing?"

"Don't be mad." I repeated. "It gives me a reason to be there and I need a reason."

"Because going with me just isn't good enough?" He shot at me.

"Eric, please, do not make this a big deal. I need you to be okay with this."

"I'm not okay with it!" He yelled.

Now my anger was flaring. "At least I'm telling you!" I yelled back. "I'm not going to run off and leave you to wonder where I went! I know where the cells are. I can get them out and get out of the building to wait for you."

"No." He said pacing.

"No?" I frowned back at him. "You don't get to make decisions for me."

He finally stopped and faced me, gripping my wrists, bringing my forearms against his chest as he looked at me with a pained expression. "I can't not know what's happening to you. I can't lose you. Especially when I'm not there to protect you. I'd ask you if you understood what you mean to me, but I know you do. I know you. And I understand why you feel the need to get them out of there, but I can't not know what's happening to you."

Caving to him, all my anger disappeared and it took all of me not to cry. "Okay." I told him softly.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Huh." He said calming. "I thought it would take more to convince you."

"Nope. You said all the right things." I replied putting my hand against his face.

"And to further make my point, they're safer in those cells until we're done."

Sighing, I nodded. "You're right."

"I'm right?" He asked with furrowed brows. "I might have to hear that one more time."

A smile broke across my face, meeting his eyes, "Eric, you are right."

"Thank you, baby." He smiled, kissing me deeply.

"But promise me we'll get them out when we're done." I told him.

"Yes, baby." He said and kissed me again.

Smiling, I pressed myself against him, hating that I was wearing a shirt, running my hand over his still bare ass. "I'm surprised I could take you seriously at all since you're still naked."

He chuckled and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me as I leaned into the crook of his arm. "I love you, woman."

Grinning, we only lingered a few minutes more before we pulled on clothes, preparing to go. Pulling my hair into a pony, I tucked my bangs behind my ear, gripping the back of Eric's pants as we made our way down the stairs. Going into the kitchen, everyone was there. Grabbing a can of scrambled eggs, Eric and I shared, downing as much water as we could stomach, grabbing an apple each as a basket was passed around.

As soon as everyone was fed and gathered, Eric took front and center with Four, Tori, Harrison and Evelyn. We went over the plan again to make sure we were all on the same page. Going into as much detail as possible. Eric made all the leaders memorize the routes to the various control rooms. Making them repeat it over and over again. The rest of us were just as engaged, knowing that we couldn't afford to make mistakes. If we did, people would die. As soon as Eric was happy and everything the leaders wanted to say was said, we dispersed, left to wait as nerves and adrenaline started to move through the group.

The attack wasn't going to happen until the afternoon. We wanted it to be dark enough so they couldn't see our lack of blue arm-bands on us. When we did finally leave, we all grouped together with our designated teams. Eric and I walked at the head of ours, Four leading his next to us. We wouldn't break until we reached Erudite. All of us knowing what our job was.

With Four's permission and coaxing, Tris stayed behind, going to her parent's house with Christina and a few others. Eric and I were the only other people who knew what was going on. I didn't realize that her and Marcus's plan had included so many of our members that we would have loved to take with us. Lynn and Uriah amongst them. But they had spun a good story and now they were left behind. When he left, I'd glanced at the house, knowing what schemes were being hatched inside of it. I just hoped that they were as successful as we were. I prayed to god that they got the information and got out before they were discovered. Four was not going to take her decision well, making me want to keep him close. But once we arrived there, who knew what chaos would transpire. I couldn't separate from him. He would need me before this fight was over. So would she.

"How you doin'?" Eric asked as we passed the halfway mark.

"I'm okay." I told him, holding the rifle firmly in my hands. A handgun was in the back of my pants and a knife was sheathed against my thigh. I was prepared for anything. I would do anything. Especially if it was to protect Eric. "How are you?"

"Anxious." He replied, heaving a heavy sigh.

Moving closer to him, our arms touching, I met his eyes, "Everything is going to be okay."

"Promise me that you won't do anything stupid." He frowned at me.

"Eric, I promise you that I won't do anything stupid." I told him with seriousness. "I'm not going to run off as soon as the fighting starts to meet my own ends. I will stay by your side until it's done and together we will get the Divergent out of there. I promise you."

"Okay." He nodded.

"You don't get to do anything stupid either, you know."

"I know." He smiled, leaning down and kissed me quickly.

Smiling at him, I pulled him back to me for one more kiss. He grinned and shoved me playfully. Then I caught Four watching us with a frown on his face. "You okay?" I asked him. He nodded. "Talk to me."

"I'm just worried about Tris." He told me, the worry palpable in his voice.

"She'll be safe in Abnegation. We'll get the job done and you'll be home to her in no time." I replied reassuringly. He just nodded again. "What do you think she's going to do?" I frowned. He was making me anxious now. What did he know?

"I don't know. That's the problem." He replied.

"She's going to be fine, Tobias. I promise you." He smiled and nodded at me before starting to talk to Tori. Moving back to Eric's side, he had a deep-set frown on his face. "What is it?" I asked him.

"It's a weird feeling." He replied, getting a frown from me. "I feel really bad about lying to him."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him briefly, trailing my nails back and forth across his back. "I know. But it's for the best."

"I know, baby. But it doesn't seem right."

"It's not right." I replied. "But it's Tris's decision and I will respect that. And I agree with her on this one. Not for lying to Four, but her reasons for wanting the information is sound."

"What do you think they're hiding?"

"I don't know. But if Jeanine is going through this much trouble to keep it hidden then it must be important."

There was a long pause as people moved around us, making him glare at them, then he looked at me, his face relaxing. "I'll look out for him. You take care of Tris. If he's as mad as I'm thinking he'll be, she'll need you. You're the only other person who knows Four as well as she does."

"Okay." I nodded at him, liking the leader coming out in him.

He really was capable of leading, and now that he could do it out from underneath Jeanine's heel, I was excited to see what he would do. He was so much more than anyone thought he was. I couldn't wait for him to prove it.


	20. Choices

**Chapter Twenty: Choices**

Knowing we were just a few minutes from Erudite, I took a series of slow deep breaths, my hands slick with sweat. Gripping the gun tighter, I didn't want to drop it, making sure my finger wasn't on the trigger. Leave it to me to be the one to freak out, pull the trigger, and announce out arrival before it was time. The more breaths I took, I could hear the shudder in them, feeling unwanted shaking start to come over me. I wasn't afraid. I didn't want to be afraid. But I was. I was terrified. I should be here. I should have come. Eric was right. Part of bravery is admitting when you can't do something. The closer we got the more I realized that I didn't want to be here. I couldn't do this.

"I can do this." I whispered to myself, attempting to sound convincing but it wasn't working very well. "I can do this."

"Hey." Eric said making me jump.

"What?" I asked, my eyes darting around me.

"You gotta calm down. If you don't, mistakes will be made and you already promised me that you wouldn't do anything stupid." He frowned down at me.

Sighing, I nodded, "Easier said than done."

He moved closer to me, his arm touching mine, "Pen, look at me." He said softly. Meeting his eyes, I took a deep breath. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're going to be okay."

"I know." I replied more air than sound, fighting the emotion that wanted to take hold of me. "Promise me that you'll be okay too."

He smirked, making my stomach flutter with happiness versus anxiousness, "I promise. You're stuck with me for life." Laughing lightly, I nodded, gripping his jacket, and pulled him down to me. His lips met mine before he pressed a kiss against my forehead. "Time to focus, baby."

"Okay." I nodded.

Then Four was next to me as well, giving me a curt nod. Smiling, I nodded back at him, looking ahead as we closed in on Erudite. The sun was down plenty to hide us amongst those entering the building. I was pretty sure the three of us, as well as Tori and Zeke, were going to be recognized on the spot. It made me wonder why we were at the head of the group. Only it appeared that Tori had the same thought, a group of Dauntless stepping in front of us, ready for what was to him.

"Eric, as soon as we make it through the lobby –" She started.

"We split up. Just remember the route and get it done." He replied with a hard tone.

"I will." Tori nodded. Then her eyes fell upon me. I attempted to avoid looking at her, but I could feel her eyes boring into me. "You're gonna keep her safe, right?" She asked with a hushed tone but wasn't low enough for me to not hear her.

"Of course." He told her sternly. "Nothing is going to happen to her."

"Can she even shoot?" She asked even lower.

My head jerked to her and all my fear was being replaced with anger and annoyance. "I'm standing right here." I told her before swinging my rifle over my shoulder, grabbing my handgun at the same time, swinging it up and pointing it at her head. Her eyes looked to my hand, seeing the steadiness of it. "Do not think that I'll let what happened to me cloud my judgement or make me unable to do what I must. I am as dedicated to this mission as you or anyone else. Don't ever presume differently."

She smiled and nodded, "Alright then."

Lowering my gun, she stepped away from me. It was then that I noticed the guns aimed at me before they were lowered and they continued on their way. Taking a steadying breath, I looked up at Eric who was now standing in front of me.

"I'm sorry." I told him quickly.

He just smiled, bringing his hand up to my face, "Don't be."

Taking a deep breath, I pressed my forehead against his chest. "I don't know if I can do this." I whispered to him.

"It's a little late for that." He replied.

I could hear the smirk in his voice. I knew he was saying it to lighten the mood, but all it managed to do was annoy me. "I know." I told him, meeting his eyes. "But I went through hell in there. You died in there, Eric. I don't know if I can face that. Again."

"It's a little late for that too." He stated.

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"Do you want to go back?" He asked. "Do you want to tuck tail and just runaway?"

I glared up at him, "That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying, Pen? You want to leave all those Divergent in their cells, where they're more than likely going to die?"

"Stop it." I shot at him. "The only reason I'm going at all is for them. It's not about me. I –" Only then I realized what he was doing. "Not nice."

"Less afraid?" He smirked at me.

For a moment I just looked at him. "Asshole."

He laughed and pulled me into him, kissing me passionately. "But you love me anyway."

Melting against him, I sighed, looking up at him, "More than anything."

He kissed me again, pressing me tightly against him. "I love you, Pen. We're nearly there. I need you to have your head in the game." He told me with worry.

"My head is officially in the game." I smirked up at him. "The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can get out of here and I can ravage you like I never have before."

He laughed again, bringing his lips to mine but didn't kiss me. "I think you have that backwards." Attempting to kiss him, he pulled just far enough away to stop me. Practically attacking his face with mine, I gripped his bottom lip between my teeth. He just chuckled and kissed me again.

Hearing the clearing of a throat, we looked at Four who was smirking at us. "Sorry." I told him moving to his side.

"Let's get this over with. I do not want to be there when you two decide you can't keep your hands off of each other anymore." He replied as we started to move to the front of the group. They'd easily gone a block while we were preoccupied with each other.

"You can't tell me that you wouldn't want to do the same thing with Tris if she were here." I smirked at him.

"That's the difference between our relationships. Tris and I have kept ourselves pretty private. You and Eric are officially very much out in the open." He smiled at me.

"Something Jeanine will exploit." Eric frowned. "You need to be careful." He said looking at me.

"Fine. No more PDA. But I'm never leaving your side. Whatever happens to one of us happens to both of us." I stated.

Four sighed and gently gripped my wrist for a moment. "That's what I'm afraid of, Pen." Then he looked to Eric. "You _both_ need to be careful. I refuse to have anything happen to either of you."

Smiling, I swiftly gripped his far shoulder, pulling him to me, and placed a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you." I told him. "And nothing is going to happen. All of us have already gone through more than we should. I'm done with drama and fighting. As soon as we do this I'm looking for a nice, normal life back home."

"Dauntless?" Four asked.

"That's home."

"What if the factions completely fall apart? Then where would home be?"

"With Eric." I smiled.

He just smiled and shook his head. Before he could say anything else, Erudite headquarters came into view. "It's time." He told me, his tone now somber.

In the next moment Eric had my hand, his grip almost painful. Looking up at him, his jaw was clenched and he was taking deep slow breaths. He had just told me how it was too late to go back. We had a mission and we had to see it done. Only now I could see the doubt, almost feel it, making me now worry for him.

Pulling from his grip, I wrapped my arm around his waist, "Hey, we don't have time for doubt." I told him. He met my eyes and nodded, though his brows were still heavily creased. "I love you, Eric. Everything is going to be fine. I promised I wouldn't do anything stupid. So have you. So let's get this thing done."

"Eric." Tori said stopping and looking back at us.

She said his name again before he turned his head and looked at her, "I'm second-guessing this mission."

"Too bad." She smiled at him. "We're here and it's time. Pen, you okay?"

"I'm good." I nodded at her, taking Eric's hand, meeting his eyes. " _We_ are good."

He held my eyes for a long moment before nodding, looking at Tori, "Yeah, we're good."

"Then you're up." Tori nodded at him.

He met my eyes again, kissing me hard, whispering into my ear, "I love you."

"I love you." I whispered back.

For a moment he rested his forehead against mine. Hearing him take a deep breath, he leaned away from me, rolling his shoulders as a determined look crossed his face. We had no idea what to expect once we entered. Either way we were going together. Taking a deep breath, I nodded, falling instep next to Eric as he moved forward. He spoke with the few who were going to be sent to disable the elevators. Listening to his authoritative voice made me smile at him. His expression was focused and his words were sure. He had given us everything we needed to succeed. Seeing the few run off, we gave them five minutes before we moved forward. Keeping to the shadows, we watched anxiously as Dauntless traitors walked by us. We only needed a few more minutes before we'd be on the move. There were a few soldiers making their way back inside while the sun set. Eric motioned us all forward, following the stragglers toward the building. We followed them through the front doors before opening fire on them.

Once inside, it seemed as if they were expecting us. Staying next to Eric, we shot anyone in our path. Ducking as shots flew past us from behind, I spun, pressing my back against Eric's, shooting them as they came up behind us. As soon as the lobby was cleared, Eric nodded at Tori, Four, and Evelyn, breaking apart into four groups. Before Four was out of sight, he gripped my arm, and met my eyes.

"I know." I nodded at him. He nodded in return before rushing off, his group following him. "Stay safe." I said as I watched him go.

Then Eric said my name, making me refocus, rushing to his side as we moved on. It seemed as if traitors were lurking around every corner. Some of them we knew and yet we fired on all that appeared in front of us. We gave those who hesitated the option to surrender, but none of them did. We shot every last one of them. I was right there, shooting and killing and all the while I felt like I was on fire. These people were the reason I nearly lost Eric. These people were the reason that the Abnegation died. These people were the reason I was nearly executed. These people were the reason that the Divergent were afraid. I was done being afraid. I was done with this place. I was just…done.

Rounding a corner, we shot three Dauntless before another appeared. A pretty blond stood before us, her gun lowered and a look of shock on her face. "Eric?"

Looking up at him, he clearly knew who she was.

"I thought you were dead." She grinned at him.

"I'm not." He replied.

Then she looked at me, her brows furrowing as she looked back at Eric, "What are you doing?"

"What I always planned on doing." He stated.

Her eyes moved to me again. Something seemed to click in her brain. "Isn't she the one Jeanine had?"

"She doesn't have me anymore." I shot at her.

Then her gun was raised. Eric's was raised just as quickly. "Don't." He told her.

"Her kind is the reason that this is happening." The blonde told him. "They all need to die."

In the next second, a shot rang, pain in my arm, making me spin and fall onto my stomach. Another shot went off and the woman screamed. Getting to my hands and knees, I put one hand over the wound as I turned to see Eric stepping up to her. She was clutching her stomach as she asked him why. Only then, without hesitation and with a blank expression, he shot her in the head. It was cold. It was merciless. It was how I had always perceived him to be. Only then I knew him. I knew who he was. This part of him had always been there. It had just been a long time since I'd seen it. Then he looked at me, the expression gone from his face, worry replacing it as he rushed to me.

"I'm fine." I told him as I got to my feet. His fingers brushed just under the graze wound, his fingers smearing the blood. His expression was pained and his mind was moving a mile a minute. "Eric." I said making him meet my eyes. Smiling, I put my hand against his face, "I'm fine." Then shots went off and we watched traitors fall to the ground.

"We need to keep moving." He nodded at me.

I nodded back, "Focus, baby."

He nodded and took a deep breath. Starting to move again, we'd barely gone a few yards when we were interrupted again. Only this time it was from behind us. And this one was for me.

"Pen?" A soldier called. Eric locked eyes with me as we kept on moving. "Pen!"

"Nathan." I said softly to Eric as we kept moving.

There was commotion and we turned to see him attempting to push through, two of our people grabbing and holding him. "Wait, please." He pleaded.

For a moment I just looked at him. Then anger started to boil and I rushed to him. Grabbing his arm, I slammed him against the wall. "Shut up." I told him. Four soldiers appeared from around the corner. Raising my gun, several shots rang and they all fell to the floor. Then my gun was underneath Nathan's chin. "If you draw more attention to us then I will kill you myself."

"Please." He told me softly.

"What do you want me to do, Nathan? We're here to kill everyone. I should kill you right now."

"I can help you." He told me.

"I don't need your help." I shot at him with disdain. "I needed it when she was torturing me and you did nothing. Now you want me to help you? You are out of your fucking mind."

"Pen." Eric said with an anxious tone.

"I can get a key to the cells. I can help you get your people out of here." Nathan told me.

"Pen!" Eric yelled.

"Once you get far enough she will send soldiers to kill them." Nathan stated.

"Pen." Eric said stepping toward me.

I met his eyes before looking back at Nathan, "She needs them. Why would she kill them?"

"She wants them dead. She'd rather execute them in their cells then let them escape. She'll just find more and keep going."

"She won't live through the day." I shot at him, pressing the gun deeper into his skin.

"It doesn't matter." Nathan stated. "Her soldiers are loyal to her. Once the order is given, they'll see it done. Even more so if she's killed. She has more power than you realize."

"Pen." Eric repeated, his hand gripping my arm.

Staring at Nathan, I thought of the girl I had seen, knowing that there were a least a dozen innocent people in those cells. Probably more. Finally meeting Eric's eyes, I forced a determined expression, even though I was terrified to leave his side. "Get it done."

"Pen, I'm not going without you." He told me as his grip tightened.

"You're wasting time." I replied. "This isn't me going against you. This isn't me trying to hurt you. And god knows I don't want to leave you. But I can't let them all die because of us."

"We have a plan." He stated.

"And now we need to improvise." I told him. The others were calling his name. I glanced at them, licking my lips as I shifted. "Eric, you need to get to the control room. They need you. I'll find you. Don't worry about me."

He stared at me for a long moment, his jaw tight. One of our soldiers grabbing his shoulder. Eric looked at him before he met my eyes again, finally nodding, "Get it done."

Smiling, I nodded at him, gripping Nathan's collar and pulled him back down the hall. He broke into a run with me right behind him. Taking turn after turn after turn, I had no idea where he was going. My stomach dropped and I realized that I may have just killed myself. I didn't know if he was telling the truth and now I was following him.

"Nathan." I said with a hard tone.

"I'm not tricking you, Pen." He told me over his shoulder. We slowed when we were outside some sort of common room. He put his arm across me, pushing me against the wall. "Wait here." He told me and slipped inside.

Looking down either end of the hall. Before there was commotion and sound. Here there was nothing. I had assumed the alarms had already been sounded and that the traitors would be flooding the halls. But there was nothing. There was even laughter inside the room. They were oblivious to what was going on around them. It didn't make sense. It didn't feel right. Something had was going to happen. This was going too well.

Panic was starting to fill me, only then gunfire sounded in the room next to me. Steeling myself, I rushed into the room, watching as Nathan shot two Dauntless traitors. One was already on the ground while the last was getting up, their gun aimed at him. Quickly shooting them, Nathan quickly spun toward me, relaxing when he saw that it was me.

"You got it?" I asked him. He nodded, holding up a key before tossing it to me. "Let's go."

Darting out of the room, gunfire was now starting to sound. It was the sounds I'd been waiting for. I only hoped that it meant the control room had been reached and the time had come to eradicate. For a moment fear filled me, worried for Eric, as well as for the rest of my family. I had purposefully sent Henry with Evelyn and Claude with Tori and Terra with Four. Together we were distracted. Apart, we wound have more focus. In this moment it wasn't helping.

Taking a deep breath, I focused on the Divergent we were rushing to save. Knowing that they couldn't save themselves. Staying close to Nathan, the fighting was starting to spill into the halls. More and more soldiers appeared. Keeping my gun up, I shot any blue banded Dauntless, Nathan doing the same, as we kept moving forward. At this point I knew that there was only one thing that he was concerned with. And she was in one of the cells we were rushing toward.

I knew what he was feeling. I had been there before. It empowered both of us to keep shooting and to keep moving. Only it wasn't just soldiers anymore. It was Erudite members. Many were simply running for cover, only others attempted to fight back, giving us no option other than to take them down as well. But I spared as many as I had shot. If they cowered and surrendered, they were left alive. Though I found it easier to shoot them than I thought it would be. I actually took a small level of pleasure in it. They had nearly taken everything from me. They would have killed me and now it was either us or them. I sure as hell wasn't going to let it be me. Not this time.

"Here." Nathan said and pointed toward an upcoming hall.

We were at the cells. Only there were gunshots and screaming. We looked at each other before rushing forward. He had been right about Jeanine's orders. Two Dauntless soldiers with blue banded arms were opening and shooting whoever was inside. Rushing toward the closest one, Nathan went for the other. I went to make a shot only to have him avoid it, his fist coming in contact with my abdomen, momentarily lifting me off the ground. Slamming my arm into the crook of the arm that held me, he jerked forward. Swiftly grabbing his head, I snapped his neck, pushing him away from me. Rushing to the nearest cell, I fumbled with the keys, finally getting it open.

"You came back."

It was the same girl I saw when I came for Eric.

Smiling, I nodded, "I told you I would."

In the next second I was being grabbed, a shot ringing, watching as it hit the girl in the neck. Her body arched as blood spurted from her mouth and the wound in her neck. It felt like slow motion as she fell backward. Yelling, I turned my gun and shot the soldier who had shot her. It would have been me. Rushing into the cell, I fell to my knees, putting my hand over the wound as she coughed and chocked on her own blood.

"It's okay. It's okay." I told her as I forced a smile. She met my eyes, panic and fear in them. "I'm sorry." I told her as emotion started to take over. "I'm so sorry."

Then she stilled.

"Pen." Nathan said gently.

Looking up at him, I nodded, getting to me feet. I couldn't help but look at the bodies that were partially in and out of cells. The floor turning red from all the spilt blood. This was war. I understood now.

Nathan was already moving down the hall, looking inside the cells till he stopped in front of one, a broad smile moving across his face. Starting to ricochet from side to side, I unlocked every cell I could find. Getting to where he was, I opened it to see the light brunette that he'd told me about. Kendra. Looking at him, he moved around me, opening his arms as she launched herself into them. The commotion around us was starting to get louder. We were running out of time. I didn't know what to say to those I'd already set free, sticking to just telling them to keep their heads down and to run.

"Is there any more?!" I yelled to Nathan without looking at him.

A shot rang and a woman screamed.

Spinning around, I watched Nathan shoot the soldier before he stumbled backward, slumping against the wall.

"Nathan!" Kendra screamed.

Rushing to him, I pulled his jacket away from his body, seeing the blue of his shirt darkening with blood. Swiftly pulling it up, I took in the wound in his left side.

"Are you in any pain?" I asked him.

"No." He replied, a glistening entering his eyes. He smiled, gripping my wrist, gently rubbing it with his thumb. "It's okay. I deserve it."

"Nathan." Kendra sobbed gripping his head and pressing her forehead against the side of his. "Please."

"Nate…" I said softly.

Then Kendra was in my face, "Do something!"

Thinking as fast as I could, there was only one thing I could think of that we could do. Looking at Kendra, I knew what she was feeling. I knew exactly what was going through her mind. The fear. The agony. I hated him for what he had done. He should have helped me. If he had maybe I could have helped him and avoided what was happening. But I understood why he did it. I understood it and I couldn't watch her go through it. Not if there was something I could do to stop it.

"Help me get him up." I told her. Still sobbing, she didn't hesitate to help me hoist him to his feet. "Nathan, where is the med area?" He lifted his hand slowly and pointed.

Following his direction, Kendra had to shoulder Nathan's weight as I cleared our path. In all the chaos and commotion and with Nathan already losing too much blood, we took a few wrong turns, losing us precious minutes. When we finally found it, I helped Kendra get him onto a table. He was already starting to lose consciousness. Rushing to the case with the heavy duty drugs, I found it locked. Without hesitating, I punched through the glass. I felt the glass go into my hand, shaking as I fumbled until I'd found the morphine. Once in was in my hand, I opened up every drawer until I found a syringe. Holding up the bottle, I started to fill it, my own blood running down my hand and arm as I finished. Finding a vein, I gave him as high a bolus as I thought he could handle. Looking around the room, I tried to recognize anything that would be useful right now. I needed to know what was going on inside. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked. Maybe he wasn't in pain because it didn't hit anything important. Either way, it was too many maybe's to simply start either bandaging him up or trying to go inside.

My eyes finally fell upon something I was somewhat familiar with. The only reason I knew anything was because of the Dauntless med area. If I had never worked there then all of this would have been foreign to me. Pulling the portable ultrasound, I swiftly gelled his skin, the blue turning purple as it mixed with his blood. I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't tell what the hell I was looking at.

"This isn't working!" I yelled, tossing the machine away from me.

"Pen." Kendra said as she held tight to his hand.

Looking at her, I darted to the drawers nearest me, digging through them and throwing them open as fast as possible until I found what I was looking for. Grabbing as many instruments as I could, I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that I needed to try. Tossing everything onto a floating tray, I pulled it to Nathan's side, picking up a scalpel. Squirting betadine onto his skin, he groaned with pain. If he thought the betadine hurt, he was in for a rude awakening. This was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I shouldn't be doing this. This was so not okay. I should simply be telling Kendra to say goodbye, sitting with her until he died. But I didn't listen to reason.

"Nathan, you're Dauntless." I reminded him. "I need to you hold as still as possible." Gripping the giant light attached to the ceiling, I positioned it over his side. "We don't have time for anything to kick in. If we're doing this we're doing this now. And it's going to hurt like hell."

He held my eyes for a long moment before he looked at Kendra. "Do it, Pen." He told me. "I'm not ready to die."

Taking a deep breath, I made the first cut.

This was a mistake.

I needed to stop.

I shouldn't be doing this.

The thoughts kept moving through my head over and over again. I wasn't a doctor. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had a general idea of what I was looking for but actually succeeding in helping him? I didn't think it was possible. I was not the person who should be doing this. But he would die if I didn't try. He would probably die anyway. There was no winning scenario here. In the end I realized that all I was doing was buying him a little more time to say goodbye.

He had heavy internal bleeding. I found it relatively obvious where it was coming from. There was a clear splenic laceration. The bullet went straight through it. Using forceps, I managed to stop the bleeding for now. In the end I made that my only goal, to simply attempt to stop all the active bleeding. Before long there were half a dozen forceps attempting to keep his blood in his body. As soon as the bleeding had lessened, I started to ligate as many as possible. After the first few, he seemed to start to stabilize. But he had lost a lot of blood. Leaving him momentarily, I found blood bags in a cooler, grabbing O since I knew it was universal. Despite everything, I had managed to keep steady hands, putting an IV into his arm, and an IV of saline into the other.

All the while Kendra was talking to him. He had somehow managed to remain conscious, and they were telling each other everything they needed to know. I still clung to the hope that I might be able to save him, but the longer I worked the more I realized that even if I managed to close the damage, he'd lost too much blood and the shock would take him. But he'd lasted longer than he would have in the hallway.

Still working on him, they had been repeating 'I love you' over and over again, until he stopped midsentence. Freezing, my eyes darted to his face. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he started to convulse. Swiftly packing the wound, I took his head, ready to wait it out. The seconds ticked by, Kendra was sobbing louder than ever, while I just stared at him, praying that his heart could handle the strain.

But it couldn't.

When he stopped convulsing, his heart stopped as well. Attempting to keep him alive, I had to force myself to drown out Kendra's screaming from behind me. Minutes passed and nothing happened. He was gone. At least I'd tried. Looking at Kendra, she threw herself over Nathan's body, sobbing into him. Going to the sink, I washed the blood from my skin. Turning back to her, she looked like she was pulling herself together.

"Kendra, I am so sorry." I told her.

She met my eyes and smiled at me. "You tried, Pen. I appreciate that."

Smiling, I nodded at her. Only in the next second she had his gun at her temple. I attempted to yell 'wait' but the word was only half out when she pulled the trigger. The sound made my ears momentarily ring, and watched her fall to the side, hearing her blood hit the floor just before her body. For a moment I stood there, shocked about what had just happened. Before it could wear off, there was an explosion and I was thrown backward. My back hit the counter, my arm sliding across the counter, glass containers shattering with the force, cutting into my skin before I crashed to the floor. Staggering to my hands and knees, fire started to spread through the room.

Getting to my feet, I put my arm across my face, looking at the damage. Knowing that I needed to move, I started for the door, stopping just long enough to give Nathan and Kendra one last look. Moving to the hallway, it found it on fire. Looking either direction, all I could see was fire. I hadn't paid a lot of attention in getting here and I wasn't sure which direction would lead me where I needed to go. Picking the direction with less fire engulfing it, I hoped that it would lead me toward the control room closest to me. Coughing, my lungs tried to expel the smoke I was inhaling, climbing over rubble to get as far away from here as possible. I needed to find Eric. I needed him. That had officially become all that mattered to me. Falling against the wall, I stumbled forward, falling around a corner.

Ahead of me was a dead soldier, their gun lying near their hand. Stumbling forward, I picked it up, forcing myself onto my feet. I had to keep moving. Eventually I would run into someone I knew. The further I got from the fire, the clearer my lungs became, despite the hacking that seemed to hit me every few feet. Rounding a corner, I came face to face with an Erudite soldier. She quickly surrendered to me, falling to her knees. Nodding, I knocked her out before moving on. And it wasn't just her. Every Erudite I came across surrendered to me. The Dauntless traitors were the opposite, still attempting to kill me. None succeeded.

Relief filled me when I came across the control room. Rushing forward, I slid into the room only to find it empty. Momentarily falling to my knees, I felt the weight of everything on my shoulders. Looking at the screens, most were broken but there were still a few that were functioning. Getting to my feet, I moved to them, seeing a group of people on their knees in the lobby. They were taking prisoners. Rushing from the room, I ran down the halls, making my way toward them. Now that I knew where they were, I felt like I was controlling myself pretty well, only then Eric appeared around the corner. His relief was obvious and tears immediately filled my eyes. Meaning to run to him, I made it only a few steps before I fell to my knees, my gun clattering to the floor.

"Pen!" He yelled rushing forward and sliding onto his knees in front of me.

Gripping him as he took me in his arms, I sobbed into him. He held me tightly against him, his lips against my ear as he whispered to me comfortingly. Shifting, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my face into it.

"Baby." He whispered.

Swiftly letting him go, I started to run my hands up and down him. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He took my head in his hands, his thumbs wiping the tears away, smiling, "Not a scratch."

Laughing, I kissed him deeply, "I love you, Eric. I love you so much."

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked, touching some blood on my clothes. "Your hand." He said quickly taking it in his.

"I don't think it's broken." I told him. "Just cut and bruised."

"Pen." He frowned as he looked at my arm, seeing shards of glass still imbedded in it.

"I'm fine." I told him. He gave me a questioning look. Shaking my head, I took a deep steadying breath. "Nathan was shot. I attempted to help him but he died anyway. I punched through a glass case so I could get him some morphine. And if him dying wasn't bad enough, his girlfriend Kendra shot herself in the head after he was dead. Then there was an explosion that sent me flying." I frowned as I shook my head. "My arm hurts but otherwise I'm fine."

He pressed a kiss against my forehead, pulling me into him, "As long as you're safe."

"I am, baby." I told him, feeling content. "As long as I'm in your arms."

"We can fight about you leaving me later." He replied as he pulled me away from him, tilting my head back with the side of his finger. "I love you." He said and kissed me deeply.

Helping me to my feet, I wrapped my arms around his neck, breathing him in. "I love you, Eric." He smiled, hugging me tightly as he laughed lightly. "What happened? Where is everyone else?"

He sighed. "Four found Tris in Jeanine's lab. Tori killed her."

"Tris?" I frowned at him.

He smirked at me, "No, Jeanine."

"Okay. Good." I told him. "How mad is Four?" He shook his head. "Did Tris get what she needed?"

"No." He stated.

Frowning, I felt anger start to boil. "So it was all for nothing? Her plan? Lying to Four? It was all for nothing?"

"Four is going to have the information taken from Jeanine's computer." He told me. "He's ordered Caleb to do it."

"Where is Tris?"

"She's in the lobby with the rest of the traitors."

"She's not a traitor." I frowned.

"I know." He said rubbing my arms. "But he's our leader. So is Tori. Tris attempted to stop Tori from killing Jeanine. She almost took it too far. They're protecting our people."

"You're a leader too, Eric." I shot at him. "They may have taken the title from you but it's still who you are."

"I trust him." He told me. "You should too."

"I do." I stated and sighed. "I just trust you more."

He smiled, gently putting his hand against my face. "Come on, let's get to the lobby."

"Yeah." I nodded and picked up my gun. "Let's go."

Leading the way, I walked at his side, holding myself as high as I could. I'd done what I had come to do. The Divergent were free. I'd lost some and I didn't know whether the ones I did set free survived or not but at least they weren't in cells anymore. As we entered the lobby, I put my gun in the back of my pants. I'd barely gone two feet before I heard my name and Claude came rushing into sight.

"You're okay." She said as she embraced me.

"So are you." I smiled back at her.

"Pen!" Henry's voice came next.

Opening my arms to him, he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground. "Hey." I smiled before letting him go. There was heavy bleeding down the side of his head. "You okay?"

"I'm good." He smiled.

Looking behind him, the factionless were surrounding a group in the center of the room. Tris and Christina were amongst them. Rushing forward, I was stopped with a gun in my face. Swiftly grabbing the barrel, I punched them in the face, only to have two more guns on me. In the next second my gun was out and aimed at the head of one, my knife at the groin of the other.

"Leave her alone." Tori's voice entered.

Turning, I momentarily forgot about Tris as I rushed to her, throwing my arms around her neck, "Tori."

"I'm okay."

Then I noticed Jeanine's body being tossed on top of a table. "You killed her?" I asked as I put my weapons away.

"For Georgie." She told me matter-of-factly.

Nodding, I smiled, "For Georgie. Are you sure you're okay?" I asked her as she sat down, quickly checking her leg.

"I'm okay." She repeated.

Seeing the wound broken open, I swiftly called for a med kit. Out people were being tended to while the traitors and Erudite were groaning and crying and bleeding. Unable to care about that right now, I grabbed the kit that one of our soldiers handed me, rewrapping her leg after cleaning it.

"We can't have one of our leaders acting all gimpy. You need to set an example."

She laughed lightly. "Stop mothering me."

"Then stop acting like a crazy bitch." I smirked at her, though I was being very serious.

"Penelope!" My name was called.

Recognizing the voice, I turned and saw a drenched Johanna walking toward me. "Johanna." I said and rushed toward her. Throwing my arms around her neck, I hugged her tightly. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

"Oh, Penelope." She replied affectionately. Letting me go, she cupped my face in her hands. "It's so good to see you alive and well."

Grinning, feeling emotion clench in my chest, I nodded at her, "You too."

"I'm so sorry about Maggie." She frowned at me.

"Me too." I nodded.

"Baby." Eric said barely above a whisper, his hand finding my waist.

Johanna looked up at him with an expression I couldn't read. "Eric." She said and then held out her hand.

"Johanna." He smirked, shaking it.

"You seem better." She stated with a cock of her head.

I frowned, "Better?"

"Yes." She told me. "The last time I saw him was when Maggie was killed. I've never seen a man so broken."

He bowed his head and nodded. "It was a bad day."

Turning, I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, my other moving to the back of his neck as I pressed a kiss against his temple. "It's over, baby. Worse things have happened since that day." He wrapped me in his arms, burying his face in my neck. "I love you." I whispered into his ear.

"And now I've never seen a man so whole." Johanna smiled at us.

Feeling a blush rise in my cheeks, I let him go, keeping his hand. "Sorry." I told her. "And thank you."

"No thanks needed. He did all the work." She replied. "Alright, let's go talk to your leader."

I nodded at her, "Okay."

Walking back to Tori, Harrison was standing behind her. Johanna looked at them, greeting them, "Hello. What is it that you want?"

"Did they summon you?" I frowned at her.

"I asked to speak with her." Tori nodded. Then her eyes are on Johanna. "I didn't know the leader of Amity would be so curt. Isn't that against your manifesto?"

"If you were actually familiar with Amity's customs, you would know that they don't have a formal leader." Johanna replied, sounding as gentle as always and yet firm. "But I'm not the representative of Amity anymore. I stepped down in order to come here."

"You what?" I frowned at her. "Johanna…"

"Yeah, I saw you and your little band of peacekeepers, getting in everyone's way." Tori replied.

"Yes, that was intentional." Johanna replied, almost sounding smug. "Since getting in the way meant standing between guns and innocents, and saved a great number of lives."

"Johanna, you don't understand." I frowned at her.

"Since you are still so very generous, I wonder if you might carry a message back to the Amity." Tori stated.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you and your army to dole out justice as you see fit." Johanna told her. "But I will certainly send someone else to Amity with a message. Perhaps Penelope and Eric would like to go."

"Something tells me I'm not welcome there." Eric frowned at her.

"They're staying here for the same reasons you won't go." Tori told her. "Tell your messenger that a new political system will soon be formed that will exclude them from representation. This, we believe, is their just punishment for failing to choose a side in this conflict. They will, of course, be obligated to continue to produce and deliver food to the city, but they will be under supervision by one of the leading factions."

Johanna frowned and looked at me. I just shook my head, "This is the first I'm hearing about it." Glancing up at Eric, he had a set jaw. "But apparently not yours."

Watching Johanna control herself, she met Tori's eyes again, "Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'm going to go do something useful. I don't suppose you would allow some of us to come in here and tend to these wounded?"

Tori gave her a look, making me sigh at her, "Tori, come on. The wounded can't hurt us anymore."

"I didn't think so." Johanna stated. "Do remember, though, that sometimes the people you oppress become mightier than you would like." Then she turned and left the lobby.

"Johanna!" I called after her. Then I turned to Tori, frowning at her, "Really?"

"The loyal need to be tended to before the traitors. That's already happening. I will not let her help those who fought against us. If she hasn't realized it yet, they were fighting against her as well."

"She's about peace and kindness. Maybe we need a little of that right now." I replied sadly.

"You're all the kindness I can take." She smirked at me. Sighing, I bent down and looked at her leg again. "I'm fine, Pen."

"You raised your blood pressure and you're starting to bleed through."

"It's fine." She told me again.

"I'm running out of family, Tori. Let me make sure you stick around for a while."

"Stop it." She frowned.

"Pen." Eric said stepping closer to me. He looked anxious.

"What is it?" I asked standing and followed his line of sight. Eric held tightly to his gun, but the factionless were closing in around us. "Tori." I said reaching out for her.

"Back up." Eric told one of them, his expression dangerous.

"Take him." Evelyn told her men.

Swinging my gun up, I was hit from the side, the gun being ripped from my hand. Gripping my knife, I sliced an arm, then a leg before I was hit to the ground. Eric yelled, only in the next second he was on the ground next to me.

"You sons a bitches!" I shot at those who hit us. The I stopped and looked at Eric. He wasn't moving. "Eric?" He was unconscious. "Eric." I said again, putting my hand against the back of his head, feeling wetness under my palm. "Baby?"


	21. When Will It Be Over

**Chapter Twenty-one: When Will It Be Over**

When was enough, enough?

When were we going to stop fighting each other?

When would trust and loyalty finally outweigh personal gain?

When would this fight be over?

Whose life was it going to cost next?

Part of me was aware that commotion was sounding around us. But most of me was terrified. Staring at Eric, my mind flashed back to just days ago. The love of my life lying on the ground. The traitors confirming him dead. The simulations returning him and taking him away over and over and over again. That feeling of constant terror. Feeling like the world was ending. Then – somehow – it all turned out okay. Only now I felt like it was happening all over again. Panic was starting to take hold and for a moment I didn't know what was real.

"Baby?" My breathing became prominent in my ears as I stared at him. There was something in the way his eyes were shut. Something in the shallowness of his breathing. There was something that was terrifying the shit out of me. This couldn't be happening again. Not again. "Eric." I said as tears welled in my eyes.

Then his brows furrowed, starting to move, "Jesus."

Letting out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, I laughed at him. "You son of a bitch."

"They hit harder than Dauntless." Eric stated putting his hand on the back of his head.

Following him as he pushed himself onto his knees, I moved his hand to take a look. Superficial. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm the only one who can." He smirked at me.

"I hate you." I grinned at him, helping him remain steady.

His smile grew, "Say it like you mean it."

Helping him to his feet, I took his head in my hands, making him look at me. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got hit over the head really hard." He replied with furrowed brows.

Trailing my fingers through the hair at his temple, I smiled at him adoringly, "My poor baby."

He laughed and gently gripped my wrist, his thumb running along my skin. Only in the next second there was yelling and I looked just in time to be hit hard across the cheekbone. Falling hard to my knees, I shook my head, my world spinning. Pushing myself up, I fell backward, seeing a blue-banded Dauntless on top of Eric. Yelling, I staggered toward them, gripping their neck before snapping it. Falling to the floor with them, I pushed myself back up as the room seemed to explode. Chaos started to ensue as more and more broke free.

"Eric!" I yelled as I was grabbed from behind.

"Pen!" Tori yelled as she was held at gunpoint.

"Evelyn!" I yelled as I turned toward her, seeing a deep-set frown on her face.

The whole thing was falling apart. Whatever control she had, she was losing quickly.

A fist hit my stomach, making me hunch over. Reaching behind me, I felt the face of the traitor who had me, thrusting my thumb into their eye socket. Feeling warmth start to pool and drip from my hand, they screamed and let me go. Spinning, I punched them hard, sending them to the ground. Spinning to find Eric, I was hit across the jaw, sending me to one knee. Quickly standing, it took two punches to knock them out. Spinning again, I took on two, blocking hits and taking them before I was once again in search of Eric, wiping blood from my lip, spitting what had pooled in my mouth on the traitor at my feet. Finally spotting Eric, I rushed toward him, watching as he took on three. It seemed the traitors' numbers seemed to be swelling. At the same time the factionless were attempting to neutralize the situation, but they weren't helping. Disarming one of the factionless, I shot the soldier who had Eric pinned to the ground. Shooting four others as they came at us, I stepped in front of Eric.

"Are we having fun yet?" I smirked at him.

He held out his hand and seeing the expression on his face, I swiftly gave him the gun, stepping closer to him as he let off three consecutive shots. Looking around, the factionless were starting to gain the upper hand. Hearing my name, I turned to see Claude and Terra on the ground. Darting toward them, I was nearly there when I was clothes lined, landing hard on my back. Henry yelled my name before he was there, more shots ringing. It was getting quieter. Soon both Eric and Henry were on their stomachs in front of me, all of us with guns pointed at our heads. Then a Dauntless traitor was thrown to the floor next to us.

"You're a fucking traitor." He shot at Eric. "And you're supposed to be dead."

"You're the idiot who's working for a psychopath." Eric shot back at him.

"I've known you for years, Eric. I thought you were on our side." He replied and actually sounded upset about it.

Eric sighed and looked at me. "I was. But something more important came into my life and I'm not letting that go for anything."

Smiling, I wanted so badly to reach out for him.

In the next second the traitor had a bullet in his head.

"Get them up." Evelyn's voice sounded from above me.

Meeting Eric's eyes, we were all yanked back onto our feet. The bullet wound in my arm protested, feeling blood start to trickle down my arm. I honestly had completely forgotten about it. Only now it was making its presence known full force.

We were led back to Tori, all of us being pushed down to our knees. Claude attempted to stand only to be hit, landing hard on her back. "Stay down." Edward commanded, limping down the line of us.

"Pen." Tori said softly. "Eric."

"We're okay." I told her without meeting her eyes.

The room was still alive with commotion but the shooting had stopped. It was clear that both the enemy and our loyal Dauntless had lost, the factionless truly taking over.

I couldn't help but flinch as a final gunshot rang, Evelyn shooting at the fallen portrait of Jeanine. The room went quiet and Evelyn dropped her gun on the table next to Jeanine's head. I put my hand on Eric's shoulder, while he sat on his heels, his hand finding my thigh, my other hand quickly covering his.

"Thank you." Evelyn told the room. "I know that you are all wondering what will happen next, so I am here to tell you."

Gently gripping Tori's leg as she sat straighter, she leaned toward Evelyn, ready to react to whatever Evelyn was going to say next.

"The faction system that had long supported itself on the backs of discarded human beings will be disbanded at once." Evelyn announced. "We know this transition will be difficult for you, but –"

"We?" Tori interrupted, her expression starting to go dark. "What are you talking about, disbanded?"

"What I am talking about," Evelyn went on, for a moment she kept Tori's eyes, and then turned her attention to those around her, "is that your faction, which up until a few weeks ago was clamoring along with the Erudite for the restriction of food and goods to the factionless, a clamor that resulted in the destruction of the Abnegation, will no longer exist." She smiled a little. "And if you decide to take up arms against us, you will be hard pressed to find any arms to take up."

"What the fuck is she talking about?" I asked, only then there was the audible sound of guns.

Anyone who wasn't factionless was now looking around the room. The factionless soldiers were each holding up a gun. My stomach started to turn as I took them all in. This was bad. They're evenly spaced around the edge of the room, some disappearing into the stairwells. We were officially surrounded. Outmanned. And now we were outgunned.

"Well this looks promising." Eric frowned. "Evelyn." He said and attempted to get up.

"Hey!" I yelled as he was forced back onto his knees, getting to my feet and putting myself in front of Eric. "Back off." I told the soldier, holding out my hand as I lowered myself to my knees. Glaring over my shoulder at him, Evelyn started talking again.

"I instructed my half of the army to relieve your half of the army of their weapons as soon as their missions were completed. I see now that they were successful. I regret the duplicity, but we knew that you have been conditioned to cling to the faction system like it is your own mother, and that we would have to help ease you into this new era."

"What new era?" I shot at her.

Evelyn shot me a look before looking to Tori who had a shocked look on her face. "Ease us?" Tori demanded as she pushed herself onto her feet and limped toward Evelyn, who calmly took her gun in hand and pointed it at Tori.

"I have not been starving for more than a decade just to give in to a Dauntless woman with a leg injury." Evelyn told her. "So unless you want me to shoot you, take a seat with your fellow ex-faction members."

Watching Evelyn, it was clear that she meant business. Slowly getting to my feet, I held my hands up as soldiers pointed their guns at me. Stepping toward Tori, I put my hands on her arms and gently pulled her backward until she was against me, helping her once again take a seat in the chair.

"Relax." I whispered to her. "We can't do anything right now."

"Pen." Eric said and I slowly stepped backward, lowering myself to my knees as I pressed myself against his side.

"Those of you who assisted us in the effort to take down Erudite will be rewarded." Evelyn continued. God I wished she'd shut up. "Those of you who resisted us will be tried and punished according to your crimes." Her voice is now raised; making sure everyone in the room can hear her.

Then the door opened, a sense of relief filling me. "Four." I said softly as he, along with Marcus and Caleb, entered the room.

He went straight to Tris, crouching at her shoulder. For a second my relief started to waver. I couldn't read either of their expressions. But it could only mean that he succeeded in getting whatever data Tris had risked his trust for. I only hoped that I was right.

"What is he saying to her?" Eric frowned.

Shaking my head, I frowned with him, "I don't know."

Then the screens that hadn't been destroyed flickered and turned on, hearing the projector turn on that was positioned over the wall where the portrait of Jeanine used to be. The room was now entranced, all eyes turning toward them. Getting to my feet, Eric gripped my arm, pulling himself to his feet as well, his arm wrapping around me.

"What is this?" Evelyn demanded.

"Things are about to change." Eric told her.

Pulling me tighter against him, we all stared at the woman with short brown hair who's being projected. She's sitting at a metal desk with her hands folded, and I have no idea where she is. But right off the bat I feel like there's something familiar about her. Something I wasn't sure I liked.

"Hello." She said. "My name is Amanda Ritter. In this file I will tell you only what you need to know. I am the leader of an organization fighting for justice and peace. This fight has become increasingly more important—and consequently, nearly impossible—in the past few decades. That is because of this."

Frowning, a series of images flashed across the wall. They're moving fast, almost too fast to comprehend what their showing us. There's a man on his knees with a gun pressed to his forehead. The woman is pointing at him, her expression giving nothing away. Then we see a small person, hanging by the neck from a telephone pole. Then there's a hole in the ground the size of a house, bodies filling it.

"Eric…" I whispered.

They kept flashing, the speed of them picking up, making it impossible to latch on to more than what you first see. Blood. Death. Cruelty. Empty faces. Fear. The longer they went on the more I felt like I couldn't breathe. What was happening? What had she gone through? What did this mean for all of us?

"Jesus." Eric whispered, dragging his hand down his face.

Then the woman appeared again, "You do not remember any of that." She stated. "But if you are thinking these are the actions of a terrorist group or a tyrannical government regime, you are only partially correct. Half of the people in those pictures, committing those terrible acts, were your neighbors. Your relatives. Your coworkers. The battle we are fighting is not against a particular group. It is against human nature itself—or at least what it has become."

This was what Jeanine had been hiding from everyone. This is what she was willing to enslave and kill for. This was nothing that I expected. I wanted to look away but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to do it. Everything we'd gone through was for this. Everyone who had died had died to keep this secret. Keeping us all ignorant and safe inside the fence.

"That is why you are so important." Amanda stated. "Our struggle against violence and cruelty is only treating the symptoms of a disease, not curing it. You are the cure. In order to keep you safe, we devised a way for you to be separated from us. From our water supply. From our technology. From our societal structure. We have formed your society in a particular way in the hope that you will rediscover the moral sense most of us have lost. Over time, we hope that you will begin to change as most of us cannot.

"The reason I am leaving this footage for you is so that you will know when it's time to help us. You will know that it is time when there are many among you whose minds appear to be more flexible than the others. The name you should give those people is Divergent."

My mouth parted of its own accord, stepping toward the screen. My hand had loosened around Eric's but he swiftly tightened his hold, keeping me close to him.

"Pen." He said as he wrapped his arm around me tightly.

"What is happening?" I whispered as I starred at the woman in front of us.

She continued, "Once they become abundant among you, your leaders should give the command for Amity to unlock the gate forever, so that you may emerge from your isolation."

"Holy shit." I said breathlessly.

This was impossible.

"The information in this video is to be restricted to those in government only." Amanda said. "You are to be a clean slate. But do not forget us." She smiled a little. "I am about to join your number. Like the rest of you, I will voluntarily forget my name, my family, and my home. I will take on a new identity, with false memories and a false history. But so that you know the information I have provided you with is accurate, I will tell you the name I am about to take as my own." Her smile broadened. My stomach dropped and I realized why she seemed familiar.

"Jesus." I stated, my eyes darting to find Tris.

"My name will be Edith Prior." She told us. "And there is much I am happy to forget."

Finding her, shock was written across her face. Prior. The little bitch turned out to be more important than I had ever thought she would be. Now I was going to have to eat words I'd said multiple times. Whether either of us liked it or not, she may have a bigger part to play, one that I'd have to support rather than chastise.

Damn it all to hell.

THE END

* * *

 **Well, there you have it folks! The second installment is officially concluded. It's bittersweet. I can't believe that it's over already. I know it was extremely short compared to every other chapter, but I just couldn't drag it out any longer. I hope it was still satisfying.**

 **I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to all who have read, followed, favorited this story! And an even BIGGER THANK YOU to all who have reviewed! Every one of them is inspiring and motivating no matter how short or long they are. I cannot be more appreciative of every last one of you!**

 **And Pen and Eric's story isn't over yet! We have one more book, therefore we have one more story. I can't tell you when it'll be up but I hope you all read and enjoy it as much as the first two!**

 **LOVE YOU ALL!**

 **Until next time…**


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